THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[macgyver4ever]

Day 9

 

I have a BIG interview in a few hours. I'm very excited for it. I'm leaving for a bachelor party in Minneapolis right afterward with some friends, so I have an exciting weekend planned. Things have been better, and I feel like I am making good progress. Things are looking up, and I couldn't be more excited for what the future holds. Good things WILL happen to me.

 

I have a coffee date on Monday. Real sweet girl. I'm excited to meet her.

 

I might not be on for a few days, so don't get scared.

 

 

Today I feel: Nervous, Excited, Confident, Upbeat, and Anxious.

[papalazarou]

Day 9

 

I have a BIG interview in a few hours.

 

I have a coffee date on Monday. Real sweet girl. I'm excited to meet her.

 

I might not be on for a few days, so don't get scared.

 

 

Good luck Mac with both of them!!!!

[BrokenHeart82]

Day 21 since I contacted, day 11 since he texted me....

 

I had to stop myself from looking at his myspace last night..it will only serve to set me back and hurt me....NO MYSPACE.

 

Still want to but cant seem to bring myself to make my myspace friends only viewable...I feel like that would shut the door on us forever.

[thelonelydoll]

NO MYSPACE!!!!

 

I had mine set to "friends only" while I was actually still in the relationship, and had my own fiance blocked. As soon as I thought, "oh, well, we're over now" and un-did the "friends only" setting, he updated his profile with a bunch of b.s. Mine is back to private now - and I wish he would do the same. I want to shut the door on us - and especially the myspace door! Every single day is a challenge NOT to look at his profile - the last time I checked was 12 days ago, and every single day when I'm tempted I come here instead. But I'm still tempted - every single day!

 

It's 31 days since I saw him/the end of the relationship; 28 days since we had the last text contact; 12 days since I looked at his myspace page.

 

Yesterday I cried for the first time since it ended. Today I'm back to anger/bitterness. I don't much like feeling bitter, it's unlike me - but frankly, it's better than crying over this piece of sh*t.

 

BrokenHeart: do yourself a favor and change your myspace privacy setting. If you think you might still get back together in the future, you can always change it back later. But for now - shut that door.

[papalazarou]

Its well documented.

 

But myspace really should be ignored. I mean whats it for? Really.

 

SD has said he hates myspace. I have to agree. Its easy to lie in cyberspace.

[houdini]

Day 52....

 

I have my good and bad days. Seem as if lately I'm having the bad days but I'm hoping the better days are just arround the corner. I think the whole part of this breakup that gets me is how a person can trash 5+yrs of a relationship down the drain and want to start over especially at the age of 34, 3 kids with 2 different fathers! It's still a mystery to me and what logic she is using.

 

Houdini

[bear12]

day 29 of round two (hopefully my facebook debacle doesn't count- i don't think it should-) tomorrow will be day 30, i guess, but that seems like such an arbitrary number, i'm so far from "over it."

 

anyway, i was having a really, really hard time the last couple of days and today is a bit better, but the weekends are always really hard, so we'll see how the rest of it goes.

 

i sitll miss him A TON, but at least i'm at the point where if he wanted to get back together i'd have to think about it for a while and make sure he really was going to make some major changes in the way our relationship works. not that i ever expect that opp. to arise, but i guess it's the first step in hopefully not wanting him back at all, right?

[andy5128]

Day 15 for me I think.. Was feeling pretty good about things but then went out 2 nights ago with a former female work colleague I had not seen in 5 years.. Well had a nice time and do plan to see her again soon. It was just weird as the next day I felt lousy and could not stop thinking about my ex.. maybe a little bit of guilt as seeing someone a few months after I split with my ex gf even though it was her who dumped me! I think mostly it was because my feelings for her are still so strong and maybe I didnt realise.. Anyway any thoughts on this.. I do plan to see this girl again as I do like her but maybe I need to be honest with her that just ready for friends right now as would still go back with my ex if she gave me the opportunity.. What do you think??

[darkpumpkin]

Ok finally been broken up the start of NC challenge. It is April 12/2007 @ 12:22pm and I will nto contact my ex.

 

I am not going to wait around for him.

[supercalifragilistic]

day 10, round 2

 

I don't feel depressed or anything, not about life in general. I have lots of great things happening now, I can feel very happy when I'm not thinking about him, when I am I do get a little bit sad sometimes. I'm happy about all the happy moments, but I kind wish I could have those moments back. Oh well, maybe one day or maybe better with somebody else. But now I'm back to dreaming about him, which I hate. Some parts of the dream we're still together, some we're not but I break NC. Or try to call him only to find out his number isn't in my phone anymore (which it true) and there's no way to contact him at all. That part isn't true in real life, because there's email, his mom's phone number is in my cell, if I get an old phone bill I can see his number. Argh. I don't know what that's supposed to mean, I just wish I'd dream about something else that didn't include him at all. In my dream there was a very important reason to contact him. Glad there's none of that in real life.

 

But I'll just keep doing NC. I have no need to break it really. No reason to do that. And even though I wish he'd want me back, I'm not ready for that. I think I might not be strong enough to say no or ask to think if he asks me something like that face to face.

[thelonelydoll]

Back to Day One

 

So, I sent a text and got a reply yesterday. I feel like I have a little bit of closure now, and I'm better-equipped to apply NC properly. Not sure if that means I'll be counting the days, though. I feel relieved and much happier about working towards the goals I had in place before I met the ex. I still don't have a sense of full closure, but that can wait, now that I don't have the same sense of urgency. I don't know that I'll ever get the closure I'd like - and if I do, it'll be a good year from now, at least. Now it's really about improving me, and not thinking so much about him, and not focusing on the day count - which is, I suppose, the real goal of NC.

[chris_nos_2007]

Im in man!!!

 

Well after today as i have to go to rpom wit her tonite....lol ya i kno

[andy5128]

Well I guess it is Day 16 as I said 15 yesterday..!

I don't know why as been feeling pretty good of late but feel really fed up today. She's been on my mind alot today, even jumped in the car and went for a drive to the shops just to go and get some new headphones for me Ipod! Just something to do and to take my mind off things I guess..Great headphones though!! lol

 

Well I will have to contact her at some point anyhow as my mobile phone (cell phone for you guys from the US) contract is in her name but comes out of my bank account kinda thing(she offered last year to put in her name as my credit rating sucks!).. I'm surprised she has not mentioned it to be honest as she gets the bills at her address. Just kinda left it though as don't see it as being that important to break NC for that as I need more me time..

[bear12]

day 30 of round 2.

 

woop dee doo. what do i win? ha. no, i realize that day 30 doesn't bring any sort of magical closure, but i wish i would. i'm planning to stay NC until his bday in june when i'll probably send a card, or unless he contacts me first and then i'll have to see how i'm feeling.

 

generally, i'm doing better than before the NC started and, in a lot of ways, i realize that he maybe wasn't the best match for me, but still pretty much every time i do something "fun," i miss him and wish he was there to share the experience with me. ha! it's like i've got this NC thing backwards. when i'm totally bored with nothing to do i don't miss him so much but when i try to occupy myself i miss him even more! weird.

[macgyver4ever]

Day 10

 

I've been ok. Bit of a hangover today. I'm in Minneapolis. I need to refocus. I've been thinking too much about my ex, and that she may be better off with this other guy. I have built him up to be perfect, awesome, and her soulmate. I'm in a "fog" about him as well. I need to let it go. I'm getting there, and know it will be a hard ride to acceptance.

 

My interview went awesome yesterday. I'm pumped.

[Puckdog27]

Day 10

 

I've been ok. Bit of a hangover today. I'm in Minneapolis. I need to refocus. I've been thinking too much about my ex, and that she may be better off with this other guy. I have built him up to be perfect, awesome, and her soulmate. I'm in a "fog" about him as well. I need to let it go. I'm getting there, and know it will be a hard ride to acceptance.

 

My interview went awesome yesterday. I'm pumped.

 

Mac - First of all, dont even wonder about the other guy. He is probably a d**k and will dump her in a few months. Thats generally all relationships ever last 6mos - 1 year is more than the average. Thats why the ones that are long term are so hard to get over, because they are rare. You are dwelling on a person you dont even know. A figment. Forget about him. Forget about her for a while.

[boston23]

Day 5 for me.

 

Yesterday was a tiny bit hard for me. A tiny tiny bit, but nothing like it used to be, this time through the challenge is a TON easier than the first. But I still ended up getting upset and actually crying a little before I went to sleep, which is annoying because I feel like I could've just sucked it up and not cried. But oh well.

 

Ha, so I'm not feeling a huge urge to contact my ex, only a little one. And basically all I would want to tell him if I were to see him is that I "just want to forget you exist." Ugh. Haha, it's a little silly to go out of my way to get in contact with him to tell him that I wish he wasn't in my life at all, when he's not in it in the firstplace.

 

Oh, and I ran into the roommate I lived with when I lived with my ex (there were 3 of us in the apartment). I could have easily pretended not to see her, but then I think I ended up saying hi...and I think really the only reason I did end up talking to her was because she's his roommate still. Ugh. Well, at least I'm being honest wiht myself.

 

So basically I'm not as hurt about all of this but it still sucks. And I still want to contact him and I want him to contact me. Ugh.

 

Oh, and the guy who I met a couple of weeks ago has continued to ask me out. Seriously, this guy has some perseverance. He seems nice, so one of these days I'll definitely have to go out with him. This whole breaking up thing makes me want to never have another relationship though.

[bear12]

actually, i'd like to change my i'm doing okay sort of post to a i'm miserable sort of post... good god, what's my deal??!!! why can't i get over him??!!!

[misskitty]

^^ bear 12 I understand that completely.

 

DAY 4

 

Yesterday was great until I had to go to bed. I was up until 2 am thinking about everything. I was thinking of things that maybe I could of done differently so he wouldnt get so angry with me all the time. I cried, cried and cried. I know that his behaviour and abuse towards me was in no way my fault. I know I didn't do anything to deserve to be physically/emotianlly abused they way I was. It is just sometimes I keep thinking just maybe, there was something I did and my mind starts to run in circles.

 

I am hoping tonight I will be able to sleep normally again. I took myslef on a 2 mile hike to try and wear myself out. It made me feel alot better and the hike was beautiful. It was nice to get out of the concrete and be in nature.

[SuperDave71]

Just Checking in with you guys!!

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Rosie007]

day 30 of round 2.

 

woop dee doo. what do i win? ha. no, i realize that day 30 doesn't bring any sort of magical closure, but i wish i would. i'm planning to stay NC until his bday in june when i'll probably send a card, or unless he contacts me first and then i'll have to see how i'm feeling.

 

Congratulations, Bear! I'm so happy for you!!

 

I reckon you win the knowledge that you can count on you to take care of you. That's pretty important in my book, because with that knowledge comes the fact that you can make it through difficult times.

 

This is important -- to me, at least -- because I shy away from potentially painful situations, which could equal the understatement of the world. It took me 44 years to get into my first relationship. I was so hurt in my childhood, I didn't dare allow myself to be vulnerable to another until last year. Sure, I would have loved to hit a home run on my first attempt to love, my first attempt to open my heart to another, but it seems my Higher Power has other plans for me. And so I will push on ... especially as I don't see any other choices. I want a partner. A lover. My man.

[nilli]

Hi Rosy,

 

I just wanted to thank you for indirectly helping me with your post. What you wrote about feeling negative feelings was really insightful for me. I especially loved the highlighted phrases. So true.

 

thanks!

[Rosie007]

Day 61

 

I've been so busy this week, I haven't even had time to read all the posts here until now. I've tried. But my head has ached too much or I've been so desperately in need of sleep. I really felt cheated, but it's the choice I made to dedicate myself to the success of the project the way I have. Can't keep going at this pace and I'm tired of working so hard. Yesterday (Saturday) I was in the office for 6 hours, after having worked approx. 65 hours during the week. I've been working a bit this morning and have some more today before I leave for a birthday party. Launch is targeted for tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

 

I actually almost quit on Tuesday, I was so angry about something that kept happening and was preventing me from doing my job effectively, that I walked out of meeting with about 20 people in a meeting room, and more on the phone. I got my coat and bag, and was ready to walk out for good (it felt sooo nice). Instead I found a secluded place to calm down for about an hour or more. My boss finally called me on my cell, and we met at the elevators and left the building to talk privately. He told me I was doing some of my most amazing work ever, gave me a little pep talk, as well as a few concrete suggestions about how to handle one or two sticky situations, and we returned to the office together. He also got an opportunity to hear some of the challenges I faced that week. It's not easy to co-manage a project with another person. My inner control freak is in full blossom; it's needed to be to keep 30+ people accross the country moving in a focused but urgent manner towards the same goal. But the person co-managing the project and I are really in a groove, and we're now working together beautifully.

 

I'm glad I had the sense to walk away from the meeting before I lost my cool. Later I was able to deal with people one on one to get my frustrations alleviated, and the project back on track. It's the second time I've left a meeting, and as scary as it seems, it's served me well. First time I walked away a few years ago, the person plaguing me was no longer with the company within a couple of weeks.

 

Thoughts and dreams of Rex have accompanied me all week. Not necessarily good ones. I feel like my love is even clearer to me. As is my conviction to maintain NC. Unless he comes to me, declaring his loving intentions, I can't think of any reason to pursue the situation.

 

 

 

Hi Boston,

 

You've always come accross as being very honest about your motivations. As this is the NC challenge forum, it might seem the obvious answer is to remain NC at all costs; however, you already accomplished that challenge, and then some. Perhaps it might be time for you to do a little talking at this point, and then return to NC if that's what you deem best.

 

Only you know the answers for you -- and you do have the truth inside of yourself, if you can get quiet to hear it/know it. I've always tended to keep my feelings to myself, in negative way. It's been my task to stop bottling things up inside and speak up. It's been recommend I error on the side of saying too much, rather than saying nothing at all, because what seems like a lot to me is probably just saying even the tiniest of things.

 

A few years ago even my boss started campaigning for me to express myself more. He could actually see when I wasn't speaking up about something (many people have told me I'm very easy to read), and he kept urging me to say what's on my mind. He said I should be prepared to hear no sometimes, but it was important for me to lay things on the line. In a professional manner, of course.

 

Maybe there's something you really need to say to your ex before you can know peace. Even if it's a type of manipulation to change his mind, make him realize how terrific you are (and I happen to know just how amazing you truly are), or perhaps just find closure. Maybe at this point, it's important for you to express yourself, or you'll be haunted by unspoken words.

 

This may sound odd, but I've been going to this little oasis in my town, sitting at the base of a beautiful willow tree, leaning into the tree, and availing myself of tree power. On days during this crazy work week before I head into New York City, I've gone to the tree to sit quietly, listen to the birds sing, feel the breeze, relax, give myself time to slow down, one morning I even opened myself to all my feelings of love for Rex (instead of trying to hold them at bay). Each time I felt fully rejuvenated and ready to face my day.

 

Perhaps you could find a similar place to relax, meditate, feel you, how special you are, and how the world is good and beautiful. Listen to the truth inside of you. Then decide how you'd like to proceed.

 

I'm rooting for you, Boston. And all the incredible people here at ENA.

 

Cheers,

 

-Rosie.

[bear12]

day 31

 

things seem to be getting progressively harder instead of easier. ugh. i went out w/ some friends last night and i'm just so put off and annoyed by all the weird uninteresting guys i seem to meet. i know, i know, you probably think i'm just not open to new people and maybe that's true in a way- and it's not as though i'd only be happy with a clone of my ex, but i guess seeing what else is out there just makes me appreciate wha ti had had before...

 

ps: thanks for the well wishes, rosie

[supercalifragilistic]

day 31

 

things seem to be getting progressively harder instead of easier. ugh. i went out w/ some friends last night and i'm just so put off and annoyed by all the weird uninteresting guys i seem to meet. i know, i know, you probably think i'm just not open to new people and maybe that's true in a way- and it's not as though i'd only be happy with a clone of my ex, but i guess seeing what else is out there just makes me appreciate wha ti had had before...

 

ps: thanks for the well wishes, rosie

 

Now that you mentioned this, it got me thinking. If you saw your ex today, the person he is after the break up, as if it was the first time, what would you think about him?

 

If I saw mine I'd wouldn't want anything to do with him and would have thought he was such a loser. It's only because I know him well that I still love him and would consider getting back together. I don't know what he has been up to because of NC, but he seems to have changed for the worst, doesn't seem to be the person he used to be anymore, and if that's really the case, then I don't want him. I love him dearly, but I just will not be in a relationship with someone like tha. I guess only time will tell.

 

I hear you on the other guys, I don't even go to nightclubs and pubs anymore because all I see are perverted drunks who aren't looking for anything meaninful. And they're not even good looking! Lose-lose situation if you ask me. I guess we just have to keep reminding ourselves that if they were as good as we imagined them we'd still all be with them. And if they are, and are just confused, only time will tell. It sucks not knowing, but I guess there's no other choice right now.

 

Maybe try to do different things? Things that don't remind you of relationships and all that, go out with you girl friends...I don't know...or stay home and do something you like to do on your own if you don't feel like going out. Anyways, be strong! It will get better.