Letters to our ex's

[Silentlyfor]

redmage22 and Replaceme,

 

Do you realize how much postage this thread has saved the two of you? Keep writing, this is a great form of therapy and it's FREE!

 

Best Wishes,

 

RC

 

Thank you.

 

I came up with the idea as a therapeutic technique actually. Why hold back what you want to say? If you need to get it out(to anyone else other than your ex), then get it out. It doesn't matter what it is or how you say it, just get it out.

[lilac_indi]

Fraser,

i love you, i still love you and i dont understand why. when will this pain go away? i want this to stop - youve got a new gf yet i cant stop thinkin bout you. i want this to STOP!!

[Replaceme]

Dear HWBall,

its been 8 days now , NC / moving on.

i cant believe you can even wake up and go on about your day with out me.

but i cant believe i can, either.

I thought , while we were together , this was really it.

how could i have been so wrong.

so my dear human wrecking ball,

you are not worth it.

signed,

me

[Spawn]

Dear Pebu

 

Although i would like anger to come and take over me for the way you treated me it seems either i am completely over you or for some reason i don't care an ants * * * * about what you do in life with your ex, whether you get over him find another daft * * * * * and make his life hell too. i still hope you do mature in your life and for once look back and see what a mess our relationship was made out to be. I hope you don't end up in my shoes when any of your bfs ex starts acting like a bee around your bf.

 

Enjoy your whole life gettin over your ex.....

 

No regrets...and thanks for keepin away from me...hope you stick to that forever dear.

 

S.

 

P.S. forgot to add this one.....i have stopped counting the days but it seems NC is like a friend to me now, i don't have to think about it to stick to it. FYI its been 3 months.....go figure.

[shelly7]

Coward,

 

I hate you for making me wonder how your trip with your wh*re was. Even though you still don't have the nerve to apologize for cheating on me and leading me on, I guess I understand. You didn't want to hurt me, and why not keep me hanging around? I was an amazing girlfriend to you. I know you couldn't even consider telling me truth, because you're heartless and you lack a soul. I can't wait for the day that I meet someone who is capable of appreciating all I have to offer.

[lonely days]

Dear K.

 

I know alot of this pain I have been feeling comes from a sense of failure and rejection. I know my actions contributed alot to why the relationship ended the way it did. I was unhappy with alot of things in my life that had nothing to do with you and I let those things affect the relationship without doing anything about it. I only wanted a chance to make it up to you and show you who I really am.

 

I've tried but I cannot even be mad at you. You did what was best for you at the time and I realise that it was probaly one of the best things that could have happened to me and mostly likely you. I was holding you back from your happiness and you were holding me back from realising that i needed to make some huge changes in my life. We were holding on to each other instead of facing life and growing as individuals together. I guess I hoped that by making those changes you would decide to try and work things out but I guess the damage was already done. I definitely do not take all of the blame but i do acknowledge my role and i know what I need to do in order to improve and i am currently working on things that i should have addressesd along time ago. It's always been said that people come into your life for a reason and maybe you were my catalyst for change, improvement and growth. If that is the case then I owe you a big thank you and I can only hope that i have touched your life in a similar way.

 

We went everywhere together for 5 years and did so many exciting things together that neither of us will ever forget. We were a big part of each others lives and we will always be a part of each other and nobody can ever take that away even if we never see each other or speak again. i am going to heal this big heart of mine and share it with everybody I come in contact with. It really amazes me how far i have come in the last 8 months. I managed to give up drugs when alot of people would have turned to them and i have tried to embrace all of the new emotions I have been feeling that were numbed for so long. I still have a ways to go but people are constantly evolving.

 

Don't let your dreams be dreams!

 

Love Always D.

[queenofvalidation]

07/08/06 Feelings

Dear J,

I am writing you this letter to release my resentments and negative emotions, and to discover and express the positive feelings that you deserve. I am also writing this letter to ask you for your support without demanding it...

Level 1...Anger...

I don’t like...being excluded, rejected, put off, ignored, disrespected, belittled, compared or hurt.

I resent....it when you exclude me. It makes me feel like I don’t fit in, that I’m not good enough.

I feel frustrated....that we are “just friends” in a non-sexual kind of relationship with sexual undertones.

I feel angry...when you flirt with or touch other women.

I feel furious...when you put other women before or above me

I want...your love, time and respect.

Level 2...Sadness...

It hurts...that you don’t spend any alone time with me

It hurts...to think that we can never be.

I feel disappointed...that I don’t have a place in your private life.

I feel sad...that we can’t be open about our feelings for each other.

I feel unhappy...that we cannot express our love & affection publicly.

I wish...we could be best friends/lovers/soulmates.

Level 3...Fear...

It is painful...to think you don’t love me and that you could replace me.

I feel worried..you may not miss me while I’m away.

I feel afraid...that you could abandon me for someone else

I feel scared...that you might hurt yourself or me.

I feel scared...that you might believe lies about me.

I need...you to love me as much as I love you.

Level 4...Remorse and Apologies....

I apologize...for anything I have done either knowingly or unknowingly that hurt you.

I feel embarrassed...that I gave so easily and openly and then fell in love with you only to find that you could not return my love.

I am embarrassed...that I called you or pursued you

I am sorry...that I didn’t know then what I know now about how men think.

I feel ashamed...that I allowed you to disrespect, devalue me and hurt me.

I am willing...to change my attitude about you. I am willing to love, accept, appreciate and trust you again.

Level 5...Love, Understanding, Gratitude and Forgiveness...

I appreciate...everything you give or do for me. I appreciate how you make others feel special, all your kindness, masculinity and charming personality. Thank You.

I realize...neither of us are perfect. I understand that I was just as much at fault for the overall lessening of your attraction for me.

I forgive...you, me and the past. I forgive you for acting like you don’t care and I don’t matter. I forgive you for leaving me for another. I forgive you for excluding me, for believing lies about me, lying to me, for trying to make me jealous, for the bruises you left on my arm and on my heart, for disrespecting, ignoring, rejecting, putting me off, not calling, belittling, hurting, comparing, mistrusting and misjudging me. For abandoning me to be with somebody else in. I forgive it all.

I would like....for you to make it right with an apology, your love, caring, understanding, acceptance and respect.

I trust...you to do the right thing/s and make it right.

I love...you for who you are, for how strong you are and for awakening the woman in me.

 

 

07/09/06 Apologies...

Dear C,

I am sorry for ever hurting you. I appreciate you and all you have done for me. I understand how you feel and feel the same way, too. It is also sad for me that we cannot be public about our feelings for each other. You are a wonderful person with alot to offer. You deserve some one who can be there for you and love you unconditionally. I will try to be more respectful, understanding, accepting and caring of you from here on. I want to spend quality time with you soon. Please don’t worry...I want to be intimate with you. You are very important to me. You are my best friend, lover and soulmate. I want to share my life with you. I sincerely value your presense in my life and love you the way you are. Thank you for being there for me and for being you.

Love, J

[gaiden]

Not sure why a moment of sadness hit me today. I find it hard to believe you left three weeks ago. I can't believe 23 days have passed.

 

I don't know where you are. I don't know what you are doing. I don't know who you are with. But guess what, you don't know that about me either. I'm sure it's bugging the **** out of you too.

 

It seems like this is nothing more then a game. Let's see who contacts who first. Meh, give me an hour, I'm sure this will pass.

[Dako]

Dear ex-brother,

 

I can't take it any more, and find no reason to waste time on you. Sure, you're bipolar, alcoholic and the world treats you like a suppository.

Cry me a river.

You've insulted our parents in the cruelest ways. You've ignored your kids since birth, and couldn't name your grandkids on a bet. You whine to me about everything in your wretched life and I've been there listening, trying and hoping you'd find happiness. Well after 53 years I get the message.

When you suggested I clip my head off with a 12 gauge I realized you were serious.

I can take a friggin hint, Bosco.

 

Kind regards,

Your ex brother,

Dako

[friscodj]

Dear...dear...uhm...uhm...dear...

 

Yeah, forgot your name...there you go...

 

Best wishes,

friscodj

[Replaceme]

Dear...dear...uhm...uhm...dear...

 

Yeah, forgot your name...there you go...

 

Best wishes,

friscodj

 

 

ha ha , i must remember that one!

[Silentlyfor]

Dear x,

 

This is a bad time for us to consider a friendship. I know we understood each other on that level, but there is too much history there to just let us reconnect again. I'm sorry.

[Silentlyfor]

Dear x,

 

Please... help me let you go. This is killing me. I don't want to be left with this anymore. I just want to let you go and not be alone anymore.

 

Help me...

[Allie.]

aww redmage. hang in there bud. you're going thorugh a tough time. remember how gaiden gave us that great advice about looking at it as "I'm-gone"...well start looking at it that way. because when your friend brought that picture up....she wasn't emotionally "gone" anymore and thats why you went into an emotional breakdown. If you start looking at it as "i'm gone." Next time this happens, you might save yourself a lot of trouble.

 

...Allie.

[Allie.]

Dear B,

 

i'm doin much better without you.

 

signed: the girl doing much better without you [=

[blindreepr]

Dear B

 

I am working out everyday, have lost 20 lbs already, got accepted into a respiratory therapy program, have been doing things like going to art galleries and concerts, making new friends, reading and just over all improving myself. On the other hand you have been staying in this crappy town, still stuck at your dead end job, hanging out with a bunch of supermarket lifers, and drowning all your self confidence problems in alchohol and sex. You're also getting fatter by the minute. Someday you'll realize what you left and I'll just laugh at you.

 

From

 

Me

 

PS - Thanks for dumping me, it was the best thing to happen to me in 2 years.

[gaiden]

Girl, the way you left still leaves me speechless. Why haven't I contacted you the past three weeks? I can't think of a single nice thing to say to you. What you did to me shocked me, my family, my friends, your family, your friends, you name it. NOONE knows, not even the therapist we saw together what the hell you were thinking when you left. He doesn't even think YOU knew what you were doing. Okay, now that's just sad...

 

While we could have salvaged our friendship, but of course not, you had to be little miss drama queen and take off while I was at work. Were you afraid I would try to talk you out of it?

 

You know what, It's not even really how you left. It's what you said and did after you were gone that sealed the deal. You sending that beefcake goon over to whoop on me and the garbage you sent me via email afterwards. 8 years I've known you and I have NEVER seen such filth come out of your mouth ESPECIALLY towards me. You have GOT to be kidding me. 8 years! You dumped eight years of friendship, everyone is shocked, I am the best thing that you have ever had and everyone told you that. It makes NO sense woman.

 

Cocaine.... you stupid girl, you didn't go to SC for whats you know who, you went there for an endless supply of cocaine that he was paying for? Since I wouldn't buy it for you, that or any other drugs, you left. What the hell is wrong with you? Sigh, his money is going to run out just as fast as you ran out on me and then you'll be calling... I really hope it doesn't come to that.

[Roxari]

Dear J,

 

4 more days and there will be thousands of miles between us. I wish that you were going somewhere else other than into harms way, but I am glad you are going away.

 

No matter how much you hurt me I still miss you and that SUCKS.

The urge to call you or text message you will be gone because it won't even be an option. My ability to receive/ignore calls or text messages from you will be gone as well. Seven months of absolutely NO CONTACT. Even though I will never forget who you are or the hurt you have caused, I will have moved past it and moved on with my life.

 

Best wishes for a safe tour and a safe return.

 

Goodbye.

 

M

[Replaceme]

Dear HWB,

Dont have the nerve to call me in 9 days -not that i have called you , but you still have the nerve to call my new boss and check up on me.

What did you think , when you broke up with me - i would quit society and curl up in a ball and die - not go to my FAB new job ? Huh?Whats that ?? I cant hear you - oh yeah your too busy calling your clients - my new boss - to see how I was doing. Well they dont know we were a couple.And I swear - you had better keep your mouth shut. I dont want them to know. I dont want anyone to know actually.

You are not worth it.

2 years of my life - for a heartless piece of scum.

whatever - i feel much better now.

thanks,

signed,

not depressed anymore.

[Silentlyfor]

Dear x.....

 

Uh.... I think I"ve just run out of things to say...

 

Uh.... ok,

 

Redmage22

[lioness726]

Dear Smeagle,

 

My friends thought you looked like a hobbit so they called you Smeagle.

 

Anyway... Why did you text message me on Saturday night with your opinion on a movie that I haven't even heard of? It was 2 in the morning. Were you drunk or just lonely? Why did you do it? Did you feel like crap when I never responded? Did you and have you been wondering what I'm doing and where I am? Did thoughts of me with another guy come into your head when I never reponded back?

 

I hope you lie awake at night thinking about me. I hope you miss me and you occasionally feel like * * * *.

 

I was stupid and I looked at your Myspace profile tonight. Your profile says that you're there for dating... That's just sad and pathetic to me. And I noticed how you added a couple of girls. Oh, and I happen to know that you were messaging back and forth with one of them while we were still together. Looking for new "friends"?

I know it wasn't just friendly because she's really hot. Prettier than me. AND she's really into metal. All the same music as you. I know you hated that about me. The fact that I wasn't into metal like you. But she is. Oh look... it's your dream girl.

 

But seriously dude... She's WAY out of your league. She would never go for you. It made my stomach churn to see your comments to eachother on your pages but really... I don't think you really have a chance. She's too hot for you. Hell, I was too hot for you. My friends told me so. You're friends even told me so.

 

And guess what? I got laid a week after we broke up. Remember when we talked and you told me that doing something with someone soo soon after our break up would feel like cheating? Remember when I didn't agree with you? Hell, I don't think you even know what the act of cheating feels like since you actually did cheat on me.

 

So, no. I don't feel like I cheated on you nor do I feel bad about hooking up with someone AFTER we broke up. Because that's what you're suppossed to do. You do things with someone else when you're NOT in a relationship.

 

But I don't think you quite understand that. And it's not just about keeping your d*ck in your pants. It's about respect. And you never gave me that.

 

And you know what? You have NO depth. The only depth you possess is thinking about yourself. You, you, you.

I'm done. There is no more you.

 

Sincerely,

Someone you will miss imensely.

[Allie.]

hey B,

 

today it was raining and it reminded me of how our relationship started in the midst of a rainstorm- the biggest one in a year. it made me smile a sad smile. i don't feel weak or super sad or depressed or anything. i've returned to being myself. i just feel...a little sorry for you. because you never gave us a chance. ohhh welll. thats seriously not my problem though. maybe you've found other girls. same token, i'm prolly gonna have a thousand hookups when i go to london this summer. its just sad cuz i would've loved to know what came out of us. something wonderful. ohhh welll. -sigh- its gonna be a down day. not sad. just [down]

 

hmm...

Allie.

[gaiden]

yo,

 

it's been about a month. the first month you were with me i was already pulling my hair out and calling my mom asking for advice on how to deal with your crazy antics. i wouldn't be surprised if * is doing the same right now. you cannot live with anyone for more then 6 months. you told me that and thinking back to all the men you had lived with, it is exactly right. so lets see how long this lasts.

 

i hate how we were only together for 6 months and i still grieve over your pathetic ***. i hate how i still care about your wellbeing. i hate how i still have this instinctive urge to help you that i have to fight because clearly, you don't even want to help yourself. not calling you makes me feel the same way as running a red light or a stop sign, it just feels WRONG.

 

you don't deserve to get any time from my emotions. you don't deserve me period. you are a cruel, heartless, *****.

 

i found your journals while i was cleaning up this weekend. you know the ones i'm talking about. the ones you always read to me because you wanted me to understand you better? Yea, those... i found them in the closet.

 

funny, you never read to me the two entries you made back in march about how "you wanted the ring, but not the man who gave it to you" and "how do i tell someone that my heart belongs to someone else?"

 

it was interesting reading them. i can't believe they dated all the way back to 2000. well, those went out with the rest of the trash today. good riddance. i actually had a moral dillema, do i toss them or do i send them back to you? i'm sure they meant a lot to you but you know what, **** it. you left them here so they are gone now.

 

i don't want anything around reminding me of you. nothing. the fish gets a reprieve because i like him. he's a good fish and he keeps the cats entertained. the rest though, gone. oh yea, and *'s jeans, you know the ones i hated you wearing? those were the things that started the lawn on fire. i should have known better then to burn those in the backyard when we hadn't got rain in weeks. it was still funny though. i have a nice big patch of dead, burnt, grass now in the middle of the lawn.

 

till next time

[Replaceme]

Dear human wrecking ball,

 

ditto EVERYTHING lioness726 said.

signed,

me

[Silentlyfor]

Listen.... I understand now why you don't want me to contact you. And friendship between 2 with one broken heart would not be a fufilling and undstanding friendship and I do feel like I was misunderstood by you a lot of the time. I am still angry at you, not for the way you broke up with me, but for not giving me a clear reason why. It's acceptable, though I don't think you could ever understand the hell I went through. That being the case, I understand that if we truly have a strong friendship, months or years should not prevent us from being friends again. I understand, however, that the no contact is more for you benefit then mine. However, it's healthier that way anyway.

 

I did want to say some things that I though would bring me some closure. Some of these you may really not want to hear.

 

(1) Your weight did bother me. I think that was one of the key reasons I didn't sleep with you often. It... it made a man of my size difficult to... enjoy myself... and the time you threatened to break up with because I made comments about your vibrator daunted me even more. That wasn't kind or understanding.

 

(2) In my opinion, at the time, I think you had loneliness issues(biased, don't take it too seriously). You did seem to think I had to spend every waking moment with you. I'm sorry but as serious as the relationship felt, it was coming to a point where I was seeing you and your family exclusively for almost half a year but never my own friends. I... I felts so secluded, x.

 

(3) Will you were kind to me, you didn't respect or as far as I could tell. You always thought what I did was arrogant or unspirtual. On top of which, and I really do hate to agree with Mike, sometimes it was hard to joke around you because you take too many things way to seriously.

 

(4) When we broke up with each other, you maintained contact. You changed your mind and contantly sending emails, msgs and gifts while you were dealing with my absense. I would have very well enjoyed a friendship if you stayed your ground, x. But what you were doing was scaring me and I didnt think I even knew you anymore. I was so afraid how you would react if I DID do anything. However I just wanted to say that for closure.

 

(5) I don't think I understand what love really is, but I think I did care about your family. I miss them sometimes and they are good people. However, after my therapy, I realized that your family is... *sigh* Their... emotional unwell x. You and your family,(including Angus, sadly) my have talents... but... you're not equipped emotionally or vocationally to survive. They admit to love to anyone that walks through there door. That's now right or healthy. I onlly took part because of my emotional naivete. However, through therapy, I realize all good, great, and outstanding things take time. Nothing magical or beautiful happens in a moment. And I'm sorry, in such a case, such a thing does not last. Even someone as emotionally inept and, at times, unsound as myself knows this. Ask anyone. They will tell you the same.

 

(6) Briefly, your closeness to your animals, at times over me, was very insulting. I am a kind and giving person, x. I didn't and don't deserve to be compared to animals in worth and think that it was almost cruel that you would've considered giving me up over your dogs or parrot. .... You do not know how much that hurt me....

 

(7)Everything changed ever since my grief. My family united with me during my 'tragedy'. Hell, my father, the one I though would never be there for me, was the first there to console me. My brothers even reunited with me. My mother, now(lol), wants to know what I'm doing 24/7. Mike and I have had some REALLY tense moments together when this began. He really didn't like seeing me like this. Our friendship was on the line because of my grief as well as your brothers. I've also decided to give writing up. I can't do it. To much pressure and I'm not that prolific. Not because of you(x) per se, but therapy exposed quite a bit to my heart... and I think.. I think I need to make a better choice. Sorry if that disappoints you.

 

I think a friendship would be VERY detrimental to me at any time. You were a damaging person for me x and I don't see how we can be friends. We are too different and... I think... well... you not emotionally well. I know we had good times; stargazing, movies, sharing idealogies, and thoughts, and ideas and books and Shakesphere and even love(Romance, sorry, not love). We did have some good times... but I can't see myself being a good, wholesome, and erudite Amer when I'm around you. You... didn't treat me well, despite how well I treated you. I don't think I can forgive that... Mabey in time... but you are one thing in my life I wish I reconsidered. I won't say that you were a waste of time... but my love could have very well been spent elsewhere on a women that actually would respect and admire me for who I am.

 

P.S. Fair is fair. You contacted me during your grief. I'm contacting you during mine. I still don't think you have even an inkling of pain of what I went through, but that is neither here nor there. However, I needed to say this. I need peace. I live for peace... and I can't think about you or our past relationship anymore. The pain is over. Goodbye. And no offence... I REALLY hope I never see you again.

 

Wish I was more gentle with this,

Nader Ali Amer(An Amer born... and an Amer I will stay)