Who am i now?

[chocojay]

Have you ever been in a relationship where you dont know where you stand? half the time you feel like you're about to do something wrong? You are scared to make them angry or disappointed coz you'll spend the next full day or so with a sulking cold person? Then you feel bad and try to make up all the time? Have you ever felt that no matter how much you put in someone is never satisfied? No matter what you do or say, its not good enough? You argue all the time and when you are happy its almost fake? Yet love eachother and cant let go? I feel he's become my bad habit. i cant shake it off but its bad for me. You try and try and try...it doesnt work....you lose yourself in the process....you lose your beliefs and your morals and you try SO much to make them happy that 4get about making yourself happy....does anyone know what im talking about here? ](*,)

its quiet emotionally draining..................

[rocio]

Yes. I wish people could be one-dimensional like on t.v. There's good guys and bad guys - that simple. In real life there's no obvious good guys and bad guys and it's so hard trying to figure out where to draw the lines.

[Mackenzie17]

Yes I know exactly what you mean because I went through that for 4 years. My bf constantly made demands on me, everything was always my fault, I was always the one that needed to work on things. When I did try and change something, he would go around and do the same thing himself, complete double standard.

If I did something wrong once, I was labeled as always doing it and he would drag on grudges. He always acted superior than I was when he got upset.

I finally said enough is enough. I told myself that I would not waste one more second with some a** who clearly didn't value my worth. As cliche as it sounds, life is too short, and if you look back on it, why the heck would you want to waste your life being unhappy?

Don't waste your time with someone who has this holier than thou mentality. It won't matter who they are with, they will always remain so self focused, always believing that other people are the issue, instead of owning up to their own actions.

[chocojay]

yeah i agree its utter wrong for people to do that other people, it ruins peoples self asteem and confuses them dizzy! you dont know whats right and wrong nemore!

[chocojay]

Yes. I wish people could be one-dimensional like on t.v. There's good guys and bad guys - that simple.

 

yeah i wish that too then you'll know exactly what you're dealing with!!

[Beec]

Yes, seen it a few times, hgeard about it more often, and it will never get better, so long as you keep trying what you have been trying.

 

The person who keeps you on eggshells all the time, gets you addicted very much like they are a drug. At first things are good, but then the problems start. There are times when things are great and you feel an emotional high. But then, the find ways to drag you down, to mkae you feel sad, depressed, etc., and you walk on eggshells. Then, sometimes, they are seeming without rhyme or reason, nice, sweet, and you feel an emotional high again. And the lower they drive you down, the higher the highs feels. And those highs can be very addicting.

 

The first thing to do is recognize it. The second thing to do is think about how you are goign to break your addiction. Dump and run, or try to change things?

[Savetheday]

Yep... you lose yourself in the process by living your life for them...

 

"If you can't be thankful for what you receive, be thankful for what you escape"

[Steven1607307306]

Or maybe you just feel that way, because you are insecure in the relationship. But maybe not, just a thought...

[darkpumpkin]

What Beec said is perfect. I never really had experianced that unitl recently and it's extremely true. And it's important to get out because is that really love? I wasted 4 months walking on egg shells, saying sorry for things I shouldn't have to, overreacting over silly things because I was afraid I wasn't going to get the high. I wonder why people do that to other people?

[thisisjustsowrong]

I can totally relate to this. My husband was and to a point still is like that. "Other oriented perfectionists", that's what they are called. they expect people, especially close ones like their significant other to be perfect. They are not allowed to make mistakes. Even insignificant, trivial matters become issues. There are endless rules and regulations about everything. But somehow those rules do not apply to themselves, hence the double standard Mackenzie17 mentioned. There is constant critism. You feel as if you are never good enough. Your self esteem shatters. It is quite draining actually.

 

Fortunately, my husband is not that extreme anymore. He still has tendencies in that direction. He still makes up rules about every little thing. But he is much lighthearted about it now. We joke about his rules and how he should write a rules and regulations book and give it to me for future reference as it seems I don't know what the rules are. And he says its a work in progress, that he makes them up as they come up He doesn't make a big issue of everything now and lets go more easily. The key was for him to know what he was doing and recognize how destructive it was, I guess.

[answersguy]

You know, I exhibit alot of the behavior of your boyfriend. My relationship with my girlfriend was phenominal for the first three months then she let her ex back into her life and our relationship. She let him say and do somethings that she should have stopped, she didn't cheat but she came very close and he became hell bent on breaking us up after that. She lied multiple times about what actually happened and begged me not to break up with her. I didn't but ever since, I find myself being distant and overly judgemental about her actions. For me, I think that's a self defense mechanism and it's slowly going away. I've never been like that in a relationship before and I want to stop it completely but every now and then it still just happens. Not sure if that does anything for you but maybe he's upset about something larger that he hasn't talked about.

[studbaker99]

Hah this was exactly waht I went through for close to 3 years with my ex. The first year was good, the second was comfortable but the third was pure hell. Walking on eggshells perfectly describes it, and I never knew what was gonna set her off and then I'd spend the next day with a sullen person which I personally can't stand (just my own trait I guess) so I'd try and make things better.

 

Like any relationships, it takes two to tango and I think its our personalities that promote that eggshell behavior. They demand for something, they dont get it, they get skulk, we try to make better, they learn to react like that and it becomes a set behavior on a downward spiral.

 

I personally don't know how to stop it. The reason I'm here is that my current relationship I'm starting to feel that same anxiety all the time waiting to see what her mood of the moment is and tiptoe around that. I hate it.

[ghost69]

it sucks that people have to go through these types of relationships just to find out that they don't need them.