Fiance Gets Mad over "Inadequate Info"...

[Towny]

This may seem odd, but my fiance gets upset if I don't mention some casual details that are going on at work, with friends, etc. Now, mind you, I am not talking about anything having to do with the opposite sex. I mean things like, "Bob is taking classes to be a gymnast", or, " My brother is moving in with his girlfriend". We have been together for 2 1/2 years and are getting married in August and although I try to relay as much pertinent info to her as I can, I have no desire to be an encyclopedia of data spewing out reams of jibber-jabber every night! She's a bit insecure and has a low self-esteem, but, come on.....how much is too much? And, like I said, it has nothing to do with flirting, etc.

 

Has anyone else gone through this or am I walking this dis-information superhighway all by myself?

[Dako]

Sounds terrible. I can't imagine having to be a reporter of every detail.

She may be living vicariously through you or just supercontrolling. Doesn't she have enough to do besides that?

[robowarrior]

She is paranoid, and well if its not a problem to you i would just keep on informing her, its not worth losing her over it. You will have to accept slight inconvienances with almost everyone because people aren't perfect, you probably have a few things that other people have to put up too, anyway its nothing to really worry about besides asking her to stop being so paranoid, or leave her if its really a problem to you, that's your choice tho.

[itsallgrand]

Is she like that with everyone? Is she a super curious, gabby 'story-teller' type person?

 

Maybe you can steer her to other sources of info. That's what girl friends are for: to gab and blab incessently.

[lisica]

Your brother moving in with his girlfriend, that is not some casual detail!!!

 

I do not think that your girlfriend is paranoid or a control freak or has nothing better to do. I think that she is genuinely interested in what is going on in your life, your work, your family, your friends,... But you and her have totally different standards of what is important and what is a boring detail. And when you are not telling her about "stupid little details" like your brother moving in with his gf, she perceives it as if she is not important enough for you to even bother to tell her. I bet that when she asks you in the evening how your day was, you systematically answer with "ok, nothing special" and leave it at that

 

So the best thing you can do is to meet each other half way. First make sure you understand each others perception of "important" and "detail". Next you can make a sincere effort of telling her some things that she might consider important, although for you it is a silly detail. In turn, she can make an effort not to bother you too much with detail questions and not getting upset so easily.

[Towny]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

She doesn't do this to everyone, but she does feel slighted by her friends sometimes if they don't inform her every time of some "goings on". She isn't gossipy, but she does find solice in knowing information "first". Guess it is a self-esteem, paranoia issue, but I believe it's more insecurity than anything else.

 

On my end, yes, I hate to describe every little thing that happened at work during the day because it is as mundane as it sounds, but if somebody happens to tell me something and I forget or just don't think about it again for a week or two later and she finds out herself from some other source, I am somehow "witholding information". I'm sorry, but some of the things that she deems important are positively not.

 

The "brother moving in with his girlfriend" thing didn't happen.....yet. He had only mentioned that they might at some point, and there was no definite date planned, and she isn't really fond of the girlfriend anyway. Is it relevant? Perhaps. But until it is set in stone I don't consider it "news", only "gossip".

 

Besides, I really don't want to hear every detail of her day. I know it sounds rough, but hey, I'm being honest. I care about the major events and decisions that are going to affect our lives. If I find out some little detail about our friends two weeks after the fact, I don't really care.