Wife spent the night at another mans house, is this cheating?

[cranbers]

Ok so my wife goes out one night with a girl friend and some other of her friends. She doesn't come home. So the next morning I call her, she was ok she just didn't call me and it got too late to come home so she spent the night there.

 

That day she goes out shopping by herself I guess. Comes home says she wants go out with her friends again.

 

Anyway the next night I find out she is on the phone with some guy and the truth comes out, eventually. She has been seeing this other guy. Saturday night she was at his house, watched a movie, ate chinease food, slept over there.

 

Anyway, point is, what are the odds, she didn't sleep with him? She is very adamient that she didn't sleep with him taht they are just friends she is not attracted to him etc. she was over there because she was depressed and hated me.

 

Anyway I guess I just need the obvious to be told to me. She says nothing happened. I will never know, but as others have said, it looks bad.

 

She finally just admitted this piece of information. Even if she did, have sex with him she won't admit that, simply because it would mean a instant divorce via adultery.

 

So lying about being with him at first, catching her on the phone with him and later forcing her to admit she spent the night at his house. is that enough evidence or proof that she had an affair?

 

Does anyone know, I mean short of having her write it down that she did, or walking in on them, what is considered proof?

[DN]

Actually. in law, that was a prima facie evidence for adultery.

 

I think it still is, whether the courts still recognise it or not.

[NR498E]

I'm so sorry to hear about this.

Sometime's when we are dealt a difficult situation, that involves someone we love,we tend to not see thing's for what they are.

If you can put yourself in my shoes, or the shoes of anyone of the members here reading your post, I think the answer to your question is quite obvious.

That said get an attorney.

[HarleyHunny]

Wife spent the night at another mans house, is this cheating?........what is considered proof?

Answer to the first question is YES. 2nd question, depends on what state you live in. I'd get the advice of an attorney.

[cranbers]

So the simple fact of spending time with him like that and staying at his house, that alone is an affair, or is she required to have sex with him?

 

Now add in the information we haven't had sex in a year. Does that change it even more to a more likley yes she did have sex with him?

[anggrace]

I think that whether she cheated or not, it was wrong of her to stay at some guys house and be decietful about it on top of that. No husband would like that. It was extremely direspectfull of her. Has she even agnoledged that?

[cranbers]

I think that whether she cheated or not, it was wrong of her to stay at some guys house and be decietful about it on top of that. No husband would like that. It was extremely direspectfull of her. Has she even agnoledged that?

 

 

But is the simple fact she was at his house all night with him, is that fact alone cheating? That is all she admitted to doing. I don't know what else is needed. I mean in all honesty our marriage is so horrible anyway, this didn't even hit me by surprise. We don't talk we don't have sex, we are not close. She hates my family etc.

 

So yeah with all that mind, what am I here anyway? guess im too chicken to leave. I don't want ob e alone etc. Granted im not really sharing a life with her. We are room mates that hate each other essentially. but then int he next breath she will she loves me and wants this to work.

[anggrace]

Sounds like you guys need to see a therpist together if you want to save your marriage. Do you want to save it? Or would you like a way out?

[HarleyHunny]

So the simple fact of spending time with him like that and staying at his house, that alone is an affair, or is she required to have sex with him?

 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I would bet the farm she IS having sex with him.....again, get some legal advice. Not every state is the same.....Best of luck to you both.

[RayKay]

Whether she was angry or not; it is NOT reason to seek solace with another man.

 

Whether anything physical happened or not (and I would not go based on what she said to be honest with you....why would she be honest at this point? It is not like she immediately told you in the first place....) yes, for me this WOULD be considered cheating. My boyfriend would definitely consider it cheating if I had done that.

 

Aside from that, it sounds like this marriage is in deep trouble anyway. Maybe it is time to consider either counselling, or moving on, because the fact your wife did this in the first place is more than enough evidence that this marriage is in extreme trouble. I would say if this is the current situation, being single certainly will not make you anymore "alone" then you are...that is a terrible reason to stay with someone whom shows respect and commitment this way.....

[cranbers]

I appreciate those words of advice. I have rationalized being with her for 4 years. Even though our marriage/relationship and everything else is horrible. I for some reason, didn't want to leave her. I mean I do but I don't I guess i can't explain it. I guess being married makes you feel like no matter what happeneds you should stay. There is a certain kind, of comfort being married. 4 years is a long time to be with someone, a certain familiar feeling. Even when everything is horrible that is how it is. But it needs to stop, having a son with her makes it all that much worse.

[annie24]

So the simple fact of spending time with him like that and staying at his house, that alone is an affair, or is she required to have sex with him?

 

Now add in the information we haven't had sex in a year. Does that change it even more to a more likley yes she did have sex with him?

 

cranbers, I think you know the truth deep down - this woman is no good for you. isn't she the mother of your child? what is she doing spending the night at another man's house. I mean, how can she leave her kid at home (along with the husband) and go to another man's house and spend the night? what kind of a mother is she?

 

if they haven't had sex yet, it's only a matter of days.

[yeawutever]

Even if she didn't have sex, that only, secretly spending the night at man's house is cheating. If they're just friends like she's telling you, then she would have already introduce you to him instead of talking crap about you behind your back and then seeking going to his house, while lying to you that she was with female friends.

It's obviously she eitehr having a full-blown affair or it's about to happen, maybe she's done it but will not tell you unless caught red-handed that is. Do gte an attorney or if you want to workit out, marriage counseling is an option, follow by your wife being fully honest.

[lostinwilderness]

So the simple fact of spending time with him like that and staying at his house, that alone is an affair, or is she required to have sex with him?

 

I am really sorry this happened to you. It must really hurt that she lied to you and that she chose to spend the night in another man's house. Weither she actually had physical contact or not I can only imagine that this would be extremely hard for you to deal with. What you know as fact alone would devistate me and the doubt over the rest of the potential is hanging over the top of that.

 

I have no clue about the legal definition of cheating, and any other definition is between you and her. Does she really expect you to be ok with this? Would she be ok if you slept at another woman's and lied about it? Heck would she even be ok if you hung out with another woman, but felt you needed to lie about it? I would not be 'ok' with any of that and it does not seem like you are either.

 

This is beyond a red flag this is a major crises and I believe that you are fully justified for treating it that way. You have some very tough choices ahead of you and I am hoping that you find the stregnth and support to make the ones that are right for you.

[ILovePasta]

Sorry friend, but I GUARANTEE something went down. If they didn't have sex, it was only because he couldn't make it that far... I hate to sound this way, but I'm only stating what most people are already thinking or know.

 

Look at the facts, and look at the general behavior of the relationship partners being referenced on these forums... then look at the outcomes. They cheat and they lie.

 

Point is; people come to these forums because they have a hunch. Hunches are hunches for a reason and the majority of cases have validity. Hence the cliche: TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!

[cranbers]

Thanks everyone I appreciate the posts. I have moved out of the house monday and have applied to an apartment. I have moved in with her parents to get to the bottom of all this, before commmiting to the apartment, I have 30 days to move in before the application expires and I can't move in.

 

She still will not admit she did anything with him. But when questions about specific actions she did that night are asked, like an interogation she immediatley says she won't answer any questions.

 

So with that in mind its even more obvious something happened but I probably will never know. I didn't leave her simply for this, but this was the last straw taht broke the camels back. Our marriage is horrible and there needs to be some change. I hope she now understand the seriousness of what she did. That she will change and this behavior will stop. I have no seconds thoughts or worries about being on my own again. the last several days out from under her rule have been amazing.

I know each day will continue to get better and I made the right decision. I wish I would of done this several years ago, then maybe they would of been so much nicer.

[RayKay]

Wow, cranbers, this I admit was surprising to read!

 

Not because I did not think it SHOULD be done, or something needed to be done, but because I know you have had feedback for a while about various issues and had not yet taken action.

 

I read your other post too where you posted this.

 

I can totally see why this was the last straw; or rather the last-last-last straw. I really question her honesty about that night; or the fact she spent the night there at all.

 

This relationship is toxic, and it certainly is time to do something.

 

I suggest you get a lawyer to consult with ASAP.

[cranbers]

The worst thing though is that she is having some issues with melanoma skin cancer right now. So there is the possiblity of her dying from this. Now add that boat load of guilt. It is the biggest amount of pressure anyone or anything could put on you.

 

what would you do in that situation?