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Why do they ASK these questions?? sheeesh....


Shadows Light
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I've read it on so many posts and it drives me batty....

 

Why is it that men have to know about a former lovers prowess in bed with his lady love. They have to ask those tough questions...

 

Was he better in bed than I?

 

Was his penis bigger than mine?

 

Which do you like better?

 

Was he a better kisser than I?

 

did he do this for you.. or that for you????

 

 

And... inevitably.. ladies, how do you answer??? If the person asking the question is someone you care for and want to keep around... of course you say.. "Oh No Baby.. You are the best"... how often will you tell him...

"Oh man he was so great in bed... he was this and he was that... don't sweat it honey... you'll get there..."

 

I think the Magic... Chemistry (whatever you want to call it) is Unique and special between each couple. And there it should stay.. between that couple.

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I am seeing some of my exes in a much more positive light now. NONE of them ever asked me such questions.

 

But, if they did, I would turn the tables and say something along the lines of: "It hurts me when you ask these questions, because it seems you're more focused on my relationship with them than the one I'm in with you."

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Hey SL,

 

I have had a similar situation with my last ex, asking the same questions:

 

Does it bother you I am 5'7" and your previous exes were 6'2"?

 

Is my equipment large enough for you?

 

Am I in good enough shape for you?

 

Am I too old for you?

 

The list goes on.

 

My response was, I don't care about looks, it's what's inside and personality that matters, which has held true for me. What good is a pretty box if the contents are sour and mean?

 

It just shows a lack of self-esteem on their part.

 

I don't ask men if I am decent enough for them, they either like me as I am, or cianara, good-bye, because I am not changing.

 

Hugs, Rose

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One word. Ego.

 

I'm not going to argue about whether it's right or wrong to ask these questions. All I know is that our partners' past experience makes some guys (including me) insecure and one way of busting our insecurity is to TALK about it. It seems like women criticize guys for bottling up our feelings, well here's your chance to be a kind listener by allowing your guy to express his feelings. If these questions are too much for you to handle, are you really compatible with each other? If you really love him, you shouldn't mind the questions. And if he really loves you, he shouldn't mind the answers.

 

Be honest and sincere in your answers. That's what we like. Guys can recognize lies better than generally believed. Of course if you say, "my EX's penis gave me more pleasure", be prepared to explain why you aren't with your ex and what you DO like about your current partner.

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those are the LAST things i would EVER ask a woman!

 

I'm glad to hear it.

 

But I'm dead serious.. I've read these things on threads here and have heard them else where.. .and it just amazes me...

 

I'm pretty darned secure with myself the way I am.. and I think I'm a good sport about allot of things.. lol. I think its awesome to have your "lover" compliment you... everyone wants to know that they ROCK the other persons world... but I sure as heck don't want to be compared. Nor.. do I do any comparing. At least NOT to THIS extent... "was he bigger than me??" What the heck is that all about??

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Don't you think women do the same things, but just with different types and areas of questions? When she asks him, whoever the couple is, what his ex looked like, isn't that similar?

 

oops, now I have definitely asked guys what their exes looked like... and I was fishing for a complimentary comparison, I admit it!

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Be honest and sincere in your answers. That's what we like.

 

I'm comfortable in talking about.. what I like and what I don't like. I don't have a problem with that.. and I do think a couple should communicate those things with each other.

 

"I like to be touched...all over... there's 6 foot something of me.. and not just the erogenous zones..."

 

"We never did it with the lights on.. and I really like making love by candlelight"

 

That sort of thing... I think thats common place. What I find uncomfortable is the SIZE questions... or the SATISFACTION questions.

I am out of that relationship... so what the heck does it really matter. Its not all about the bed sport anyway. By the time the prior relationship is on the skids the bedsport has gone to pot anyway.

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I've been asked by guys I've dated, sometimes it was said in a half joking sort of way, other times it was serious. I simply told them that I was with them now and I preferred to leave the details of previous relationships where they belonged, in the past. Some took this to mean the ex lover was 'bigger', or 'better' but like Beec said, it's more their insecurity that lead then to think that then my answer, and that is why they asked in the first place.

 

It's weird- I've never asked a boyfriend if his ex's boobs were bigger then mine... what difference does it make, really?

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i cant say ive never asked those questions...

 

but reading your posts makes me see it in a different light.

 

its just that sometimes we love our woman so much that we want to give her the best she has ever gotten, and be the best she has ever had.

 

I understand your point though.. it is something that should be asked and you know what? from now on i will never ask those questions ever again

 

hey, atleast you got through one guy

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...

 

It's weird- I've never asked a boyfriend if his ex's boobs were bigger then mine... what difference does it make, really?

 

i think its different for guys, i understand your point... but sometimes we cant help but think.. what if he was better or bigger why would she want to be with me?

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Haven't been with anyone who asked those questions, Thank God!

 

If he did, I'd most likely turn it back around to what I like about sex with him.

 

It's kind of a golden rule of mine to keep insecurities out of the bedroom. Also, I will not talk of past lovers at all. I don't think it is relevent.

 

I do know that if questions like that were asked, we would not be having sex that night.

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i think its different for guys, i understand your point... but sometimes we cant help but think.. what if he was better or bigger why would she want to be with me?

 

For your money of course!!! KIDDING... I'M KIDDING !!!! LOL..

She wouldn't be with you if she didn't want to be with you. "LOVE" is not all about what happens between the sheets. The bedsport is just the icing on the cake.

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"LOVE" is not all about what happens between the sheets. The bedsport is just the icing on the cake.

 

If that is so why do relationships crash and burn as soon as the sex becomes bad? Even worse, why do relationships fail to start in the absense of a man's good looks? Don't get me wrong, I too believe that sex is just the icing on the cake but it seems to me that all the women I've had the misfortune of meeting were only interested in the icing.

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i think its different for guys, i understand your point... but sometimes we cant help but think.. what if he was better or bigger why would she want to be with me?

 

The thing about this is- we ARE there with you. We made a choice. Whether the ex was 'bigger' or used different techniques really isn't important. Obviously he wasn't that special or we would still be with him, and not with you. Right?

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If that is so why do relationships crash and burn as soon as the sex becomes bad? Even worse, why do relationships fail to start in the absense of a man's good looks? Don't get me wrong, I too believe that sex is just the icing on the cake but it seems to me that all the women I've had the misfortune of meeting were only interested in the icing.

 

Dont have a stats report in front of me... but I'd be willing to bet if thingss are not right elsewhere.. things arn't right in bed either. I think relationship problems can spill over into the rest of the relationship if there's something wrong in another area.

 

For instance... If my S.O. is disrespecting me or disregarding me.. how the heck will I be able to "love" him in the bedroom??? If I don't feel good about myself out of bed.. how will I feel good in it???

 

Looks... lol. All I can say is that you were with some shallow women. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And Love is blind.. truly... lol. have you ever seen a couple walking down the street, hand in hand... in love and oblivious to the world. And you think.. WOW .. what a mismatched couple. How did that happen?? LOL.

 

I remember one of my "X" boyfriends.. and while I was with him, I thought he was the CAT's MEOW... I saw him a few years later after we broke up.. and thouhgt.. "what the he!! was I thinking???" lol. And darlin.. we didn't break up because he suddenly turned back into a frog. I can only imagine.. that the MAGIC had worn off for him too..and he thought.. "Ohhhh HeII... I dated that Giant women... eeek"

 

So.. no... I don't think its all about looks.

 

I'll ammend that to say... not as you get older. As you get older its less about looks than the whole package.

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For your money of course!!! KIDDING... I'M KIDDING !!!! LOL..

She wouldn't be with you if she didn't want to be with you. "LOVE" is not all about what happens between the sheets. The bedsport is just the icing on the cake.

 

lol

 

why is it that so many women that arent satisfied in bed but love their husband will end up cheating on him ?

 

its things like this that make men want to ask these questions.

 

my ex g/f whom i was with for 2 years told me that she still loved me but that she wanted to go have a bunch of one night stands with different men... why ? because at the end of our relationship i wasnt pleasing her like i did when we first started to date.... after 2 years of the same old.. sometimes you just "dont feel like it".

 

you might find this funny coming from a guy lol usualy its the other way around.

 

But you know what.. i realised that i made a mistake but its to late she is already sleeping with another guy but its ok i dont care anymore

 

but like i said, i realised that i made a mistake and well.. i will always please my lover like if it were the last time i would see her.

 

hope you understand my point of view

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Your girlfriend never loved you, dude69. It's impossible to love someone and yet justify cheating or one night stands. I'd say you had a lucky escape. I would expect that kind of behavior from animals - the urge to impregnate, or be impregnated by, as many of the opposite sex as possible. It seems like many human beings are no better.

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Women pull similar questions on me... except... they substitute penis for something more appropriate.

 

I usually find that the right response is to be truthful and let them know they are *perfect*...

 

Is my XXX the right size? Yes... it's perfect... it's *exactly* what I have always wanted.

 

Was so-and-aso better in bed than me? No.. you are the best *all around* person to be in bed with... why would I even think about so-and-so when you're here with me? Even, I bet so-and-so could learn a few tricks from you (which is invariably the case... unless it isn't.. in which case you have my sympathies)

 

For the women folks the ever present... Have you ever been with someone with a biggger penis? Yes... and it sucked... yours is so much better because I can do so many more things with it.

 

etc.

 

I mean, it's a question based on self-esteem. So, as long as they are adequate, make sure they know they are exactly what you want right now. That makes them perfect...

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hope you understand my point of view

 

I do understand your point of view. I think.. the points you made are very valid. but they are a little off of what I originally posted on.

 

My love life prior to my love life with my current S.O. was a separate entity.

 

Asking such raw questions about size, girth, and technique....are just.. just... eeeeesshhh. Something.

 

In regards to why people cheat... whole separate topic. I guess there are a million reasons why. But to your point... why would someone leave a relationship if there wasn't a sex life? or there was a lack of intimacy?

 

Sex may be the icing on the cake.. but a cake without icing.. is just cake. Dry. eh?? make sense???

 

What is the difference between being "friends" or "Lovers"???

The difference is in the level of "INTIMACY"... Lovers are friends who have gone a step further and phsycially express their feelings through intimacy.

 

If you don't have Intimacy... or you lose the intimacy.. then what do you have??? Friends eh?? LOL... thats not true either because at some point resentment will creep in and you are no longer friends either.

 

We're human. We are wired to procreate. Humans are the only animal in the animal kingdom that "CAN" have intercourse for pleasure and not just purposes of procreation. Actually...in the animal world Females usually only allow intercourse when she is in Estress... (in heat). So... guys are pretty darn lucky that the human female can have sex and can enjoy sex.. at anytime other than.. when she's in heat.

 

Dude... we've all messed up in our previous relationships. No one gets out unscathed in some way. Everyone owns a piece of the "BLAME" pie. BUT.. the difference between you and someone else... could be is if you LEARN from where you may have gone wrong, and grow from your experiences.

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