breast size conflict!

[shep88ner]

i made a big mistake the other day involving my girlfriend. she is very self-consious about her breast size above all things about her. she is a 34b. she is also only like, 104 lbs so a 34b doesnt look bad on her at all. i really like them. but im in college and she's in highschool back home. so i was surfing pages on "myspace" and ran accross this girl in our highschool. she doesnt know her but i know who she is. well, i texts my buddy (guy friend) about how big this girls boobs here (they're unproportionaly big to her height, she is like, 5'5 and probably has a D cup). but anyway, i went back home for the weekend and forgot to delete my text messages from my phone. well my GF went through my phone and found my omments. she got real upset becasue i had to "look at other girls to get my enjoyment" and all this.

 

then the other day, i was watching her change her shirt and i noticed she had on 2 bras. i asked her why and she said "im too small for you". and this was like, 4 days later after i thought it was all done and over.

 

im just real bummed out about it. i mean, any guy will admit, even if you dont look for other girls, every now and then you cant help but see an attractive girl. i didnt mean anything by it, and i love my GF and her body. it was just a guy talking to a guy and things like that come up frequently.

 

i tried the whole "talk to her seriously about it" but that doesnt work. she wont budge. she still thinks i think she's too small and i dont like her body.

 

i just hate how she has to try to impress me now and wear 2 bra's and all this crap, but i cant stop it. all because of one dumb comment. what can i do?

[Dako]

Maybe you should realize she's a young lady coming to terms with her body and sensitive to your dumb commentary on breasts.

Apologize without defending yourself, then reassure her without making it about her boobage.

 

It's not about breasts, it's about her self-esteem.

[vermilion]

I think it was wrong of her to be going through your messages in the first place.

 

And for 104 a B cup is really good so she should shut up I'm jealous.

 

I don't know what you should do, just remind her you like the way she looks and you didn't mean that you found the other girl attractive, were just commenting on how huge her boobs were.

[Twilight777]

Look buddy, you didn't do anything wrong. I know deep down inside she knows that it's just "guys being guys", but it's gonna effect her regardless. A similar thing happened to me. The guy I was dating (for a few years) mentioned something about being flat to me. Soon after that, I started wearing extra padded bras. I know it seems ridiculous but 95% of women I know really do care how they are percieved physically, and if someone of the opposite sex (whom they are trying to impress) makes a comment about something, they'll usually do something about it. I know someone's going to come on here saying that's shallow and superficial, we should be happy with who we are despite what other people say...blah blah blah. But those people are blessed with great confidence...and MOST people aren't. Otherwise we wouldn't be on here asking for advice, right? We'd be so confident we'd know had to handle any situation right? Whatever.

 

My point is that I know you didn't mean to do it...but unfortunately there's no way to reverse it. My ex continually made efforts to make me feel better about my body, but it was stuck there in my head.

 

Now, several years later...I am a D, and I don't wear padded bras anymore, and he wished he would have never said anything in the first place (so he says now).

 

Sorry, I wish I could help ya, but I'm on the other end of this, and I really don't think there's a way to "unsay" what you've said. Just being purely honest with you.

[Ash]

Sometimes words aren't enough, you have to make her FEEL sexy.

 

Something that starts with your first serious girlfirend and tends to continue for the rest of your life ...

 

My partner is like this, she's smaller and very self conscious. She told me just the other day she'd have an enlargement if she had the money and knew it was perfectly safe health wise. I have to really watch what I say and I'm always mindful and complementary of how she is.

 

Pay lots of attention to her and particularly to how much you like that part of her anatomy.

[scarew]

Yah that would be a tough one for her to get over. I wouldn't expect her to forget about it for a few months man. You could try taking her aside one day and say how sorry you are and that its inappropriate that you would talk like that when you are in a wonderful relationship. Tell her that you think she has the most perfect body in the world, it doesn't mean that every other girl is hideous now, but it is still inappropriate for you to talk that way. Tell her it is meaningless and you think she is absoulutely beyond perfect the way that she is. Tell her that her amazing personality is what you like the most, but her perfect body is just a bonus. Tell her that girl's boobs are TOO big. They're gross and most guys (including you) like a body like hers WAY better. There are probably alot of girls out there who wish they had 34b boobs.

 

I went through this when I found out my hubby's ex has ginormous fakies. Me, of all people, who very confident and already a D-DD, am jealous of someone else. You can't compete with surgery. I got over it though. He kept telling me how fake boobs gross him out and how perfect I was to him.

 

Good luck, its a hard one to recover from, but it actually sounds like she is taking it pretty well, all things considered. For the record, smaller boobs stay perky longer.

[Twilight777]

Sometimes words aren't enough, you have to make her FEEL sexy.

 

Something that starts with your first serious girlfirend and tends to continue for the rest of your life ...

 

My partner is like this, she's smaller and very self conscious. She told me just the other day she'd have an enlargement if she had the money and knew it was perfectly safe health wise. I have to really watch what I say and I'm always mindful and complementary of how she is.

 

Pay lots of attention to her and particularly to how much you like that part of her anatomy.

 

That's really good advice. Especially if your gf is thinking about getting an enlargment. I have to say that I thought about it before my ex said anything, but when he said it, I dove headfirst into research about it...and now I have it, and although I'm happy (very happy ) with it, I think I still would have been "okay" with having a small chest if my ex showed me and told me that he did love it...and didn't stare at big-breasted girls all the time.

[Twilight777]

I used to believe it when guys told me that too (that they didn't like fake boobs) then I started watching their faces when a girl with big ones would walk by, and let me tell you their actions were WAY louder than words. I know a lot of guys like small-breasts too, but I think most guys are just trying to play the "sensitive" guy card when they say they hate big breasts. They'd sound like morons and jerks if they'd ever admit it out loud.

 

Breasts are breasts, fake or real, small or big, most heterosexual guys like (if not love) them regardless.

[barbielovesmac]

I can understand it from both sides. I understand what she is feeling and I understand that you meant no harm. You are a guy, that is what guys do. You'd be lying if you said you didn't look at other girls, and think that other girls aren't attractive. Same goes for the girls, its human nature. I don't think it's about her breast size. The girl is still in high school, she's still growing and learning about herself ... its about self esteem. She's got this boyfriend who is not only away but in college and probably feels threatened at times. I remember being in high school and being really self conscious around my boyfriend and other girls whom i thought looked better then me. It's all about growing up. You just have to be willing to go through this stage of her life with her. Maybe you can try and explain that to her, and reassure her your feelings.

[scarew]

I used to believe it when guys told me that too (that they didn't like fake boobs) then I started watching their faces when a girl with big ones would walk by, and let me tell you their actions were WAY louder than words. I know a lot of guys like small-breasts too, but I think most guys are just trying to play the "sensitive" guy card when they say they hate big breasts. They'd sound like morons and jerks if they'd ever admit it out loud.

 

Breasts are breasts, fake or real, small or big, most heterosexual guys like (if not love) them regardless.

 

Um... I don't think so dude. Fake breasts are tied to someone my hubby has very little respect for. This woman got the implants a month after they started dating so he couldnt even hug her without her whining from the surgery. Then she got veneers and collagen in her lips. It is indicative of her fake personality, and the thought of fake boobs makes him quiver. But we are talking circus big here.

 

I was just trying to say that there will always be someone out there with bigger boobs, better skin, a nicer butt... so yes, shep88er's gf is just dealing with self esteem. I have people ask me all the time if my boobs are fake because they're on the big side, and here I am feeling inadequate next to my husbands ex. I had lower self esteem at that time than I do now. But I still needed to be reassured by my partner.

[Honey Pumpkin]

In my experience, I think guys generally like breasts - big, small, whatever. And are happy to have regular access to a pair, especially if attached to someone they love!! What works for me (as a woman) is when a boyfriend finds me sexy and gorgeous, and shows it.

[TiredMan]

Maybe you should realize she's a young lady coming to terms with her body and sensitive to your dumb commentary on breasts.

Apologize without defending yourself, then reassure her without making it about her boobage.

 

It's not about breasts, it's about her self-esteem.

 

Wait a minute! What did HE do wrong? He didn't say anything to his girlfriend which would validate him being wrong. She was going through his phone.

[Dako]

I read this and the stuff in between:

i made a big mistake the other day involving my girlfriend. ..... what can i do?

 

Maybe he feels he did something wrong and wants to help her.

Otherwise, instead of asking here for advice, he'd blame her, have a big argument and maybe kick her to the curb.

[shep88ner]

the main problem i had was accidently leaving it in my phone. she goes through my phone all the time messin around with it. i never see any harm. but i knew she'd take it wrong if she saw it. id never cheat on my GF nor would i ever dump her or date someone else for their body. but it's hard to believe people sometimes i guess.

 

it all kind of reflects back to a moment we had earlier in our relationship. we were at a little social gathering thing and i was sitting next to her and she was talking to her friend. then the subject of her ex-boyfriend came up. well they're both in marching band and she made the comment about him wearing a cut-off tshirt and playing the drums and she said "all i thought was, 'ah! dont do this to me now!'"...and we had been dating for a good 4-5 months.

 

and i'll admit, im a scrawny guy. im 6'1 and only weigh 140lbs. i think im stong but just not built and all that. so yea, i know my arms arent big and attractive but i dont really dwell on it. becase if it was that big a deal, id work out more. but when she made this comment i felt like crap about it becasue she was still looking at her ex in that way and still thought about him in that fashion. i mentioned this to her when she found this message, and she said the difference was "we were only dating for a little bit and our conversation had been about him for awhile, i just commented on it. you on the other hand went out of your way just to mention it and bring it up. i didnt bring it up." which i just wanted to look her dead in the eye and tell her how much bulls*** her argument was, but i just stayed quiet to avoid a huge fight

[shep88ner]

i just dont understand how she can get upset with me over this and she can make that comment, about a guy she used date only a few months prior. and say it with me sitting right there and then get mad at me for saying something to a friend in a text message. i dont even know this girl, it's not like i was looking for her...it's just one of those things that gets your attention when scanning over a page ya know?

[Day_Walker]

The real problem that your gf has is not that you talked about another girls boobs and that she thinks you prefer larger boobs. She already has an issue with her body and her boobs so the insecurity is already there. I would have told her that she shouldnt have been going through my phone. I wouldnt appologize for the text message but I would maintain that you are into her body. I would put it back on her by saying that you already have body issues and you are searching for more stuff to be insecure about.

[shep88ner]

i dont wanna make it sound like her fault. i mean, yea, she shouldnt have been going through my phone but i cant be upset with her because she got upset. i knew before i sent the message that there was a good chance she'd read it if i didnt delete it and i also already knew how sensitive she was. but i cant get mad at her or pin it on her for being upset about it. i mean, if i read one of her text messages and she told someone how big someone else's penis was, id be upset...and it wouldnt be fair for her to pin it on me why im upset about it.

[Day_Walker]

I would say that it would be completely fair because I dont believe that you can equate breasts with a penis, breasts are clearly visible while a penis is hidden. You have to maintain that this is her issue and yes you did write the text message but her problem is her body image issues and that is what you are being wrongly blamed for.

[TiredMan]

Day Walker makes sense. She had no right to be going through your phone and this is clearly her issue. Yes you can be supportive about it but you didn't do anything "wrong".

[arwen]

Maybe you should realize she's a young lady coming to terms with her body and sensitive to your dumb commentary on breasts.

Apologize without defending yourself, then reassure her without making it about her boobage.

 

It's not about breasts, it's about her self-esteem.

 

I TOTALLY agree. I think not focussing on her boobs is the best way, and please don't defend yourself. You already know this was not the smartest thing to do (commenting other girls breasts, I mean. I think not erasing the text is not the mistake here, the painful thing is that you did this and she knows that now).

 

I can relate to how she feels. I have a small A-cup and I am over 6'. For most women, the size of breasts is a very sensitive issue. What would you feel if you were to find a text about another guy's package in her phone?

 

I think in the end, you can't really make her self-esteem increase. But at least try to take care that you don't do things that hurt her feelings. You say you wanted to delete those messages, but I still wonder why you would discuss another female's breasts in a text to friends.

 

But anyway, just be sweet and if you want to compliment her, do so about her body (in general), about her clothing style, the way she carries herself, how her eyes reflect her personality. Don't over do that of course, but certainly don't overemphasize the way you like her breasts. (occasionally mention that you like them, of course... I know, I am not explaining this in an easy way

 

Ilse

 

Ilse

[Day_Walker]

I TOTALLY agree. I think not focussing on her boobs is the best way, and please don't defend yourself. You already know this was not the smartest thing to do (commenting other girls breasts, I mean. I think not erasing the text is not the mistake here, the painful thing is that you did this and she knows that now).

 

 

I think in the end, you can't really make her self-esteem increase. But at least try to take care that you don't do things that hurt her feelings. You say you wanted to delete those messages, but I still wonder why you would discuss another female's breasts in a text to friends.

 

 

I believe that it is called "self-esteem" for a reason. You cannot make another person responsible for your own self esteem. That is the point here because if she is linking her self esteem with comments he makes then she will never rid herself of her issue and this will become a vicious circle. If she cannot take responsibility for her own issues and that she chooses for them to continue to be issues then she is the prime mover in this problem. Once you solve her problem then the fact that he commented on another girls breasts are no longer the issue.

[arwen]

Well, I have a good self-esteem regardless of a small size, but if my bf would find it necessary to talk about someone else's breasts, it would still hurt my feelings.

[candy604]

yep big mistake, but then again if you did delete your message you'd have something to "hide" which won't be good right. Just learn your lesson and don't do it. If I was your gf i'd be so offended though, you need to apologize to her and tell her you love her and what you did was totally stupid.

 

I have friends that make comments bout other girl's breasts ( or even their of their own friends who are girls) even though they have a gf. I'm so glad their gf wasn't there but it is disrespectful and upsetting.

 

to Daywalker , eventhough breasts aren't penis's but breasts are something that women value though and what society has focused on...so i can see why she'd be upset ( honestly, her size is normal and over the avg anyway, even for a 104 pounder..gosh that's big!)

[Cutting_deeper]

Ok i know you feel bad for whats happened but you can't turn back the clock. You have to explain to her what you ment and don't let her change the subject or back away. Seriously explain it to her. Dakos right it has nothing to do with her breast size and everything to do with the way she feels about herself. Make sure she knows you wouldn't want her any other way! Just be carefull though... Words mean alot espeacially about appearances! Nothing hurts more then finding out your partner would prefer something/one else. I know that is not what you ment but i bet thats how she felt.

[TiredMan]

Well, I have a good self-esteem regardless of a small size, but if my bf would find it necessary to talk about someone else's breasts, it would still hurt my feelings.

 

See. I see the problem that she is so insecure that she is going through his text messages as the MUCH bigger problem here which needs to be addressed. What's next? Tapping his phone to listen to if he talks about it?