Why Do Men Care So Much About Looks?

[nottoogreen]

Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears.

 

Second that.

[melrich]

Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears.

 

To me that is confusing attraction with falling in love.

 

Being a male, I'll only comment from my point of view. To be motivated to pursue a relationship with some one, I first have to be physically attracted. Unless you are meeting over the internet or some such, the first sense engaged is sight.

 

In terms of whether that attraction moves to falling in love....well then the person's whole package determines that.

[yeawutever]

Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears.

 

Well he can say all the nice things he wants and have a wonderful personality, but if I don't like him physically (cuz that's what really comes first in all relations) then no relation is establish and he would end up as a friend only.

[nottoogreen]

To me that is confusing attraction with falling in love.

 

Being a male, I'll only comment from my point of view. To be motivated to pursue a relationship with some one, I first have to be physically attracted. Unless you are meeting over the internet or some such, the first sense engaged is sight.

 

In terms of whether that attraction moves to falling in love....well then the person's whole package determines that.

 

Edited: It should be that people differentiate between love and attraction, often they don't.

[melrich]

It should - does it?

 

Should what?

Does what?

 

What does your post mean?

[pablovblack]

Some men, go out with unattractive women for a few reasons, maybe they are insecure and are scared that a "hot" partner might run off or cheat, also they may like the feeling that in the eyes of society if they are more attractive than there partner it will make them feel better and more in control.

 

I on the other hand would take 1 girl of mediocre looks and an amazing personality/brain over 100 dizzy blonde chicks.

 

and you can take that to the bank.. ha ha.

 

Just something to throw into the mix.

[TheRedQueen]

 

What drives me nuts is that my best friend is teeny - a size 0. She's really messed up in the head - severe anxiety, depression, OCD, minor alcoholic, etc - and gets TONS of attention from guys. Never been single a day in her life. I'm mentally stable and my life's pretty together (family's great, own a condo, decent job), but I'm a size 16 and I've never had a boyfriend. Maybe it's just b/c guys want to be her rescuer. *shrugs* Go figure.

 

OK sorry for the thread hijack!!! back to your regularly scheduled discussion!

Not a hijack, rather a tragically true case-in-point!!!!!!

[charley]

Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears.

Well, I have noticed there is a lot of truth for that with the average man and woman. However, not everyone is average. Many people are exceptional.

 

Personally, I fall in love as much with my eyes and ears equally.

 

Someone else said that women also have certain looks they like in men. That is true, but they are usually much more liberal, easy, and reasonable in their wants.

 

I've observed that many women are often interested in a man's looks with regard to how he presents himself. i.e. - clean vs. dirty, GQ vs. nerdy vs. tough guy, etc. Many of these preferences that women have for looks are really outward indications of personality. So even when women look at a man's looks, they are really looking for his personality by visual indicators. So even here she is looking for personality within the looks. So the looks are simply a clue to personality. The man's looks are usually not her end goal.

 

However, for some women the guy's looks are the end goal. It depends on the woman.

 

In some ways, men and women are the same. Men also look at how a woman is dressed and presenting herself to get a visual indicator of her likely personality. We all have this in common, IMO.

 

However, men also look rather closely at women's body parts. For me it's face most of all, and legs when I can see them. I don't worry about her bottom because it's automatically good if her legs are good, IMO. I'm boobs optional. So I don't care much about boobs, but if they're in front of me I can't help noticing. This whole mindset is not the same as when most women look at men. It just isn't the same thing. So in some ways we are different.

 

However, let me state that I'm seeing those things as part of the woman and I see her as a person. Some men just see body parts, which is disturbing if you think about that.

 

For the record, looks count for me equally with the other things, brains, personality, etc. To me these are about equal in priority. If I must prioritize, I'd put looks last, but I don't want to prioritize. Oh yes, let me add that some men do like smart women.

 

In some ways men and women are similar. In some ways we are different. It's nature. That's how we are made.

 

However, some men, and even some women, get carried away with body parts. Am I right? I read in some other thread where women were discussing whether or not to dump a boyfriend for having a small willie. So who's getting carried away there? That body part obsession mentality affects many men and some women.

 

To any woman: Correct me if I'm wrong, but is your objection mainly about men who just see body parts? Is there more to your objection than that? I'm not sure I fully understand. Please enlighten me.

 

Charley

[Daddy Bear]

I'm boobs optional. So I don't care much about boobs, but if they're in front of me I can't help noticing.

funny thing, i'm as straight as can be but when i talk to girls i always forget to stare at their boobs.

[charley]

funny thing, i'm as straight as can be but when i talk to girls i always forget to stare at their boobs.

I said I "notice". I didn't say I "stare". There is a huge difference.

 

Also, take into account that you are from CA where you probably see more skin per week than I see all year. WA has nasty weather 10 months of the year. The other 2 it's nasty a fair portion of the time. Sunny weather is an event.

 

As a result, the women are dressed from head to toe most of the year. A pair in front of me is an occasion. How could I not notice? I said I notice. I did not say I stare.

 

I'm not blind. ;-)

[doyathink]

Ok, well I don't remember Quasimodo having women fall all over him! Yes of couse you have to be attracted to someone physically in order to want to pursue them. I don't remember ever looking through the crowd for the least desirable male in the group to hook up with.

 

But, what I find attractive someone else doesn't so that is how we all see people differently. I truly believe there is someone for everyone because people's view on beauty differs from one another.

[novaseeker]

 

But, what I find attractive someone else doesn't so that is how we all see people differently. I truly believe there is someone for everyone because people's view on beauty differs from one another.

 

In general, this is true. However I think that the mainstreaming of porn into the popular culture in many places is resulting in a trend towards homogenising ideas of beauty and attractiveness in some ways.

[Daddy Bear]

In general, this is true. However I think that the mainstreaming of porn into the popular culture in many places is resulting in a trend towards homogenising ideas of beauty and attractiveness in some ways.

just turn on the tv and flip channels for a moment. how many of the people that you see are average-looking? ditto movies, billboards, magazine ads, etc., etc.

 

i suspect that the 'Barbie-clone' porn subgenre (which i find beyond boring) is not a root cause of, but merely a reflection of, the distorted modern consensus of physical beauty.

[Deviant_Kate]

Society teaches men that beautiful women are symbols of power, and power is what men are taught makes them manly. Women are groomed to seek security, so they go for wealthier guys, and guys that will stick around and help them raise babies. Obviously a generalization, but so is saying that men care about looks.

 

Unfortunately, we're socialized to think of some things as attractive and other things as not, and we're taught that being with an unattractive person is something to be laughed at or pitied for. It's just the way our society is.

 

To echo some other responses, a lot of women are looking for "hot" guys too. Men aren't the only shallow, visual creatures. The media kind of screws the less fortunate looking members of society by raising everybody's expectations. What girl didn't grow up reading TeenBeat magazine and being taught what kind of boy to want, and what guy didn't get his hands on a Playboy and get it in their head that those are the kind of women you want to be with?

 

That said, physical attraction isn't everything, but it IS the thing that gets you interested in a person - you spot them from accross the room BECAUSE they're attractive, and that's what makes you want to meet them. It's not that you can't be attracted to the plain girl in the corner - she just didn't catch your attention, so the two of you never met.

[timjd]

Men are genetically programmed to find women attractive and thus have sex with them and ensure the continuation of the human race.

 

it follows that the more attractive a woman is, the more he wants to have sex with her.

 

simple really.

[InaneCathode]

So many generalizations in this thread it boggles my mind.

That is all.

[TheRedQueen]

Looks are deceiving and they tend to distance people from really getting to know each other. Appearances are only skin-deep, so one who is preoccupied with them must necessarily be shallow.

So true!!!! You're awesome Red, let's get married!!! Wait that's probably illegal, damn!

[TheRedQueen]

Your question is your answer. You asked why do men care so much about looks? you said "men", thereforeeee you said many men, all men 99.9% of men 90%... its up there. So the answer is all men care about looks, that is how the world works and there is nothing you can do.

 

Here is a better question: Why do weman want to look good? answer: because that is what men like.

You're right, It's a vicious cycle!!!!!!

 

I want out.

 

The things we put ourselves through, all for the sake of men is nothing less than sickening, ugh!

[Daddy Bear]

attention what?

[TheRedQueen]

attention what?

 

I don't get it? who said anything about attention? Are you confusing attention with introspection?

 

In my humble opinion, archives serve as awesome ways to gauge yourself, love yourself and occasionally kick yourself for being such a numbskull.

[4InchFury]

I was watching a special on the discovery channel about sex and attraction.

 

They said looks are important because a better looking person has better genes. It is instinct to be attracted to a better looking person because their genes are stronger and will produce more "perfect" children with no problems.

 

If you have two ugly people with weak genes reproducing, then it creates problems such as children being born with mental retardation, and further imperfection.

[NJRon]

However, I have also seen the fact of "looks" being based upon symmetry... hence why so many differing people can be attractive.

[Daddy Bear]

I don't get it? who said anything about attention? Are you confusing attention with introspection?

 

Most Gracious Majesty,

 

Thou knowest I am a mere country simpleton yet the most ardent Defender of the Crown. 'Twas naught but goode-natured caprice did I offer. If Thou art not downe with that and Thy Royal sensibility finds affront in such behaviour, I shall endeavour in all earnestness to desist in it post-haste.

 

Long live the Queen! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzawha!

 

Thy most Loyal and Humble servant,

 

Brother Sliteleigh Bente, Abbot of Morningwoodshire

 

 

P.S. Please do not have me put to Deathe.

[chai714]

in terms of love and attraction,

why are men so caught up in the way a woman looks? Is it that they are just inherently more shallow, or is it something else?

 

Because what they consider an "attractive" trait(s) triggers a physiological/psychological response. Most men I know have a good idea of a certain body type they're looking for. Some men have a specific weight, bust size, hair color, etc. It all depends on what he deems attractive. Does this mean they're "caught up?" Does this mean they're "shallow?" No. It means they're human. I know many females who also have their ideal male in terms of physical characteristics, which means attraction.

[MagicToilet]

One big difference I know that makes being goodl ooking more important for women then it is for men is that men are the choosers.. It is almost always men who come on to women, it happens that a woman walks up to a man for the sole purpose of getting it on with him but it is rare.

 

Men are the hunters so they get to do the scouting, and when you look around in a bar for a potential partner, the only thing you have to go with is how they look. So ofcourse you try to pick the best looking girl, and after that you start the conversation.

 

Women sit and wait for the men to come to them, and when they do it is going to be pretty random how good looking they are going to be.. They get to know the person at the same time as they get to see them, so thier looks can more easily be overlooked.

 

Other then that.. I know that if you picture 2 men both trying to get with a hot girl, but only one of the guys are good looking.. It is in most cases the guy who can make the girl laugh that gets the girl not the guy who is the best looking..

 

The other way around would not be the same.. Woman are turned on by how a man can make her feel more then anything else. Men often need the looks before they can feel any attraction at all, It dosn't matter how funny the fat girl is.. She wont ever be more then a friend.

 

Anyway that is how I look at it.. Please tell me if you disagree