What is considered Cheating these days?

[April_TxAggie]

Hello...this is my first post and I'm learning the ropes so far. Well I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 23. We've been together for almost two years now. We have had our share of problems and our ups and downs. I've done my wrongs and he has done his wrongs. We broke up in Feb '06 and got back together early April '06. We broke up in Feb because I found out of his drug use, lies, and being itimate with another girl. So I was so sure that was it. I was not going to take it anymore we were done. The break up was going to be the end of us. I then moved on or attempted to move on. I spent my spring break in London, England and was doing my best to move on in life. I got a phone call the first week of April from him explaining to me he was in the wrong and desperately needed me back in his life. As you know I fell for it and broke it off with the guys I was dating to be with him again.

Now it is December '06 and I thought we were doing great again. He moved in with me at my apartment, we moved from the big city to a smaller town and life was great. We bought a puppy and was the happiest times we ever had. I can actually count our agruements on my fingers that how slim they were. All until recently my snooping eyes read over his phone bill and found out that he was talking to the girl he cheated on me with in early November. It broke my heart once again. I seriously wanted to break it off with him, but I just can't. I guess I'm too weak. I financially can not afford to be on my own right now. He is helping me pay for school, rent and other bills. I could not do it on my own. So we talked it through and he had already stopped talking to her before I confronted him. He talked to her for maybe a three week span. He swears that he never meet up with her just being dumb and talking with her. He knew it was wrong and so he cut it off. I dont know what to believe. Is this cheating?

 

Just to inform y'all I'm not miss perfect. I've done my partying, cheating and acting single in the past, but I've stopped completely since we been back together.

Thanks for your replies!

[Iceman26]

I think it really depends on your personal definition on what is cheating and what is not.

 

Given that in his past he cheated on you with this girl, I would be extremely uncomfortable about him talking to her.

 

However, if you have been talking to ex's too, you really need to set some ground rules and let him know what your dealbreakers are.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you need to separate yourself from your bf, by this I mean that you need to be more independent. If you look at the reason why you worked things out it was based on the fact that he helped you pay for things and you could not afford to live on your own. I believe that once you are independent of him then you will be able to make more sound decisions. This guy is doing this to undermine your trust in him and there is only so much a person can take. Once you are independent of him then you need to move on.

[DN]

This is a pattern of behaviour that both of you must stop - and if you are both telling the truth it seems as if is has.

 

Now, if you both want the relationship to last, you must make a conscious decision to learn from the past but let go of the hurt and resentment. That may be difficult but it can be done.

[arwen]

I wonder if the two of you are serious enough about each other to live together and share bills. I think it's dangerous to be in a relationship in which you are financially dependent. Who paid your bills before? If you lived on your own, what would be the things you can't afford?

 

You seem to have broken away from the patterns of partying/cheating, etc. I think if you don't want HIM to talk to other girls that he used to be intimate with, you should also not have 'innocent chats' with your exes. Because I think that if you tell him 'hey you've been talking to girl X', he can just as well say that it was innocent the way you spoke to your exes. You are 19 years old, I think that is quite young for the kind of commitment that is needed for sharing a household. I think it's better to at least take care of your financial independence. You went on and off with him, and IF you'd break up again in the future, I think it will be good if you KNOW you can stand on your own two feet.

 

Ilse

[Rabican]

Personally, if my SO cheated on me, and then continued to have ANY contact whatsoever with that person... Id run for the hills.

 

He has already proven that he cannot be trusted with her, or maybe with any other woman. He needs to now PROVE to you, that he can be trusted again. The first step to that is cutting this girl out of his life for good. If he wont, move out. Get another roomate, put an ad in the paper, move in with family, friends, etc. Make it work, but dont tear yourself down thinking this is the only guy for you. Clearly if he wont bend over backwards for you after doing this, then you have two different views on what this relationship should be.