SighSob Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Hey BHUK...don't forget that us dumpees tend to think that our ex's new love/sex life is wonderful while it's probably nothing amazing... When you're bored, you think she's out having the time of her life... When you're alone, you think she's cuddling with her new boyfriend... I mean, you tend to always think the WORST but her life without you is probably nothing but average. Link to comment
redreine Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I've been talking to my ex all day, sorting out our relationship. He seems very close to coming back. The guy that asked me out the other night hasn't talked to me...but another guy asked me out today! My ex told me he's been talking to a lot of girls, but none of them like him. And he knows guys are talking to me. This must be hard for him. Poor baby. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 "NC is my best friend. Life must go on." i like that...extreme...but so true Link to comment
cookiedough1 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I'm feeling very low tonight....what sucks even more is that I have to go into work in about 7 hours An acquaintance of mine saw my ex yesterday and told me that he looked like he lost some weight....he's probably working out more with all the free time he has. I don't know why, but hearing that made me feel sad. It made me feel like he's moving on without me and that it was so easy for him to forget about me. I can't stop thinking that I messed up the relationship and that I should have been better in it. I was going through some emotional issues related to working so hard/school in the last few months of the relationship...if only I didn't take it out on him. I'm doing what I can to improve myself but I can't seem to let go of him. Sorry for the ramble, but better than contacting him when he doesn't even seem to care! Link to comment
BrokenheartUK Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Day 13 Thankfully, I'm not still drunk Woke up feeling terrible (emotionally, that is) and immediately went through what SighSob mentioned above - Paranoia 101. "They're waking up, cuddling, having sex, laughing, falling in love"...when will it end?! I was just beginning to get it under control towards the end of last week and now it's all coming back again. So I got up, had a cup of tea and sat here at the computer reading a few articles on 'being happy being single', which echoed what I worked through yesterday in my counselling session. Yesterday's session was great and I realised something I always knew in my heart anyway. My last relationship failed mainly down to a fear of commitment on my part, and that fear comes from the simple fact that I turn 28 in March and I still don't know who I am. I've been in continous relationships for the past 7 YEARS and I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy when it's just 'me'. It's like I don't know what to do when I don't have the comfort of a relationship there, so I get scared and immediately leap into another one, which is what I did with my last one despite me promising myself that I would stay single for a while. And then she came along, damn her... The only thing I can do to have any hope of a meaningful relationship in the future - be it with my ex or a new girl - is to 'find myself' and remember how to be happy on my own. I hate that phrase with a passion but here it applies; how can I expect to be happy as part of a couple when I don't know how to be content on my own? Do I want to be the kind of guy who stays in a marriage or relationship for fear of being alone? No, and I don't think anyone does either so I have to break the cycle. My counsellor put it brilliantly: she said that whenever I'm in a relationship I always have my bags packed and one foot out the door. Until I spend some time alone, learn about myself and and live only for me I will always have those bags packed, looking out the door wondering 'what's out there'. I don't mean in terms of 'other girls', more 'the world itself'. I need to go explore it for a while... Apolgies for the rant, but perhaps some of what I've said will help those who's partners have given them the "I need to be on my own and find myself" excuse recently. It's not always a cop out, I promise! Link to comment
jaylh25 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Day 17 for me... its strange... 3 months of LC and her telling me she missed me loved me blah blah even though she had moved in with some new guy..i felt ok or thought was handling it good.. but i knew i would never heal if we carried on like that.. this NC has completely thrown me and ive been an emotional wreck the past 4 or 5 days... i think its becouse im accepting that this is really over.. and jeez, im missing her so much.. she sent me a text last weekend at 330am saying simply "im missing the kitten" (we lived together and bought a kitten a few months before she walked away) but i obviously didnt answer to that little gem. I know it does get better but im feeling it at the moment. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I lasted the entire Valentines day, but this morning, I just couldn't take it anymore. I reactivated facebook and checked her profile. Still single and no valentines messages or gifts on her wall. *Whew* After that, I reblocked her and de-activated facebook again. A moment of weakness that hopefully won't happen again. Link to comment
Sev Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Day 5 Im really hungover today so not really concentrating on the fact im in NC! Im feeling ok at the moment, will see if it stays that way. I tried to just not think about the fact it was V day yesterday. Just another day to me. I miss her like mad but i can get through this. I just keep thinking there is no point chasing something that isnt going to happen, and even if we did magically get back together i would never trust her again. So I have only one real choice, move on! I just hope this is the right choice! Roll on day 6........ Link to comment
wiley Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Day 5 Im really hungover today so not really concentrating on the fact im in NC! Im feeling ok at the moment, will see if it stays that way. I tried to just not think about the fact it was V day yesterday. Just another day to me. I miss her like mad but i can get through this. I just keep thinking there is no point chasing something that isnt going to happen, and even if we did magically get back together i would never trust her again. So I have only one real choice, move on! I just hope this is the right choice! Roll on day 6........ Thats exactly how I feel! If I got back with my EX I would constantly be thinking "when" will she dump me next?... And its a good tool to move on I suppose, no point in chasing someone who doesn't feel the same either. Link to comment
philove Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Day 9 of NC for me and today I have been struggling a lot with my emotions. The last couple of days have been really good and I felt I was starting to properly get over her. Then from the moment I woke up this morning I knew it wasn't going to be a good day I guess I miss her and I can't help waiting for her to text or email me but it never happens and I end up feeling dissappointed. I just want her OUT OF MY MIND because even if she did beg to have me back I wouldn't but that doesn't stop me loving and missing her... Battle on! Link to comment
Mariahee Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 i can't not have no contact with my ex cause we're in the same class, but i'll do no contact over the internet, if its anything Feb 15th-LET's DO THIS Link to comment
Sunkist09 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Day 10- and exactly 5 weeks since we broke off... no contact from his side... am I really that horrible? Link to comment
and again Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Day 10- and exactly 5 weeks since we broke off... no contact from his side... am I really that horrible? day 22 of nc and 5 weeks 1 day sinc last seen her in person, i really was wondering if she would at least drunk txt me yesterday but no. We didnt have a row and i feel the same, that if i dumped sumone i would atleast txt them at some point just to say something along the lines of "sorry it didnt work out but hope one day we can be friends" but nothing, like what we said meant nothing and i didnt even excist. Perhaps im having a down day and perhaps it is best they dont contact us. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Still very tempted to send him an email. Can't stop thinking about him today. Wondering how he is doing as he just moved and is settling down in a new place. He is probably so busy that he doesnt think about me for one minute !! Anyway...its hard Link to comment
redreine Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I'm still posting in here, even though I am doing the exact opposite of NC. I tried offering it up to my ex, but he said we were doing well and didn't need it. Doesn't matter to me either way, since I won't be getting back together with him when he comes back. I already have 3 guys on my heels! And how many girls like him? Just me. So I think he's DEFINITELY starting to realize his mistake. I told him about the guy that wanted to take me out and then never got ahold of me, and he told me it was his loss. I said thank you for saying that, and he said it was the truth. Then I told him that he always makes me smile, and he said good. Later last night, we talked about the break-up and everything, and I explained things how I saw them, and he ended up agreeing with me on everything. Then he just stopped talking altogether, so I left him alone. My mom says he realizes he was wrong and now he needs time to mull it over. Link to comment
ladyjp Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I am just having the worst nc day! Maybe because after he told me about the "other gir" last week and that he would not stop seeing her because I make him an emotional wreck, he texts me yesterday with Happy Valentines Day. I did not respond but all I could think about last night was he took her out probably for V day. I don't understand how he can say he loves me, wants to see me, thinks about me daily, but won't give up this gal because when he and I are exclusive he gets so attached to me and doesn't want to get hurt again by me. I just feel like the more he is with her the more attached to her he gets and is starting to lose his feelings for me. Today feels icky Link to comment
Viper55666 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 NC has gone right out of the window the last couple of days. I ended up sending her a valentines card to say that just because Im not around and trying to keep to NC doesn't mean I dont still love her. I got a text saying thankyou and that she appreciated it. Then she came round to pick up some stuff from our house which she didn't really need but seemed quite distant and cold so dont really know what to make of that?!? so basically * * * * weekend all round, wish I had never broken NC to send the card as all its done is made me think about her all the time. When will I ever learn? Why cant I just let go and accept that its over and shes not coming back? WHY CANT I JUST LET GO?!?!?!?!?!?! Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 WHY CANT I JUST LET GO?!?!?!?!?!?! Im asking myself the same question. Sometimes I think Im insane Link to comment
longdist Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Day 18 Yesterday wasn't too bad for me. I think the key was NC. Unfortunately, I didn't get a Happy Vday from the ex, but was definitely not expecting one either. I'm pretty sure she is doing whatever she can to avoid leading me on. For those others that got no contact from their exes, I would suspect the reasons are similar and that it isn't b/c they don't care. It is b/c it would only make you continue to hope. However, the movie Swingers has a good quote relating to the fact that your ex won't even consider coming back until you have moved on, and have likely found someone else. Just know that there is near 100% chance that your ex thought of you yesterday and take comfort in that. Today I'm struggling a little bit more. I thought a lot about my ex this morning, but it hurt a little less than usual, so I think NC is doing its job of healing. It's definitely still no picnic, and I'd still do anything to get my ex back. I started thinking about sending her an email telling her that I have accepted the breakup and know there is minimal chance of reconciliation. After writing it, and waiting to send it, I realized that it wasn't going to do any good. I think NC is basically sending the same message. So I will continue on with this. Link to comment
looking4ward Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 God this weekend has sucked. Need to stop calling him. Day 1 NC again. Immediately after the breakup he seemed more unsure about what he was doing and said several times he could see a future for us and that things weren’t as bad as I thought. Since then I’ve continued to pressure him and he has become more resolute that this is how it is going to be permanently. Obviously calling him and pressuring him doesn’t work- its me being insecure, needy, and an emotional wreck. I need to stop. It’s the only way he’ll ever be able to rethink his decision and the only way I will be able to heal. -K Link to comment
redreine Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I just talked to the ex again, and he's asking me what he should say when he messages girls on the dating site we're on. It seems to me either he really trusts me, or he's really a self-saboteur. Actually, I know him. It's both. I hate mixed messages. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I'm on NC day 2. I've kept breaking it this week too. NC is harder than it seems. jfpieron - I am on the same situation as you. My ex said that it's just easier to be with this other girl without all the emotional stress and how much I have broken him in the past for leaving him. He could never really forgive me for it, so its easier for him to be with this other girl. However, I feel like the more he stays with her, the more he's falling for her and letting me go for good. The more he sees her, the less I'm the only woman in his life and someone else substitutes me. worse feeling in the world =[ Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 BTW - Have you guys noticed that it is MUCH easier for guys to do NC?? Guys can think rationally about it, whereas girls are just emotional and impulsive! Link to comment
redreine Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Guys deal with their emotions differently. They find it easier to compartmentalize things, and have been taught from an early age to just soldier on. That's not to say they aren't hurting just as much...they've just been taught to hide it. Which, it sucks to say, is why guys have a higher suicide rate, and are more likely to become addicted to drugs/alcohol. Link to comment
Ixtapa Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Which, it sucks to say, is why guys have a higher suicide rate, and are more likely to become addicted to drugs/alcohol. Yes...I actually noticed that my guy was drinking A LOT more than he used to right before we split up (complicated situation I do not wish to explain here). In any case, he had to deal with a lot of stuff and "escaped" by drinking way too much at weekends. I believe we had a lot of conflicts due to his drinking... Link to comment
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