Why is age gap something freaky for so many?

[Baby Carrot]

For most of us, the perspective of an age gap relationship is always somewhat freaky. Probably is a combination of factors... a culture that glorifies youth, stereotypes, mean jokes about age and looks of "old" people, the reaction of ur family and friends, fear of the future -when I'm 30 he's gonna be 55, yikes!!- etc...

 

• Are you in an age gap relationship?
  
• What's the gap?
  
• Did you freak out at first?
  
• About what?
  

 

• If ur not, what's the biggest gap you'd tolerate?
  
• What freaks you out about it?
  

[sumguy]

If ur not, what's the biggest gap you'd tolerate?

 

Five years is probably where I'd draw the line, and even that is circumstancial.

 

What freaks you out about it?

 

I'm not entirely sure, I have nothing but praise and respect for those who make the connection accross generations and bridge the gap. But I don't think I could do it. Probably the "When I'm X age she'll be Y!!!"

[Baby Carrot]

SUMGUY:

5 years... OMG! I'm into a guy that is 23 years older than me... Come on, freak out on me, go ahead...

[southerngirl]

Someone that is 20 plus years older than me would have little to nothing in common with me. I do not feel I could share my life with them.

 

The biggest spread of years I have ever had in a relationship was about 6 years.

[DropToZero]

For most of us, the perspective of an age gap relationship is always somewhat freaky. Probably is a combination of factors... a culture that glorifies youth, stereotypes, mean jokes about age and looks of "old" people, the reaction of ur family and friends, fear of the future -when I'm 30 he's gonna be 55, yikes!!- etc...

• Are you in an age gap relationship?
  
• What's the gap?
  
• Did you freak out first?
  
• About what?

• If ur not, what's the biggest gap you'd tolerate?
  
• What freaks you out about it?

 

I've heard that one way, though it's just ONE way too look at it, is when dating someone younger than you....take half your age, plus 7, and that's the youngest you should go. I think it's that way due to legality etc...I'm not sure so much if it matters once you get like much-much older.

 

Yeah I've been in one, yes I freaked out at first. The first time we "almost" kissed I pulled away and said I couldn't do it. I gave in later anyways...and it was great. I had shame of what my friends would think, that and of the idea of what I thought of myself dating someone much younger than I. It felt like I'd thrown a few morals out the window...but in the end I learned, I didn't really need to care what anyone else thought, and only that I was happy and she was. I used to make fun of a friend for dating someone younger when he and I started college...it only took me until I got into the same type of thing to realize I was only making it harder for him. I didn't understand it because I'd never been in the situation until now...I went back to him and apologized profusely for giving him hell about dating someone younger back then.

[Q10]

IT DEPENDS! when you're younger, the age difference matters, but as you get older, it doesn't as much. Like if you're 18 and if you like a 13 year old compared to if you are 38, dating a 33 year old, it's not the same thing.

[DBL]

Are you in an age gap relationship?

I was in several.

 

What's the gap?

Most girls I dated are between 7-10 years younger then me. A girl I am currently seeing is about 9 years younger then me. I wouldn't do it the other way around since women age faster then men, plus they are usually too mature for me.

 

DBL

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I've heard that one way, is when dating someone younger than you....take half your age, plus 7, and that's the youngest you should go.

 

I've heard that too, and sorry...it doesn't work. Think about it, the older one gets the larger half of their life is. That's saying that a 60 year old's ideal match is a 37 year old. As a very youthful 35 year old, be assured I have no intention of dating a 60 year old. A 90 year old's is a 52 year old. I suppose those could work, and everyone to his own, but that theory of half ones age plus 7 is overly simplistic, and would only apply to someone about 25-30.

[truthbetold]

Are you in an age gap relationship?

Yes

 

What's the gap?

10yrs

 

Did you freak out first?

Yup, I told him I wasn't sure we could be together because he already had children. One of them is the age of my little sister! But hey we've been together now for 1yr and 2mos, I know it doesn't sound long, but we've been through alot, and now we even have a 2week old baby together.

 

If ur not, what's the biggest gap you'd tolerate?

I'm in one, but I was willing to go 20yrs difference for the one I liked before my fiance.

 

What freaks you out about it?

I dunno, me and my boyfriend get along wonderful but every now and again theres stupid things like I've already done that, and I've had two kids already I know what I'm doing. Really I just think it's funny that he's older than a couple of my step uncles, and when we get married my sister of 10 will be the step aunt to his 10yr old! LoL

[RayKay]

In the past, I have dated someone briefly whom was 10 years older than me (though I did go on a date with someone whom was about 16 years older).

 

However, I find for myself that I gravitate towards men that are within a 5 year range or less. I think this is not only because these are the men in my peer group or that I meet in my hobbies, but also because generally we are on a very similar wavelength when it comes to where we are in our lives, and what our present and future goals are.

 

And, I just usually connect better with them. Not because someone years and years older is necessarily too "mature" for me (as they definitely aren't always) but just because we tend to have more similar shared experiences from growing up in a similar time, and so on. We also tend to have more interests in common just amongst my peers anyway.

 

For me, I really just am not attracted to men either whom are significantly older. I can find them attractive as people, but not attractive as partners when I think of it in broader terms.

 

One of my ex's dated a woman not too long after we broke up whom was almost 18 years older than him (he was 26, she was 43/44) and they had a blast, but ultimately it ended because they were in very different places in terms of personal and family goals.

 

Of course that is not the case in ALL age gap relationships, sometimes they are in a similar place. For me though it would not be so much about them being 55 when I am 40 - I acquaint myself with many 60 year olds whom can beat my butt in a race for example and I know some men my age whom are very "aged" due to their lifestyles that I don't have much in common with NOW - but I would have concerns in terms of having children and raising children, and so on. There is never a guarantee even someone young will be healthy - I know from personal experience that death can come out of nowhere - however it is something I would think about, in terms of having a healthy, energetic partner to raise kids and so on. These are just the practical aspects that I think about too, and while love tends to not always be practical, I think long term commitment takes these things into consideration.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

My dislike of age gap relationships isn't based on being brainwashed by a culture that exhalts youth and sees it as superior to old age.

 

It's based upon the fact that any sensible minded person just instinctively KNOWS it's wrong to see, for example, a 20 year old with a 50 year old. It's unhealthy and destructive.

 

There's no rationale behind it, I just abhor it, and know for a fact I'd never even consider looking at anyone over the age of about 24 in a romantic/sexual way. I'm 18.

[SarahRose]

Been on both sides of the coin.

 

Was married to a man 12 years older than me. The age was a non issue.

 

Now I'm with a man 20 years younger than I am.

 

Nobody batted an eye when I was married to someone older. I can remember one rude comment from our son's physical therapist. She said your husband sure is old compared to you. I said to her. You sure are rude. She shut up after that.

 

Nobody notices the age difference with me and my bf. I have been mistaken for my son's gf before.

 

People seem to have more of a problem with younger man/older woman. Have no idea why? Someone explain that.

[shes2smart]

Are you in an age gap relationship?

Yup. My last 2 relationships have had an age gap.

 

What's the gap?

My husband's 11 years younger than me. My last bf was 18 years older than me.

 

Did you freak out first?

I was reluctant to meet my husband after learning his age when we were chatting online. At the time he had just turned 26. Fortunately for me, he was persistent.

 

About what?

All I knew about 25-26 year old guys came from some of the part-timers where I worked. I was less than impressed with their level of maturity. Turns out my younger husband was way more mature and responsible than the old man I used to date. Apparently chronological age and maturity don't always go together.

 

People seem to have more of a problem with younger man/older woman. Have no idea why? Someone explain that.

 

It probably has to do with long-held societal beliefs that an older woman is not sexual/attractive/desirable. The average older man is still seen as desirable due to his higher social status/power/income level than the average younger man. The same is not true for the way older women are perceived in general.

[Baby Carrot]

TRUTHBETOLD

Thanks for sharing ur experience.

 

SARAHROSE

Keep on rockin' \\

 

ANTILOVE

I sure respect ur opinion and appreciate ur post... but holy cow... Any "sensible" person knows "instinctively" that is "wrong" to be in an age gap relationship?!?!?! That's not even a "fact"... sorry... is a MAJOR misconception.

 

I would have to question the wisdom of this proposal...

 

First of all, sense has nothing to do with instinct. Sense is logical, instinct is irrational and animal, so how can they even be connected and work together in order to determine if something is "wrong"? (which has to do with a third concept: morals). Instincts are managed and repressed by sense and reason, that's the only possible connection.

 

Unhealthy and destructive how? I mean... based on what? Numbers? A birth certificate? A relationship with someone your own age can be as unhealthy and destructive.

 

PRESSFIT

So true!

 

 

*************************

 

Guys, u gotta love this quote:

Age only matters if you are a mere chemical reaction, wine, or some form of cheese

[PhilliesFan001]

Are you in an age gap relationship?

Yes.

 

What's the gap?

7 years. I'm 18, he's 25.

 

Did you freak out at first?

A little bit.

 

About what?

I was 17, two months away from 18 when we started officially dating. So I was a bit worried about that. And the fact that his "little" sister is 5 years older than me. But i had no reason to be. People wouldn't agree since he is done with college, but we are on very similar wavelengths. We share many, many common interests, go out and do the same things with our friends, and like eachother very much (been friends for a few years).

 

We're also both on the same level as far as the future and kids goes--neither one of us wants it yet. For now, the only difference is that I wake up and go to class, he wakes up and goes to work. Other than that, nobody, including myself, notices the gap. We've been dating a little over 6 months and he's the best choice I ever made

[helpme2]

Are you in an age gap relationship?

yep, have been for a while now, got married in 2000

What's the gap?

7 years, he is the older one

Did you freak out at first?

a little bit

About what?

Other than my trust issues with men in general? I kinda freaked out because I figured out early on that he could drive my car and be under the insurance, most of my friends were 16-18 at the time (I was 18) and my car insurance co. said "no other drivers than yourself under 25" and he was 25, it kinda irked me for a week or so. haha. That and the fact that when I was entering junior high he was graduating highschool, when he was in 2nd grade I was being born.....those comparisons creep me out a little.

[itsallgrand]

 

• Are you in an age gap relationship?
   
  
  • If ur not, what's the biggest gap you'd tolerate?
    
  • What freaks you out about it?
    

 

Nope, not in an age-gap relationship and never have been.

 

Biggest gap I'd tolerate would be 5-10 yrs. 10 yrs would be stretching it, and it definetly would not be a 17 yr old boy!

 

What freaks you out about it?

 

Personally, it makes me uncomfortable. There is something unatural to it, that gives me an instant heavy feeling in my gut.

Too many possibilities for :

*power plays (one with a lot of life experience taking advantage of the 'ignorance' or lack of experience of the other)

*practical problems: in terms of bearing and raising children, generational gaps, health and fitness capabilities, finances...

 

Not to say all age-gap relationships are doomed and/or sick.

(but some certainly are, and some are purely for -hey, look at the experience I once had- telling in a bar stories.

 

I'm very happy I live in a place and time where the choices are available for women, as well as men, to have whichever partner one wants.

No way am I going to go back in time and pick someone the village would have appointed to me at 14 yrs old.

[bigredvick]

Are you in an age gap relationship?

Yes

What's the gap?

3

Did you freak out at first?

A little

About what?

I couldn't tell that she was 3 years younger then me and I was wondering why I never asked how old she was.

 

It doesn't bother me anymore though, I just see it as me waiting for her for 3 years.

[Baby Carrot]

OK, just for the record... this is getting kind of ridiculous...

 

The concept of "Age Gap" should be defined or something... cuz is like:

 

--Are you on an age gap relationship?

--Yes

--What's the gap?

-- 3 months, she's 13 and 3 months and I'm 13....

 

I mean... gosh! LOL

 

A gap, should be at least 5 years or something don't u think?

 

Just a thought.

[Southern_Girl28]

i'm 15 and i really like this guy he just turned 22, yah thats a pretty big gap anyways. idk if hes interested really, like my family says age isn't anything but a number. though i know there are laws invovled so i don't know if he'd actually go for me. he seems to like me but how would i know for sure and if he did do u think ppl would talk?

[LostwithJack89]

Well that's a pretty big gap NOW....but later on, like when you're 18, it wont sound so bad. So hang on to your dreams and reel him in

[PhilliesFan001]

i'm 15 and i really like this guy he just turned 22, yah thats a pretty big gap anyways. idk if hes interested really, like my family says age isn't anything but a number. though i know there are laws invovled so i don't know if he'd actually go for me. he seems to like me but how would i know for sure and if he did do u think ppl would talk?

 

Hi!

 

My boyfriend and I also have a seven year age difference. In fact, we met when I was fifteen and he was 22.

 

But, we didn't begin dating until a few months before I turned 18. At 15 I think it's a bit young to be with a 22 year old, though of course there's nothing wrong with being friends. Do what I did...build a solid friendship. In a few years time, if you feel the same way, then go for it. I've come to realize that 7 years is absolutely nothing once you're a bit older

[Southern_Girl28]

Yah my grandparents are 7 yrs age difference. i do think 15 is a bit young. I few of my friends tell me in a few yrs if he's still single i could and should go after him lol.

[Huntress]

Are you in an age gap relationship?

Yes

What's the gap?

10 years, 8 months, 17 days

Did you freak out at first?

A lot actually. I had been in a relationship with an older man that was 43, it ended terribly, and then I met Jeff (my boyfriend) through my sister, who taught him...Talk about freaky, a 17 year old guy with a 28 year old girl, we had sex when he was 18. Now he's 20 and I'm 30, going on 31.

If your not, what's the biggest gap you'd tolerate?

12 years younger, 2 years older.

[Cadence308]

I was in an age gap relationship. She was 46 yrs old and I'm 28 yrs old, so it was 18 yrs.

 

I think the age diff bothered her more than me even though she wouldn't come out and admit it. She didn't come and meet my family like I would have liked and I think a big part of that was because she is closer to my parent's age than mine.

 

We are no longer together. It wasn't because of the age gap. I actually prefer older women. I think I like the maturity, where they are with their lives and careers, and I tend to have a lot in common with them, esp. the intellects.