mariab. Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 My boyfriend and I broke up- I have started 2 new threads on this as I still am reeling over him leaving. My question is to the men out there. On our final talk, which I needed for closure he told me that we were over done for good, he wanted to sleep w/ other people, date other people and that although he saw a future w/ us it would not happen for a couple of years (he is younger and I was his first girlfriend and lover) he told me he just wanted to be friends and that we could date but i had to know that he was also going to date other people and that he was going on dates and had hooked up w/ girls already that he was "free". This is the same man that I lived w/, went out w/ for a year and half, that told me that I was his "dream come true, his goddess" that his life started when we met...He showed me all the girls that he has on his myspace page that are interested in him etc. Well, I was hurt and at the end I told him, "call me if you ever miss me or want to date me" he said "I'll always be there for you but don't wait for that call" was he trying to hurt me? I initiated the break and the break-up and when I had second doubts he stood his ground and said he needed time and space and freedom (our relationship was pretty intense) I needed the break too, but expected we were going to part w/ an understanding that we would re-unite eventually and keep in touch minimally. So I was floored, I started no contact (4 days now) and now I am wondering whether he said those things to hurt me or just to tell me the truth. Two weeks ago I was his dream come true, now when I had asked him if he missed me he said "no". Either way I am moving on, I need to for my mental well-being and really have no hopes he will call again. I guess my question is was he trying to hurt me or just tell me the truth and didn't care if he hurt me? I guess my pride is at stake Link to comment
isidore Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 It doesn't much matter if he was trying to hurt you because it seems like he did. At least he's thrown everything out in the open, and you can have no doubt about what he wants- which is a meaningfull relationship with nobody! Just remember that a goddess usually has more than one worshipper come her way. Link to comment
mariab. Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 thanx isidore. ur right. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 it sounds to me that he is trying to be very clear and reinforce for you that he does not want to be your boyfriend anymore... he has moved on and is dating other people... he may just be being blunt, and not intentionally trying to be cruel, just letting you know loud and clear he has moved on and is experiencing other women.. especially if you have tried several times to talk him back into a relationship, and he is finally coming out and just being blunt and letting you know that is it over... i'm sorry, i know that is hard, but i think you have to accept his words and move on... continuing to see him or ask him again will probably just re-open the wound for you... maybe that is what he wants to prevent, your hoping for something he knows he will not do, which is reconcile... so continue with your NC and healing, and don't rely on what he said before, but where his head is now and what he told you... people's feelings do change, and sometimes they keep saying the 'i love you's' long after they really mean it, but just are working up to the breakup and dreading it, so play along until they finally drop the hammer... it feels cruel, but it is better to know what he is really thinking than have hopes that won't pan out... Link to comment
mariab. Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 thanks! I would not want to be in a relationship w/ him again either, its just that i didn't want to lose him...I guess i'll move to the anger stage soon and then acceptance and healing. I hope one day he does miss me and regrets it and by that time i will be over him. (i know it sounds childish to think about the future like that but that is one way i can let go...:sad: Link to comment
mariab. Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 I always felt we would be each other's lives forever and now it seems that it wont happen...how could I ever trust someone that hurt me like that? even friends do not do that.. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 lots of people do fall out of love, or decide they want to break up for whatever reason... it happens to most of us more times than we'd like, but the heart does have an amazing ability to recover and be open to love again, though it does take time... the good news is you don't have to trust HIM again... but you can learn to trust another boyfriend in the future... there is no easy way to break up, so i don't think he's being terrible, i just think that you expected the relationship to work, and it just didn't work out that way... best of luck, move into NC and go forward with your healing, spending time with friends and doing things that help you heal... Link to comment
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