Drug dealer boyfriend... Soo upset :(

[thegirl_00]

I'm so against drugs and drug dealing because i used to be caught up in that mess. I dont like to hear about it, see it or anything because thats in my past and i avoid the drug scene at all costs. My boyfriend knows that too, but clearly didnt take it into concideration because for a week now he's been dealing coke behind my back. I found out just last night because one of his friends accidently "split the beans".

I really like my boyfriend a lot... but I guess its time for me to move on eh? I can't believe he would do that He knew that it would make me upset if I found out but he did it anyways.

We've only been going out for about 2 months now. I need some adivce on what to do about this... should I end it? am i over reacting? Iv seriously never been so upset

[muss]

Let him go. You may be dragged back into the drugs mess again and your life may be ruined. Not worth it. Let him go.

[dopexile]

Agreed.. coke isn't a low key recreational drug to be screwing around with. It's very addictive and expensive habit that can ruin your life. There's no reason to play russian roulette with this low life.

[DN]

Are you sure he is dealing drugs? What did his friend actually say?

[thegirl_00]

Oh im sure... he admitted it to me this morning. His friend was DOING coke and I tricked him into telling me because I had a feeling that my boyfriend was doing something sneaky behind my back.

My boyfriend kept telling me how sorry he was this morning... but how sorry could he really be?

When we first started dating I told him i would NEVER want to go out with a drug dealer again (because i had previously) and i told him it was awesome that he wasn't into drugs or anything... but now this. AHHH

[dopexile]

This is plain unacceptable because he's been living a hidden second life behind your back and also because he is a sleezebag drug dealer. The police aren't going to put up with this crap when they find out and you shouldn't either.

[teacup]

anyone who is okay with selling drugs to another human being is a lowlife.

 

drugs, hurt, kill, destroy and if he participates in those kind of activities then he is participating in hurting, killing and destroying another human being.

[thegirl_00]

yea i know. It makes me sick.

Making a profit off of poisinging people.

 

I just broke up with him in fact. Thanks for the help

I'm sad though Im goina miss him

[teacup]

wow.....ur very strong and brave. i admire that. it's really hard to walk away....even when u know it's the right thing to do....

[muss]

well done, thegirl. I think you did the right thing. Best of luck getting over him - it sucks, but it gets better eventually...

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

As soon as you're finished reading this sentence, end it!

[blender]

You are not over reacting, you are being a wise, mature, classy person, who chooses to live within her standards/values, and the first step in doing this is NOT to even discuss it with him, it's not a "grey" area this is "black and white" wrong... and no matter how sorry he is (I'm sure he's sorry he got caught) and no matter how cute, lovable, or attrative you may think he is, this behavior of his is a "lose-lose" situation for YOU.

 

You can simply say, "you forgive him, but this behavior does NOT work for YOU, and that you want to be on your own for awhile to think it all through" (no need for a big dramatic argument), and start "no contact"... any guy who's into drugs and CHOOSES to stay in that life, is NOT an option for a classy, mature, wise girl like YOU.

 

Go with your "gut" on this, it's screaming for you to listen to your "instincts" and leave him... You will be rewarded for this in your own personal life, having boundaries and values/standards that are sometimes painful for us to live by always end up leading us to the most wonderful people and places, so walk through the "fear" of leaving him and know that you might miss him for a while, but YOU can feel so much better about yourself in the long run.. and YOU are what matters here...

 

no excuses are acceptable right now from him, NONE. When he goes a year in program without doing any drugs, or selling any drugs, then and ONLY then should you agree to engage in any acceptance of an "apology" from him..

 

until then live strong in your own values! You're doing the right thing... you're so wise to think this through and leave.. good for you.

[Hope75]

I'm just catching up with this thead now, but you've already done what I would have advised you to do.

 

For someone who is recovering from a former addiction/problem with drugs, dating a drug dealer is like an alcoholic working in a bar. This man is no good for you, and in addition to the drug dealing which is illegal and immoral, he lied to you about it as well.

 

You did the right thing, and I am glad you only invested but a few months into this relationship and can hopefully cut your losses and move on.

 

Best of luck and keep us updated!

[thegirl_00]

For someone who is recovering from a former addiction/problem with drugs, dating a drug dealer is like an alcoholic working in a bar.

Wellll puttttt! and its so true. I really DON'T need temptation like that around, f that. I'm totaly glad i ended it with him. Its hard though, everyone honestly thought that me and him were the perfect match right from the first time we were together. Just kinda makes me sad, know what i mean.

Blender, thx for your advice. It helped me a lot. I'm actaully having a party tonite and i feel bad but I told him he can't come... But I wana start the no contact thing sooner than later. A lot of his friends are goina be here tho. I feel bad.

[Tigris]

Well done for ending your relationship with him.

 

What I'd like to know is will you be reporting him to the police? If you did you'd be saving a lot of lives.

[alteer]

Good on you for walking away. I used to be involved in the drug scene myself in my much younger days and also try to steer clear of anyone involved in it. I've had to let go of a lot people after finding out they are involved in drugs.

 

Good luck........and you should feel really proud of yourself for not getting mixed up in again......... Love and admire yourself for having that strength

[thegirl_00]

No I wont be reporting him to the police, I know that it would be the right thing to do but i just wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it.

Also, he will stop dealing now that i broke up with him, he already told everyone that he's going to, but clearly its not going to get me to go back out with him because i don't have and trust in him, nor do I have any respect.

Those who he is dealing to will only get the drug from someone else if they're not getting it from him.

[Hope75]

No I wont be reporting him to the police, I know that it would be the right thing to do but i just wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it.

Also, he will stop dealing now that i broke up with him, he already told everyone that he's going to, but clearly its not going to get me to go back out with him because i don't have and trust in him, nor do I have any respect.

Those who he is dealing to will only get the drug from someone else if they're not getting it from him.

 

That line, "he will stop because I left him..." is as old as the hills. It's very difficult to let go of that lifestyle and easy money once you get involved in it. I have my doubts that he will stop- whether you broke up with him or not. You know this type of life well too- do you honestly believe that?

 

I can understand you feeling some loyalty to him in that you will not turn him into the police, but know that your reasoning of "if they don't get it from him it will be someone else" is not a good reason to allow that type of illegal activity to continue if you know about it. You will make your own decisions and I will respect your decision regarding reporting him, but no matter whether people get drugs from him or from someone else, what he is doing is still illegal, and still harmful, which is why you left him in the first place.

 

Frankly, I'm surprised that somoene who felt so strongly about dealing drugs that she broke up with her boyfriend over it, would have any trouble dropping an anonymous dime on him.

[Tigris]

Frankly, I'm surprised that somoene who felt so strongly about dealing drugs that she broke up with her boyfriend over it, would have any trouble dropping an anonymous dime on him.

 

I totally agree Hope.

[renaissancewoman101]

She probably still cares for the guy a bit but does not condone what he is doing, and he hasnt really gone out and hurt her badly (like betray her) so I can see why she would not rat him out to the police. Besides, it sounds a bit like revenge for her to rat him out to the police. And most of you guys here advocate just letting go and moving on.

[Hope75]

She probably still cares for the guy a bit but does not condone what he is doing, and he hasnt really gone out and hurt her badly (like betray her) so I can see why she would not rat him out to the police. Besides, it sounds a bit like revenge for her to rat him out to the police. And most of you guys here advocate just letting go and moving on.

RW, you are correct that most of the time we do. Here, I don't think the motive would be revenge, but case in point this woman had a former drug problem and guys like her ex who supply illegal and dangerous drugs like coke only perpetuate the problem. It's very personal to her- not just general advice.

 

To not turn him in because there are others who will take his place is like saying "Don't bother to arrest that murderer because there will always be others who will murder people too." While the actual offense may be less harmful initially, cocaine and other drugs kill- I've seen it enough times in the Emergency Room where I work.

 

I can understand her reasoning not to turn him in, but I know if it were me and I felt as strongly about no drugs as she now does, I would report it. In the end she may end up helping him if it is a wake up call for him to knock it off.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I am just catching up on this thread. I too, use to date a drug dealer. I did not find out about it until a few years after. And then when I told people the news, they all said, "you didn't know?" Sheesh, everyone knew but me.

 

Keep this in mind if you waver going back to him. Your boyfriend put you life in danger as my ex did. I shuttered at the thought of what could have happened to me. I or my family could have been hurt by other drug dealers...over money, turf, or the "goods." My ex could have used me as collateral or blamed me as a scapgoat for missing "goods" or money. Or if there was a raid, I would have been arrested being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did not care whether I lived or died. And the stuff your ex buys for you or bought for you was drug money. Not worth it.

 

I would not fall for the "I will give up drug dealing because my girlfriend left me..." line. That's BS. The money is too good, no taxes on the money, the person does not have to work. The money is all too powerful and tempting. I have known people whom do bids (jail time) because of dealing and once he/she gets out, he/she goes back to dealing.

 

Stay away from this guy. I too, decided NOT to tip the police about my ex's little cartell going on because I feared for my safety. He WILL get caught, just like your ex will. Money can really bring out the worst of people and drug dealers are no exception. Good for you for breaking up with him. Try to get your life back on track and check in here often. I would love to read how you are doing.

 

(((hugs)))

[thegirl_00]

Originally Posted by renaissancewoman101

She probably still cares for the guy a bit but does not condone what he is doing, and he hasnt really gone out and hurt her badly (like betray her) so I can see why she would not rat him out to the police. Besides, it sounds a bit like revenge for her to rat him out to the police. And most of you guys here advocate just letting go and moving on.

I do still care about him, and it's been a lot harder for me to just leave him. I'm still talking to him on msn, and text messaging him. I haven't seen him or made any plans with him. I know i should report him to the police, but there are many people who know, just like I know, about him dealing. I know i'd be the right person to report it, but i also know that i wont do it. I don't know why... it just seems like there'd be alot of sh*t id have to go through if I did.

 

Kellbell, your post really helped me. Like... a lot. thanx. Your right about him putting my life in danger and the anger that put inside me while i read your post really hit the spot lol. Your also right when you mentioned that most drug dealers never stop because they get hooked on the money. I know at least 10 drug dealers and they've all been doing it for many many years. I also know one that just got out of jail after 5 years and went right back to doing it.

Jeez, I really need to stay strong and make sure i stay far away from my ex. Its really hard though. I'v never been with someone who made me laugh so hard, who i felt so comfortable around right off the bat. Oh well... somethings are just too good to be true sometimes I guess.