Where is he when I need him?

[savoie]

while i somewhat understand your wanting to see him face to face, in my opinion it should only be for closure - assuming that is what you need.

 

however, i suspect that you hope that once he sees you again - something will suddenly change his position and feelings right now. i think that it would be grave error in thinkng for you to place to much value in that happening. you likely would be setting yourself up for a major letdown.

 

it seems to me that he is acting towards you the way he would act toward a friend and when you attempt to make it more than friendship or worse, try to talk about the two of you as a couple, he reacts - because he is not there emotionally anymore. in fact, that is precisely what he told you.

 

you are still IN the relationship with him - a relationship that is in the past. he is viewing this relationship differently.

 

i don't think he wants to hurt you. but i think that you are vulnerable and are willing to do most anything to save the relationship.

 

there are at least two major problems with that i see. you can't let go and give the relationship enough of a break for you to find a happy place with him - friends or lovers it still is a very draining and a sad experience for you both. it doesn't appear that things worked when you were together - nor does it appear that you are good for one another right now. point #1 - it isn't working now.

 

secondly, i think that holding onto things right now is very damaging to you both. he is approaching things as a friend but has intimated that there could be more down the road. i see you not really acknowledging that you are no longer a couple but acting in ways as if you are. hypothetically speaking, if you visit him and you have a nice evening together and things lead to sleeping together - will you shame him for leading you on? I suspect that he views you as an adult capable of making her own decisions. He probably feels that he has explained to you exactly what he wants right now and he is not in a relationship with you. So if things get romantic and he still wants to be only friends the next morning how will you feel? Will you feel taken advantage of? point #2 don't do anything right now that you cannot take responsibilty for. you have all the information that you need to know that this guy does not want a relationship right now. if you choose to pursue, you know the consequences.

 

i don't think his reaction to you is out of line with what he has been telling you. if you insist on making this trip - go into it without expectations. You might be pleasantly surprised - which is a hell of alot better than setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

i know this is not likely what you want to hear. but i honestly believe that you are your own worst enemy right now. you need to be making heatlhier choices for yourself. love is hard - but it doesn't hurt like this. if the two of you have any chance in the future - you need to find happiness within yourself. the extent to which this relationship effects your emotions, well being, peace, etc. is too much for any man and, most importantly, is not good for you. healthy relationships should be loving, caring, reliable and compliment (or at least support) our INDIVIDUAL desires, interests. ambitions. this goes two ways. when a relationship becomes the ONLY thing in our lives - it is no longer a healthy relationship but an obsession and that is incredibly destructive to both involved.

[JadedStar]

Outstanding. I could not have said it better.

[JadedStar]

Oh my. I just realized this has been going on since Feb.

 

NTL i have not read this entire thread, but some posts from ladybugg really rang thru.

 

Why are you still fooling around with this man?

 

This, like Savoie said above, is becoming a sick and unhealthy obsession. You need to break away from this man.

[savoie]

i try to be as fair as possible with what i post. i only get one side of the story here and while i have my opinions about your exbf, ntl, i try to approach you and him like i do most others - good intentioned people.

 

i want to add that i don't condone his behavior - at all. i am not comfortable advising a person to stay or leave a relationship. i try to approach it with - asking what will make you happy and satisfied? content. my posts often sound like broken records - but it seems to me that the relationship is not the only problem here. i am not sure what is driving the obsession - and it might be painful to search for that answer- but i hope at some point, ntl, you can get beyond it. there is something deep that keeps you in a relationship that doesn't give back. there is something deep that keeps you coming to a message board searching for answers to his behavior. we cannot provide any of that. but as long as you are here - i hope that you get the support that you need to ultimately seek out the love and peace that i hope you can find.

[never-too-late]

 

Please explain to me why? He was the one who wanted to stay in contact, who each time I tried to walk away in order to heal and to move on and to accept that the relationship ended, was fighting for me to stay in contact with him.

 

I felt a bit down yesterday and I was missing him. I texted him and I asked him if he would like to talk. His response was pretty cold and he said that it's not his role anymore to be there for me whenever I need. But 3 weeks ago, he was begging me to answer the phone telling me he needs me so much and he even called me "my dear", which he used to call me when we were together.

 

I told him that I dont understand why cannot he talk to me and he then called me and he was screaming. He was shouting telling me he is so fed up with me and that he is tired of being there all the time for me and that he is not my boyfriend anymore so I should not turn to him for help anymore. He said he hates me and he is done with me for good and I should just go away. I was so shocked. He said he has moved on and he is good now. I just cannot understand his reaction?

 

We are supposed to meet to talk about our situation face to face in a couple of weeks but I feel so hurt by this. He was telling me last night that he doesnt want me to come anymore.

 

This morning, I asked him if I should cancel my ticket and he emailed me and he said that he is really sick of everything and he doest need me anymore and he has been there enough for me. He said I don't attract him anymore and he has realised that I have a personality problem.

 

He really hurt me so much. I stayed in contact with him because that's what he wanted so much. He said that it's best if say good bye and move on. I asked him if he has met someone else and he says no he has not.

 

So I sat down and found all the strength inside me and sent him an email back and told him that I appreciate all of his efforts and that I am sorry I made him so angry but I could not help to keep my distance because I find it hard to deal iwth the break up. I told him that I knew if I stayed in contact with him, it would lead to this problem and that this is the reason why I asked for no contact. I said to him that I respect his decision and that is that I need to move on and forget like he has done. I wished him well and sent it.

 

He replied back and he said that he is too upset now and he does not think clearly and to give him a week to think if he still feel like meeting and making more efforts for me and us.

 

 

 

I just don't understand it anymore.

[never-too-late]

I woke up this morning feeling this emptiness and this confusion.

 

How could he move on so fast when only a couple of weeks ago he was still begging me to talk to him and that he needs me and now he is telling me he does not need me.

 

I really feel like he has met someone else but he just won't tell me.

[bubblyblonde11]

Because like most dumpers there hearts left a while back in the relationship for the dumpees sweetheart it comes as such a shock, like being hit by a truck, and then we have to recover from that shock and it takes time, courage, strength.

 

I think hun you need to go NC, do not meet him certainly do not pay money to go see him. It would probably be wise to change your number.

 

Look how well you were doing a few weeks ago before he dropped the operation bomb on you. YOU were beginning to get YOUR LIFE in order, slowly but it does take time.

 

Read some of your posts back from that time, how much better you felt about life, about yourself, you knew you were better out of the relationship.

 

Read my signature - being single does not mean your alone hunny and it can be quite liberating, having time to do whatever you want when you want and with whom you want.

[jellytot]

Hi Never-too-late, I have not read the entire post, but have been following it somewhat.

 

Like Jadedstar mentioned, this has been going on for 6 months now! And im sorry to break this news to you but this relationship is DOOMED. Finished. It will never happen, you two will NEVER be happy together, you will NEVER trust eachother, and really, you are both simply a rash to eachother.

 

No matter whos right or whos wrong, someone, should have by now, had some sort of 'tolerence' level tested, and GIVEN UP ENTIRELY.

 

I dont mean to sound nasty at all, but this is NEVER GOING TO WORK OUT. Had the two of you, gone no contact when this had started, MONTHS ago, and maybe decided to meet up now, 6 months later, then MAYBE, things would be more positive.

 

Buy you guys have been MISERABLE for all this time. Six months of misery, why? Why are you allowing yourself to hold on like this? Who cares if he's met someone else? In-fact, what would it take him doing, to finally actually piss you off enough, that you just LET GO? Is it him sleeping with someone else that you just CANT handle?

 

You are DWELLING on this too much i think, and this post has been going on for ages now. Maybe you should stay away from this forum too for a few days? It may very well just be keeping you in this 'why why why' 'how how how' mode.

 

As much as all this advice is given and is good, at some point, one needs to stop asking other people questions, take the advice they were given into mind, and then start asking themselves questions, and advising themselves, and answering themselves.

 

I really really dont seem to sound harsh, but i think maybe you should seek counselling, some people refuse that idea, FAIR enough, but either seek counselling, or seriously start living your life.

 

Your ex says he is SICK of this. Arent you? So so so so SICK to death of this. Ignor him, and just get away, because it will break you down into a small person, if you carry on this way.

 

I said somewhere in a post, that us dumpees eventually reach a limit... Wheres your limit? a Year? two years? three? Is this posibly a confidence problem? because i find it hard to believe that 6 months of PAIN, and WORRIES, and you still want him back?

 

If you think getting back together is the answer to all this PAIN going away, you are sorely wrong. Getting back together, will make all of these feelings you have, ten times worse. Never ever will you feel better than you feel now. The only satisfaction you will have by getting back together at all will be this 1.) Shew, i got him back in the end.

For what though? Is this maybe a control issue thing at all? Do you feel you need to have him back because you want to, and wont stop fighting till you have what you want?

 

I dont know.... It all seems way to much hard work.

 

I hope this doesnt offend you in anyway, but sometimes people need to be told how it is x (exept you though, hehe, you keep fighting....why?)

 

PS. About this meeting up - Get over it. Move on, Give up, You cant win everything in life. Dont ever speak to this man again. Ever. And dont ask why, dont wonder if you should tell him your not talking to him, dont worry about what he will then say, dont worry about when he will phone again then, STOP THINKING about all these things. Just stop talking to him, and start healing. Whats the difference if you talk to him or not, youre still in misery... So, opt for the No contact thing - atleast then the road ahead is amazing. (the latter im affraid, is a waste of precious life)

 

Take care.

xxx

[never-too-late]

Wow that's harsh... thanks anyway.

[jellytot]

sorry for being harsh

 

its really hard i know, but like, maybe give yourself a 'limit'. Say 2 weeks for example... i dont know.... But step out of yourself for a minute, think along the lines of right, im going to allow myself to feel like this for 2 weeks (or whatever) and thats it. Then, im going to let myself live again happily.

 

Just a question, please be entirely honest with yourself. Do you really think that if you two got back together you would be HAPPY? Some people forget what feeling happy is all about... Forget how much work youve done on yourself, thats on thing... (a good thing.... for a new person and a fresh start) The thing is will you actually feel content with this person if you were to get back together.

 

Would you trust everything HE does. Will you believe him when he says he 'loves you'. Will you not constantly have this worry in your head? Wondering ifs, and whats and whys...

 

If he told you he wants to get back together now, the question that needs to be brutally honestly answered, is will YOU be one hundred percent happy?

 

Somehow, i just doubt it. Dont you think too much has gone on? Im just concerned about you really. Not what you would like, the real you as a human being, and your actual soul!

 

There are people out there who are just SO happy with life. Like full of life. Like my grandparents! Weird man, every meal they have, and every mouthful of food they take, they are 'WOW, THIS IS DELICIOUS, ' MMMM GLORIOUS, CHEERS, like so HAPPY! They walk outside and its like AMAZING. Everything to them is wonderful and amazing.

 

Sometimes i catch myself even. (im not as happy as id like to be) - but i refuse to remain this way... but i catch myself... staring outside at the trees. I love nature, i love the beauty of the world, but iv been so WRAPPED up in my own thoughts, that ive actually been blinded. I havent even been seeing the things i like looking at even thought theyre right in front of my face!

 

I dont want to sit here in a years time, and still not enjoy life fully. What a waste. Im sure you dont either. Life really IS too short. If you think about it really. Touchwood - we get run over by a bus tomorrow - and really, its perfectly possible... We would DIE having had a sh*t life! So consumed by our own thoughts, and not even had the last sniff of a flower, or even appreciating a great view. We need to live each day as if its our last. And thats a very true saying.

 

We can all be those people who walk around just light and breezy without a care in the world. And goodness, dont we want to be. And we dont need to be with a person to feel happy. Being single is the free-ist one will ever be, look at it that way, and its not so bad. Couples are great, only bad thing about relationships is one FORGETS how GREAT life was before they got tied down.

 

So seriously now... will you be happy with this man. If not, then why not go outside grab a leaf, turn it over, and tell yourself you can do this. And do it, draw a line under this paragraph of your life. There is so much out there, and were only wasting time, worrying about things, that we cannot change.

 

Anyways girl, sorry for being harsh,

I just dont want you to spend too much time on this. Being so consumed in all this, were just going to let all these possibilities, that we are blind to, slip away... just be strong, and think with your head, not your heart.

x

x

[never-too-late]

I just do not understand anything. Why is he so mean towards me? It all started this weekend. I texted him on Sunday if we could talk because I missed him and he said he does not need to be there every time I want as we are not together anymore but it was him who wanted to stay in contact? I just do not understand it?

 

The problem is that I booked my ticket to go and meet him a while ago. We had arranged to meet up to talk about everything face to face because over the phone and text messages it's too hard. But in the meantime we have had few arguments where I told him a couple of times I will not come to see him but only to make him react. He did react each time but pretty negative.

 

So now he is like this. He told me last night that he has a problem to digest our arguments more and more and if I am not realising I am driving him completely away. He says he wants a week to decide if we still should meet or not because he says he does not want to continue such arguments and fights. But it's so hard to wait here a week for him to make his mind up. Knowing him I know he will eventually say let's meet but he says he does not have much to say now and he wants to be left alone.

 

But why? I asked him this morning to calm down and that I still want us to meet to talk and why staying angry but he replied and said to leave him alone and that he needs the week to decide. He says I am too much for him So now I am here wondering why does he hate me so much and why is he so angry and why is he blocking me out and why does he need the whole week to think?

 

ah im not well about this and I am weaker to keep no contact with him as I know I have this ticket.

[jellytot]

Look you are like me okay. Except, i know exactly how wrong i am.

 

When i do little contact with my ex, and we chat... What do i do? I cause an argument. Why, because i just have so many questions running through my head, but it ANNOYS him so much, we end up fighting, and yes, that will drive them away.

 

They dont want to fight. Like me, you seem to speak before you think. I tend to just blab, and then regret it later. If i hadnt carried on this way IN the relationship, it never would have ended in the first place. So to think that now, whilst we are 'seeing what happens' that blabbing is a good thing, is just a stupid idea. It will drive them away, and even more easily, why, because they now do not have this 'commitment' so can quite simply say, ive had enough, goodbye.

 

So, i dont know if whats happened for you is too late now... but you will see.

 

I can only suggest ONE thing. And that is to get happy. It seems like you cant let go of past issues. Why are you arguing? About what? I bet it has something to do with questions, and talking about the relationship.....

 

This is whats happened with me, TONIGHT. For a week, ive had questions in my head, blah di blah, tonight for the first time, me and my ex, got them out the way. Much to his annoyance, but it had to be done. Now ITS DONE. I must not, and cannot, question anything again. I have to let go.

 

When we speak in future, it HAS to be of good fun things. NO MORE questions and arguments, thats why people leave. So why do the same things that annoy eachother, when you are chatting? Its just shooting yourself in the foot.

 

So, what were these arguments about? and why did you argue?

 

(ps... you can always pm me if you want to, i dont mind xx)

[savoie]

i know that you are having a difficult time accepting things. you want to stay in this place or else you would be taking measures to help yourself. he is not doing anything to you - you are creating drama in a situation that primarily exists in your mind. you don't seem to take what he says seriously. trust seems to be a significant problem for you.

 

i believe that if i comment or address your posts at this point that it is detrimental to you - i would be enabling you to continue in a behavioral pattern that is extremely unhealthy and not based on reality.

 

the relationship has run its course. it has been over for a long time now. i am sorry that you feel bad. stay where you are as long as you like - but until you take responsibility for your feelings and stop blaming him for how you feel (good and bad) you are going to repeat these relationship problems with someone else.

 

maybe this guy is a total jerk. if he is - learn to choose better. we teach people how to treat us. more importantly we choose our surroundings. get yourself to an emotional healthy frame of mind and not only will you attract other healthy minded people but you will deter those who are not.

 

the bottom line here is the fact that seeking relationship advice at this stage is very unhealthy for you. do you find comfort in misery? if so, i recommend figuring that out.

 

When i was in the blues with my relationship gone south, i pulled myself together and started volunteering for various causes. i still did alot of introspective work on myself - some with respect to the relationship - but mostly on me and what makes me tick. volunteering took that exhaustive, sad focus off of myself once and a while. gradually - i came out of my shell and realized that there was a hell of alot more to life than pulling the covers over my head for days at a time.

 

Like I said before - I hope that you find peace soon.

[never-too-late]

After reading your advice, I finally took the courage and sent him a message and told him that I am not going to see him anymore even if I have a ticket booked and that I cannot continue anymore and I need to move on and forget and I cannot bear this anymore. I cried myself to sleep after I sent him and I thought to myself "ok that's it now, I now need to be strong and move on and start a new life". But a couple of hours later, he sent me a message saying that it's too painful to hear that and that he was just protecting himself after the arguments and that he wants us to meet and that it's too painful to imagine if there should be another guy in my life. The next day, yesterday he wrote to me again asking me to tell him the truth if there is someone else and that he could not sleep and that he is sick. I replied and told him that there is noone and that even if there is a guy interested, I am not interested back. He said if we can still meet so we are meeting to talk next month. He said he still cares for me a lot and he wants us to have nice time when we meet there is a possibility for us to re-consider in the future if the circumtances of the distance change. He said now with the long-distance getting back together is out of the question. I am nervous meeting him but I know we both need to do that and to talk about everything. But after that I really need to move on but I am not really sure how to tell him because I know he gets all upset when I try to walk away.

[karvala]

He wants the best of both worlds, and it's not surprising since for a good few months now, that's what you've been giving him. He wants time and space, and more pertinently a regular ego trip at your expense with his constant walking away, but at the same time he wants you to stick around so that he can continue this gratification. It's sickening to see, and it's sickening that you're still letting him do it.

 

Let's be clear about one thing: he has been, and he is continuing to be, emotionally abusive towards you. But you've been enabling this behaviour of his, and you have to stop, so that he forced to take a more reasonable approach.

 

If he wants a relationship with you, it's got to be a real, non-abusive one. To be honest, I don't think he wants that, or indeed is capable of that, but if you're not yet convinced and ready to walk away, then lay it on the line and test it for yourself. If you're going to talk to him again, and note that this isn't a recommendation from me that you should, then you should make it quite clear what is and isn't acceptable for you (and his being emotionally unavailable and completely indifferent to your feelings should be clearly not acceptable), and that if he isn't capable of delivering this all the time, then you would like not to hear from him ever again, and he won't hear from you ever again. If he is capable of delivering this, it's time for him to step up to the plate and start doing it.

 

If you let him abuse you, he will. He's shown that. Either ditch him, or bring him permanently into line. Don't let him talk his way back into your life, and then continue with the pattern of abuse that's happened until now.

 

Finally, don't meet him unless there is a possibility that you want him to continue in your life. A meeting without that possibility would be an exercise in pointless pain, and likely to result in a continuation of the situation that's existed so far, which is good for him, but bad for you.

[savoie]

oy.......i am without words. my question to you is do either of you ever mean or do what you say? how can you have a relationship not knowing what the other really means/wants/thinks? how can you really respect one another when you don't stick to your word?

 

forget about advice from anyone else. you have to be true to yourself. whatever you feel is right for you......you will do. it may or may not lead to the outcome you desire - but whatever it is......it is a life lesson the universe is showing to you........and it will repeat until you see things clearly.

[jellytot]

I have to agree with NOVO above... sorry....

 

You should not meet up with him. There is nothing more to talk about? What would you talk about? Because getting together is not going to work, so what? You will just be prolonging this moving on time....

 

Just ignore it. Be done. He will hurt you again. After you talk i guarantee you will be here talking about how sad you are, so why????????? Why dont you just turn it around - hurt him back - as daft as that may sound.

 

Youre going to hurt if you do, or if you dont meet up with him. definitely. Equally. So why not just leave this as it is, knowing that you stood YOUR ground, and atleast be sad, knowing that woohoo, he hurts too.

 

Please dont meet up with him, I seriously cant see the point in that.

 

Please tell me what the point may be? And, its not for your own closure, because, i dont think you will ever get the closure you want, or are looking for, its a neverending circle, that youre allowing yourself to be in....

 

I wish i could just throw you into some exotic island and make you happy

 

I cant, but really, dont meet him, it WILL pull you back, just a few steps, that you actually dont need...

[JadedStar]

I woke up this morning feeling this emptiness and this confusion.

 

How could he move on so fast when only a couple of weeks ago he was still begging me to talk to him and that he needs me and now he is telling me he does not need me.

 

I really feel like he has met someone else but he just won't tell me.

 

I can almost guarantee you 99% he has met someone else. He has pretty much given you EVERY clue except come right out and told you. All he has to do is dangle the sligthest thing like call you 'my dear' and he knows you will keep coming bakc.

 

You need to stop this being a doormat deal now never-too-late.

 

It is never too late to late to take control back of your life. This thread is painful to read because most of us cannot believe how long you have clung onto a shred of hope. I think it is pretty clear after six months there is no hope left.

 

You are going to destroy yourself completely if you have not already if you do not end this. THIS IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP. It is not even a friendship because friendship is not a one way street like this one.

 

jellytot was not being harsh. She was being kind, very kind, by giving you the real deal as she is seeing it here, much the same way many others are seeing it. You can't because you are too close to the muck and mire.

[JadedStar]

"we teach people how to treat us" is a favorite quote of mine i have said many times on these forums and it certainly applies here.

 

Savoie gives you a good post never too late. This relationship is over. It has run its course. You are extremely co dependent at this point and I think you really should see a counselor if not already.

 

If i were one of your girlfriends I'd have to tell you go get a grip and move on from this. It is damaging. It's gone on so long it is no longer his fault becaue you are ALLOWING this to continue. There is no way a man could respect a woman who allows herself to be treated with such disrespect, and no i am not saying he deserves a shred of respect either because he doesn't.

[never-too-late]

I came here to ask for help and support! It's been my first day of NC.

 

I met him last weekend and we did spend a nice weekend. At first it was very strange between us as he was a little distant but then I told him that I came to see him so if he wants to stay distant with me, it'd be shame as it may be the last time I see him. And then we did have a nice time. He took me out, we talked about our situation and it certainly helped us to be able to discuss things face to face rather than on the phone or by email. It has made such difference to see the person's face.

 

Basically I wanted to make the situation clear between us so I asked him few questions to clarify it for myself. He explained to me that he does not want to have a long-distance relationship as it does not make him happy and he was also too scared for me to move closer to him as he was fearing that we would not be able to survive as a couple. He said that he is trying to convince himself that it's for be the best to end the relationship and to move on but he says he cannot help worrying he will loose me and he may regret it later if he realises that I am the girl for him. He says he is not sure about many things but he is sure he does not want to have a long-distance relationship anymore. He said that he cares for me still a lot and he likes me.

 

So I told him if the relationship is over and he is moving on, I need to do the same. I said to him that because of the way I feel towards him, I need to cut all contact with him and try to move on without him. I said to him that if I stay in contact with him, I might not be able to move on. He said that he understands and he wants to respect my choice to cut all contact but he says that he's too sad to think that he would never ever be able to see me or talk to me again. But I explained to him why I need to have NC with him. He seems to understand it. He said that maybe one day we can get together again but I told him that I cannot wait for something that may not happen. I said that I am not happy doing this but I feel like I have to.

 

The thing is when we met last weekend, we were behaving as a couple. We were basically doing things as if we have never broken up. We were hugging each other, holding our hands, kissing, watching a movie together in each other's arms, basically as before.. and then when I had to leave him, saying good bye it was too hard for me as I knew that in the end it was only a weekend. So I told him that as much as I enjoyed it with him and it really was a nice weekend, I cannot be in this situation anymore. This was last night and he said that he respects it and we agreed that we won't contact each other. He said that he hopes we can re-new our contact after a while but I am not sure with the history we have that I can be his friend. Moreover, I cannot imagine and I would not want to face the fact that he could meet someone new. I would rather not know about it.

 

I realised that we are so much better when we meet face to face. But we could not make it closer to each other. I am so sad about it. But he chose to leave me, to end it, to move on without me and he told me yesterday that sometimes he is looking for the perfect girl, the ideal and he is not sure he is doing the right thing by doing that. I feel not good enough in this case

 

I just wanted to know if you think cutting all contact for good could result of not having the chance of being with that person again. I worry that if we loose contact, we might loose our feelings. We might not be ever together again. Do you think it's a risk?

[jellytot]

Hey there,

 

There are no feelings. Not enough feelings on his half anyway. If there were, he would be trying to make it work. He told you he is looking for a perfect girl, but sometimes he wonders if thats the right thing to do. That is him basically saying to you, 'you are not good enough for me now, but one day you may be if i dont find anything better'......

 

This guy is an IDIOT! BUT BUT BUT - youre letting him be one!

 

Its good that you met him face to face, closure, complete, done. Im glad that happened.

 

But this must be it now. NO MORE.

 

He WILL contact you - even though he said he wouldnt - WHY? - because he has NO RESPECT for you. But the sad thing is also, if he actually DOESNT contact you - its because he is happy not to.

 

I dont think the two of you could be together again, sorreeee

 

Feelings in this case will only be known in atleast a YEAR of no contact here.

 

One bit of contact before a years up, and its OVER FOREVER.

 

I know a year seems long, but its not. Its taken you six months, and still you are the same sadness as you were on day one.

 

So, In a years time, with NO CONTACT i think that you will possibly have gotten over this.... but only if you DO NOT talk in that time.

 

I really dont like to say this, but i doubt you will stick to this. Why did you allow him to 'act' like your boyfriend????

 

Love doesnt die, so no contact will never kill it. Thats the truth.

 

You HAVE to stick to this, and i mean really. Block his number - dont delete it because im sure you know it off by heart. BLOCK IT. Get rid of email addresses, etc - change your landline, if you have to... but do it if you cannot have the self control to stick to no contact.

 

What do you do? What are your hobbies? What other boys are in you life? Where do your friends hang out?

 

Need to get out there and meet new people or catch up with the old. Right now i think youre just wallowing - i may be wrong - correct me if i am....

 

But seriously, you shouldnt have gone on this trip, ok, you did, but what answers did you get? NONE. He still doesnt want to be with you, but he got what he wanted - and that was a visit from you.

 

So its time for you to see how bad this person is for you. He and only HE is making you down - solution - get rid of the HE... FOREVER. So that YOU can focus on you.

xxx

[savoie]

well - i sincerely hope that this meeting has brought the closure that you need. it is normal to still have feelings of hope especially after so many months of hanging on to threads. i agree with jelly. you need to move on. he is confused as is to be expected - there are few heartless people out there who enjoy breaking up with someone. i think it is harder to do the breaking up than to be broken up with. you feel responsible for hurt feelings on both sides. i wouldn't place too much weight on his "what if" scenarios. he hurts too - he feels bad. he probably wishes he hadn't caused you this pain......it is a large burden to carry.........he feels guilty.

 

the one thing that i notice is how you are no longer blaming him. bravo. you seem to be accepting where you are now. i think it is still very painful for you so you are fighting that by trying to resist the reality........and give yourself false hope......but it is normal.

 

please move on with your life. focus on getting yourself back to a happy state where you depend on only yourself for happiness. when you are able to do that someone will come along and compliment what you already find beautiful and wonderful about your life.

 

look at this as a new beginning for you!

[JadedStar]

Yeah, even jerks have a hard time ending relationships.

 

Like savoie, I hope you finally got the closure you need.

 

Yes you came here for support but some of us see giving you our realistic view of this situation AS OUR WAY of providing support. And hopefully it is working as you are slowly seeing this for what it really is. Of course you can see him and act as a couple becuase he knows you will be gone soon and there is no expressed intent of a commitment at all.

 

yes, NC is your best bet in this situation.

[bubblyblonde11]

Hey Never

 

Good luck I do hope that this was the step you needed to gain your closure, stay strong, you know you can do it and that its for the best for YOU.

 

You'll be fine.

 

Take care

 

xxxxx

[never-too-late]

I came here to vent and to get some help and support. I really miss him and I am sad that the relationship is over. I had to tell him 2 days ago that even if I still love him, I need to move on and forget and the only way I can do this is by cutting all contact with him. I was being nice about it. He sent me a beautiful email back telling him how sad he is, and that he is so scared of making a mistake and that he is scared he might not be able to come back to me one day as I might meet someone else. He said that he is scared he is going to loose me forever. However, he said that he is not ready to try again as we are far from each other and it would again cause the same problems. He said not to forget him. I am afraid that now it's completely over and we are never going to be together again. Do you think cutting all contact will kill all feelings between us? But I feel much stronger when doing it, even though I wish I could be with him but he did not want to continue our relationship anymore.

 

Do you think cutting all contact with the other person means that you will kill all your feelings and will kill all of the possibilities to get back together in the future?