Yvette84 Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 So...my birthday is tuesday and my ex (who I was with for 5 years) wants to take me to dinner. We are really good friends. My current boyfriend knows that we're friends still but we never hang out. is it ok to say "hey I'm going out to dinner with my ex???" or should I tell my ex I can't. (which seems mean because he's ALWAYS there for me) I get really jealous of my bf and other girls from his past so I don't wanna seem like it's ok for me to do it and not him. But it's different because this guy has been like family for a while. The girls I get jealous about are just random girls he slept with that stayed friends. Link to comment
LittleLion24 Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 Would you want your boyfriend going out to dinner with his Ex to celebrate his birthday? If the answer is NO--then there's your answer. End of discussion. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 If it was just any normal day, I'd say see how your boyfriend feels and then go from there. But it's your birthday, shouldn't you want to spend it with your current boyfriend and not your ex? Link to comment
Yvette84 Posted January 13, 2007 Author Share Posted January 13, 2007 If it was just any normal day, I'd say see how your boyfriend feels and then go from there. But it's your birthday, shouldn't you want to spend it with your current boyfriend and not your ex? I will be with my bf on my b-day. the thing with my ex would be before or after the actual day. Link to comment
Reluctant Rebuilder Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I'm sorry to say this but even if you think his ex gfs are nothing but disposable people and your ex is like family, you are still introducing a double standard. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 If you said, " My boyfriend hangs out with his exes and female friends and I am fine with it".... then I would have said "Sure! go ahead... its great that you're good friends" but since you said you do NOT like your boyf hanging out with his exes then I would say no.. or go out with him.. but don't call it a birthday dinner... go out for a coffee in the middle of the day when you are running errands maybe.. Link to comment
Yvette84 Posted January 13, 2007 Author Share Posted January 13, 2007 I'm sorry to say this but even if you think his ex gfs are nothing but disposable people and your ex is like family, you are still introducing a double standard. Well I mean, if he was in my situation I'd be understanding of it, but not the situation he has been in. It's totally different. Link to comment
DN Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 No matter which way you slice and dice it - it is still a double standard and even if your boyfriend seems to be ok with the idea it could still come back to bite you. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 No matter which way you slice and dice it - it is still a double standard and even if your boyfriend seems to be ok with the idea it could still come back to bite you. I agree. I think you need to decide now if it's ok for you to get a friendly lunch with an ex. because then it is ok for him to do the same thing. or, if you are against him spending any time with exes, then you have to go with the same rules. Link to comment
daredevil Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 As long as you wouldn't like your boyfriend to do it if you were in his shoes then I suggest you call it off, and sometimes going out for a dinner with an ex sends the wrong signals, both to your bf but also to the ex Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 my cousin stayed sort of distant friends with her ex, even after she got married (they had the same group of friends so they couldn't really avoid each other). when her ex came into town and asked my cousin to lunch, she invited me to go along too so I went with them. I think my coming along was to send the message to both her ex and her husband that this was a friendly lunch, not a date. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I would NOT do a one on one dinner - sends the wrong signals to the ex and to your boyfriend. Coffee, lunch or a dinner where your ex is there but it is a group event, including your boyfriend. You can have your birthday cake and eat it too. .. but not at dinner. Link to comment
Juliana Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 No, I wouldn't. Unless you can extend the same to your boyfriend, it really sends a weird signal. Link to comment
tictactoe2006 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 I am of course a bit biased, but it would totally freak me out. Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I do think it is a bit odd since you haven't agreed with your bf about whether both of you are comfortable with being friends with and hanging out alone with exes. I think it is a discussion worth having though so you both can finally clear things up and have the same "rules" for both people in the relationship. For now, why not make the meeting with your ex a group thing...why not invite some mutual friends and all go out to dinner to celebrate? Link to comment
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