There's never unconditionally love with parents!!!!

[justmessupohwell]

U know, parents like always tell you they love you unconditionally, that's total BS. Often heard mother are more unconditionally than fathers. You can talk back to your mother and say crappy thing or even become a drug addict or some shady person or even make their lives a living hell and your mom will always love you, but if you were to do this to your father, it gets to the point he doesn't wanna hear from you again unless you were to apologize, even so some father are harsh they don't wanna see you again and held grudges.

 

I know this cuz of experience on two occasion, one for lying and one for talking back. At 11 I lied about not having any homework when I did, and damn dad got so workout, he didn't wanna talk to me unless I say "I'm sorry". Then at 13 or 14, it was for talking back, with mom she's easy going, she'll still talk to me, but heck dad wasn't talking to me for two days, until mom force me to apologize.

 

Then the last stunt I ever pull was at 18, where I was caught smoking a cigar (only do it once in a while) and damn, he got harsh over it, he wanted he out and even told me that to him "he's not my son any more", took mom's talking and me apologizing again cuz I was still supported financially by them. Now off course I'm living alone, so no worrying now.

[Tigris]

I didn't get unconditional love from either parent. Mine came from my paternal grandparents. When they both died when I was 25 I was back in the 'same boat' again and have been ever since. My father (Mother's dead) and 2 sisters often wonder why I never stay in touch. That's because I have an easier life staying away.

[DN]

I think my daughters would disagree with you.

[yeawutever]

Yea, true indeed, that's also the way it is on my case.

[Dako]

One parent has to step up to the plate and be the one to discipline the child. Sometimes that one cares the most.

It's easier to sit back and let the kids raise themselves, but it takes effort to intervene when it's needed.

 

Someday you'll look back and see it differently.

My father once kicked me in the crotch when he was demonstrating a point to me. Sounds like abuse, but I don't blame him. He loved me.

[justmessupohwell]

I think my daughters would disagree with you.

 

Why?? This is true in most cases, fathers are often harsh. You are told as a child you are loved unconditionally, but then try giving them crap and they would not want to talk nor see you unless you say "I'm sorry, I was worng". With mothers, they still love you, they're always soft.

[Relationship Coach]

Never is such a big word. Parenting is not an easy thing and sometimes parents make mistakes, I know I have. Saying there is never unconditional love from parents is a broad and incorrect statement. In your case, there may have been issues that your father had which we are not privy to. As for your mother, it sounded like she loved you but wore the hat of the referee and peace keeper. I know many families where the term unconditional love was in fact a description of how they lived. My parents for example and how I feel about my own family now.

 

I'm sorry that you had it so rough with your father but did you love him no matter how angry he was with you?

 

RC

[Dako]

So you want a soft father?

[yeawutever]

Could understand where you coming from, if you read my last post you'll get it. Basically was caught (someone phone my house) flashing and talking dirty to a guy 4 days ago. While mom was talking to me the next day, she told me how I ruined my image in my dad's eye and that he doesn't even know whether to call me his "daughter","daddy's girl", anymore. If it wasn't for me saying "I plan on continuing study, I was wrong" (I'm not really sorry thought, I'm still angry right now) then heck he wouldn't even care about not talking to me, woudl even kick me out of the house in the next two months.

[DN]

Why?? This is true in most cases, fathers are often harsh. You are told as a child you are loved unconditionally, but then try giving them crap and they would not want to talk nor see you unless you say "I'm sorry, I was worng". With mothers, they still love you, they're always soft.

 

Disciplining a child does not mean a parent doesn't love - most often it means the exact opposite.

 

And if you give a parent 'crap' then you do owe them an apology. And making you apologise is a life lesson that you would obviously need.

 

It is easy to spoil children, even to the extent of being soft and taking their 'crap'. But it is much harder to refuse to do that and make children face the consequences of their behaviour. They need to learn that because when they get into the world of employment, applying for loans, paying bills and dealing with authority, plus all the other issues that go along with being an adult they will find that many people they interact with won't take their 'crap' at all.

 

And those people not only don't love you - they don't give a 'crap' about you either.

[justmessupohwell]

Relationship Coach, yes I do love them both. I guess it's hard being a parent. I do wanna have kids so does my g/f some day and yea I would have to provide best examples.

[byates5637]

you can only remember 3 times in your life that you fought with your parents? wow dude, you must have been a freakin saint.

 

I was a bad kid and my dad used to scream at me and hit me with a belt. Now me and my dad are close and i have become a decent responsible human being. This world is a tough place to live in and it is your dads job to be tough on you and get you ready for it.

[Relationship Coach]

Unconditional love does not mean you can behave poorly without repercussions. I think you guys are thinking that unconditional love gets you a free pass to acting poorly. There are consequences to actions and being disciplined doesn't mean you are not loved. If I spank my child because he is doing something wrong which may cause harm to him, do I still love him? Yes, it goes without saying.

 

RC

[yeawutever]

This world is a tough place to live in and it is your dads job to be tough on you and get you ready for it.

 

Yea, indeed it is thought. The last time I got hit with it too byates I was 7, then never again. I remember at 13 I did also talk back and he wouldn't talk to me for almost 2 days. Mom solved it on that occasion and also on this last occasion 4 days ago about the whole flashing on cam thing. But now, according to him, I ruin "the image" he had of me as the decent girl. Thought I don't see flashing nor dirty talk bad, they do, dad's still not really over it. He isn't talking to me like before.

[agent1607307371]

Not doing homework and smoking and you complain they don't give you unconditional love over these.

 

You have it made my friend.

 

Unconditional love is not synonymous with accepting poor behavior.

[DN]

Yea, indeed it is thought. The last time I got hit with it too byates I was 7, then never again. I remember at 13 I did also talk back and he wouldn't talk to me for almost 2 days. Mom solved it on that occasion and also on this last occasion 4 days ago about the whole flashing on cam thing. But now, according to him, I ruin "the image" he had of me as the decent girl. Thought I don't see flashing nor dirty talk bad, they do, dad's still not really over it. He isn't talking to me like before.

 

We should not hijack this thread as you have one of your own on your issue - but he isn't talking to you like before because he doesn't see you in the same way as before and it will take him some time to come to terms with that. That does not mean he does not love you.

[Relationship Coach]

One more thing, my father is 70 and my mother is 69. I cannot think of any beating (deservingly so) that I got as a child or as a teen that is or was more painful than the thought of losing either of my parents. Give it 20 years and you'll look at this entire situation differently.

 

RC

[yeawutever]

Oops, didn't mean to hijack his thread, but his story pretty much reminded of mine. Anyways yea, it must be hard teaching values, morals, and providing them good examples and then having them prepare for the real world that will always be full of nasty, inconsiderate people.

[melrich]

You cannot possibly know what it is like to be a parent, the feelings you have, the conflicts you go through in your head until you have been one yourself.

 

You think they enjoy getting mad at you?

[stuckinthebluess]

U you know something, there are many time I wish my father was like that. Then I would have known better what's right and what's wrong. But he was a weak one, always putting up with what you stated "crap", sometimes I think I should have been punish for that,but it's like he didn't have it in him, hardly any backbone wutsoever and no actually authoritative voice.

 

No, never knew who my mother was, that's so bad. All I was told by two people in my family is she left as soon as I was 1 year old, probably with another man. Thus living dad and me all alone. Now I do reflect back, the many time I answer back, gave him all the crap, yet he still buying me stuff, basically acting like a mom would, way too nice in fact. Yet me running away at 17 and stealing money from him.

Now we do get along, yes there isn't a moment I feel terrible about all that. Come to think of it, if I someday become a mother, I won't be so easy, not to soft either. Being a parent doesn't mean tolerating horrible treatment.

[Dannysgirl]

I will certainly say that my Father loves me unconditionally, unfortunately that is not the case with my mother who appears to be the anti-christ.

I really think a lot of it depends on how your parents themselves were raised and what they're motives were for having children in the first place.

[renaissancewoman101]

With my parents, I think they both somewhat love me unconditionally. But, my mom is very critical of me about stuff that I cant fix, like my height and the way I look and what I ended up doing with my life (career choice). My mother has never been happy with me and is constantly on my case about what a failure I am to her and what an embarrassment I am to her. I am afraid of my mom and I stay away from her as much as possible. She is way too critical of me.

 

As for my dad, I dont see him a lot and didnt see much of him growing up. He and my mother never really got along and their marriage was not that good. My dad really loved my mom but I dont think she really did. She goes around (even now) lamenting that she married him and she probably should have married her other love. My dad was always good to me and protected me from my mom's harsh criticism of me. He used to take me out to eat on Fridays for lunch (during high school) when I got out at noon. He always likes to get me stuff that I like to eat. My dad is very open and friendly when my mom isnt around. But when she is, he hides from her, spends most of his time in his study, or at the university (he is a college professor).

 

My parents see love as physical stuff like paying for things, buying me things, giving me money. My mom was always the strict disciplinarian, punishing and spanking for the littlelest things. My dad was the one who was the understanding one and the one who didnt see things as having to be black or white.

 

Raising kids is scary. I am not sure if I could ever be up to it.

[alteer]

I think your father is trying to teach you something. I know that if my children do something I expect them to apologise and I quite often ignore them until they have.........it certainly doesn't mean I don't love them. I will love my kids no matter what.

 

BUT they do need to learn. They need to learn what is acceptable and what isn't. Parents SHOULDN'T put up with their kids 'crap'.

 

The real world is no bed of roses............

[itsallgrand]

I'm still a little awed that the OP is a 22 year old man.

 

Welcome to life, where you don't always get what you want. If you equate love from others as filling your needs and desires.....ohh, you are really going to be setting yourself up to be used and bruised!

 

You are lucky to have had someone who loved you enough, cared enough, that he was able to put his own desires aside in order to do what was needed for you to grow up strong.

Many parents cave bc they don't want to deal with the angry, hurt feelings of their kid - oh my god, the kid might even say "You don't love me!!!" - which could make the parent feel guilty. Or worse - they'd have to be parent instead of just the kids friend lol.

 

Aren't parents supposed to help us to support ourselves and to grow, by giving us what we need....and if we sometimes get what we want, that's a bonus. You can't always get what you want, but you try real hard, you might find, ya get what cha need.

 

Isn't this exactly what you are doing? "Daddy, you don't love me cause you won't give me what i want!!".

 

Sounds silly, doesn't it?