Ex + money = guilt trip!

[laboheme]

When my ex broke up with me in July, he still owed me money - not a ridiculous sum, but in the hundreds. I went through a period where I didn't care about getting it back as long as he himself came back...then we stopped talking altogether, and I just didn't care about anything, period...Well, once the time came to fill out my tax returns and my financial aid forms for school (and with the prompting of a few friends and coworkers), I decided to send him a firm reminder that he still has an outstanding balance). He messaged me back saying that he hadn't thought about it in a long time and that it was good that I reminded him.

 

Well, upon coming home today, I found an unaddressed envelope in the mailbox with a check from him, dated for my birthday, which was a couple of days ago, along with a scrap of register tape simply saying "here you go."

 

Now I'm on this massive guilt trip! I feel SOOOO bad depositing that check...Even though I kind of hate the guy for breaking my heart and for having a new girl when I don't have a new guy yet. I'm tempted to rip it up and return it to him with a dry note saying that scraps of register tape don't make for very good enclosures...Or should I just send him a message saying that I got the check and will deposit it soon -- and then go and spend the money on something nice for myself?

 

Oh, what to do??? I feel like one of those divorced wives who are getting all this money out of their husbands...

[renaissancewoman101]

At least he paid you back. My ex still owes me about $1600 and the last time I talked to him, he promised to pay me back. Still hasn't and I've given up on chasing him down for it.

[DN]

I think you should just send a brief thank you note with no additional comments, cash the check and move on.

 

There is no need to feel bad. So long as it was a definite loan with an agreement to pay back and you don't feel that there was a financial imbalance in the relationship that might have offset the loan then you are morally entitled to the money.

[shikashika]

i don't get what you are feeling guilty about.......

[EvaGina]

Its your money, I dont understand why you feel bad...

Your earnt it!

just send him an email "thanks for getting back with the money so soon, much appreciated"

somthing nice but not flowery... then go buy shoes!!

[Aurian]

At least he paid you back... my ex destroyed about $3000 worth of my stuff when I left the relationship, and I had to cancel a $1200 vacation I paid for US and was non-refundable.

 

I also paid for the damn lawyer and divorce (made more expensive because he kept avoiding being served).

 

All money down the drain and things that can never be replaced... *sigh*

[terk2021]

It was good of him to pay you back. You should not worry about thanking him for it. It took a long time for him to do it. It was your money. My ex owes me a bunch more than that. Truthfully, I wrote it off a long time ago. I was really able to find out what kind of person she was from that one...

 

I would just cash it, and do something great for yourself.

[sophie274]

I can understand how you feel. Way passive aggressive of him in my opinion. Just say "thank you" and cash that check - because those are your $$ !

[lady00]

You have nothing to feel guilty about! Don't let this guy affect you. Practice a way of positive thinking that doesn't let what he does affect you so much. Think how you'd feel if any acquaintance paid you back. You'd say thank you and wouldn't think twice about it. No need to give your ex any further consideration.

[laboheme]

Well, I got over myself and deposited the check.

 

The reason I was letting it get to me is that I generally feel bad when people pay me back...I don't see it as my money being returned to me, I see it as their money being taken away from them. I'm weird like that...

 

But yes, the check is now safely in my bank account, waiting for when my shoe-shopping buddy comes back to town

[lady00]

Well, I got over myself and deposited the check.

 

The reason I was letting it get to me is that I generally feel bad when people pay me back...I don't see it as my money being returned to me, I see it as their money being taken away from them. I'm weird like that...

 

But yes, the check is now safely in my bank account, waiting for when my shoe-shopping buddy comes back to town

 

Awesome. Have fun shopping!