Ok so it has been a while since I visited this site and it sucks that I am back here but it is my own fault I suppose.
Long story short, dated this girl for 6 months and our relationship was amazing but due to a lack of passion and committment on my part she left me. She was moving anyway and we didn't want to do ldr. Well after she moved I freaked out a bit and later found out that before she moved she had met someone when she went on a trip made out and emailed and stayed in touch. I found out about this after she left and i called her and told her I know and that we can't be friends and pretty much @#$k off, I never want to speak with you again. She was very upset and very insistent being friends. I told her no way. So after about 5 months she had called me. I ignored it and later found out that she had just broken up with her new boyfriend. I thought to myself this is the least classy most selfish person I know.
So around this same time I thought to myself I need to get out and date. So i did a bit. Then I met the most amazing beautiful woman ever. I didn't think I would have such luck so soon. So this moved the ex way out of the picture. She was pretty much an afterthought. So we are still dating at this point. Anyway back to the past. After a few months of dating this girl I get a call from a friend telling me that the ex is back in town and she wants to see me. I told her no.
So she was in town for a few days and I was dead set on avoiding her. I accidentally ran into her one night and we ended up talking. It was nice because I had so much animosity built up in my mind towards her and actually she turned out not being the monster I had envisioned. So we agreed to meet for lunch. We did and it was alright. Some good closure and exchange of email addresses occurred. So i felt great and told my current girlfriend about the whole encounter and felt this was going to be the end of pain involved with my ex.
I was wrong it was only the beginning of waiting for emails and looking at myspace and falling back in love with my ex. So over the past few months we have emailed and actually I have been the only one to call. Phone calls with the ex are a bit akward but still good. I know she is nervous on the phone because her voice is breathy and excited. Nervous because she has feelings for me or because she doesn't want to talk to me? We pretty much just keep tabs on each other and don't talk about anything romantic. And I don't know if she knows that i am still in love with her because I have never told her this or even hinted at this. She has never made any indication that she wants me back and I think I maybe holding to some false hope.
I wish I knew what was going on in her head. I think it would be great to hear, "yes I love you and want you back or No it will never happen I have moved on and you should too." Something very concrete. lately it has hit me like a ton of bricks. First off there is nothing that can be done at this point because I will be out of the country for quite sometime. But I can't stop thinking about her and it is affecting my relationship with my girlfriend, I always beat around the bush with her because I could never, out of pride, tell her that i am still in love with my ex.
I am at a crossroads. What do I do? Be as honest and as blunt as possible please. I wish I had never ran into my ex that night but I have and now I have to deal with it. Please a little advice. Oh it has been about a year and half since I broke up with my ex as well. I need to get my head on straight I know.