Thats what friends are for???? HA!!

[ElektraHere]

Hi there,

 

 

I am really disappointed with my friends lately. I feel as though I am an afterthought most of the time. The only time I keep in steady contact with them is if I call them. Planning things forget about it, it’s usually me that is planning the dinner or the drinks. Take my birthday out of a dozen people only 3 were able to go for dinner and then we ended the evening early because everyone had to go home. I know they are busy with their lives and families. I am the only friend out of all of us that is still single and has no kids. However, I know they still have social lives but it makes me upset because they never think to invite me.

 

 

This past weekend not one person besides my mother called me. I could have been dead and no one would have known. So I could disappear off the face of the earth and they would be none the wiser.

 

 

My friends I have known for well over 15 years so it’s not like they are fly by night friends. I just am really bothered that I am not even a thought through their head to call and say hi or a quick email to say hi. I see other girlfriends getting together for things or a night on the town and there I am alone again. I can go a whole day or weekend without talking to one person. Does anyone else feel like this especially people in their 30's. Being the last of the singles in your group?

 

 

I mean sometimes being alone is fine but all the time?

[southerngirl]

Well Im not single but oh yeah I feel that way sometimes. I have some long time friends that never think to call me... Makes me feel so rejected.

 

I moved here over 600 miles from 'home' and have yet to make any real friends here. All I have is my husband, my kids, and his mom.... blah.

 

What I wouldnt give to just have a girlfriend to chat with and drink coffee with maybe go shopping..

[ElektraHere]

Yes, I am meeting alot of friends and that I have some things in common with. However, they live in different states Makes it a little hard to go for drinks.

[southerngirl]

Thank goodness I have the internet.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi Elektra,

 

I understand *completely* where you are coming from. It can really hurt to realise that if you didn't make the effort, your friends might not ring to see how you're doing. It stings, and it can catch you off-guard, make you feel quite vulnerable and low.

 

BUT you have kept these friends for 15 years, so well done you! They are people who are there for you when it really counts, but maybe not on a weekend by weekend basis. What I did was to accept that for friends who had children, I *will* have to make the running for a while, to keep the contact going. But at the same time I now try to build up my social life and slot things in to do at the weekend. I plan stuff I want to do, and that's worked a lot, so I feel less dependent on other people remembering to include me!!

 

Also having hobbies of my own helps as well, so I'm doing things that I like doing at the weekend as well. Somehow the busier I am, the more invitations I get - weird, huh? But seems to work somehow.

 

Good luck

[Rainz]

Yep. I can definitely relate to that. I don't have many girl friends who aren't single, and even though a few of them have gone through recent break-ups. They've got their kids to deal with and think about, adjusting to being single Mum's and are just into their own lives of domesticity.

 

There are times where I feel like an afterthought and it can just make you feel isolated. I think it's partly to do with being in your 30's where people tend to have started their families etc and aren't so much into going around in large groups of friends like in your teens and early 20's. I can go ages without seeing talking to my girlfriends these days. As they don't make as much effort to call and check in and arrange nights out etc. I've also made myself less available...however as soon as there's a crisis or they need something we'll see how quick they call, email or text...

 

I'm at a place right now where I'm putting me first. More recently my guy friends are calling me, emailing me and checking in on me far more than my girlfriends are.

 

Also I try to spend time with family or try and find other things to do with my time that don't include my girl friends. Or so called friends.

I've also been hearing other 30 something singles say the same thing, I just think society as well nowadays is more about every person for his/herself as opposed to community.

[dogheadma]

Yeah, I've been in that same boat also. Once in my early twenties and again in my early thirties. The first time wasn't so bad as I just went out and made a whole new set of friends. No problem. The second time, however it really hit home and I had to fully experience the painful fact that sometimes (usually) people just change over time and friendships deteriorate. They last for the amount of time they were meant to and then we move on. Ultimately in this world it is every person for themselves and it's up to us as individuals to make the most of it. Friends or no.

[Dako]

In your mid-thirties, kids, jobs, houses and marriages split up the old gang pretty thoroughly. Who can blame them, changing diapers and working harder to make money and set aside for the kid's education and all that?

I don't know how they do it.

 

I never wanted kids, so I lost a few friends for not having any "family values."

Gimme a break.

[ontheverge]

I totally understand where you are coming from. In fact I just posted a thread in regard to what a few "friends" did to me on my birthday. I am finding that in my case it is family as well that does this too. I have an aunt, who I was particularly close with and on my birthday she gave me a lovely scented candle, and then said, oh it was just something she had laying around. Nice. People wonder why we put up walls. I wish I had an answer for all of this. I find it hard to make friends and when I do, it always just seems to turn to crap. I think its time to become a hermit, after I invest in Kleenex ~lol.

 

 

Take care

[doyathink]

Man I had a hella fun when I was single...When I got married all of my friends were single and did their thing together with out me because I got married and had to 'settle down' on the nights out!