My boyfriend has lost all interest in me? HELP!

[Cat Lover]

My boyfriend is 36 and I'm 25 and we have been dating for two years and we have recently moved in together and he has lost all interest in me sexually and I do not know what to do. In the beginning of our relationship I was in college and only got to see him on the weekends when I would come home from school so we would have sex every weekend because we knew if would be another whole week till we got another chance, but now that we see each other everyday and have all the chances in the world because it's just the two of us at the house we never have sex. What gives? Also at the beginning of our relationship he couldn't keep his hands off me and we were always trying new adventures sex positions now if I lucky enough to get to have sex with him (only about once a month) we only have sex missionary style with no new moves at all. Also he use to make sure I had several orgasms before he would climax to make sure I was 100% satisfied now he always climaxes before I do and I end up having to finish myself off masturbating. I know I am younger than he is, but should a 36-year-old guy have no sex drive at all? I miss the together time and closeness I felt with him during sex. Now I'm lucky if I get a peck on the check goodnight? When I ask him about why he has no sex drive towards me he says he is tired when he gets home from working, but I work just as hard as he does and I still want sex? I want to marriage this man, but I know sex is a big part of any marriage and if this is a preview of what's it is going to be like I don't know? I am still very attractive to him I just wish he was to me? I have tried wearing sexy lingerie, playing with sex toys, etc and nothing helps. Any suggestions? Desperate in Memphis. Thanks!

[Day_Walker]

If you really want to know then your relationship has turned into a routine and it is no longer exciting. The 5 days you would spend a part created longing and gave both of you freedom. Break the routine, then you will have better luck in getting him interested in sex.

[Newo Ikkin]

Firstly, not trying to be disrespectful at all, but pleeeeease use appropriate punctuation. I felt like it was a race when I was trying to read that. Not trying to be offensive

 

Secondly, to address the situation. Slow things down, give him time to pine (excuse the rhyme in that)...he's probably settled himself into a routine. Sex drives often differ in relationships (more often than not, by the looks of things) and it seems as though he's settled himself into the homely routine. Back off for a bit - see if it makes him do some chasing.

[Cat Lover]

Thanks for your advice we have planed a long weekend trip together at the end of this month we are going to get a couples massage and just relax and enjoy each others company. Hopefully with this romantic setting this will be just what we need to get the spark back in our relationship.

[Newo Ikkin]

That sounds fabulous girl! Just remember, if there ain't no kinky play - you've still had a good time and you were together - and thats the main thing in my eyes.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. i think maybe backing away may help. you said things were good when you only saw each other once a week? well, maybe try to 'simulate' that again. ie, have a regular 'girls' night out', no boyfriends allowed! take up a night class, so that you are not around 7 nights a week. yoga, kickboxing, dance, etc.... any of those would be good. book some weekend trips by yourself to visit your sister or go out of town. not having you around may make him miss you and make the most of your time together. stay busy, keep up your own life. right now, I think he is taking you for granted as you are always there. before, there was a sense of urgency because he knew your time together was limited. keep yourself busy, schedule things for yourself first, then him. make him miss you again.

 

good luck

[anggrace]

Im in the same boat with you. I know it can be hurtfull when your guy doesnt seem the least bit interested in giving you pleasure in the bedroom. Just out of curiosity, how often do you consider "not enough"?

[Cat Lover]

I think a healthy sexual relationship when you are married or live with each other is two or three times a week is good!

[anggrace]

I agree. At this point, Id be happy with once a week. Heck, once every other would be an improvement. If you figure it out, let me know. Have you been able to talk to him about it? Im trying to, but he seems to get really annoyed.

[Cat Lover]

He always changes the subject or just says he is tired from work or sleepy and just wants to go to bed. If I want sex I have to be the one that provokes him every time.

[annie24]

what do you think about backing off for a while, letting him chase you down a bit?

[anggrace]

I just had that exact thing happen to me five minutes ago. At some point, I think it has to be talked about. What else can you do. Ive tried the Lingerie and "doing things" as other people suggest, but nothings changed. I want to really understand whats going on, and I dont know how else to do it but to talk to him.

[jusified]

Then you must talk to him about it.

[matius]

He always changes the subject or just says he is tired from work or sleepy and just wants to go to bed. If I want sex I have to be the one that provokes him every time.

 

catlover, sorry to hear this. I would for sure talk to him about how you are feeling and follow some of the suggestions above.

 

this posts reminds me of my current situation...a far more unpleasant possibility... after i moved in with my girl we got in lots of small arguments that grew and grew until i think it put a wedge between us. i think through a lack of communication and misunderstandings my attraction to her sort of faded to black...

[Cat Lover]

I tried last night to have sex with him but he said he did not feel good the old classic I have a headache routine so yet again like I have so many times before I cried myself to sleep. I guess he felt guilty this morning because when I got out of the shower we did have sex and I must admit it was really good, but I don't want him to have sex with just because he feels guilty I want him to really want me and desire for me. We are both very attractive people so it not looks that get in the way it's passion that we are lacking.

[TiredMan]

Maybe he just isn't "in the mood" as much anymore. It does happen and nothing wrong it it. I'm sure there have been plenty of times he wanted sex and you weren't in the mood either.

 

Also, the longer you are with someone, it is only natural that it die down. Especially once you move in. People who are best friends have many arguments when moving in together because you see each other so much. Things get on each other's nerves.

[Cat Lover]

I love this man and I do not regret moving in with him I still think it was the right thing to do, but you are right when you see each other day in and day out things do start to get a little boring. I am going to start having a "girls night out" once a week or he can go hang out with the guys. Maybe time away from each other is just what we need.

[TiredMan]

I love this man and I do not regret moving in with him I still think it was the right thing to do, but you are right when you see each other day in and day out things do start to get a little boring. I am going to start having a "girls night out" once a week or he can go hang out with the guys. Maybe time away from each other is just what we need.

 

Might be.

 

But again, have you ever not be in the mood when he was? I mean ever. it goes both ways.

 

And again, over time, almost all relationships die down sexually because it's the same person. Some people roleplay or do other things but not everyone. There is no way to recreate the initial "buzz" from the beginning. Take your favorite food. Have it every single day for 2 years. I guarantee you you won't think as much about it after that time as you did before that time.

[Cat Lover]

Maybe I will try and spice things up a little bit by doing the "deed" in another room of the house like in the kitchen or in the shower/tub and not in our bed like we always do. Maybe a change of setting will spice things up?

[Beec]

If you want more sex from your man and you want him to want, then you probably should try to figure out what would affect him so that he wanted more.

 

First, talking to him about it is a direct approach. Any seduction should begin with an indirect approach. If the talking is not working, stop it.

 

Second, the fact that you are there, always ready and willing, is probably not working for you. We wants things that we cannot have, rarity makes things more desirable. If diamonds grew in our front lawns, no one would be wearing one. So, take the idea and make him be able to question if you want sex.

 

Third, change things, constantly. We all fall into patterns and patterns are not the wost things, but you need to break them. You should not kiss him the same way all the time. Sometimes, you should give him a peck, other times, make it tough for him to kiss you, let him get close, then back off, so you are jsut out of his reach, then when he leans in further, back off. Create a little tension. Sometimes, you should sneak up on him, land a big one, then walk off.

 

Write dirty fantasy stories, then let him find them. Don't show them to him, let him stumble on them. Showing him is direct, make it indirect.

 

Wear pajamas, and wear different styles. Change and letting him not get used to things are good. Wear classy silk ones, a lot. Wear flannel, wear gowns, and don't ask for sex. Tell him you wear them for you to feel sexy.

 

Change things down there on you. Shave, grow it, use patterns,

 

Challenge his manhood. Maybe watch porn with him (cable ahs lots of soft stuff on), and when someone gives it hard, tell him that's how a real man does it, and give him a look like he's not up to that level.

[anggrace]

I wouldnt suggest you "challange his manhood". You dont want to make him feel like s*.

[Beec]

I wouldnt suggest you "challange his manhood". You dont want to make him feel like s*.

 

it's one of the best ways to motivate a man. he may respond by seeking to prove he is a "man." If he does, then who loses?

[TiredMan]

it's one of the best ways to motivate a man. he may respond by seeking to prove he is a "man." If he does, then who loses?

 

Or he will rightfully get up and show her the door for doing something like that.

[supahstah133]

I agree with a post by matius a few back. Poor communication and arguments that go unresolved really do drive a wedge in between two people and that has a big effect in the horizontal mambo department. You may just want to keep trying your best to get to the bottom of this. I didn't communicate b/c I wasn't comfortable doing so, and it did not turn out well. It may be something trivial, or it may be serious, you owe it to your happiness and well being to find out.

[megno07]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and it seems like it has just become like we are roomates it's like you see eachother day in and day out and they become bored, and so do you sometimes. I talked to him about it two weeks ago and broke down crying and he really listened to me and things were different for a week or so, and then he went back to his groove of just peck kissing me and when we would have sex it was like it was wam bam thank you ma'am and then he was done and he could careless if I enjoyed it. Well I frankly got sick of it and just was in a depression not caring state of mind. He would ask me what was wrong and then I responded I don't know what I feel anymore. That made him think I guess. Well we went over to a friends house and I guess my hurt and resentment got to me because I drank way to much and we ended up back at our apartment and its like he couldn't resist me something that I had wanted for so long. he jumped me and we had sex it was like the passionate kind just kissing licking all over the place. I dunno what changed....it was great though. Sometimes I think you have to just wait on them to realize that you are something special and that you need and deserve passion....why does anyone want to be in a relationship where there is no passion?? I do suggest also that maybe not being there all the time will work I know when I'm not always here my boyfriend goes crazy and gets mad because he never sees me. Try playing hard to get....and if you can't live without the passion then go find someone who does that for you as hard as that can be.