Do guys like this exist?

[laboheme]

I'm trying to convince myself that there are more worthy guys out there that I could potentially start a relationship with (not right now, of course!!! But after my current situation is, well, over). Yes, I want all the classic characteristics of a good boyfriend. Caring, attentive...Duh. Won't go into that. Yes, some guys are jerks, but I know that truly nice guys do exist. But here's the dilemma (some people may consider these requirements a little shallow, but they are important to me, and I will not cave on them):

 

In addition to the obvious "good" traits, I want the guy to lead a very clean lifestyle...For example, no drinking. It's quite a big deal to me. I would tolerate maaaaaaybe a glass of wine or a beer, but even then...very reluctantly. It would cause a lot of spats, because ideally, I would not want him to drink at all. No smoking, no drugs goes without saying. And since sex is an important issue nowadays, I need someone who shares my views on it -- which are hard to explain, but they boil down to no sex for a really long time (and marriage has nothing to do with it!)

 

But it seems that most guys like that are quite religious. Which means they wouldn't tolerate little agnostic me. As a friend, sure, but as a serious girlfriend, no. I'm not against religion, of course...things just wouldn't work with a person who, if he had a family, would want the whole family to be religious instead of just him.

 

So, can I try and console myself with the fact that guys like that exist??? I know at least one who does (The Ex), but should he be considered a rare and endangered species?

[dogheadma]

He's out there; within parameters. Just don't forget that there is no perfect relationship and as long as you find someone who meets a majority of your requirements, mainly the ones that you think are most important, and the ones they don't meet you can accept and be happy with, then it can happen for you.

[johnagent1911]

wait for the one that steals your heart than the other things you speak really wont matter... they kinda fade away. but what do I know right?

[jsx730]

Well, I'm not gonna lie, I think you're a bit picky. Guys like that are rare. I'm sure there are plenty out there, but one isn't going to fall into your lap. I think the probability of you finding a man like that may go up with age. Not too man younger guys are going to want to not drink/have sex.

 

I think I fall into the "nice guy" category pretty damn well. I hold my girlriend above everything else in this world, and I treat her accordingly. With that said, I still:

 

1. Drink Alcohol regularly

2. Need/Want sex (and lots of it, at that)

3. Have my fair share of bad traits (occational laziness, unorganized, and other attributes that drive my GF nuts now that we live together)

 

I don't think your are shallow for having these "requirements", although I would hope that you wouldn't pass up the otherwise perfect man simply because he likes to drink.

 

I can understand your stance on sex, but I'm not sure the harm in a little intoxication now and then, as long as it's keot under control.

 

All in all, it's like shopping for a used car. You can't have one made from the factory specifically to suit every last one of your needs, but chances are that one was made that is pretty damn close.

[ImThatGirl]

I think there are guys like that out there....!

 

The opposite would mean that every guy wants beer, sex, and only fun, right? And that can't be true, it just can't!

 

With that said, I'll say - I had high standards when I decided to date again. I found a good guy, that does like an occasional beer but doesn't go out, that is willing to wait, and a good guy overall. Now, I have bent my standards a bit but I think that is a must. We can't expect someone to fit in a cookie cutter!

[now_better]

i know someone like that. his friends and cousin say he should drink more often to build tolerance so he won't look so silly if they go out. but he doesn't necessarily agree with that though. he also thinks that's he not "exciting" enough for girls, that they're looking for all that jazz, not a stable rock... i think he'll do okay eventually.

[Dako]

Love is unpredictable. You may find a guy that fits those requirements, but may fall for one who doesn't. I once fell for someone totally different from what I wanted, and was very happy.

[Juha]

Try to not put people into categories by what they do because that is not who they are...

 

You may meet someone who does drink a few beers when out and likes sex and you may miss out on a great person...

 

What you want may be there in front of you but you may not look at them because of your restrictions...

 

I once had a list of what I wanted detailed much like yours but with age you realize it may not be the best thing...

 

GL and I am sure you will figure things out...

[chris2810]

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[Day_Walker]

I doubt that you will find a guy that fits those perameters but he may be out there.

[chai714]

I think your post reveals that not only do you have an ideal man, but everyone has particular traits and personality types they prefer.

 

I have found in my experiences that what women want and what attracts them are often very different. Otherwise, real "bad boys" would never get dates.

[atraceofblood]

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Those type of guys do in fact exist... Im one of those guys. lol

 

haha me too, except the religious part, although I'm not religious, but I do have my beliefs.

 

I also think guys like this do exist, with variations. I hope girls like this exist too! lol

[Kevin T]

I fall under most of those qualities, but the anti-religious theme doesn't go well with me. I'd like to believe that there is someone out there for everyone, so keep your chin up. (Heck, were I to post all of the qualities - physical and otherwise - that I'm looking for in a mate, it'd blow you away!)

 

You may well find someone who is just what you are looking for!

 

Don't settle for less. You'll be grieviously unhappy if you do. Trust me on that. lol

[New_Horizons]

The short answer is YES. I sent you a PM.

 

I know many guys who don't drink and I also know many guys who say I will never fit in unless I drink. These are the guys who are most insecure with themselves.

 

I'm like Kevin, do you want to know what *I* look for in a girl? I'll NEVER find such a girl but it's ok to dream, right?

 

- Virgin and never been kissed

- doesn't smoke or drink, or drinks very rarely

- not too religious but not an atheist either

- not too outgoing

- smart/intelligent, affectionate, honest and loyal

- opinionated, independent but not controlling or uber-feminist

[speed_demon]

Rarely drink (probably once to three times a year max, and one per time.)

Dont smoking (alleric anyways)

Don't do drugs

Sex is fun and all but I find it over rated. (probably because I'm getting my life back on track since my big loss, my grandmother passed away last year)

 

I'm not a religion freak either.

 

And I'm loyal, etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.etc. I'm just what all my girl friends (not GF) want in a guy but no one ever takes the time to look at the quiet nice guy "friend"... their loss.

[savannahohsavannah]

Are you sure these "wants" are really not just a sign that you want complete control in your relationship? I'm thinking this is a sign, not necessarily the guy you need. A guy who'd give it all up for you would wind up with your disrespect, admit it!

Savannah

[CyberCowBoy]

I wonder what your beef is about booz? I don't drink ever but the girls I have dated have all been drinkers and it din't cause anything significant. While it is true that alot of guys in your parameters wil be reigous, and your right it is best for both of you that you not fall in love cause it would be a problem having children, there is one more group out there.

Guys on antidepressents. I take paxil cause I have ADD and Im about as interested in sex as the man n ther moon

[sidehop]

Yes there is & keep looking. Even if you think he doesn't exist, he may just show up in your life tomorrow, next week or a month. Don't give up

 

It also means you should be honest with yourself and the people you meet.

[atraceofblood]

so what do you think laboheme?

[laboheme]

so what do you think laboheme?

 

Well, it is reassuring to know that you thinks guys like that do exist, although it's painfully obvious that they are hard to find. Thanks for providing some examples!

 

As far as control goes, I'm not saying that I expect a guy to drop everything he enjoys doing because of me. I never said anything about wanting a guy who won't hang out with his friends just because he has me! Or giving up sports, or anything other activity he enjoys. And while it might have sounded like it, I actually don't have a cookie-cutter list all made out! I like to think that I'm quite flexible on many things! Honestly, I can't even think of the ideal physical type, the ideal interests (as long as he has SOME interests!) or his ideal profession...never even thought about why those would matter (although I admit that if the guy I'm dating ends up being a scientist, my dad will steal him away from me and make him into his little minion/partner in crime, haha. And then make me breed mad scientist children with him. Doesn't mean I would automatically rule out scientists though -- just keep them away from my daddy!)

 

And I'm not denying the possibility of me falling in love with someone who doesn't match those two basic requirements. However, what do you say to a person who is madly in love, but...they don't want kids, while their partner does? Chances are, you'll tell them to end the relationship, no matter how much they love their partner, because they will not be able to have a happy family together. And in my case, the clean lifestyle issue is as important as having/not having kids, for quite a few reasons. It would just be a dealbreaker. (As for the sex issue, well, that will be resolved with the right combination of a guy's low libido, a committed relationship, and compromise on what I can do for him while we wait for me to be in a place where an "accident" wouldn't ruin my life and career.)

 

But I guess going to one of the top party schools in the nation is not exactly conducive to finding what I want...

 

(And Sheyda -- you're a lucky gal to have a guy like that!)

[Dating Coach]

Your man can't drink? Yeesh! I hope you plan on letting each and every guy you start getting serious with know how strongly you feel on this subject. I personally would be a bit disappointed if I were dating a girl that I was starting to like and then she tried to tell me that if I want to be with her I have to drink no more than a glass of wine or a beer every great once in awhile!

[laboheme]

^ Very good point, and I do intend to make my intentions very clear. The last thing I want is a relationship where the guy can't be himself or do what he likes because I disapprove of it. So yes, my opinions on the subject have to come out right away. If he doesn't respect them, then bye-bye, maybe we can just be friends?

[atraceofblood]

what school do you go to? I go to a school that has a lot of partiers too, but there's gotta be girls that don't put partying as a priorities! I met one last year actually, but she already had a b/f among other things.

 

So I'm sure you can find a guy somewhat similar to what you want.

[sidehop]

^ Very good point, and I do intend to make my intentions very clear. The last thing I want is a relationship where the guy can't be himself or do what he likes because I disapprove of it. So yes, my opinions on the subject have to come out right away. If he doesn't respect them, then bye-bye, maybe we can just be friends?

 

What you're doing in my opinion is a very good thing.

 

This is why I feel a lot of peoples' relationship fail. They try so hard to impress the potential mate to a point they are fake. They'll impress for few weeks & the first few months. The sparks & the wonderful feelings start to diminish because for many it was an act. There's just no commitment.

 

And I know exactly where you're coming from because I was definitely not myself few years ago. One day I realized I want people to accept me for who I am & there will be people especially girls that won't be interested. I can assure you there is someone out there for you. Being honest in a relationship especially in the beginning & being yourself like you mentioned is more worth then anything else that will happen later.

[johnagent1911]

Hahahahah I love people that don't see their own faults.