Mackenzie17

Yes I know exactly what you mean because I went through that for 4 years. My bf constantly made demands on me, everything was always my fault, I was always the one that needed to work on things. When I did try and change something, he would go around and do the same thing himself, complete double standard. If I did something wrong once, I was labeled as always doing it and he would drag on grudges. He always acted superior than I was when he got upset. I finally said enough is enough. I told myself that I would not waste one more second with some a** who clearly didn't value my worth. As cliche as it sounds, life is too short, and if you look back on it, why the heck would you want to waste your life being unhappy? Don't waste your time with someone who has this holier than thou mentality. It won't matter who they are with, they will always remain so self focused, always believing that other people are the issue, instead of owning up to their own actions.

thank you. I tell that to myself that I need to have respect for myself and not leave the decisions up to him, but it is hard for me. I do love him very much, and I don't have much to complain about him other than this. It hasn't been the full four years he has been doing this. I would say the last year. I am just going to put him out of my mind for the next 2 weeks while I write my final exams for university, because I can't be worrying about him and trying to study. I wish he loved me enough to really see the impact his behavior is having on me, and our relationship, but I don't think he ever will. He will never change, because he doesn't think he ever does anything wrong. How do you actually just forget about everything positive and the love you have for a person and just walk away? I have a hard time because I feel that people make mistakes and I always try and forgive, but I don't want to do that at the expense of my self dignity with him.

He runs away from any sort of conflict. He never seems to take responsbility for anything. He will always say that it is my fault, and that he is the victim. I think he would rather sulk and feel bad for himself then try to resolve things with me. I am an intelligent girl, and I wouldn't be with him if he treated me horribly all of the time. I know that no one is perfect, but I do not deserve how he is jerking me around. I am always the one that tries to work on things, to be the mature one, and we have an argument, and then over the phone he says we should see other people. ???? ok..... no explanation, no contact other than that, nothing. I am struggling because I love him, but I can't deal with this. If he is really serious this time about breaking up with me, then good riddance. I know that I have been an great gf to him, and I don't have any regrets. I just feel so horrible because I give to him, and I am always really caring towards him, and when it isn't reciprocated, or when he is a coward and breaks up with me over the phone, it makes me feel like complete crap.

yes but he will usually talk to me that day or the day after and then want to work on things. he has never ignored me for a whole weekend when I have travelled all of that distance

my boyfriend of 4 years just broke up with me over the phone after I traveled 9 hours by bus to be with him this weekend. Had a great time on Friday. Sat. we had an argument and he told me to date other guys that will make me happier than he does. Haven't heard from him in 3 days. I don't know what to do or think He did this right before I start writing final exams and I am a mess. He has pulled this in the past where he runs away from any sort of disagreement or pulls the breakup card, and then wants to resolve the problem after he says he wants to break up. Now I have no idea if this is for real, or what is going on. He didn't hang out with me or call me for the rest of my weekend vacation, so I would assume so. I feel used. I felt mislead. I feel like I didn't deserve the coward way in which he ended things, with no explanation at all.

Yes he has always been that way. I am never trying to cut him down with anything I say and I have to keep telling him that over and over again so he doesn't flip out. He gets like that a lot when he knows I have a point, but he never wants to admit he is wrong on anything. That's not what it's about either. I'm not going into it being like "i'm going to prove you wrong and show you how horrible you are" not at all. i'm just tired of having to tip toe around him and try to figure out how to word things for him. He's a good guy in general, but I just don't know how to deal with this.

I was wondering what people thought about trying to understand their bf/gf/husband/wife's feelings. My boyfriend of 4 years drives me nuts sometimes, because when he is bothered or has an opinion to share, then I had better understand and respect it. If I voice my opinion about something, and he doesn't want to hear it, he tends to get really defensive, angry, and tells me he doesn't want to hear it. This is really starting to tick me off because I have said to him that we aren't always going to feel the same way on issues, but that we should make an attempt to hear each other out, be understanding, and respectful. I just feel like it's so one-sided with him. He gets defensive very easily and he tends to practice "selective hearing". I just need a way to approach him that's not going to cause him to go into attack mode. I don't name call, or raise my voice to him, or put him down, yet he still seems to get so defensive, and will completely ignore what I am really saying, and make up what he thinks he hears, which is usually so far from the truth. I feel resentment inside, because I feel like I can't talk to him about things that are important to me, because I don't want to go through the hassle of an argument with him. Does anyone have any experience or opinions on how I can deal with this?

thanks very much for the advice everyone

I am 20 so it's not like I'm that young. We are actually in a LDR right now because of school. He can have such double standards though. Whenever I go out anywhere, he's like how much did you drink? If I go to a dance club just to dance nothing else, he's like, did you dance with any other guys? Even when I wanted to go to my friend's house to spend the night (she has male and female roommates) he wasn't comfortable with that because there would be guys there. So I really think he of all people should understand where I am coming from.

I've been having problems recently with my boyfriend attending bars/clubs on the weekends with his much older sister and her single female friends. He is 21and they are all in their mid thirties. I am not the type of person to be controlling at all. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, he is very trust worthy. I am having trouble understanding why he has to hang out with a bunch of 30 year old females at the bar on the weekends. I am not against the actual activity of it, or of him having a good time, just of who he is doing it with. The reason why I do not care for his sister is because she is loud, immature, drinks a lot, and has never treated me with respect. Everyone in my boyfriends family that has met me has loved me, and I get along with everyone except her. Obviously, she is his sister and it doesn't bother me if he goes to her house for dinner, or if they wanted to go to a movie. I do have a problem with him hanging out on a Friday or Saturday night with her and her friends at a bar. He has many guy friends our age, so I do not understand what the appeal is of hanging out with them. His sister is extremely rude to me, she'll call me a * * * * * and pretend she's just joking around. My boyfriend tells me that she isn't like regular girls, and to give her a chance, and I have, but she has never shown me the time of day or been very friendly. One night when we were coming home from a family dinner and she was riding home with my bf and I, she asked him to go out to the bar that night. He said he couldn't because I am not of age, and she said "so, take her home and you and I will go out". Or she will ask him to go out and Friday and he'll tell her that he and I are going out to dinner and she will call 2 or 3 other times that night to ask again. What is her problem? Is it ok for me to not like the thought of him hanging out with them? I don't feel like I have the right to tell him what he can and cannot do, but this is really bothering me. When I brought it up to him yesterday, he got really angry with me for just telling him that it makes me uncomfortable when he hangs out with girls that old and who are big party animals. What does anyone think of this?