3some, possibly 4some questions...

[Jessy]

My fiance and I have a very active, very healthy sex life. We both enjoy ourselves, and we try new things all the time. In the beginning of our relationship, he was very jealous, and asked me to stop talking to all of my male friends. I agreed; looking back, I don't think that was a good idea, but I can't change the past. About 6 months ago, he told me he was alright with me being friends with who I choose, and that he trusts me. I trust him as well, but since he told me those things I got to be very jealous...

 

This is going somewhere, don't worry!

 

So he brought up the idea of a 3some, and that evolved into possibly a 4some. He first introduced the idea of the two of us and another man, because he thinks it would be very erotic to watch me be pleased and be able to give him oral sex (which I love) at the same time. I do admit I also find this idea arousing. However, at the same time, I have reservations because of the jealousy issue.

 

Though he told me he wasn't jealous anymore because he totally trusts me, I think the sight of another man having sex with me would bother him. (Go figure!

 

He knew that at first the idea really turned me off, because I didn't think it was right to want to have sex with another man, or for him to have sex with another woman. He did put my mind at ease a little though, by telling me that we would be expanding our sexual horizons, by using unconventional "sex toys". That way actually did make me more comfortable with the idea.

 

Anyway, what I'm getting at is: if we are both comfortable with the idea, and we both have that outlook on it, is it a good idea to go for it? I do think we will enjoy ourselves, but I'm worried about long-term effects on our relationship. I don't want to jeopardize what we have to have a little extra fun.

 

Sorry about that long post, and any input would be much appreciated!

 

Thanks.

[TheRedQueen]

Depends on who you would choose to be the third in the scenario, who would be that guy? someone off the street? a co-worker, an aquaintance? who?

[Jessy]

At first, we thought we may choose a mutual friend, but that idea went out the window with his realization of the fact that we will see him again.... Then we thought of a stranger because if we didn't enjoy ourselves, we wouldn't be in contact with this person again... but I'm wary because of the dangers that come with that. It will most likely end up being a stranger, and we will be very careful. We are going on vacation this weekend, and we hope to find a willing participant (or two) there.

[KissMe_KillMe]

well i actually watched this show on vh1 about swinging... and well

sometimes the relationship works out sometimes it dosent.

i wonder why he was jelous at first then all of a seudden wanted you to have sex with other guys..

[Jessy]

I was wondering that myself, I asked him and he told me it was because he grew out of his jealousy. I'm hoping that's the case, because I'd hate to have our relationship ruined because of this. He did, however, assure me that because it was his idea, he wouldn't be angry with me. He told me if he really didn't like it, we'd just stop and never give it a second thought, and everything would be fine.

[melrich]

I've never done it. I know couples that have and I am yet to hear a couple say that it was what they thought it would be or that they enjoyed it. I know one couple that broke up about a week or two after a threesome.

 

If it is something you both desperately want and have to have, try it. If it's not I wouldn't take the risk for a bit of extra fun.

[KissMe_KillMe]

can i ask how old you two are.. not that it matter i just want to know.

[S4il]

It has It's Pro's and Con's...i guess

 

Iv 'e never done it, but i think i would, Umm It's undoubtedly something different...

 

Just Make sure both of you are willing to put it behind you after you follow through with it, I also think it would be in your best interest to Cut all ties with the person(s) involved. After all your targeting strangers, Keep it that way.

[TheRedQueen]

I must admit, as long as you guys are safe, the vacation route would be an ideal one to take. Heck, you live once and I say, if you both are sincerely into the idea, why not.

[Jessy]

Thanks everyone for your advice, and kissme killme, we are 23 and 25. We are also planning our wedding for next year.

[KissMe_KillMe]

ohhh.. hmm .. then maybe this would be a test for your marrige..

[Jessy]

I agree with that, it would show is either 1.) that if we enjoy it, we are able to explore, and be comfortable enough with eachother that we don't have to be shy about what we want; or 2.) if we don't like it, we did try something new, and got through it, despite it being a bad experience.

[sirnext]

It's def not something for everyone. I'd definitely sit down and talk it out completely before exploring it. Talk to each other, make sure that it's something you both want. Talk about the next day, think about how you would feel if it happened yesterday.

[brahman]

i dont know if has been mentioned yet, but if your BF is the jealous type, then he might get jealous if he thinks you enjoyed yourself with the other man more than you could have with him.

 

just a thought...

[KissMe_KillMe]

i dont know if has been mentioned yet, but if your BF is the jealous type, then he might get jealous if he thinks you enjoyed yourself with the other man more than you could have with him.

 

just a thought...

 

i kinda agree whith that

[IAmAwesome]

I've had orgies. Wild crazy ones.

[itsallgrand]

Going only by what you have written here, I think this is a sign your relationship is already in trouble.

 

I think bringing other people into the mix would only speed up the destruction of your relationship.

 

I would work on it between the two of you. I think something else is going on and this is not about sex at all.

 

All this said, I am liberal and think 3somes, 4somes, etc. can be fantastic.

 

This particular case I would not want to be involved! eeeyikes.

 

good luck with whatever you choose

[Upsetwifeofone]

Sorry but I agree with itsallgrand, perhaps you really need to look at what is going on between you.

 

I've seen too many shows (bored housewife!), where couples are torn apart by the jealousy of the other partner enjoying the sex with another man/woman. Many have admitted that they thought they could deal with it and agreed because they thought it would make the other person happy.

 

All power to you if it works out, but I personally think you should tread with an informed mind.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I disagree with threesomes and foursomes in the context of a relationship, so I am biased here.

 

However, I did want to say - my word, doesn't your fiance sound like quite the masochist? It feels almost as though he regrets his earlier jealousy to such an extent that he is seeking the thing that would hurt him most - blatent infidelity.

 

I mean a threesome. Cough.

[nmduipd]

I've done it.

 

It was fun, but it was not worth it.

 

If you are both 'under control' and there are no additional problems, it can be fun and only fun. If there are problems already, especially jealousy issues, my advice would be to forget it. It will come back to haut you

 

From this perspective, I think it's better to have unfulfilled fantasy (even if they are mutual) than fulfil them only to find out that it was too much for your relationship.

 

Just a matter of priorities

[Süsser Tod]

Some fantasies should remain as fantasies.

 

I've met couples that have done it. How many of them do you think are still toghether? Not one, all of them had trouble after that.

 

From jealousy from one partner enjoying more with the 3rd person, to actually getting involved in another relationship. You're letting the door open for many things to happen here.

[RayKay]

If my boyfriend ever suggested he WANTED to see me with another man or women physically, I would really question our relationship to be honest. I can honestly say that the men whom did not "really" love me were always the ones whom suggested stunts like this (not that I agreed to it!). The men whom DID love me never would, they would say themselves they wanted me for themselves only. My partner does not even want other men to see me half-naked, never mind be being sexual!

 

Especially given your fiances past jealousy, it seems very very out of character.

 

While they can work in people whom are NOT couples, I have yet to see a successful end to a relationship where a couple ventured into threesomes and so forth. As a fantasy, everything seems ideal. As reality, it's often harder to take. Issues arise. Someone wants to do it again, one does not. Jealousy and trust issues come up. Emotions are high. Memories cannot be erased.

 

My guess is that if he won't even let you talk to other men, this is NOT going to end well.

 

I know a few couples whom tried it, and NONE of them stayed together in the end. The decision to go that route was a last ditch attempt from one or both partners to revive things, and it did not help the strength or commitment together at all.

 

Never mind the risks of pregnancy, STI's and so forth. What if another man got you pregnant? And no birth control is 100%, does not matter how safe you are.

 

Only you can decide whether the risk of greatly hurting your relationship is worth it. But if you really want to marry this man, and he you, maybe you two better decide what marriage means, and what you want in a relationship.

[OceanEyes]

I agree with RayKay on this one. I don't think that one wild night is worth the risk of ruining, or seriously and permanently damaging your relationship for. It just can't be worth it if you really love each other.

 

You two have already had your share of issues with trust and jealousy, which is a pretty big indication that neither of you are emotionally fit to handle an event of this magnitude. Heck, I don't know many people who ARE that blase and unaffected to follow through - and be fine - after something like this. It's just not in our nature to see our partners with someone else, then go on with our lives, business as usual.

 

I'm not sure whether or not you two have actually gone through with this yet, but before you do, I think you should really think about whether or not you want it. You can't take this back, erase the memories, or get lost respect back from your partner.

[Day_Walker]

I just want to focus on your jealousy, if you are going to engage in this type of lifestyle then both parties have to be free from jealousy otherwise the sexual escapade is going to cause problems down the line. Both participants have to want the other person to be pleased. I dont think you and your bf are at this point in your relationship where it could handle something like this.

[chemica]

I just want to focus on your jealousy, if you are going to engage in this type of lifestyle then both parties have to be free from jealousy otherwise the sexual escapade is going to cause problems down the line. Both participants have to want the other person to be pleased. I dont think you and your bf are at this point in your relationship where it could handle something like this.

 

I don't even think jealousy is the main problem. If two people actually would go through with this, I would question if it is each other they want to marry.

 

You haven't even gotten married yet and you already are so jaded with having sex together that you want to introduce another person. Don't get me wrong, many guys fantasize about a threesome and I don't see anything wrong with this. Acting this out, especially in an allegedly serious relationship is a bad idea.

 

Reevaluate why he is asking this and whether marriage is even the right idea. Either he is using this as an excuse to be with another guy, or this is leading up to a threesome with another women.