Im Only 15 (Help please!)

[Hope75]

I think that sex e has some pretty valid points.

 

FTF, no, she doesn't know your bf, and what she is saying is based only on speculation at this point, but based on your ages and the typical behavior of a guy your age, her ideas or thoughts are possible.

 

I do hope that your test comes out negative and that you and your bf will seek additional methods of precaution (especially since you seem to have bad luck with condoms) in the future so a risk like this does not happen again until you are both older and more prepared.

 

Good luck.

[FallingTooFast]

Why are some people on here so against the underage men?

 

My boyfriend has promised me everything, He would promise me the world if he could.

I have said nothing to have anyone believe he is anything but helpful.

He's the one who said he would wake up 4-5 times a night to help with the baby, even though I said I would.

He's not like most of the "hormone raging" teenagers.

He's different. And I would really appretiate if you would stop trying to judge him, when you don't even know him.

[southerngirl]

You are 15 years old. it would be good if you are not pregnant.

 

I am concerned that you seem to want to have a baby right now. You really have no idea how quickly your life will change, and is about to change if you are really pregnant.

 

I think you should talk to your parents, let them know what you suspect.

 

I also think you should go to a clinic and get on birth control pills or a shot if you want to keep having sex.

 

No, your life wouldnt end but life as you know it would forever change and be gone.

 

I think about where I may have been today vs where I am if I had not gotten pregnant at 19 years old. I know what its like to be young and in love, and I can promise you that now, 10 years later I wish I knew then what I know.

 

I didnt find sex e's post offensive. She was probally trying to help you and give you some insight from someone that is older and wiser than you are. It would offend you because how 'dare' anyone make assumptions but from just your posts I wonder how close to the mark her points really are.

 

Sorry if this offends you, I really hope you think it over.

[agent1607307371]

FallingTooFast, sex e's post is not flaming. She is, however, trying to make you aware that you are not headed towards fluffy clouds and rainbows.

 

The sad fact is that men promise the world. Not all deliver. And men have nothing (except decency) tying them to a girlfriend and her child at all. And to a teenaged boy....

 

If you are so adamant that you will have this baby, expect the best by all means, just plan for the worse.

[FallingTooFast]

I know what I'm headed into.

And I know what im not going to be allowed to do.

I know my expectations.

And I know my restrictions.

 

We have both planned for the worst.

We're not clueless.

We've gone over and over the different scenarios.

-Boy

-Girl

-Birth deffects

-everything.

 

I just hate how you guys are steriotyping teenage boys.

They aren't all the same.

[sweeteyez]

Hi Falling,

 

I hope your having a good day.

Im here to support you, but also share my story.

I had my son at 17 im now 29 and my son is 11.And i knew about the problems with having a baby young, everything you mentioned.My sons father stayed with us and he was 17 at the time as well.

He did support me and i was very lucky as he did stay with me.He loved us and worked full time.I cannot tell you how much of a stuggle it was,if only i had someone sit and talk with me before i got pregnant, and only if i really listened, cuz you see even though i was lucky to have my man stay with me and our son, and support us, things did go bad we had good times, but some real bad times.At your age you think you know what you really want and i remember being like that, i almost hav eto chuckle when i think about it now, as i have matured over the years.

so 7 years later when my son was 6, my partner and my sons father passed away.

So my son is 11, its been 5 years that my partner passed,

im here for you i want to help you, but try to undertsand where everyone is coming from.some of us have been there, and we just want you to open your eyes,im sure your boyfriend is a great guy but people change, people grow, including you.

i wish you all the best

[BornToResist]

I'm not about to give you my opinions on your boyfriend. I don't know him, and if you are pregnant, hopefully he continues to be the greatest guy around.

 

However you don't know what stress will do to a couple.

 

I think it's very nieve of you to say you know what you're heading into. You have absolutely no clue of that you're going to be put through for the next 18 years.

 

I know it is frustrating to hear, but there is a lot of truth being told on this site. You just don't seem to want to acknowledge it. You are viewing everything through rose-colored glasses...how great it would be to have this bond with your bf, have a wonderful little child who will love you to pieces, a family of your own, the whole 9 yards. The reality of it is so far from that though.

 

I am pregnant. I am going to be 23 when my baby is born, am holding down a job, can support myself completely. And you know what? I'm TERRIFIED. I have absolutely no clue of what I'm going to go through. Being a parent is going to completely change my life forever. And I have made my choice, am happy with it, and am preparing the best that I can, but there is no way I can honestly say I know what's coming, because I don't.

 

My sister-in-law was 15 when she got pregnant and kept her baby. She gave birth to my beautiful niece, who did make the world better by being born. But I cannot imagine what this woman has been through. She is forced into her life...she is limited in so many ways. I have had talks with her about how terrified she is because she knows there is no way she can go out and support herself and her child because she got pregnant so young.

 

I was SO in love at 15...thought I was going to marry my boyfriend...lost my virginity. I had more than one pregnancy scare, but I thank God that I never actually turned out to be pregnant. Because as much as I thought that I knew, the truth is, I had no idea what life was about, let alone knew how to raise a kid! I ended up parting ways with that boyfriend and being in love several times after that, went to my prom, parties, etc...all things I didn't know I wanted but was able to do since I didn't have a child. You just never know where life is going to lead you. You are SO young. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are. I don't mean that in a bad way, it's a great thing actually.

 

If you do turn up to be pregnant, you will have so many decisions and choices to make. You might be a parent. It's not just a cute accessory...it's a LIFE. A CHILD. Someone that will depend on you to feed, change, be there for every second of every day. Your life won't be your own. It will be your child's.

 

Please give this a whole lot of thought. It's not something to be taken lightly.

[kellbell]

Hey there Falling,

 

I have been following your story. And I have read this thread over several times to make sure I did not miss any key points or other comments posters have made.

 

First thing's first...make sure you are pregnant. I mean, having a "pretty good idea" and know FOR SURE are two different things. Plus, you are young, periods tend to be irregular for sometime until you are a bit older and then they become quite regular. Just something to keep in mind if you have not already.

 

I read over sex e's posts over serveral times and for the life of me, cannot find anything offensive, or stereotypical about your boyfriend in it. I may be crazy (or not enough coffee) but it seemed like she was on YOUR side and merely speculating your situation with your boyfriend. Speculating and stereotyping are COMPLETELY different things. Plus, I read over your thread and you made no mention the state of your relationship with your boyfriend and so forth, so the only thing we are left to do is speculate or ask questions. However, you did shed light on the situation AFTER sex e's post.

 

I have always felt that mature people are able to handle constructive critisism. And if indeed you are pregnant, then you perhaps will get critized. And that is something you must be prepared for and face head on. Unfortunately, it is the realites of life. People critisize and judge others ALL the time. There is not much you can do about it but you can certainly control how you REACT to such things. All that matters is how you feel about yourself and what is right for you.

 

I am not a mom so I have no idea what it is like to be in your situation. But I have had pregnancy scares in the past and they are not fun. But I would find out for sure if you are pregnant and then take it from there. There is plenty of support here and many around whom know what you are going through, such as Iansmommy. Hang in there and keep talking to us, let us know how you are doing and how things turn out.

 

(((hugs)))

[avman]

FallingTooFast, you did come here asking for advice. People are giving it to you straight. I know it may not be what you want to hear, but everyone posting here is posting from experience. They are trying to give you the benefit of the mistakes they have made, and the knowledge they've gained.

 

Of course you will need to make your own decisions. Nobody here knows your boyfriend, but they do know that there are some common things that teenage boys do. Nobody is saying your boyfriend is exactly like that, but they are giving you things you need to be aware of so that you can make an informed decision.

 

Try to have an open mind and read these posts for what they are - well meaning advice from people who just want you to be happy and not regret anything later on.

[FallingTooFast]

Thank you for sharing your story.

And thank you for not criticizing what you don't know.

My boyfriend is a lot like your partner, it seems.

He's a great supporter, and he's there for me.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I hope you keep updating us.

[FallingTooFast]

BTR:

I know I probably sound naive. And I know I don't know EVERYTHING of what I'm getting in to. But I know I'm not expecting to have a perfect relationship with my child. I know that there are problems. I know that it's a life, and I know it'll depend on me. I also know that once you have a child, they are your life, you give up everything for them.

I know that because I have babysat a child for now almost 3 years, since she was born. She's wonderful, I don't know what I'd do without her. In some ways I act as though she's my child. I care for her like she's my own.

I know you're trying to show me what problems come with this, and thank you, but I know a lot more than you guys think.

 

KB:

I have not mentioned our relationship staus in this post, but in another. And most of the people who had read this post had read the other.Thank you for your concern, and I'm not trying to attack her, I'm trying to defend my boyfriend and myself.

 

thanks much guys

[bigredvick]

make sure you stay healthy and away from anything that can hurt your child. i lost my son not too long ago. She is 15 too. she was 15 weeks. make sure to get checked up. dont eat too many acidic foods, be around smoking or start to smoke, dont drink or start, and dont stand near microwaves.

also dont play too rough. what are all the things you have gone through; breast feeding, etc.

[FallingTooFast]

make sure you stay healthy and away from anything that can hurt your child. i lost my son not too long ago. She is 15 too. she was 15 weeks. make sure to get checked up. dont eat too many acidic foods, be around smoking or start to smoke, dont drink or start, and dont stand near microwaves.

also dont play too rough. what are all the things you have gone through; breast feeding, etc.

 

Thank you for the advice.

Yeah I'm trying to be as careful as possible just in case. And it's hard in the hallways in school but my partner pushes through in front of me.

The hallways these days are like the metro in NewYork/DC!

Again thanks for the advice.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I know you may be tired of hearing it but its reality a child u babysit is nothing like your own child.. I practically raised my nephew from the day he was born but once I had my son it was a world of difference.. YOu can't get tired and ready to nap and hand the child off to rest. You have to be there 24/7 whenever that child needs you. What are you going to do if you have the same problem I had with my son and heends up in the hospital on a respirator not knowing if he's going to live or die.. There's alot more to think about then just the cute clothes u'll be able to buy or how cute it will be to walk around with a child. Clothes are expensive, diapers are expensive, formula is expensive. Children are not cheap how do yall plan on caring for this child? Have mommy and daddy take care of them for ya? Im not trying to baash you but you're making it seem like a nice world, dont get me wrong I wouldnt trade my son for nothing in this world but it has not been an easy road. At first I thought it would be nothing i've taken care of so many children in my life but that all changes when it's your own.

You can't shower whenever you want, you can't go out whenever you want and more then likely once you get older you'll regret not being able to experience all the things you would be able to if you weren't raising a child. There are still many of days I question whether or not I can go on because things are so stressful. There are days that kids just cry all day for no apparent reason at all, are you prepared for that? Think twice before you say yes.

 

Once again, im not trying to attack you but I want you to see the not so glamorous life of beign a mother, especially a young mother.

And I can't say much about your bf because I dont know him but dont think that just because he's around now he's going to be around forever. having a child changes everything including relationships and always remember, its easy for a father to wallk out.

 

Im done with reality if you ever need to talk to a teen mother, or have any questions feel free to PM me on here. and once again dont think im trying to attack you.

[FallingTooFast]

I know you didn't mean that as an attack.

And I know everything is expensive and that I can't do everything when I want, such as showers.

I know that I can't hand him/her off to anyone. I don't think I would try to.

On the who's paying for this thing: He's getting/got a job. I've got a job. And we know how to conserve money, we both know how expensive diapers and formula are.

Thanks for the points though.

This isn't an attack back.

[southerngirl]

Have you talked to your parents about this?

[FallingTooFast]

Not yet. I want to make sure first, because I don't want to get them in it if I'm not.

But my partner and I have talked about how to tell them when (if) the time comes.

[Mythical_Suicide]

you havent tested yet? I would run out ASAP and buy a test.

[Mythical_Suicide]

and I forgot to add if you are pregnant, Go to your local Social Services and Health Department and at your age you would qualify for WIC and Medicaid and that will help you out a bunch. They were a lifesaver for me when I got pregnant with my son, and it still is a big help since he's still on Medicaid.

[FallingTooFast]

yeah I bought the test but I can't take it until the end of the month...

 

Thanks for the help

[sophie274]

I'm really curious as to why you think you are pregnant.

You haven't missed a period yet, right?

Are you having any pregnancy symptoms?

When do you think you got pregnant?

Are you and your boyfriend still having sex, or are you holding off for now?

[BellaDonna]

You will not be able to detect a pregnancy using an over-the-coutner pregnancy test unless you are very close to getting your period, or late getting your period. Most tests are designed to work the day of a missed period (others work a few days earlier, but are more likely percentage wise to give false results, the earlier you take them).

 

My advice would be: wait until the day you are supposed to get your period, and take an over-the-counter pregnancy test. Most are very accurate. Take more than one if you're worried. Whether the results are negative or positive, you should definitely contact a Planned Parenthood or other women's clinic in your area.

 

They can see you without parental consent. If you are pregnant they can go over your options. If you are not pregnant, they can talk to you about different birth control options.

 

They may be able to provide you with information about transportation so you can get there. Perhaps they can tell you about public transportation -or some clinics actually have a service to arrage to take you there. Or, you and your boyfriend can split the money for a cab, like another poster stated.

 

You need to do something, whether you are pregnant or not. Chances are if you're not pregnant now, you will be in the future if you do not educate yourself ASAP about sex and birth control. If the condoms are breaking, something is wrong with the method in which they are being used. You may want to consider other methods of birth control. A Planned Parenthood can help you sort this all out if you feel that you absolutely can't go to your parents about it.

 

BellaDonna

[sex e]

So I'm back. And I see not necessarily well received in the questions I brought up to ponder... So this makes me wonder about some things. Do we really want advice like we say we do? Sometimes we ask friends for advice and get upset with them if it's something we don't want to hear.

 

You all are absolutely right. I've been making a lot of speculations. And you are right, I should not make such assumptions about people I don't know. But my question is, Do WE do enough speculating about our own situations?

 

I'd like to think that part of the maturity and intuition that comes with being a woman or man is our ability to think introspectively. How often do we think about BOTH sides of the coin? Are we thinking of rebuttals to situations and counterpoints? Or are we mostly giving emotional responses and mistaking those as evidence and rationale for our decisions.

 

I am sorry that my words were seen as combative. That was certainly not my intention. I know that the more you push a person, the farther he or she may run. The other person begins to form a "I'll prove them wrong" attitude which can become dangerous.

 

Normally I don't comment about things. I'm sure many are wishing I did that now. I don't often give friends advice; I've begun more and more to just "let things go" and let them figure things out on their own. But I see A LOT of my teenaged self in Falling.

 

So I found myself searching desperately for something to share that didn't sound like I was preaching or chastising but instead extending a hand of friendship, service, and respect...

 

My result was a song by Dream Theater called "The Answer Lies Within". Let me tell you, I really don't listen much to the group, had never actually heard of them at all before I found these lyrics or listened to the song. It's not a judgment, demand, or advice. It's just something to think about. The actual song with music and melody is beautiful. I will say that it's worth listening to when you get a chance to "Google" it.

 

The Answer Lies Within Lyrics

Music: Dream Theater, Lyrics: John Petrucci

 

Look around

Where do you belong

Don't be afraid

You're not the only one

 

Don't let the day go by

Don't let it end

Don't let a day go by in doubt

The answer lies within

 

Life is short

So learn from your mistakes

And stand behind

The choices that you make

 

Face each day

With both eyes open wide

And try to give

Don't keep it all inside

 

Don't let the day go by

Don't let it end

Don't let a day go by in doubt

The answer lies within

 

You've got the future on your side

You're gonna be fine now

I know whatever you decide

You're gonna shine

 

Don't let the day go by

Don't let it end

Don't let a day go by in doubt

You're ready to begin

Don't let a day go by in doubt

The answer lies within.

 

Now I'm not advertising for the band, I just thought the words were really cool. And I think that it kind of spoke to some of the things that have been said. I think that Falling kinda knows in her heart what she wants to do and how she feels about this situation but is looking for support.

 

The things that keep a lot of mommas sane (young and old), the stuff that maintains peace within a lot of women's hearts (single and coupled), the ways a lot of folks cope in tough situations are "me time", reading good stuff, and patience. With those three, a lot of answers to our questions come trickling out. And then many of the things people have been trying to say to us begin to make more sense.

 

I agree with everything that all of the posts have said: Go to the clinic, talk to PP, get WIC (I did), talk to mom, continue to talk to the BF. All of those sound great. I plan to use most or all of that stuff for myself.

 

All I have to add is one question, "How often during this process has Falling taken the time to talk it over with herself?"

 

 

Peace, Love, and Respect,

 

 

E

[FallingTooFast]

I'm really curious as to why you think you are pregnant.

You haven't missed a period yet, right?

Are you having any pregnancy symptoms?

When do you think you got pregnant?

Are you and your boyfriend still having sex, or are you holding off for now?

 

I have had pregnancy symptoms.

I don't know when i got pregnant, in between October 20th and a couple weeks ago.

We're holding off for now until we know for sure.

[MissyM]

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