jellytot

Hey there, There are no feelings. Not enough feelings on his half anyway. If there were, he would be trying to make it work. He told you he is looking for a perfect girl, but sometimes he wonders if thats the right thing to do. That is him basically saying to you, 'you are not good enough for me now, but one day you may be if i dont find anything better'...... This guy is an IDIOT! BUT BUT BUT - youre letting him be one! Its good that you met him face to face, closure, complete, done. Im glad that happened. But this must be it now. NO MORE. He WILL contact you - even though he said he wouldnt - WHY? - because he has NO RESPECT for you. But the sad thing is also, if he actually DOESNT contact you - its because he is happy not to. I dont think the two of you could be together again, sorreeee Feelings in this case will only be known in atleast a YEAR of no contact here. One bit of contact before a years up, and its OVER FOREVER. I know a year seems long, but its not. Its taken you six months, and still you are the same sadness as you were on day one. So, In a years time, with NO CONTACT i think that you will possibly have gotten over this.... but only if you DO NOT talk in that time. I really dont like to say this, but i doubt you will stick to this. Why did you allow him to 'act' like your boyfriend???? Love doesnt die, so no contact will never kill it. Thats the truth. You HAVE to stick to this, and i mean really. Block his number - dont delete it because im sure you know it off by heart. BLOCK IT. Get rid of email addresses, etc - change your landline, if you have to... but do it if you cannot have the self control to stick to no contact. What do you do? What are your hobbies? What other boys are in you life? Where do your friends hang out? Need to get out there and meet new people or catch up with the old. Right now i think youre just wallowing - i may be wrong - correct me if i am.... But seriously, you shouldnt have gone on this trip, ok, you did, but what answers did you get? NONE. He still doesnt want to be with you, but he got what he wanted - and that was a visit from you. So its time for you to see how bad this person is for you. He and only HE is making you down - solution - get rid of the HE... FOREVER. So that YOU can focus on you. xxx

I have to agree with NOVO above... sorry.... You should not meet up with him. There is nothing more to talk about? What would you talk about? Because getting together is not going to work, so what? You will just be prolonging this moving on time.... Just ignore it. Be done. He will hurt you again. After you talk i guarantee you will be here talking about how sad you are, so why????????? Why dont you just turn it around - hurt him back - as daft as that may sound. Youre going to hurt if you do, or if you dont meet up with him. definitely. Equally. So why not just leave this as it is, knowing that you stood YOUR ground, and atleast be sad, knowing that woohoo, he hurts too. Please dont meet up with him, I seriously cant see the point in that. Please tell me what the point may be? And, its not for your own closure, because, i dont think you will ever get the closure you want, or are looking for, its a neverending circle, that youre allowing yourself to be in.... I wish i could just throw you into some exotic island and make you happy I cant, but really, dont meet him, it WILL pull you back, just a few steps, that you actually dont need...

Look you are like me okay. Except, i know exactly how wrong i am. When i do little contact with my ex, and we chat... What do i do? I cause an argument. Why, because i just have so many questions running through my head, but it ANNOYS him so much, we end up fighting, and yes, that will drive them away. They dont want to fight. Like me, you seem to speak before you think. I tend to just blab, and then regret it later. If i hadnt carried on this way IN the relationship, it never would have ended in the first place. So to think that now, whilst we are 'seeing what happens' that blabbing is a good thing, is just a stupid idea. It will drive them away, and even more easily, why, because they now do not have this 'commitment' so can quite simply say, ive had enough, goodbye. So, i dont know if whats happened for you is too late now... but you will see. I can only suggest ONE thing. And that is to get happy. It seems like you cant let go of past issues. Why are you arguing? About what? I bet it has something to do with questions, and talking about the relationship..... This is whats happened with me, TONIGHT. For a week, ive had questions in my head, blah di blah, tonight for the first time, me and my ex, got them out the way. Much to his annoyance, but it had to be done. Now ITS DONE. I must not, and cannot, question anything again. I have to let go. When we speak in future, it HAS to be of good fun things. NO MORE questions and arguments, thats why people leave. So why do the same things that annoy eachother, when you are chatting? Its just shooting yourself in the foot. So, what were these arguments about? and why did you argue? (ps... you can always pm me if you want to, i dont mind xx)

sorry for being harsh its really hard i know, but like, maybe give yourself a 'limit'. Say 2 weeks for example... i dont know.... But step out of yourself for a minute, think along the lines of right, im going to allow myself to feel like this for 2 weeks (or whatever) and thats it. Then, im going to let myself live again happily. Just a question, please be entirely honest with yourself. Do you really think that if you two got back together you would be HAPPY? Some people forget what feeling happy is all about... Forget how much work youve done on yourself, thats on thing... (a good thing.... for a new person and a fresh start) The thing is will you actually feel content with this person if you were to get back together. Would you trust everything HE does. Will you believe him when he says he 'loves you'. Will you not constantly have this worry in your head? Wondering ifs, and whats and whys... If he told you he wants to get back together now, the question that needs to be brutally honestly answered, is will YOU be one hundred percent happy? Somehow, i just doubt it. Dont you think too much has gone on? Im just concerned about you really. Not what you would like, the real you as a human being, and your actual soul! There are people out there who are just SO happy with life. Like full of life. Like my grandparents! Weird man, every meal they have, and every mouthful of food they take, they are 'WOW, THIS IS DELICIOUS, ' MMMM GLORIOUS, CHEERS, like so HAPPY! They walk outside and its like AMAZING. Everything to them is wonderful and amazing. Sometimes i catch myself even. (im not as happy as id like to be) - but i refuse to remain this way... but i catch myself... staring outside at the trees. I love nature, i love the beauty of the world, but iv been so WRAPPED up in my own thoughts, that ive actually been blinded. I havent even been seeing the things i like looking at even thought theyre right in front of my face! I dont want to sit here in a years time, and still not enjoy life fully. What a waste. Im sure you dont either. Life really IS too short. If you think about it really. Touchwood - we get run over by a bus tomorrow - and really, its perfectly possible... We would DIE having had a sh*t life! So consumed by our own thoughts, and not even had the last sniff of a flower, or even appreciating a great view. We need to live each day as if its our last. And thats a very true saying. We can all be those people who walk around just light and breezy without a care in the world. And goodness, dont we want to be. And we dont need to be with a person to feel happy. Being single is the free-ist one will ever be, look at it that way, and its not so bad. Couples are great, only bad thing about relationships is one FORGETS how GREAT life was before they got tied down. So seriously now... will you be happy with this man. If not, then why not go outside grab a leaf, turn it over, and tell yourself you can do this. And do it, draw a line under this paragraph of your life. There is so much out there, and were only wasting time, worrying about things, that we cannot change. Anyways girl, sorry for being harsh, I just dont want you to spend too much time on this. Being so consumed in all this, were just going to let all these possibilities, that we are blind to, slip away... just be strong, and think with your head, not your heart. x x

Hi Never-too-late, I have not read the entire post, but have been following it somewhat. Like Jadedstar mentioned, this has been going on for 6 months now! And im sorry to break this news to you but this relationship is DOOMED. Finished. It will never happen, you two will NEVER be happy together, you will NEVER trust eachother, and really, you are both simply a rash to eachother. No matter whos right or whos wrong, someone, should have by now, had some sort of 'tolerence' level tested, and GIVEN UP ENTIRELY. I dont mean to sound nasty at all, but this is NEVER GOING TO WORK OUT. Had the two of you, gone no contact when this had started, MONTHS ago, and maybe decided to meet up now, 6 months later, then MAYBE, things would be more positive. Buy you guys have been MISERABLE for all this time. Six months of misery, why? Why are you allowing yourself to hold on like this? Who cares if he's met someone else? In-fact, what would it take him doing, to finally actually piss you off enough, that you just LET GO? Is it him sleeping with someone else that you just CANT handle? You are DWELLING on this too much i think, and this post has been going on for ages now. Maybe you should stay away from this forum too for a few days? It may very well just be keeping you in this 'why why why' 'how how how' mode. As much as all this advice is given and is good, at some point, one needs to stop asking other people questions, take the advice they were given into mind, and then start asking themselves questions, and advising themselves, and answering themselves. I really really dont seem to sound harsh, but i think maybe you should seek counselling, some people refuse that idea, FAIR enough, but either seek counselling, or seriously start living your life. Your ex says he is SICK of this. Arent you? So so so so SICK to death of this. Ignor him, and just get away, because it will break you down into a small person, if you carry on this way. I said somewhere in a post, that us dumpees eventually reach a limit... Wheres your limit? a Year? two years? three? Is this posibly a confidence problem? because i find it hard to believe that 6 months of PAIN, and WORRIES, and you still want him back? If you think getting back together is the answer to all this PAIN going away, you are sorely wrong. Getting back together, will make all of these feelings you have, ten times worse. Never ever will you feel better than you feel now. The only satisfaction you will have by getting back together at all will be this 1.) Shew, i got him back in the end. For what though? Is this maybe a control issue thing at all? Do you feel you need to have him back because you want to, and wont stop fighting till you have what you want? I dont know.... It all seems way to much hard work. I hope this doesnt offend you in anyway, but sometimes people need to be told how it is x (exept you though, hehe, you keep fighting....why?) PS. About this meeting up - Get over it. Move on, Give up, You cant win everything in life. Dont ever speak to this man again. Ever. And dont ask why, dont wonder if you should tell him your not talking to him, dont worry about what he will then say, dont worry about when he will phone again then, STOP THINKING about all these things. Just stop talking to him, and start healing. Whats the difference if you talk to him or not, youre still in misery... So, opt for the No contact thing - atleast then the road ahead is amazing. (the latter im affraid, is a waste of precious life) Take care. xxx