Does she know what she's doing?

[Iknownothing]

Like almost all posters, I have to apologize for how long my post is, but I think I may have them beat. Preclude to our break-up, our relationship was "both our words, "the best one I've been in" and many of our dates she still considers the best days of her life. But I have bad temper, and she has a tendency to not address any issues - at all. We started arguing a lot, and that, and the fact that I won't let the issues go and from what I heard, she thought I was insecure, which is true: those are my known reasons that we broke up. She mainly couldn't take the arguing anymore.

 

I broke up with my gf just under 2 weeks ago. We hung out two days later, at an event we had been planning on going to before the break-up. Not to sound trite, but she wore a shirt I had just bought her about a week prior to our break-up. At the event, we barely talked, and I ended up just following her and her friend around. She texted me two days later to ask how I was doing. I called her that night, and she told me about her upcoming bday party. I said no thanks, but happy birthday. I then tried NC at the urging of friends. But I broke it in the first week because I came to the conclusion that since the break was more her idea than mine, it was 25 times harder for anything to work out for me than her. Plus, she made it clear that she had no feelings towards me, but she still wanted to be friends.

 

I called and said I still had her stuff, even though I already dropped off a box full of stuff. I said I could drop it off at her friends house. She said ok, and seemed set to end our call. Then I mentioned that I was also planning on dropping off her bday present and we ended up talking for about 45 minutes. I had to go, and she said she'd call me later, which turned out to be later that day where we talked for another hour.

 

The next day, when I was driving her present to her house, I called and she wasnt home, so I said I'd leave it by her door. She was at the hospital because her nephew is sick. We talked for 5 minutes before I offered to leave her alone, and she said she'd call me later. And she called me the same day, and we talked for about an hour and a half, while she unwrapped my present. During the conversation, she mentioned that some guy had been calling her non-stop, and she saved his number so she would know not to answer it anymore.

 

One of her best friends is staying over from accross the country for a week at the moment, so she's been clubbing and partying for a few days. My first time seeing her after was when I made the choice of offering to drive her home from work and then to her party at a bar on her birthday. She wanted to take a nap, so I offered my new place I just moved into, because it has central air and her place is hotter than heck.

 

At my place, she slept, but had no problem with me holding her and her holding me back as she tried to sleep. Whenever I got too intimate, she would tell me to stop. There, she also told me about her new tattoo that she got after our break-up, but wouldnt show it to me. I let her sleep by herself after a while. When we were leaving, I joked that she could hold my hand as we walked to the car, and she did, and we held hands in the car and to her place. At her place, she said she might be getting a cold, and asked me to get her medicine. I made bit of a fuss, but backed away from it quickly ( my thinking was that it was odd that she had no problem accepting so many favors from a new exbf, even if we were supposed to be friends, but I quickly let it go).I came back with the medicine, and hung out with her in the bathroom as she got ready for the night. I had decided to go the party, even though all my friends were fiercely against it.

 

While driving, I asked if she had told all her friends about us already, and she said yeah. I said thats cool, so I don't have to explain anything to anyone. Then she said, almost quiped, "But you will have to explain to people why you're here!" I asked if she didn't want me to go ( she said it was fine when I picked her up - she's not the kind of person to lie about something like that), and she threw a mini-fit, like I was making things difficult.

 

I dropped her off, and went to pick-up my roommate/ wingman for the night. At the bar, nothing made me feel too uncomfortable, because from what I'd heard from her, most of her friends still liked me and were urging her to reconsider. The only awkward situation was when I started chain smoking, a habit I have when I'm in a bad mood or tired, etc. For the record, I was tired from sleeping only 1 hr the night before, and she knew about it. When she saw me smoke my second one, she repeatedly tried to get me to stop, and continously tried to get met to hand them over. I refused, but jokingly, so as to not cause a scene, but it upset me that she still thought she could tell a grown man what to do - despite all the things I had been doing for her all day.

 

She got wasted that night, and I drove her home. But as I was picking her up to walk, she repeatedly told me not to touch her, only to have her fall when I let go. Then, right outside her complex, she threw up a little on my door before I opened it to let her finish. I brought her in the house, then carried her up the stairs to her room to bed, all the while with her telling me not to touch her. Before I left, I kissed her hand, and she held on to it really tight.

 

I texted her today to see if she was feeling better, she replied, but kept the txt conversation short. Then I called to offer her a ride home (her car's in the shop) and she said she already had one, but thanks. Later that day, I caught her online and had a longer chat with her. I asked if she wanted to talk later, and she declined, but she'd talk to me tomorrow because we're having dinner the next night, today.

 

Besides the dinner, she also agreed to go to Disneyland with me next week, then my comedy club open mic show the following weekend. I'm taking a 480 mile road trip at the end of the month, and I asked her, thinking she'd decline. And she said she'd think about it. I asked if she was serious, and she said, why not, it was fun when we went before. But added,"But don't think this is like a brand new start for us or anything" meaning the trip. She repeatedly says that she wants us to be good friends, but crosses the line a lot without my urging. She says I make it hard for her to be friends with me, and I asked her why she thought it'd be easy to be friends with someone you broke up with just a week ago? Besides the behavior I described, she doesn't seem to have any hang-ups about me, and never says she misses me, or calls me without a prior conversation.

 

I've talked to a few friends, and besides thinking she's totally messing with me and leading me on for whatever reason - they think she might have something up her sleeve. I think that maybe NC would help, but I don't want to cancel our plans. I made it very clear I want her back, and she's said everything from I don't know to I don't want to date anyone right now. She said she doesn't want to give me hope, but she can't give me an answer right now. Am I crazy? Is she crazy?

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

You sound like a good, kind, sincere guy.

 

She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants.

 

Personally, if I was you, I'd go NC. Let her know that she's confusing the heck out of you by her doing all the BF/GF stuff with you but when you try to reciprocate, you get shot down. Really, you both need some NC to get some perspective. If you're just going to be friends, all this intimacy really does have to end. She can't have it both ways, have you there to comfort her and make her feel needed and be there only as a friend. It's not fair to you.

[Beec]

She is getting you acting like you are still her boyfriend, she gets those benefits, as things are, and you get what? Doubt? Wonder? and the insecurities that come from that, which will build over time? And hope, you get hope that she may come back to you? I could have that sitting in the dark watching TV. What ever might motivate her to want you back, this situation is not it, and it is not good for you. Stop acting like this, and get looking for someone else, which might motivate her to want you again.

[Süsser Tod]

OK, so you are basically doing everything you would do as her boyfriend, but getting nothing in return.

 

She is having her cake and eating it to. Next time she'll ask you to drive her to a date...

 

 

Man up and do yourself a favor, get out of there.