am i too jealous?

[gimmy3]

tonight my boyfriend said he couldn't hang out because he had plans with his friend who is a girl. when i asked what they were going to do he said that she was going to cook him dinner..that made me really upset. i told him before he left that i didn't like it, but he told me to stop and that it was just a friendly thing. if she was cooking for other people also that would be different, but its just the two of them. isn't that something couples usually do?? none of my guy friends have ever cooked me dinner before..am i being silly or do i have a reason to be upset about it?

[Phoenix69]

If it upsets you, he is YOUR BF and he shouldn't do it. How long have you been together if you don't mind me asking?

[g44]

it upsets u and is important to u, it should be for him. you are his gf, the other is a friend - that should be an easy decision. if he goes ahead, that should be a warning sign. talk with him about this. because u are heading for a break up.

[InaneCathode]

Er, well. A girl is going to make him dinner. That's, lemme see... *counts* at least 10 times more romantic than having dinner that's brought to you. You should probably point that out to him.

[doyathink]

I think he is disrespecting you by doing this even though you have made it clear to him that it bothers you.

Maybe it's time for the two of you to have a sit down and discuss boundaries!

[Gracelove]

You're the girlfriend you get top priority.

I mean where is his sensitivity towards you???

It sounds like an obvious date.

[InaneCathode]

You're the girlfriend you get top priority.

 

Couldn't disagree more with this concept.

[yeawutever]

Lte him know how you feel about it. Now if he knows very well you don't like the idea, but stll does it anyways then he's not valuing nor respecting you.

Even if that's nothing to be upset about, if there's set boundaries in a relation, then they should be follow.

[renaissancewoman101]

How often do you hang out with your bf? Did he knows this girl before he dated you? Reason I ask is because a lot of people have friends of the opposite sex and sometimes they will do things with their friends, and you have to understand. If there is nothing sexual between them and they never were attracted to each other and just are friends, then you shouldn't worry. Give him some trust and some space.

[Aschleigh]

Give your guy some space to go on a date with another women?

When I have cooked dinner for a man it was date.

I would ask him what's up and tell him that this makes you very umcomfortable.

[renaissancewoman101]

Really, what constitutes a "date" per se? When people post about having friends of the other sex, people on here are supportive and say that people should have friends, that your SO should not be suspicious if there is nothing to be suspicious about and that having friends of the other sex is NOT WRONG.

 

Then why are you guys all ganging up on the OP's SO? So what if he has a female friend and cooks for her. That is not a boundary breaker now is it?

 

In relationships what would be considered boundary breakers? When I was dating my ex, I had friends of the opposite sex and I would hang out with them when I couldnt see my ex. Didnt mean I was having sex with them, dating them, etc. I went on trips with them on occasion because my ex couldnt afford the time or money to travel. He didnt have a problem with it.

 

I think you guys are being a bit harsh on the OP's SO.

[yeawutever]

I wasn't being harsh on the OP's SO. All I say was that if there were boundaries made by the other person and if the SO continue to disregard whatver it made their partner uncomfortable then it would be consider disrepectful.

 

As for me, I would not mind at all. It's normal to have friends of the opposite sex.

[InaneCathode]

If the guy had many friends that do that for him all the time it wouldnt raise red flags in my head. But the fact that theres *one* girl that he's 'good enough friends' with to receive a home made dinner, presumably at her house is concerning.

[babypink61]

I don't blame you for getting annoyed by the situation. I think I'd get bothered too. And it just seems really weird that she didn't invite you to come along, I mean, that would be the respectful to do in my opinion.

[jazzgirrl]

I don't blame you for getting annoyed by the situation. I think I'd get bothered too. And it just seems really weird that she didn't invite you to come along, I mean, that would be the respectful to do in my opinion.

 

I agree...your BF's friend should have invited you to come along. If she has something personal to discuss with him..she could do it in an email or over the phone...why go to all the trouble of making dinner?

 

Sounds fishy to me.

[yeawutever]

Well there's also times people wanna spend time with their friends, instead of coming to every single meetings with their SO's. There needs to be a bit of space for everything.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Oh wow! Everyone needs to chill! I am with renaissancewoman on this. Cooking dinner does not equal relationship and date. There is nothing magical about cooking dinner. Maybe they are just good friends. I have cooked dinner for a male friend and he has cooked dinner for me, yet there is absolutely nothing going on between us. Strictly platonic, never has been, never will be interest. If a guy wants to cheat or have a date, he will do it anyway, dinner or no dinner. Perhaps the older you get, the more you realize that a lot of what people consider "romantic" or "date stuff" is simply very much a cliche and doesn't necessarily mean anything. I wonder if it is the dinner thing that is bothering you or the fact that he is friends with this woman period.

[engagedkitty]

tonight my boyfriend said he couldn't hang out because he had plans with his friend who is a girl. when i asked what they were going to do he said that she was going to cook him dinner..that made me really upset. i told him before he left that i didn't like it, but he told me to stop and that it was just a friendly thing. if she was cooking for other people also that would be different, but its just the two of them. isn't that something couples usually do?? none of my guy friends have ever cooked me dinner before..am i being silly or do i have a reason to be upset about it?

 

 

That is highly disrespectful. He's not respecting your feelings at all. Why is he going to his female friend's house for dinner? Very suspicious. Why didn't he bring you? Why were you not invited? I know that when my man's friends want to do stuff with him they always tell him to bring me. HE should have stayed home and cooked you dinner, my man said. Yes, you have a reason to be upset about it. It's your female intuition going off. Pay attention to it, don't disregard it. If you are suspicious about something it's because your internal alarm is going off- and it's going off for a reason.

 

I'd be damned if MY man went to some girl's house for 'dinner'. Uh uuuuuhhhhh. And he's probably the dessert. I would not allow that. Lay down the law- also investigate- and question those two's so-called 'friendly' relationship.

[engagedkitty]

By the way- you're not being 'too jealous.' You're being SMART.

[crazybeautiful]

wow i would be upset too. I've never done that to someone i was in a relationship with. It just doesnt seem right.

[candy604]

wow..sounds like a date. I can understand if they just hung out and he needed to eat so she cooked so they could eat, but not if it's a set up date thing.

 

depends on what context it's in. is she just purely a friend to him? or does she like him etc..

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Urm.

 

I have a male friend who I semi-regularly visit, at his house, one on one, and we cook together and have a fine ol' time.

 

And I don't screw him, to be blunt, afterwards.

 

Lemme see . . . I also went away with a girl (she is gay, I'm bisexual) for a weekend and we shared a double bed a couple of months ago.

 

I didn't do her. She was a bit drunk and hit on me, but I did nothing. Might I add..I was also drunk.

 

My boyfriend wasn't elated about either event/set up, but that's the life I always lead, the one I may always lead...and my point is, I did nothing wrong. And I wouldn't - because I LOVE my boyfriend.

 

YAY!