sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Hey no way, I'd never sleep with this guy again... don't know what I ever saw in him... and lol Lone: yeah paybacks are a bit*h and I did deserve that Lone Link to comment
LONESOUL Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Lol..Sandy I have an ex like that. I have no idea what I saw in her~I cannot even find one thing attractive about her and she's a little crazy (not kidding) I have no idea. None. I must have lost my mind...FOR TWO YEARS! Link to comment
sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Yep Zomb: I hope you do have a great weekend, me I'm never sure how things will go with mine. Link to comment
sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Yeah.... its funny how we think back and think "what on earth was I thinking, he/she was a real freak/wacko/nutbar etc..... Link to comment
LONESOUL Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 ehhhhh. Oh how I know Sandy, you're singing my tune. I hope we all have a good weekend!! Link to comment
sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Yep Lone: Things must be looking up, its very cold here, but the sky is the most beautiful colour of blue, maybe that means i'm feeling more optimistic? Link to comment
sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Lone: Did you say previously you work for the post office? Link to comment
LONESOUL Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Nope, never worked for the post office. Wanted to "go postal" a few times, but never actually worked there. I'm Senior buyer for a distribuitor with locations in the US and abroad. Corporate America. fun fun. How come Sandy? Need a US stamp? Link to comment
sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Naww, but I sent a money order Canada Xpress post to Wisconsin a week ago, and they still haven't received it..... dam thing cost $10.00, what crap service eh? Link to comment
beebee Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 morning friends... hope everyone is better this morning... is anyone looking after my little friend the cat?... im having a hard time folks... nothing is working and i think im loosing my mind... its been way too long for me to feel the way i do about him... i swear i cant distinguish between love or hate for him... im so confused... im on the right anti depressants and i just found a free therapy clinic so i feel a little hopeful... not much, but a little... the therapist told me that i must stop drinking because its a depressant and may effect the anti depressants from working, so i actually went to sleep last night sober... i dont feel any different sorry to say... im just glad that i showed i had the strength to not drink... i look back on my relationship with him and i see all the warning signs... i see all the things i should have seen then, but i was in love... i trusted him and his words... id defy any woman on this earth to not fall for his con, it was that good... 4 years and because of that i lost everything... ok... now im crying... i just LOVE feeling sorry for myself... these pity parties are getting on my nerves... the one thing i cant stand is the fact that hes happy... he hooked up with someone immediately after me because he is so afraid of being alone... that quick... imagine... hes been with her for 3 years now and it still gets to me... i could go on and on but i would bore the heck out of all of you... its just me rambling... i should be happy i have my health and i have brought myself up from the depths... believe it or not the therapist thinks im suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome... aint that a riot?... i cant get over the betrayal... silly me... i need a cup of coffee and a cigg... sigh... and to grow the hell up and get over this!... thanks for listening group... just some free thinking put down... love and peace... Link to comment
sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Sounds like you have an interesting job though..... Link to comment
LONESOUL Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 That sucks, can you track it? I might be able to help you see if it got accross the boarder that way, because I deal with a good bit of international freight~but thats federal, so I'm not sure. Do you have a tracking number? If you do, and you want me to try PM me with it. Link to comment
sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Hey BeeBee: I hear you, your going through the toughest part of things, as all of us here have as well. Yep I feel off the wagon when I got dumped myself..... and still drinking..... but not to extreme (well most of the time anyways, lol) /Hickup Only thing thats going to help is time, I know you've already heard this, but its all about going through the stages as you already know. Do you have people to hang out with? That helps me, but still I can be lonely around lotsa people anyways.... just know you'll be ok, and come here to rant and to get ideas from people going through the same ordeal should help somewhat....... Link to comment
beebee Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 thank you sandy... sweet words from a truly sweet individual... but (isnt there always a "but"?), its been way too long... i am so far out of his radar that im not even a thought in his mind and yet i think of that time with him constantly... crazy isnt it?... im crazy... thank God i dont talk about it anymore to people... they dont want to hear about it anyway... Link to comment
sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Ya know BeeBee I still think of Jack (the ex) everyday, and wonder what he's doing, and I also see him and he's doing the eye contact thing..... your NOT crazy, I'm the same way, sometimes after drinking to much I actually want to contact him, but I haven't.... you aren't crazy at all..... Link to comment
sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Also Beebee: He fooled around with his ex at the end and thats why there wasn't a definitive breakup, so I really never had any closure here, and now he's bailed on her and is back on the street, like he never missed a beat...... it hurts, but I'd be a real fool to let him convince me to have anything to do with him again...... but sometimes I wish ....... I'm an idiot Link to comment
LONESOUL Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Beebee~sorry you are having a hard time. It sucks to let go, its so hard. But like you said, you have been out of his radar for a long time. My ex moved on two months after we broke up (maybe less than that) we were together 7 years. She swore he undying love to me right up until the day I finally had the strength to leave. (of course she didn't want do the things we would have needed to do to make the relationship work...) Anyway, she can't be alone either, so shes with someone new...but it won't last because she is unhappy with herself. And even it if it does work, I have to tell myself who cares? If I am going to be with someone I want to be with someone who loves me and who want to build a life with me. Someone who will build me up and hold my hand and go through this thing called life with me, because they cannot imagine doing it with anyone else. Some faithful and kind. I think I deserve it. I think you do as well. We have to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and learn to believe that we deserve to be happy. You too Beebee. You deserve to be happy, you have paid for your shortcomings, forgive yourself for the things you have done in the past, and when you are ready begin to forgive him for what he has done now. Its okay to heal. Heal. Link to comment
LONESOUL Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Sandy I just PM'ed you what I found out so far, it arrived in the US on the 6th.... Link to comment
beebee Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 thats why i went nuts because there was no "closure" at the end of my relationship... i thought i was going to have a nervous breakdown... how did yours end?... he just walked out?... you just walked out?... amazing... i was told that it was over because i didnt rollerblade amond other things that were as equally inane... ... when i finally got him to tell me the truth (3 years later), he said i didnt do anything wrong... another ... that he felt he wanted to end the relationship months before but was afraid that i would leave... now does that make sense?... so i gave up everything for nothing... its killing me... Link to comment
LONESOUL Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Are you referring to your marriage when you say you gave up everything, for nothing? Because Beebee, I am of the opinion (and I might be wrong) that people do not leave there marriage unless something is missing either for them in the relationship or, within themselves concerning the relationship. You need this time for reflection, you need this time for inner growth. You're not crazy, you're hurting and now you must begin to take the steps you must take to move forward. Living with regret isn't going to change things, but learning about yourself and becoming stronger and better from doing so, will. Link to comment
beebee Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 no... i didnt loose my marriage... strange but true... my husband and i are back together... i never thought in a million years that he would change, but he has... his attitude towards me is totally different and im different... he was extremely controlling when we were together... he no longer is and as for me, i no longer let him or anyone control me... what i lost was my home... my husband and i were not rich people... we put most of everything we had into our home, which was after all that time, beautiful... the man i left him for insisted that i sell it and come to him... insisted, constantly... insisted that i get a divorce... insisted, constantly... so i did... we are talking alot of money i lost... sigh... aside from that im just angry and i cant put my finger on why?... am i mad at myself?... am i mad at the man that drove me to do this?... was i so pathetic to be led and controlled that i gave in to him?... how sad for me... but i thought it was love... i truly thought he loved me... im just shaking my head here... what is my problem?... most of all i dont want him to be happy... thats the main thing... he screwed me totally with no thought and now i want him screwed... i cant loose that thought... it consumes me... why?... why the hell do i give a hoot?... who cares?... i should be dropping this stuff and focusing on building my own life again... what am i whinning about?... what deep seeded major malfunction is in me to continue this?... ergo, im nuts... see?... most people would say i deserve it because of what i did... who knows?... karma?... wish i believed in it... will karma hit him?... again, why do i give a DAMN!... maybe one of you can see when i cant... Link to comment
LONESOUL Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 If you don't let go of the anger, it will consume you. It will keep you in that place of limbo. The oppisite of love is not hate (not that you said you hate him) but it is not hate it is indifferance. You have to find a way to channel all of that negitive energy you have towrd him into a positve enegry toward yourself. Do you want someone to tell you you have the right be be angry? Okay, you do. Now what are you going to do with it? One rule, whatever you choose to do with your energy/anger from this day forward cannot cause futher destruction to anyone including yourself other than that~feel free. What positive will you do with your energy? Link to comment
desertnomad Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Good morning everyone...I was thinking on the bright side, no after holiday let down for us huh? We will be glad that xmas is over. As for me I just put on blinders and refuse to notice anything xmas. I actually saw some decorations in the mall yesterday for the first time for a second and then looked away. I havent been doing so well myself lately..or the cat (it has a large hairball) I dont think I will ever find anyone ever again that will 'fit' right with me. My ex and I did get along very well most of the time at least on the surface.. *the cat gives beebee a hug* Link to comment
beebee Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 i love that cat!... lol... gotta get me one... just one question and then i will sit back and read everyone elses posts about whatever is on their mind about themselves... no more about me... do you all think im still in love with him?... i cant decipher anymore... and yes lone... ive said that so many times in my life... "the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference"... Link to comment
sandyv Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 BeeBee: There was no goodbye with Jack and I, we have mutual friends and I heard he was with her..... right after the night before talking to him....??? Then after that I'd see him I'd leave the cafe right away, not even look back, and go home and cry my face off.... and its still happening now, although I don't run away anymore, I just ignore him, everyone at the bar is now telling me he "misses me", but I just can't go there, although I Love him still........... Link to comment
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