-Fin-

[Daddy Bear]

Samurai would do it. They weren't cowards. They were incredibly brave.

They were also incredibly honorable. Do you think one of them would have given up and left his loved ones behind to fend for themselves when things came down to the wire?

 

About your son: It's normal for a baby boy to be more attached to his mother, but don't let that fool you into thinking that he doesn't need you in his life. He does. He's just not old enough to say it yet.

 

I saw how it ravaged my brother and his wife when their son pased away. As low as I can sometimes get, I have forever ruled out the option of suicide because it would be a very cruel thing to do to my family.

[AwdreeHpburn]

insecure - you have an icredible and heavy choice to make. We all do - DAILY. But YOU also have a responsibility to someone besides yourself. I'm not saying that to make you feel pressure, I'm trying to take some off.

 

You have NO idea how much what you do and what you WILL do will affect your child. Now and every single day of that child's life. Even if you're not here. Esp if you're not here.

 

Samuari do not commit suicide because they are unhappy or uncomfortable with a situation. First of all that was a much different culture. Their's was based very heavily on honour. If they were disgraced or dishonoured for having done something that their culture frowned on, they would cowardly and disgracefully bough out. It was not an act of courage. It was the only way they felt they could redeem themselves.

 

This is NOT the case for you and even if it were, you are not a Samuari so they same rules do not apply.

 

Your son needs to know that he can rely on his parents to be there for him. It doesn't matter if you are there for his mother - as far as he's concerned - but you need to be there for him.

 

Can you imagine HIM feeling this way someday. Feeling like he just wants to end it all - like his dad did?

[insecure246]

=( Why is this so hard?

[luvursmile]

Insecure246, you have a wife who's willing to work it out with you and a son who is only 1 year old. That is more than a heck of a lot of people on this forum have.

 

Why is it so hard for you to believe her? If she didnt love you, she would have left you, but she is there sticking it out with you.

[Daddy Bear]

Put your plan aside, bro. I know how it can be tempting, but it's not a winner. You're going to have to find relief in other ways. The longer a person is in counseling, for example, the better the therapist is able to understand and really help that person.

 

Time to slow it down, my friend. You're in for a long haul, and the strength to make it through exists inside of you. Take a breather from all this and see if you can't channel some of that, ok?

[Dako]

Breathe and think about alternatives.

You have power to do a good thing by denying your urge and enduring this rough time. Doing so will make you stronger than you thought possible, and most of all will protect those you love from a terrible fate.

Emerging from a time of despair is like recovery from a major illness. It makes life so much sweeter. Please don't lose sight that you once had better days.

You can get past this and see your son grow into a man.

My father was my anchor in life.

You son deserves that joy.

[Hope75]

=( Why is this so hard?

 

I think it's hard because you are not happy with your life as it is, but there are alot of things left that you are not ready to leave behind, especially your son.

 

Do you think that might be it?

[SuperDave71]

insecure,

 

 

Hey man! Sit down...grab ya cool drink and sit back. Put on some of your favorite music and relax. Everything is going to be ok and I am going to tell you why.

 

 

I feel your pain and all I can say, just like the endless supply of caring people on this forum, we ALL CARE. Things are a bit out of control in your life and you are making alot of assumptions based on your feelings that what you really know as fact.

 

 

Your wife issue....this is hard. You have GOT TO STOP BLAMING and start DOING. How in the world can you accpet that suicide is the answer when you have gone to counseling and it didn't solve your problem. The fact in that statement is YOU HAVE TO CHANGE WHAT YOU WANT. The counseling is for you TO MAKE THE NECESSARY changes. I am NOT trying to simplfy yoru situation. You are validated. I don't want you to go anywhere and certainly NOT YOUR SON. I couldn't imagine not knowing my father!!! Think of someone else man.

 

To your little man...you are EVERYTHING. He needs you not only for food, shelter and protection..he needs you for guidance...confidence...manly talk about sex and how to deal with growing up.

 

 

To be perfectly honest...you selfish man! DAYUM SELFISH! Sure your situation is hopeless in your eyes...WAKE UP and realize that we ALL have bad days...we all have those weeks or months we "wanna die" but figuratively speaking. You need to look within yourself and find who you want to be and GO GET IT! Only you can make those changes. If you expect everyone to change to please you...you are sadly mistaken. You need to do some serious soul searching and find the coping skills, professionally advised or inner strength....and not deal with it...YOU FIX IT!

 

You can do anything you wanna do my friend! ANYTHING YOU WANT!!! You would rather give up...throw in the towel so you can "end it" and be done with it. I cannot tell you how much you do matter. From a friend in Memphis, TN...YOU MATTER SOOOOO MUCH TO SOOOO MANY PEOPLE ya can't even see it!

 

Your son...go pick him up and hold him. Look into those little eyes and tell him you love him...you tell that special little biy that DADDY IS NOT A QUITTER! DADDY IS STRONG and is having a tough time right now but you are that child ROCK!

 

Do you think for one moment that your sone woudl EVER STOP LOVING YOU?? LOOK AT HIM FOR GOODNESS SAKE! Look at those eye and tell me that he would GIVE UP ON YOU!?? YA CAN'T !!! YA CAN'T because he loves you unconditionally! YOU HAVE ALLL THE LOVE YOU NEED fromo someone...but you need to FIND THE SELF LOVE and RESPECT you threw out the window weeks...months or years ago.

 

Don't blame your wife. You thank God everyday you have what you have..NOT the pain but your blessings! You get up every morning and God give you a ife everyday...called "A NEW DAY"....

 

You can start you LIFE OVER ANY DAY YOU CHOOSE without ending it. You need to get off your "Dark and Gloomy" and find some ineer strength and start saying "I CAN"..

 

YOU CAN !!! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YA WANT....without ending you life.

 

You were given the gift of life by God and you need to let HIM take I away...NOT YOU.

 

 

You child is your rock. He is your mind, body and soul. He is of your loins and he needs and loves his daddy more than some of us adults out here without children will ever know.

 

If you child could talk....if he could sit is daddy down and say...Why are you sad daddy? and ya told him...do you think he would say...then end it daddy. HELL NO! HE WOULD PUT HIS ARMS AROUND YOU AND YOU WOULD FEEL MORE LOVE FROM YOU CHILD IN THAT HUGE THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW.

 

A mother years ago, after her husband walked out on her and their child had her 3 year old son...ask his mother ..Why are you so sad mommy? She said, "Daddy doesn't love me anymore?"

 

The child replied...."I will love you double mommy!"

 

 

I am soooooo sorry for your pain...If I could lift your burden I would. I would carry your cross. I would be there for you if I could but I am there in spirit. I am there with you and if you need me...or any of the wonderful people here at eNotalone...we are here.

 

YOU CAN SO THIS...WE CAN GETH THROUGH THIS TOGETHER..

 

 

All you have to do is ask....PM me if you need to. Hell ...find me on the web...ya wanna talk...Let's talk...

 

 

I am here....FIND YOU AGAIN....BE DADDY....if your wife doesn't love you...and wants out...do it IF IT MAKES IT EASIER ON YOU.

 

 

DON'T BE AFRAID TO LIVE AND LOVE!!!

 

 

We are here for you!! WE ALL CARE.....

 

 

You son loves you sooooo much. I would give anything to be you right now....

 

 

You have what so many of us want.....and I know in my heart that I would go thru HELL and back for my family...

 

Why you ask?

 

 

Because I am a do'er ..NOT A TALKER and they desever NO LESS.

 

 

 

STAND UP STRAIGHT...lift your chin up....take a deep breath and GET TO MAKING YOUR LIFE BRAND NEW AGAIN.

 

 

You are NOT ALONE!!!!

 

 

 

MUCH LOVE MAN!

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[annie24]

hi - I just wanted to say that I really hope you don't commit suicide. you have a young son, it sounds like you really love him, and that is what it takes to be a great father. I am sorry things aren't working out so well with your wife, but at least you have your son. i don't know - maybe you need a change of scenery or a new therapist, but suicide isn't the answer. I have a feeling if you hang on, your luck will change for the best. there are many people out here who would hate to see you give up, we are all rooting for you and behind you. Let us help you.

[charley]

I never tried to help you before because I generally avoid the suicide subject section. I need to keep my stress levels down. So I avoid the suicide and abuse areas. However, I saw your post on main page. So I want to help you, now that I'm aware of you.

 

Suicide is not the answer. I know that for sure since I've been close in the past and later came out the other side.

 

I suggest you go read this entire thread because it has a lot for you.

 

 

[Spugly Fuglet]

"You're born. You're miserable. You die. What a boring cycle. Why not just end it now? I'm gonna break that cycle."

 

humm this one court my eye, what you discrib here is not a cycle of events but a line, or as I like to see it a path, a walk long a road which, yes has dips thoes miserable bits, but and this is one of thows big Buts! like and walk if only one keeps going w reach the hills once again, there joy waits, but also so the view, the one the lets us see better our root throw life. If one stops walking one dos not just end a small miserable part of the walk, one ends the journey for good. Why I must ask cheat ones self of the joys to come.

 

What I have foind is the one can change the hole walk by seeing joy where once there was dispear, to see all the wonder of the world will others sink under the wait of one lost joy. it walk is to see if only one can lift ones head up to look.

 

your son is just starting out on his lifes walk, soon it will get hard for him and he will need some one older, wiser who's been through that part of the walk to talk to him and show him joys wait on the other side.

 

It could be that one day he will be in the place you are now, would it not be better for you to be there to show him the way out of the darkness, I believe it would, but the is a prise, you will have to find a way out here and now for him, there will be pain and upset but it is your dutie, and as such there can be no grater calling. But you are not alone here others so meny others have been in places harsh to, and will help all they can.

 

I was seeking to end but did not now my life is joy and I'm a better man for what I went throw meny have told me such.

 

truth, strength and honor.

 

But true to your self and then others

 

be strong for you self and then others

 

Honor your self for trying do good in the world and others who try to do the same.

 

3 worlds I live by, like the knights of old, one must stand and face any and all things that would harm ours, even if it be our own harts, your son will need you to stand, do so and ask nothing back, do this and I and the world will honor you.

 

But what I have learnt is I can do this and love such small joys in life the big pains lose there power over my will.

 

*smales and walks on*

it will be spring soon I wonder what this years world will look like?

[luvingxsomeonexspecial]

of course people care. look at all the people who have posted comments. and i'm sure you're wife cares as well, otherwise why would she have married you? i never saw your other posts coz i am new here, but i wanted to let you know that people do care

[Bethany]

He is the best. He's my whole world. And he's all that's kept me hanging on this long. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. I play with him all the time. And we watch movies and laugh and do silly stuff and I take care of him. But everyone acts like I don't do anything for him. They act like I'm a horrible parent. Maybe theyre right. Now I'm convinced that he'll be better off without me. I don't want to be like my dad and make him feel like garbage. I'm so scared of ending up just like my father. I love him so much and I don't want to do that to him. I just want him to understand that this is what I think is for the best.

 

It doesn't matter what others think, it really doesn't. Alll that should matter is you and your child..

 

And from what I see from this post is a deep bond which can only grow deeper as he grows. And as a parent myself, who knows the depth of such a love, it breaks my heart to read that you could even consider leaving your baby boy. He needs you and you NEED to be there, NO MATTER WHAT.

[Scout]

insecure, I hope what I'm going to say won't make you roll your eyes. But...no one ever gives thought to if fathers can suffer from post-partum depression, and I don't see why. After all, they've got just as big of a new responsibility.

 

Plus, having a child makes us relive our own childhood memories in a way, and I'm thinking that perhaps the birth of your son has triggered a lot of the pain you experienced with your father. Of course, it sounds like other things are going on, too, but I get the impressoin your depression has been pretty intense since your son was born.

 

By the way, this doesn't have any kind of reflection whatsoever on the love you have for your son, which I believe you have an immense amount of.

 

I recently found out I was pregnant, and while I'm surprised and happy, it has also made me depressed in many ways. I realize, hey, I gotta shape up and finally grow up. Will I be a good parent, or will I make the same mistakes my parents did? Can I provide for this child? Can I raise them into a decent human being?

 

It's a hell of a lot of responsibility, but at least one indicator of the depression is that at least it shows I'm concerned and care about the outcome for my child.

 

Give it some thought. It may be very much connected to your son's birth. If so, find a therapist who specializes in such issues. Or in the meantime, keep talking to us about your fears and worries. That's exactly what this forum is here for.

[insecure246]

This weekend I spent everyday holding my son and playing with him. And I saw it in his eyes. That I belong here and that I have a purpose. Even though he's too young to understand, I told him that he saved my life. =)

 

I don't see it getting any easier anytime soon, but maybe if I try hard enough it will eventually.

[Bethany]

This weekend I spent everyday holding my son and playing with him. And I saw it in his eyes. That I belong here and that I have a purpose. Even though he's too young to understand, I told him that he saved my life. =)

 

I don't see it getting any easier anytime soon, but maybe if I try hard enough it will eventually.

 

That's fantastic news, I'm smiling from ear to ear for you.

 

Sometimes when things get cloudy and pain gets in the way, we just can't see what's staring us in the face all the time but it doesn't mean that they are not there to see when the cloud passes over.

 

Things can only ge easier from here after that. And even if they don't, you have us and you have your son, for as long as you need us. Good Luck.

[Hope75]

This weekend I spent everyday holding my son and playing with him. And I saw it in his eyes. That I belong here and that I have a purpose. Even though he's too young to understand, I told him that he saved my life. =)

 

I don't see it getting any easier anytime soon, but maybe if I try hard enough it will eventually.

 

Fin you don't know how happy I am to read this. Your son may have saved your life, but you saved him too- from a life without a loving father who has already shown him that he can count on him for all his needs- even if he is too young to really understand the depth of that.

 

Thank you for coming back to update us, and I hope you will continue to do so.

 

 

[Daddy Bear]

Awesome, awesome, awesome. Think of all the great times you two are going to have.

[arwen]

This weekend I spent everyday holding my son and playing with him. And I saw it in his eyes. That I belong here and that I have a purpose. Even though he's too young to understand, I told him that he saved my life. =)

 

I don't see it getting any easier anytime soon, but maybe if I try hard enough it will eventually.

 

Glad you posted this, friend.

 

I think looking in the eyes of your little son will make the trying a whole lot easier. You're his daddy, he loves you, and needs you to be there to love him back.

 

Arwen

[Scout]

I don't see it getting any easier anytime soon, but maybe if I try hard enough it will eventually.

 

Yes, persistence and determination are about the best tools anyone can have to get through tough times. It also helps to have support - which you certainly have here, friend.

 

As a person who grew up without a father, I want to commend you on rising to the challenge of being one. It's going to make a world of difference to your child for you just being there and loving him. In his eyes, that will be a perfect dad.

[chickidee23]

Insecure-

 

I am SO glad you are doing better! I want to tell you a quick story, though, just for extra motivation!

 

My biological father killed himself. I was 14. I hadn't seen him in three years. He and my mother got a divorce and after living with him for a year and a half, he dropped us off at our mother's for the weekend and never came back. I was so angry with him and still am. It left me feeling abandoned and completely unloved by him, ever. I do remember being close to him when I was younger but the feelings that are strongest when I think of him are anger. He took the easy way out in every possible way you can imagine. Maybe he thought he was doing us, the world, his family, WHOEVER, a favor but all he did was leave my brothers and I with feelings of abandonment and lack of trust in people. It's hard for me to completley commit to someone- even my fiance at times- and when people who are close to me make mistakes that hurt me, I don't give them second chances.. I drop them like a bad habit. I am angry in general a lot and I am a huge pessimistic. I'm better at shutting people out than letting them in. I sometimes feel so completely alone and misunderstood in this world but that's my fault now isn't it? I don't want to get too close to people. My fiance and my very best friend are the only two people I trust in this world. There are times I feel so sorry for myself- look at how much living I am missing out on. Perhaps there are more reasons than just feeling completely abandoned by my father that I am this way but what if he had never disappeared and then made the decision for all of us never to see him again?? I think it would have made a world of difference.

 

Just being in your son's life and loving him can give him a terrific chance at a much happier life.

[snowgirl]

Insecure, you sound a lot like my husband did a couple of years ago. He was convinced that he was a mistake and that nobody really cared, and if they did, they'd get over it. His mom always told him he was stupid and he never got any love.

He is now a happy, emotionally stable guy. He is in therapy and now sees things from a different perspective. He looks back on those times and realizes that his mind was playing tricks on him, he really believed that he was useless and a loser and that nobody cared.

I am glad your son saved your life. You will watch him grow and you will be able to love and cherish every ounce of him, and he will do the same for you.

 

Just wanted you to know that. I certainly care about what happens to you. Have a great weekend.