dominating HIM?

[spunkmaster]

Ok...I'm just going to throw this out there:

 

My fiancee and I try to keep things spiced up in the bedroom, because we recently hit the year mark, and dont want things to fizzle. Well, he recently brought up to me that it is one of his fantasies to be dominated by me.

 

Problem is...I have no idea where to start with something like that! He's done it to me before, but he's also a lot more experienced sexually. I even went out and rented some porn and instructional DVD's along those lines, but I couldn't watch them without giggling!

 

So, I guess to the women: have you ever done anything like that before? What did you do?

 

Guys: Any insight?

[rocio]

Why does it have to be any different than what he would do to you? You can ask him if he has any specific desires, but the classic tying him to a bedframe and whipping him is always fun. If he's open to it, you can play with his behind (if you know what I mean). I would give further advice but it's probably a bit graphic for the forum.

 

Once he's tied up and you have the power, it probably will be easy to get into the role. I know it looks funny when you watch other people do it, but once you actually have that power... it's nice

[astaro]

how serius do you think he is about this? some people just want to expirience it lightly, others might want to take it to extremes, i am not talking neceseraly about physical extremes, a lot of the fun in BDSM is the emotional extremes.

[quietgrl]

Lucky dog!!!I would love to dominate a man.Sissy boy get on your knee and kiss mistress QG's feet

[Locke2121]

To give you an idea....he BELONGS to you. He does what you say, when you say it and he only gets to enjoy himself at your leisure. Does that help your frame of mind?

[JoeWho]

Confidence, Confidence, Confidence. Thats all you need. Whatever you do be confident about it and it will drive him wild.

 

 

Tie him up and blind fold him then...................

[spunkmaster]

I think the confidence is my biggest issue...Like I could say stuff, but I'd be afraid of sounding stupid, and when I'm nervous, I tend to giggle. A LOT.

 

But thanks a ton for the suggestions! They will be put to good use!

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Tie him up to a bedframe, or handcuff him. Make him worship your feet, genatalia, breasts. Tease him by making him want a part of you so badly, but then not giving it to him just yet. You can always incorporate things such as leash's, collars, food, panties, porn, or things to excite the sense's such as melted wax, or ice.

 

At first it feels weird and makes you want to just burst out laughing, yet surprisingly, it can really grow on you.

[spunkmaster]

how serius do you think he is about this? some people just want to expirience it lightly, others might want to take it to extremes, i am not talking neceseraly about physical extremes, a lot of the fun in BDSM is the emotional extremes.

 

 

The way he put it to me was "I want to be made to worship you." and then some stuff like "It's not just about the sex, but the thrill of having no control" etc.

[Sugar-Rush]

My Ex was really into being dominated by me big time. I was never really into it but i never minded doing it if that makes sense. He liked to be hurt...not like super violent....he liked to me to scratch and bite lightly...also being whipped and spanked.

I think the main turn on with the dominace is that he spends all his day being in control and responsible and occasionally he likes to reverus the roles and become completely submissive.

As Joe said the main thing is confidence....just boss him around big time, make sure he's enjoying it too tho....also its important to agree a saftey word...just incase it gets too heavy.

 

Hope thats not too graphic...

Sugar xxx

[MrCrazy2u]

I begged a couple of my girlfriends to tie me up, but one of them wanted nothing to do with it and the other just wanted to tie me up so she could tickle me without me tickling her back ... lame, I'm so jealous of your boyfriend

 

EDIT ~ I guess I should say something more relevant, lol... Definitely the confidence, don't giggle or laugh when you're doing it as it'll just mess up the mood you're trying to create. Make him think there's no way he's gonna get off unless he does everything you say, touch/kiss/lick all over his body EXCEPT his ****, and make sure to bite and scratch a little

[astaro]

if he has never done it before, i would sugest agreeing on a safe word, generaly choose something that you wouldnt say during a session (NO is a very bad safe word for instance). Banana is pretty comon, the word red also works. some people dont even know what freaks them out until they get into these things for the first time. better safe then sorry

 

in general assume total control of the situation, he is nothing more then a body to be played with, his thoughts and feelings mean nothing to you. you can control his pain and pleasure....

 

try to think about things he does that annoy you, you know all those little things that drive you absolutly crazy? this is a very good and healthy way to get rid of some frustration and have fun while doing it.

[spunkmaster]

in general assume total control of the situation, he is nothing more then a body to be played with, his thoughts and feelings mean nothing to you. you can control his pain and pleasure....

 

try to think about things he does that annoy you, you know all those little things that drive you absolutly crazy? this is a very good and healthy way to get rid of some frustration and have fun while doing it.

 

 

That's an excellent way of thinking of it! I will definitely remember this! Thanks!!

[agent1607307371]

Check out Bondage 101 by jay Wiseman, it has material for people doing this for the first time, and information on techniques and safety or google search for ideas (link removed can look scary but has some interesting columns up).

 

If he wants to be made to worship you then, make him kiss you up your body, make him tell you that he wants you. Make him be specific. Make him be very specific.

Pretend you're a goddess and he's come to worship at your altar or you're an amazon queen and he has to do this to save his life.

Find a fantasy and (try to) believe it. If he does something wrong take hold of his chin and move him away. You don't have to ask, he's yours to move. Like your keys or your cup.

 

It can take some practice, but once you get in the headspace it gets easier. I had a bf who told me that he always knew when my domme headspace kicked in, because I just "became" it. Find out what you would like. I mean, if you're dominating him, it has to be about you also.

 

 

ETA: Regarding frustrations. Try to keep it low level. Taking a frustration out on someone who is in a vulnerable position can be dangerous. Making him bark like a dog for not taking the trash out is one thing. Using it as a motivator if you're playing with a whip could get very nasty.

[astaro]

ETA: Regarding frustrations. Try to keep it low level. Taking a frustration out on someone who is in a vulnerable position can be dangerous. Making him bark like a dog for not taking the trash out is one thing. Using it as a motivator if you're playing with a whip could get very nasty.

 

very very very true, that's why i always suggest using a safe word, and never going to far to fast, these issues can be very fun but can bring up a lot of painful memories for some, and just go to far for other.

 

agree on a safe word in advance, and if you ever hear it stop EVERYTHING you are doing and be attentive and gentle with the person. people who manage to truly release all control might also become emotional so don't get scared if that happens, its normal, and from my experience people generally feel liberated in a sense afterwords.

[itsallgrand]

Just take what you want. Forget about him.

What do you want?

Do It.

 

Made me giggle that you were asking for male opinions on this.

 

The whole point is to dig into your self and stop looking outside yourself for cues and guidance.

 

Don't worry. Going after what you want does not magically dissolve your natural empathy and decency as a human being. You'll know when to back down and when to push with practice.

 

Have fun.

[Rabican]

Ill say this, the stuff that you were giggling about in the porn... would probably blow your mans mind. Ill watch porn with my girl, and im thinking damn thats so hot... and the next thing I know shes laughing about it, or making fun of the girls fake boobs or something...

 

My suggestion, start slow with the whole dominatrix thing. Just handcuff him, and put on a sexy outfit... then ride him like.. ok you get the point. Trust me hell love it.

[TheRedQueen]

I have my theories...

 

Perhaps all men secretly or subconsciously want to be dominated, it kinda makes sense.

[MrCrazy2u]

I have my theories...

 

Perhaps all men secretly or subconsciously want to be dominated, it kinda makes sense.

 

It depends on what kind of personality they have... A lot of women like it too, specifically those who are used to bossing people around on a daily basis

[jsx730]

I'm going through the same thing with my gf, only I'm on the submissive end. As someone else said, I spend all day/week in control of my life, it's really nice to be able to trust someone to take that control away from me.

 

The simplest advice has already been given. Just be confident. If you want something, take it. If you want me to do something, make me. Don't second guess yourself. Theres going to be times, especially in the beginning, where there will be akward laughs. Who cares? Just go with it.

 

Safe words are important. I setup 2. One for saying "Ok, tone it down, that went a little too far." And then one for "Wow, way over the top, get out of 'Yes, Mistress' mode and come cuddle me."

 

Most importantly, just have fun with it. It's not even just about sex, so tease him a bit with it during the day (not around others though, unless he's into that =P) and just make it fun.