Upsetwifeofone

I agree with ChrissyV, I bought the book and have found it extremely beneficial. It goes in more depth about emotional affairs than any of the others I've read!

*Doh*, excuse my ignorance but I am highly confused now lol.

perry22 You can't let her carry on thinking that you are totally in the dark hun! Snooping is the way we find our answer's when they are not given to us. I snooped my husbands phone to discover his infidelity, then all his phone bills and diaries for any further information I could put as evidence. It's the hardest thing to admit to doing (and they do turn the tables and make you seem like the biggest betrayer for doing so) but you can't go on like this. Forgiveness is the biggest emotion anyone has, I've forgiven my husband but he knows that if it happens again he will get shown the door, to be hurt twice must be something terrible and I know that again would literally kill everything in my soul. You have to put yourself first, sweetie, you need to do what's right for you and your healing process. If you decide that leaving the relationship is what you need, then you can look to how you want things to go with involvement with your son/daughter/partner. For now, you have four months to look after yourself and that is most important for the relationship you will have with your child xx

OK, here comes the mother of all embarrassment *turning redder by the millisecond* My husband and I have been together for 16 years. It's only over the past 3 years I have "openly" masturbated for him, mainly because I felt like a freak. I never masturbated because I was dissatisfied as we have a great sex life, it was because I was highly aroused and he wasn't here to "relieve" me. Of course, my explanation doesn't cover all women's reasoning, but yes, I was also brought up to believe that self satisfaction was dirty and a betrayal of your husbands "duties"............I learned that that was a load of twoddle. My husband is extremely comfortable with my entertainment but finds it hard to masturbate in front of me, but that's his choice and I would never dream of putting pressure on him to do it. He's honest enough to tell me that he does masturbate, but horses for courses, if he likes it private then so-be-it!

Hun, that's a hard one. I know I was in a position at the beginning of June where my husband invited his family around for drinks, I was sooooooo convinced that everyone knew and spent the night feeling truly uncomfortable, no-one spoke to me (they're a funny bunch who don't think I'm good enough for him anyway) and mentally I was convincing myself that they thought he should have left me for "her". He say's that no-one else know's about the affair, but I'm convinced otherwise, even if just for the fact that his neice refused to make eye contact with me and never uttered a word, this is so out of character for her as we were quite close. I think the betrayer generally tries to show their "remorse" by being the more injured of the party, my husband tries to put my down days to hormones and won't admit to himself that he is the true cause of the worthlessness I feel, but hey-ho, I'm in councelling and do my utmost to educate myself as the betrayed wife.........even gave myself that title hahahaha. Hun, in the heat of the moment we say all kinds of things to try and reflect a little bit of the hurt back. Mine is in humour (very bad humour and more like sarcasm but hey!) and if hubby has been around his mother's house, playing with her labrador, I'll pick off the hairs and ask him if he's been attracting any more "old dog's". It's naughty I know but I can't help myself. You wont be a name calling guy, you seem too compassionate for that, you're just hurting and that's understandable. I can't really help about the evening out, sorry. I just say see how it goes and decide when it comes to it. Whatever you decide I hope you're happy with....(and if you do go, have a drink for me, I'm craving a nice rum and coke and can't have one until for at least another 6 weeks......... )

Sorry but I agree with itsallgrand, perhaps you really need to look at what is going on between you. I've seen too many shows (bored housewife!), where couples are torn apart by the jealousy of the other partner enjoying the sex with another man/woman. Many have admitted that they thought they could deal with it and agreed because they thought it would make the other person happy. All power to you if it works out, but I personally think you should tread with an informed mind.

NO WAY!!! You can't invade someone elses privacy, wife or not. Sheesh, I can't imagine how she would feel if she ever found out, but man, I think upset might be an understatement. I agree with those who suggested maybe asking her to do it while your together, she might just feel that you might find it a bit off-putting, some men don't like to see their partner plasuring themselves, but for God's sake, if she does don't sit there drooling like a perv will you

Way to go sirnext, it's good to be able to smile again. I commend you on meeting with him it was a huge step. I'm glad you got some answers, even though it must have been gut wrenching to hear that he knew he was crossing that line. It will always hurt hun, though time will make it lessen as it moves on and at least you got an apology. I really respect you sirnext, I hope things improve for you and you find the inner peace you deserve. Take care and enjoy your day!

Hey Jessy, think I'll have to try the computer chair Thanks hun!

perry22, Oh hun, I am so sorry that you are going through this. For me, before I found out about my husbands "interest" I never knew there was such a thing as an emotional affair and never considered it. Now I do, I personally think that emotional affairs are somewhat more damaging because a deeper relationship is formed between the two people, it's not just hit and run sex. I can empathise wholly with how you feel, it's a difficult road ahead, and probably even more so as your wife is unaware that you even know. That's a whole lot of burden you're carrying. Are you going to tell her that you know? Perhaps she will end it all if you are open with her. Couldn't you consider maybe working on things? Oh hun, no-one deserves to be cheated on, emotionally or physically. I hope your decision is the one that brings you a comfortable recovery xx

Thanks doyathink, I'm on that very quest and found that article extremely beneficial to how I feel at this very moment

sirnext, what you are feeling is completely normal. My husband had an emotional (as far as I'm aware) affair via text messaging on his mobile phone. Eight months of building a relationship with another woman, which at some point, became sexual fantasy, this was the point at which I discovered it.........delightful pictures of another woman's genitalia and through searching his sent box, the question "How can I make you wet?".....so, whether the act was done physically or mentally, the "act" has played on my mind along with the need to know the details. None which have been explained, but I find myself imagining all sorts. I believe that this is a normal thought process for any betrayed partner. I feel exactly the same, if it were a generalization I'd say that we are left feeling tainted by the action. It's an impurity that has been inflicted on us by no choice and it leads to resentment. It's not impossible to get back, it takes a lot of work and openess with your partner. Hun, the only way to get it out of your head is to confront it. My way isn't the written way, but in order to be able to let it go is to know the finest detail. I'm in the process of confronting my partner, but I know for me personally, I want to know what drove him to let it go as far as it did. What did I do wrong to make him choose this woman. How did she make him feel. A lot of councillors don't agree with wanting to find out every little detail, but many say it's only through sharing the "gory" details the betrayed partner can accept it. As for confronting the other guy, only you can determine whether you would be able to handle that. I would love to confront the other "woman" but I don't know who she is. I would probably break down, but I would have the justice of showing her that she has ruined my life. For as long as I don't know about her, the longer I keep her alive in my head. She infects me every day and I hate her for that. sirnext, this is a journey that is too common, but only an individual can travel, no one treads the same feelings or emotions and only you know what you are comfortable facing. My heart goes out to you because I can empathise with a lot of what you said, but like I said my husbands affair was different. Regardless of the acts, the emotions of the betrayed are similar and support is the only thing that helps us through. I hope someone has some beneficial advice for you, but I also hope that you understand that you are not alone!

Yup hunnie, the chair really works

Oh Hecate, morbid thinking is something we all have, but fewer of us take into our self. The only thing I can suggest is talking to your doctor. There are ways of dealing with this thought process but I'm not sure that I can help other than suggesting having a word with a proffessional. Huge Hugs xx

No flak from me emmyj. You're obviously in a predicament (doh! that's why you joined!). Go with your heart sweetie, but think it through! Is it all about your husband's addiction to porn? I'm not threatened with porn parse as I know it's not something my husband is "joining in with", in fact sometimes we laugh about it, or get a few good ideas *blush*. The other woman claiming to be his gf, did you confront him with this? We all need a shoulder to lean on and there's nothing wrong with that as such, but there are boundries. To me, if you have truly fallen in love with another man, then there isn't much to suggest you were "in love" with hubby. So here's point one...you can't go on with your marriage as though nothing has happened because it has. The biggest step you can take is being honest with yourself and then with your husband. It's your friends hubby, I'm guessing it must be a close-ish friend so you'll know her situation quite well. As a mother, taking kids away will be awful for both you and her, it's not easy taking on someone elses kids under any circumstance. It's another huge step, are you prepared to take it? In life nothing is guaranteed apart from death, that is the only thing that befalls us all whether we like it or not. This guy is in your head and your heart, you need to address this as to keep wondering means you are involved totally with two men. Be true to yourself is the only advice I can give. But maybe the points I've raised will help you to look at the bigger picture. Good Luck.