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answersguy

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Everything posted by answersguy

  1. Firstly to sidehop, I am all about the dinosaur chicken nugets, those things are freakin awesome and I haven't been able to find them for a while... I'm a little Jealous here Lifestream, I you were right, it actually was the make your own pizza lunchable by armour and it was quite delicous. And to I'm that girl, That IS exactly how I was acting and it was alot of fun. Luckily I'm pretty good at my job and everyone knows I have a good work ethic... It's just fun to act retarded and get a little nostalgic from time to time.
  2. Does any one else still enjoy lunchables and love eating handi snacks? I have a very good office job and I often catch people giving me funny looks when I'm eating this stuff and drinking my yoo hoo
  3. Yeah, you left out the birthcontrol part of the story and that completely changes the situation. That stuff can do funny things to girls while they get used to it. I had a g/f that acted the same way for about three months and then after the 3rd, her behavior started to go back to normal. She's on that stuff for you, you may want to stick it out for a little while.
  4. Scout, I am very glad you asked that question. It's a Friday night and I'm about to head out as I hope everyone else well be so I'll make this brief and elaborate later. The key to letting go of the hostility is understanding the word "accountability". The truth is the root cause of every single nice guys problems is not accepting it and rather choosing denial as an alternative. The sooner we start holding our selves accountable for our actions the sooner we can improve as people. It's a problem for nice guys but it's also a problem for the jerks and the cheaters. If everyone went into life knowing that they're going to hold themselves accountable and give the world the flat out honest truth, society as a whole would be a better place. If you're going to cheat but go into it knowing that you're going to hold yourself accountable and tell your SO rather than denying it, how likely are you to cheat? If you keep having the same problem over and over again ("nice guys" getting labeled as friends) with differant girls, are they really the problem? Take a little on accountability for the situation and use it as an opportunity to evolve into something better. That's the answer scout... learning to hold myself accountable. Being honest and not blaming my problems on other people... Instead, just using my energy on fixing them.
  5. Sure, there are lots of exceptions if you apply these statements to everyone. But if you only apply these to man complaining that woman don't want to be with them because they are nice, there are suddenly almost zero exceptions. I'm guessing your friend and brother-in-law have never made remarks like those stated above and are thereforeeee not the target audience. -AG
  6. Charley, That is definitely one of the things I'm talking about but that falls more under general validation and seeking it from society rather than seeking it from a relationship... Chances are pretty good though that if you're doing it in everyday life, you're also doing it in relationships. I think for some people that mindset comes with time and experience (your case) though I don't think you ever really had a serious problem with it, some people have a problem, recognize it, and fix it (What I'm talking about and trying to help with) and some people have a problem and spend life feeling sorry for themselves (what I'm trying to stop). I'm glad to hear you came to that conclusion though, in my oppinion, personal growth is what life is all about. Later -AG
  7. zocrates, I'm a guy who completely disagrees with you. You've spent the entirty of your relationship in one place and your asking her to pick up her life and start an entirely new one in order to maintain the relationship. In essense saying... "It's your choice, keep our relationship or keep the rest of your identity but you can only pick one" That doesn't really sound like an easy choice at least not if you're expecting her to pick the relationship. Good luck though -AG
  8. Andy, At this point, you've got the right idea. You're afraid of your cousin taking it badly and hurting herself so leave that situation to a medical professional. Have her psychiatrist tell her how you feel and then talk to her about her unhealthy attachment. She needs to talk to a professional about this and may not do it on her own. As for your girlfriend, tell her you lost your virginity while apart in a moment of desparation that you don't remember. If she asks how, Ask her at that point if she still wants to be with you. if she does, then ask her if you tell her the rest if she can promise to keep it between you too. If she can do that, then tell her.Tell her about waking up the next morning and how that went and that the situation sickens you. She may want to walk away at some point and if she does, obviously you shouldn't tell her anymore than you already have. I truly believe though that a romantic relationship must be based on complete honesty, you two should be able to be partners in life without judgement. If anyone else asks about the situation I agree with the concensus here of "DENY, DENY, DENY!!!" Good luck here, it sounds like you already have the solution. -AG
  9. Getting past the need for validation from others. First and foremost, learn that you can always count on yourself to be there. As odd as this may sound, if you ever feel needy or that you need validation, go take some time to yourself. Figure out what you need or want to hear, think about why you want to hear it and realize that you don't need other people's approval, just your own. From there, here are a few other steps to get out of this rut quickly. 1. Start going to the gym, doing cardio will have a huge effect on your overall happiness and confidence. Lifting some weights and getting stronger can't hurt either. 2. Make at least one night a week for your friends, I personally have a rule that I won't get drunk with out my girlfriend around and she does the same. But make time for your friends, if it's going out to the bar, watching the game, or playing some videogames... Either way, DON"T STOP BEING A MAN!!! 3. Do some things by yourself that you enjoy by yourself, everyone needs a little time to reflect on things and relax. Most importantly, Make sure that you have some direction in your life, make a plan on where you want to be a few years down the road if you haven't already. Make your own goals and make sure you accomplish them. If you don't have personal hobbies, get a few. Alot of the need for validation comes from people not being happy with their life or feeling like they're missing something so they try to form their identity around a relationship. A relationship should be a part of your identity but not your entire identity, hope this helps. -AG
  10. NorCaSpinna, Good question and I probably should have put some examples in my initial thread. So here are a few. In relationships - Constantly asking if she is ok or happy with your relationship. - Fishing for compliments in any form, either saying something negative about yourself in hopes that she'll disagree or saying something possitive in hopes that she'll agree. - Bringing gifts for the sole porpose of making her happier with you. - Asking her if it's ok to do things that you would normally do, some guys will do this in a less direct form such as "I'm going to go out with my friends" while waiting for her to say it's ok. - Constantly complimenting her, saying the same things over and over again. In general - Fear or hatred of being alone - Wanting everyone to like you - Talking yourself up a good bit in hopes of earning respect. - Uncomfortable telling people no or setting personal boundries. Don't get me wrong, some of these things are normal and healthy, it's just that the "nice guys" will live by them and do them constantly. If you keep asking your girlfriend if it's ok for you to live your life, she can't respect you.
  11. Music guy, I was in a similar mind set at one point, here's my story, give it a read and see if you can relate.
  12. I personally have been happy with my dating experiences for quite some time now. But when I was in my late teens, I was the typical nice guy who constantly got blown off so I stopped dating for a little while and watched the guys who I considered to be successful with women do their thing. Yes, they were all jerks and treated woman like crap... But I soon realized that being a jerk wasn't the draw. I noticed that woman were responsive to confidince and non-responsive to men who constantly seek validation. The jerks tended more to have there own separate life and things that they enjoy, things that they were more interested in than their girlfriends and nice guys tended to turn their complete attention to the woman of their affection. So to you nice guys, the problem isn't being nice, the problem is being obsorbed in a girl and losing your identitiy. The problem is in constantly bringing gifts while seeking her validation for your every move. These are the nice guy qualities that turn women away. My solution was to be my own source of validation and live a life that I enjoy whether I have a perticular woman I'm interested in or not. When I like a girl, I make sure she has the attention she needs while also reserving time for my friends and my hobbies. I'm confident in my actions. I've found that some woman will throw out little tests asking you to give something up for them, like your night with the guys or a hobby. I've also found that the passing answer isn't to give in, the answer is to stand by your values and earn her respect in the process. If I really like the girl sometimes I'll invite her to come along but I'm not going to give whatever it is up. Being nice is a good thing but living life seeking someone elses validation and being needy isn't. Being an jerk is a bad thing but being confident and independent are good. Just something to think about from a confident independent nice guy to the world. In reading this, I didn't really focus on me being a nice guy, I was more focusing on the little changes to be made. Understand that it is incredibly important to still be nice and do the right things, open doors, pull out her chair, pay her compliments but not because you want her to like you, because you mean it. There should come a time where she is the most important thing in your life but you still have to maintain your identity. If you really understand these things you're on your way to a lot of success and choices in the dating world. There are very few men in the world who have all of these qulities and realizing that will add to your confidence factor which is your first step in the right direction Good Luck!!! And women really do want a nice guy, the just need to be attracted to be anything more than friends and they can't be attracted to someone they can't respect.
  13. Andy, I don't think that sleeping with your cousin is going to help anything. I don't think it will keep her from telling your girlfriend about the first time and it will only make matters worse if your girlfriend does find out. It goes from some crazy drunken night that you don't remember to a regular occurrence that you chose when of supposedly sound mind. Very bad idea Andy. I would also seriously recommend you take a good look at who your real friends are.
  14. Meow, I agree, the issue shouldn't be about me, it should be about her and her mom. But when her mom walks into the room and without having said anything esle to me, tells me that I'm the reason for all of their problems and then immedaitely runs away. That makes the situation about me too. Kalika, I agree that we should sit down and have a talk but last night when I tried to talk to her, she ran and locked herself in the bedroom. I don't think her mom thinks I'm controlling but for her to blame their problems on me obviously means she thinks I'm controling something.
  15. My SO's and I have been together for 9 months now and she moved home from college in december. Since she moved back home, her mom expects her to be the completely obedient child that left for college four years ago. They've been fighing alot lately because of her mom's expectations. her mom told me last night that all of their relationship issues are because I'm in the picture and then she ran out of the room so I wouldn't have a chance to speak. I sent her this e-mail. So it's OK for you to tell me what's on your mind and how I'm the reason for your issues with your daughter and then immediately run away when I want to tell you my point of view? I'm sure you'll also be less then receptive to e-mail but that's OK, this will give me the opportunity to get what I have to say off my chest even if you don't read it. You say that you've never had so many problems with Angela since I came into the picture but your relationship with her didn't change over the summer, it changed when she came home. You had a certain expectation of her that she doesn't meet. She's lived somewhat free from parenting and stringent rules for four years now and you expect her to immediately go back to that 18 year old highschooler... And when she didn't, you blame me. Which is fine if it makes you happy but I'm not the cause of your problems and I never have been. You had the expectation that your daughter would come back into your life as it was in highschool and she would some how bring the happiness into your life that you've been missing. That's an unrealistic and unachievable expectation and not fair to you or her. The only one who can make you happy is you. I love your daughter and whether realize it or not. Not only do I not try to control her actions but I wouldn't want to because I apprecaite who she is. I'm sure this e-mail doesn't help your oppinion of me but I don't think it can get much worse anyway so who really cares. All I really want is for Angela to be happy, and believe it or not, I want her to have a good relationship with her mom. The only reason your feelings towards me matter is because it matters to her. How should I expect someone to repond to something like this?
  16. Well, first off, my girlfriend hates it, she feels like her mom constantly tries to make her "choose". She get's angry with her mom, but she also wants to have a somewhat good relationship with her. She feels like nothing she ever does is good enough for her mom. Like I said before, I've suggested that I stop going over so much, maybe a couple times a week and we can go either to my house or out on a date a couple nights and that she could spend more time with her mom that way. My girlfriend feels like if I do that, I would obviously be spending less time with her which would in turn be punishing her for her mom's behavior. It's really a bad situation for all parties envolved.
  17. It sounds to me like she has done what she can to move on, now you need to either do the same or let her go. It's not fair to her to carry on for months about the past and it's also bad for the future of your relationship. You need to CHOOSE to let it go and really forgive her. You also need to really look at the situation and think about some of the things you mmay have done wrong... We're human and we screw up every day. I'm sure you're not perfect so just relax and like I said, make up your mind and if she's your choice, you must also choose to let go of the past. If she's not your choice, you still need to let it go so you can have trust in future relationships. Good luck and later man AG
  18. Amber, I completely agree about the time thing. I actually suggested it and my girlfriend got upset and said that's not fair to her. She wants me around and her mom doesn't. When I take her out elsewhere, her mom calls her phone avery hour or so asking when she's coming home and getting pissed off that it's not right away. And in regards to the killing her with kindness thing... I already do all of that stuff. I think it's more just a mom trying to cope with her youngest growing, becoming an adult, and getting ready to move out of childhood completely. I definitely appreciate the time you took to write what you wrote amber, thanks AG
  19. Yeah, you do have one thing on him. He's a pot head. Let him know that you're going to start calling in Anonymous complaints to the police about him having drugs in his possession until he hands over the tapes. Also, I really need some advice on my girlfriend's mom. Could someone please help a brother out?
  20. I fully intend to marry this girl at some point and I want to have a good relationship with her family. I'm more looking for ways to show her I'm not competition and actually a good guy instead of just disappearing. Thanks though
  21. Sure, it makes complete sense. I think this guy does love you and I think he does want to marry you. It sounds to me like he wanted to propose the night you left early. People have a tendency to want to make people close to them empathise with them. He had some very specific expectations for that night and reality didn't meet his crazy high expectation nor did it even come close. Rather than talking to you about it, He did what he did and had his mom tell you. Forcing you to empathise and be disappointed too. If you want this to get better, if you really love him, tear down your walls, let go of your fears and insecurities and trust him to love the real you. Let him know the real you and start with being open with him and telling him how you really feel. You both deserve that.
  22. If you walk away before you know it needs to be over, you'll be making a grave mistake. You'll always carry those thoughts about "what could have been" with you for a very long time and even into future relationships. Let the relationship run it's course and enjoy the ride. That way, when it's over there no second thoughts or second guessing and you can moving on with out wondering and affecting future relationships. And if It doesn't end and you end up happily married then sticking around would also be the right things. Stick around until you KNOW what you want and aren't looking for other people to know for you.
  23. Note to self, don't make a sex tape with someone. And if you do, you be the holder. I completely agree, that's a {Mod Edit} move and it's actually more about having something on you (control) than it is about remembering his past. He thinks that if he has that tape, you're more likely to stick around for fear of retribution. Maybe you should let him think you're going to try to work things out and at some point when you're alone at his house, steal the tape and destroy it. He's obviosly an irration {Mod Edit} and isn't going to do it on his own. Take control of the situation!!!
  24. I've got one of those relationships where almost everything is perfect except my girlfriend's mom. Her dad and I get along great, it's just her mom. Her parents are separated and she just moved back in with her mom after finishing college. Since she moved in, her mom expects her daughter to be her new best friend that spends every waking moment either with her or working around the house. She gets pissed off and irrational whenever we spend time together. Her mom tells people that they've never fought so much since I've been around when the real issue is that my girlfriend just spent four years in an independent environment with no rules and now her mom expects her to be the same little girl that left after high school. Her mom resents me and I don't know what to do because I spend a fair amount of time at their house and she's always a complete to me. She views me as competition for her daughter's attention as opposed to a nice guy with a great career that treats her daughter like a princess... I think the failed relationship with her husband may also be part of the resentment, maybe she wants her daughter to feel the same way she does? any ideas people? thanks in advance
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