Hecate

"If there's nothing physical there's nothing wrong." I've been telling myself this for the past year. I think there's three types of self harm. The long time pain and long time harm - starving yourself. The short time pain and short time harm - cutting The short time pain and long time harm - drugs. I'm a cutter. I go periods of starving myself and the idea of overdosing hovers around my head constantly. I can't ask my friends for help, as they have severe problems of their own. Mental health is fragile. It's not physical, there doesn't have to be any physical evidence that something is wrong. There is a problem long before physical symptoms come through. What I'm trying to say is, don't be afraid to see a counsellor. You can be struggling without having to cut or starve. They're just cries for help. Don't resort to cutting to let people know there is something wrong. I was always afraid to seek help. I started cutting. Now I'll never be able to stop. I'm hurting my friends but I'm still afraid to see a counsellor because I don't want anyone else to know about the self harm. Seek help before it gets to that.

I'm 5'8" and weigh 121 lbs and I absolutely loathe myself when i eat. Luckily I have a high metabolism because I can't go longer than a day without eating. I can't stand the sight of myself in the mirror, i may have a thinnish waist but i have the dumpiest arms and legs of anyone! It's sickening!

I can't stand seeing other people get hurt, or even hear about anyone else get hurt. Because I wish it were me instead. Ever since I was young I envisioned situations where I got injured - being beat up on the way to school, car accidents, tripping and breaking my leg, even getting cancer. I imagine it in my head all the time. Everytime I'm doing something I twist it so I get hurt. I've never acted upon these thoughts but I do self harm sometimes. How do I stop these thoughts?

15. I was at a pub with my friends. We were all drunk and I admitted to my bi friend that I liked her, and she said she liked me as well. Later I ran up to her in the toilets and said "Kiss me." and she did.

I used to deny that I was attracted to girls. I really liked guys - still do, I'm Bi. But when I found myself attracted to a girl I saw I was like "I'm not a lesbian! I'm just curious!" I was terrified of being a lesbian because I thought it meant I would never have children or anything like that, and my parents would disown me. (My father is quite homophobic.) Eventually over the years I began watching late night TV looking for porn and naked women, because it really turned me on. I used the excuse "Just curious" more and more. It was at the end of last year when my friend came out of the closet I actually thought, "would it be that bad?" and the answer was no. I'm an open bi-sexual now. (Although my parents don't know. heh.)