Has No One Got The Anser? Get Her Back

[Beec]

 

Thanks Beec!!!!

 

 

Thank you SuperDave.

[amuse]

Sorry i will be direct and blunt as possible.

 

STOP listening to men.

She said no.

And that is it.

Don’t contact her anymore in anyway.

Don’t send a card.

Right now you are a pest to her.

Leave her alone.

If she wants you, she will let you know.

Who started the NO CONTACT?

Her.

And you did not give her the respect, time and space she needs so you are a pest.

 

BEEC just sounds like he plays games.

Don’t play games.

Say and do what is honest and open.

 

You screwed up – if you wanted here back – NEVER USE THE WORD FRIENDS.

You won't get her back being a friend.

I guess y’all screw your friends – it’s a rule I have – never screw a friend.

So what does she have if you are a friend.

Nothing but remembering a screwed up relationship where you both broke up a few times and are at no contact – and you keep breaking it.

What kind of friend does not respect your space?

 

So right now you are not a friend either.

You are probable not even a thought anymore.

 

Give her the space, if she calls you fine.

Until then move on and get your life back.

[thlst3]

I agree with amuse. She asked you to stop contacting. So, respect her wish and do it. I know it's hard but you shouldn't try to txt her a holiday greeting. It's too soon.

 

There's no precise steps or right way to get your ex back... she'll just need time to realize on her own.

 

No matter how you analyze this situation, my advice to give it time. Give her time... give yourself time... and see what happens. Perhaps in a month or 2, she'll be ready to be 'friends'...

 

In the meantime, what are you doing for yourself?

[inthecorner]

I've recently got my X back, in the last few days. But 2 be honest my interest level is really low this time round. I've said I will give it another go, SHE ASKED ME but I'm not completely sure bout it. It was nearly 2 years ago when we broke up for the first time.

 

For about 6 months after the break up, I wanted nothing more than 2 be with her. I'd sulk. Analysed the past and all the usual crap, you tend to do when you think that person is the one special one. I even wrote her letters n stuff lol. I think i wrote her two. After the second one i decided to let it drop. I picked my self up and met another girl, who also became my world. This ended bout three months ago, n lasted just under a year. I got over her quite easily.

 

I've been dating a few girls since including my now current. then X. I'm more confident with women and more experienced. I know I can get another girl easily and have realized that there are many special girls out there and not to get fixated on one, especially when she leaves. Screw them, find some 1 else.

 

MY current is a quality girl and i will see how it goes. But she hurt me once and i have my guard up.

[amuse]

How did the current one hurt you?

Just don't date to date.

Date because you feel for a person and not just lust or for sex.

Find yourself and it's easier to be yourself when you find the right person and it works out right.

Right now it just sounds you hop and skip to the next.

Why?

[wiltoid]

This forum is a complete scam. There I said it. Let me explain.

 

This forum was created by dumpers not by dumpees. I'm sorry but we created this forum to keep those pathetic saps we used to date far far away by saying, "Oh you must give them space and make them miss you. Do NC brother, she'll come running back."

 

We spend countless nights working in shifts and waking up at 4 am to post about exes that we want back to make everything look legit. Replying to posts can be difficult because we are dealing with real people but what the hell we can be quite selfish as all you dumpees may already know. We just don't want to deal with you. So NC sort of works for everyone you see.

 

NC was the brainchild of a secret committee that met after the conception of the internet. As they foresaw the potential problems that could come from "casual" stalking that can occur via this technological marvel they decided upon the idea of NC. We thought at least we could help our exes move on while we keep them away. Oh and so we could receive the occasional Christmas card that we might need when our new love interest isn't responding the way we would like.

 

I'm sorry friend but you have stumbled upon a great truth and I cannot keep it a secret anymore. Here is one thing I can tell you about us. We love to be treated like * * * *. Yeah and at random times too. Just tell us to * * * * off. Then don't call for a few weeks and then apologize. Then ask if we want to meet up to have sex again. Just sex nothing else. Then make sure our friends catch wind of you talking * * * * on us. Then you might catch us off guard and win us back.

 

Once again I apologize to all the dumpees who we have led a stray for so many years. And to all the dumpers who are now going to go back to their exes.

[Ocean123]

Be careful trying to be friends with the intention of getting back with your ex.

 

I had to go NC for a while recently as it got to the point where I was annoying her, everyone around me and myself.

 

My situation is slightly different as she has a boyfriend, and for the last 6 months i have been pleading, begging, calling etc. All this has done is confirm to her that i'm not right for her and pushed her into the arms of this new man.

 

I have been her safety net for the last year, dropping everything and running when she calls. I never moved on and now I am suffering because she is happy with someone, and I am left all alone, wondering what am i going to do?

 

I recently went out with her one evening, and got despeate and started the pleading and the begging all over again. It has annoyed her lots, and for my sake and health I need to stop.

When I hear that she has had a falling out with her new man, or when i see her and she is friendly towards me, i get all excited and think i could have another chance. And then like a dagger to the heart, when I hear they are going on holiday together, or spending christmas together, or they are having a quiet night in together, it pains me, as i am sitting here all alone, and she is having fun.

 

It would probably be best if I didn't hear what she is doing.

 

Do the NC, it's hard, really hard!! I'm still struggling with it, and am going to make it my New years resolution. It will drive you insane, knowing you can't have what you want, so stay away if you've tried, and get out there and meet someone new.

[InLoveAndWaiting]

No Contact is not for everyone and it may not always be the best depending on the situation. NC is for yourself, no one else. It is to help you deal with the situation better. If you feel NC is the best for you right now, then that is what you need to do. I used NC off and on, I finally started it about 3 months after we split. It was one of the toughest things I've ever done. She did call though about 6 weeks later asking me if I would help her move some of her things from our place we had together, that she was getting an apartment. I was hesitant at the time, because I thought I might be being used. I thought after all this time she gets ahold of me because she needs help. I did tell her though right after we split that I would always be there for her no matter what and I still felt that way. I almost decided not to help, but I did, that was the turning point in our relationship.

 

That weekend we spent together we had a good time and enjoyed being around one another again. She just told me recently that the weekend I helped her move, she started having feelings for me again, and realized how much she missed me. She just needed time to herself and time to think about what she wanted. Had I chose to blow her off that weekend and not help, we may not have gotten back together, at least not yet. I did not bring up anything about our past or our relationship, I played everything cool as if I was strong emotionally and was doing fine without her.

 

What I'm trying to say is that I don't believe there is anything someone can do to get their ex back, it's a decision the ex must make on their own. If it is meant to be it will happen, and it took me a long time to realize that. You can do everything in the world to give yourself a better chance at getting them back except, asking and pleading for them to come back. Take care of yourself first, that way if you get back together, you are in a better position to make the new relationship work. This is so hard because there are no guarantees. If you are fortunate enough to talk with your ex, use that conversation to your advantage, but asking and pleading will make you sound weak. Make sure they know where you stand and how you feel about them. Only then can they make a decision, but they must make it. Try to take one day at a time and use your best judgment, try to gain some clarity on the situation and put yourself in their shoes. What will make you more attractive to them? It isn't too late but start today, if you are having a difficult time with your emotions then try NC for awhile, remember, one day at a time. Good luck!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

A relationship involves 2 people, both of whom has opinions, perceptions, and emotions that are their own... regardless of your perception or desire to reunite with someone, her emotions etc. may be totally different from yours, i.e., she really doesn't want to see you again, and every contact is an irritation and invasion of her privacy that solidified this in her mind. so treating an attempt at reconcilation like a chess game or undercover manipulation to get the person back is the totally wrong approach.

 

NC is for the purpose of your own healing and respecting someone else's right to be left alone if they no longer want to see/hear from you. it is NOT a manipulative strategy to bring someone back to you. that person has her own agenda, ideas, emotions, etc., and the decision to come back has to be because SHE wants it too, not just because YOU want it and have been trying to pull all kinds of strings to bring about that outcome...

 

You can never forget that she has your phone numbers, addresses, etc., and if she felt the same way, she could certainly call you, and she chooses not to! THAT is where her head is and her answer. she's not calling, she doesn't want to reconcile.

 

so if you want one last attempt at reconciliation, then tell her that's what you want, and to please call you if she changes her mind about the breakup... then get on with your life, and leave her alone.

 

men sometimes approach dating like they are hunting and are trying to bring down big game, including stalking, disguising their true feelings, sneaking around behind the woman's back trying to find out what she is doing, etc. that could be one reason why the relationship failed to begin with, if manipulation, controlling behavior and emotional brute force substituted for real communication in the relationship. so TELLING her you have changed when she saw none of the good behavior while you were together is not likely to change her mind.

 

so if you must, send her that email that says everything you want to say, about how you think you are a better person now etc., and how you want her back. but to be honest, she could just see this as a manipulation... i.e., if only a few weeks have passed since the breakup, how much can you have really changed? she may see it only as more pleading to get her back, and as soon as you're together, you're back to acting in whatever way she feels caused her to not want her to be with you to begin with.

 

sorry, but lots of breakups stay that way, broken up, because BOTH people have to have a change of heart to get together. and it will only be if SHE wants to come back now that it happens, and pestering her won't accomplish that goal.

 

say what you have to say once, leave the door open for her to call if she wants, but you continue on your way by doing the work to get over her, and move on with your life.

[lady00]

People will tell you this over and over again: do NC, heal, move on. Right now you probably feel like that is not good advice...that is how everyone feels when someone they really like or love has broken up with them (I've been in that position several times and I know how much it hurts and how much the NC advice just sounds plain wrong). But, as hindsight is 20/20...I can say that everytime I have been in that situation, doing NC was the best thing for me.

 

One of the exes who broke up with me later started asking me to get back together with him and I'm pretty sure I know why: because by the time I hung out with him again after the breakup, I had done NC for long enough and I was back to being happy and confident. I was also dating someone new (we hung out in a group of friends, not a date). Even after I was single again, the first ex still came after me but I realized that our relationship hadn't worked for good reason and it took me time and meeting and dating other guys to realize this.

 

So how do you get your ex back? I've had the opportunity to date an ex after he broke up with me and I didn't want to but I think the only reason he wanted to date me again was because I was happy again and I was living my life and enjoying it independently of him. In fact, he told me that was why he wanted me back...because I seemed like I was really enjoying my life (I was/am) and that I wasn't dependent on him in any way. Who knows, maybe he was also intrigued by the fact that I had lost interest in him...maybe he liked a challenge. All I know is that when he broke up with me all I wanted was to get back together then with NC and the passage of time and seeing others, I gained some perspective and he started calling again and trying to date me.

 

There is no formula or way to get your ex back. But there is a way to get your life and your happiness back and put yourself in a position to attract them again. But be forewarned...when that happens, you might not want them anymore and you might wonder why you spent all that time and energy thinking about getting them back. I've lost count of the number of times I've seen this happen but it seems like when they finally come around, they are often not wanted anymore!

[onlineguy]

Hi Guys, I did it and sent a text saying that I hope she was well, pity it did not work out for us and just to wish her a very merry xmas and happy new year.

 

It did not make any difference, received no reply.

[Ellie2006]

Are you okay?

Sorry things didn't work out

[onlineguy]

I gues the sense of failure is hard to handle. Especially when caused by a misunderstanding.

 

She just was not prepared to listen !

[onlineguy]

I GUESS THE ANSWER TO THIS POST IS THAT YOU CANT GET THEM BACK.

 

SO BECAUSE OF THIS, AS SOON AS THEY SAY IT IS OVER ITS BEST TO WALK AWAY 100% WITH NO CONTACT EVER.

 

How unfair, if ending was not due to a lack of mutual feeling. Thats life I guess.

[Biffy]

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Take it as a positive, IF and I hope you aren't dumped again in the future you'll know EXACTLY how to handle it.

 

As you say, move on and don't look back. If she calls later wanting to reconcile after a period of NC cross that bridge when you come to it. But don't expect it... try not to even want it, think about YOU and what you want. Spoil yourself, improve yourself.

 

Smile.

[onlineguy]

Your right, its just V hard......

[Beec]

It's very hard. And if you really try and work to get them back, and get soem resposnes from them, you often find that the effort goes for naught. Very few people I have ever seen can get someone back AND keep them.

 

As far as the message. It was a decent message. And what harm did it do you? Not much.

[mikeca]

a painful process to go through, make sure you have an idea of what your up against.

[amuse]

behappaybestrong and ladyoo are right.

The point is why did you loose her to the point of no contact.

Reflect on that.

Learn from your mistake and it might not happen again.

[Juha]

It is very hard to accept all of this. I know its true. Just difficult when you try so hard to save something, you actually destroy it more !!. Cant see why she cant see that, but I guess she had already given up, thinking it was not worth the effort !!. (Everything I said she twisted around).

 

 

BINGO!!! We have a winner!!! She is done and when someone thinks like that

there is nothing you can say or do that will change anything...

 

If that is how they think of you then they will have to want to look at you and see how you really are... The odds of her doing that are not good as you were already together and that is the impression she has of you, truth or not...

[lunatic]

I have followed the advise given about not keeping in touch, (This no contact) but to be honest I cant see how this lets the person know you want them back. Or want to win back there love. It appears to give the opposite impression. that you don't give a {mod edit} about them.

 

I want you to read my post on No Contact. From what I can gather you have the wrong ideas about NC. No Contact is a tool for you to take control back of your life and emotions. Not a tool to win them back. Although winning them back can and does happen at times but, I would not count on it.