Other girls' numbers, what's up with that?

[dawn515]

Maybe I’m being silly, but this is starting to bother me… My boyfriend of a year has the numbers of exes and former hook-ups saved on his phone.

 

Now, this wouldn’t be a problem if these were exes he had always stayed in touch with before me, but they’re not. He has no reason that I can discern to have them in there. He also has a co-worker with whom he had a minor fling but never friends (he doesn’t work there anymore) there and another co-worker he had a major crush on for a very long time, but she didn’t feel the same way. He hasn’t worked at that place for almost a year, but he still keeps both their numbers and has no real reason to keep them that I know of. (He quit working there about a month after we started dating.)

 

The one number that bothers me the most belongs to an ex that got back in touch with him about two months after we started dating. He didn’t have her number, but she called him out of the blue and left a message. He told me about it because he listened to the message while I was there. I didn’t think that much of it at the time, but then a few days later, we were having a few glasses of wine, and she came up. He told me he called her back, and he thought it was “weird”; that it sounded like some sort of “booty call.”

 

“How so?” I asked.

 

He said that she said she was going to be in town and wanted to know if he wanted to meet up. He told her that was cool, it would be nice to catch up. He stayed vague on the details (probably to spare me), but apparently he said he had a girlfriend, and she said, “Well, she doesn’t have to know.” According to him, he said, “I’m not going to lie to my girlfriend!” After that, she dropped the subject and they chatted about other stuff.

 

He then asked me if I would like to go with him to meet up with her since she was going to be in town. I told him a) I did not feel comfortable with him meeting up with her because it sounded like she didn’t respect our relationship. (She called him up for a booty call and then told him to LIE to me??) and b) I didn’t want to go with him because then I would feel as though I were his chaperone or something. I said he could meet with her, I am not going to tell him what to do, but yes, I was uncomfortable with it. He agreed and said she didn’t respect our relationship and he wouldn’t be meeting up with her.

 

But, he kept her phone number in addition to adding her as a friend on his Myspace. (He has at least two other exes, a hook-up, and the co-worker he had a crush on as Myspace friends, too. God, I hate Myspace sometimes.)

 

But, Dawn, you say, maybe he just kept those numbers in his phone, being too lazy to delete them. That would be all fine and good if he hadn’t gotten a NEW PHONE about six months into our relationship, and MANUALLY transferred all those numbers into his new phone! Including the girl who called him up for a “booty call” while he was with me!

 

I’ve tried to be cool about this, and I don’t snoop into his phone. But the other day, he was going through his phone contacts and said aloud, “I need to delete some people from here” and did so. Then, when he wasn’t looking, I broke down and looked to see if he had deleted any of his exes and hook-ups. Nope. They were still there. Apparently, though he never talks to them (I think?), they needed to stay.

 

What is that about? Are they back up or something? Am I being weird for not liking this?

[astaro]

have you spoken to him about this? it dosnt look like he's trying to hide anything, maybe its a screw up he has, maybe he uses the names as reminders for something.

[HarleyHunny]

It's all about his ego, hun!

[Iceman26]

They are an insurance policy for him in case the two of you don't work out.

 

If you guys break up he has them ready to go on speed dial.

[Gus Almighty]

I would tell him that you dont want him storing girls numbers that he has had relations with......especially since you know most of them are not just good friends.

[Siriana]

I would ask him - hey honey why are you keeping all those numbers of your exes in your phone, you're not contacting them, why do you need them?

 

Maybe he takes the hint and erases them, or at least finds himself in akward situation for not having an answer to that.

 

But even if he erases them what than? He can write them down on paper - right?

 

If he's not in contact with them in the way it bothers you, I simply wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

Maybe it's just something for his ego.

If you trust him 100% and relationship is good no need to be worried.

 

If you want the numbers out of the cell accidentally destroy his cell LOL j/k

[EvaGina]

I think that by purposly erasing the numbers he is admitting that there is somthing to be worried about.

 

there is the number of a girl my bf hooked up with just before I moved here, sitting on his dresser. I asked who "" was and he told me and that was that... he hasnt discarded the number, its just mixed in with a whole bunch of other crap. I know its nothing to worry about becuase if it was, he would hide it, woudlnt he?

[MissTee]

Yup... good little insurance policy.

 

I'd tell him to delete them if you guys have been together for a year and it makes uncomfortable.

[dawn515]

Thanks, guys. Maybe I will ask him about it, but I didn't want to come off as the jealous girlfriend and I certainly didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

 

I'm starting to think it's what some of you said -- it could be an ego thing.

 

Let me say that I do trust him -- I don't think he's calling any of these people behind my back or anything. I just had to wonder -- why keep them? I delete people out of my phone if I've had no contact with them for about a year and don't have a driving need to contact them again.

[isisastaria]

I have to admit I wouldn't like it. Everyone is different. I don't think the numbers are the issue. I think the fact that it bothers you is the issue. If you don't like it, he should stop if he knows.

 

Why don't you program maybe ten to fifteen men's numbers in YOUR phone and just tell him, "Geez...I really need to delete some of these numbers".

 

They don't necessarily have to be real. Just see how he likes it.

 

Or have your brother or a friend call over and over while you're with him and label the caller ID as another guy's name. Then just let it ring or answer and say, "I'm busy right now. I'll call you back".

[isisastaria]

Then if he gets all upset...just be really nice and calmly declair you thought it wasn't a problem in the relationship since he has a ton of numbers of exes on his phone! No double standards here!!! Right?

[EvaGina]

Nope, dont play games.

 

Keep your self respect, just tell him how you feel, if he is going to cheat, he is going to cheat, there is no need to play games and be sneakey, just look after yoruself and deal with your problems when they arise, no need to try "teach him a lesson" when he hasnt actually done anything wrong.

[hope123]

my b/f kept names of girls in his phone after we started dating..girls he told me he doesnt even speak to except for like one who is an old friend..i never told him to delete it..i just kind of figured people usually have numbers in their phones even if they dont use them but when his phone was broken--he did tell me he copied down all the numbers on a piece of paper and i am assuming those girls too..but now in his new phone..he didnt place any of those girls in them...he has some new ones..but they are in a totally different area code..i think its for ordering supplies for his car or something. I think with his new phone, if i saw him place those numbers back in there..i would say why if you dont speak to them.

[dawn515]

No, I would not stoop to playing games! I don't think he's cheating, I really don't. I just don't know why he'd keep these numbers, especially after getting the new phone while we were together and, as I mentioned, going through his phone to delete the numbers of people he doesn't talk to anymore, except the numbers of exes whom I know he doesn't talk to anymore and was never friends with.

 

I just don't get it.

 

I haven't talked to him about it yet, but I haven't come up with a good way to approach it that doesn't sound jealous, controlling or . It's not like he's calling them, I know that. I just don't know WHY it's so important to keep these numbers.

 

I'm starting to lean towards the Ego Theory more and more.