Interracial Dating

[Jax]

I'm a 21 Black guy whose been in many relationships with all types of women, white, black, latino, asian, etc. But since the college I go to is mainly white I'm mostly interested in White women. The problem is that I get a lot of negative attention from other people for dating a white woman, and most of the time this effects my relationships. I don't get this kind of attention when I date women from other races. Most of the times it's angry stares from guys and whispers from girls. But once I was holding hands with my ex gf(whose white) on a bench and we were talking when a guy whose a part of the crowd passing by shouts "Quit fu****g N*****s". Incidents like that are the main reason why I haven't had much success dating white women. I feel like I have to constantly defend our relationship and deal with crap like that. Not to mention the worst attitude comes from black women. They act like I'm betraying all Black people by dating a white woman and that White girl is taking away a Black man from a sister. The way I see it, I wouldn't be theirs anyways so why do they care? I feel like I should just give up totally on the idea of dating white women, because society is just not ready for that sort of thing. But at the same time I feel like I should be able to live my life the way I want and not be forced to choose who I date/marry based on what other people think. What do you guys think? Has anyone else here had difficulties in interracial relationships?

[quietgrl]

I'm a black female and the problem i have with black men dating white women.Why bad mouth black women when It's your preferences to date white women period.Black women have nothing to do with your dating perferences.

My opinion you should be able to date whoever you want without bad mouthing your black sista.

My life experience Black men never took interest in me only white men.Yes i'm upset about what happen but it wouldn't stop me from dating a black man.I've only been interest in one black man in my whole life if i had my wish.We would be dating right now.

[Slacker]

I should be able to live my life the way I want and not be forced to choose who I date/marry based on what other people think

^absolutely!

 

I caught a beating when i dated a milano girl, from my dad and my classmates.

Lots of ignorant people out there, trust me, the potential benefits outweigh the potential issues. Maybe you'd consider going someplace more accepting?

[ocrob]

I think that you should date whoever you like. I admit that it would be tough having people stare and call me names. I am a white guy and my last girfriend was Asian and the girl that I date now is black. I live in a very white area, but have luckily not noticed any bad stares, but I usually am not paying much attention. I don't think love has any color boundries and I say do what works for you.

[romancedeyes]

Yes, I get the same reaction. I'm white and catholic and I'm dating a guy who is Guyanese and Hindu.

 

At first, I got a bad reaction from his mother because Hindus strongly believe they should marry inside their race/religion. Whenever I walk with him anywhere, especially his home area where there are a lot of west indians, we get stared and looked at a lot.

 

To add another thing, I'm deaf and he is not deaf. Sign Language is my main language and he is learning. So there is a lot of differences. I've been with him for two years now and still going strong -- stronger every day.

 

Don't listen to what other people say or do. If you love the girl and she loves you as well, you guys can weather every storm.

 

Good Luck to you. Best Wishes.

[Jinx]

I live in a very white area, but have luckily not noticed any bad stares, but I usually am not paying much attention.

 

This quote from Ocrob I thought was interesting. For myself, the acceptance levels vary from location to location within the state. Certain places regardless of the majority are more accepting whereas you may have the same racial break down in another and its the exact opposite.

 

Where I live currently its more lenient when one of the Hispanic/Latin men or women date a White or Black woman or man. Now on the other hand the hometown I came from this was a major no-no like you wouldn't believe. There would be constant ridicule from both sides if you engaged in such 'behavior' as they liked to call it.

 

Honestly myself I think love should be color blind. I told a friend of mine this when she fell in love with a White man (she like a majority of my friends are of Latin descent) and wanted to do away with any chances of approaching because of the perceived and actual taboo that may occur from society and more particularly her family.

 

Myself, I am white but I tend to have little to no interest in those of my own race. Why I don't know but I do have my preferance and I know it is there and society will always, always be complaining about something if it isn't mainstream. Its like I say, racism is 'dead' in the law books but still flourishes out in the streets, its just more selective for some than others. Only so many actually are exempt of it to the point they will not comment on a so called 'mis-matched' pair walking hand in hand whom have overcame the racial boundry so to speak.

[Jax]

I'm a black female and the problem i have with black men dating white women.Why bad mouth black women when It's your preferences to date white women period.Black women have nothing to do with your dating perferences.

My opinion you should be able to date whoever you want without bad mouthing your black sista.

My life experience Black men never took interest in me only white men.Yes i'm upset about what happen but it wouldn't stop me from dating a black man.I've only been interest in one black man in my whole life if i had my wish.We would be dating right now.

 

It's not my preference to date White women, but it just so happens that most of the women that go to my college are white. I'm not bad mouthing Black women. I have nothing against them, and I will probably end up marrying a Black woman. But I just don't appreciate how their attitude when it comes to who I date. Not all Black women react this way, but most that I have met do. Most of the Black women at my college are already in relationships with White guys. I don't mind, and don't act negatively towards them. I don't care who the Black women at my college date, because it's none of my business. I just want them to give me the same kind of respect.

[miracle29]

I am a half black and puertorican woman. And I catch hell because my husband looks like just your typical black man...and women hate on me when my husband is mixed himself. Man i'm so glad My mother wasnt one of those ignorant women you hear saying "why can't you white women leave our men alone" because there are so many black men who ONLY date black women so to say that is just ignorant. I however, have heard many of my homegirlies saying this. I quickly put them in their place and tell them how stupid it sounds. Now imagine being half black and still catching hell for dating a black man, who by the way is HALF WHITE.

 

It used to really get to me until I just came to the conclusion that no race has a monopoly on ignorance. I understand that black women feel a sort of rejection and take this personally when they see a white women with a black man...but that is a PERSONAL problem and its really a self reflection of self hatred from past oppresion and even current....that has to be dealt with per individual. Now again....my mother is Black, my Father is Puerto Rican and I'm telling you that no race is exempt from this ignorance...or hating someone or judging them purely for their choice of love.

 

Its sad...and I thought that 2006...would be the year that women and men would stop this ignorance...but.... here we are again.

 

I'm sorry that you still have to deal with this disease.

[Relationship Coach]

Date who you want and don't let the ignorant and small minded racists impact your relationships, if you do...they win! It's amazing how far we've come in 50 years but there will always be a few who are stuck in the past.

 

RC

[Jax]

Date who you want and don't let the ignorant and small minded racists impact your relationships, if you do...they win! It's amazing how far we've come in 50 years but there will always be a few who are stuck in the past.

 

RC

 

Yea but it's hard not to give up sometimes. It's a lot easier for me to be with a non-White woman. It seems like I get the wrong kind of attention from almost everyone, even some white women who I'm not dating. They ask stupid questions to my gf like "Does he have a big ****", and "How does his hair feel". I find that for the most part I get along better with white women. But thats probably because I came from a poor neighborhood growing up and all of the women there black, latino, etc. acted very aggressively and had attitude problems. I prefer women who act more feminine, and most White women I have come accross fit that description. Although I realize that not all black, latino women behave this way, mainly those from the poorer areas.

[Luke Skywalker]

Are you in the southerns States or something?

 

Man, this is sounding like something out of the movie "Jungle Fever".

 

You want the breakdown - well, first of all, you are lucky this is not prior to the 1960's, or you would probably be lynched, so things have improved allot since those times. White men are jealous that Black men have are superior sexually, and white women rather a black man to a white guy.

 

In the past, the mobs were incited to hatred at the propsects of black men taking their white women. Sure, when a black man and a white woman had sex, they would call it rape, because the reputation of the white woman and her family was more important than the life of an innoscent human being at the wrong place and wrong time. That's the way things were back then, from what I studied in history and literature.

To Kill a Mockingbird - ever read that novel? Or, Malcom X?

 

A white women even tries raping black men by threatening to complain to the police of rape, unless he had sex with her. All sorts of crap. A white woman can just murder a black man by crying rape before the 60's. There was even a case of a black man saying 'hi' to a white woman, and he was killed.

 

Now, we are supposed to be living in an enlightened day and age, and we are still seeing crap like 'negative attention' - we would think that it died with the civil right movement, and other movements after the 60's, but it still has it's ugly head. We still have a long way to go it seems.

 

There is a book out I think called white women and black men, or something to that. It goes into more detail about this. Well, good luck, you have to stand up for yourself and date whoever you want - besides being dangerous or 'forbidden' is supposed to be an attractive quality anyway.

[Jax]

Im well aware of the history behind this topic. I've taken several classes on African American history, and also Race Relations. Also, I've read to Kill a Mockingbird, and Malcolm X is a man I deeply respect. I just feel like I shouldn't have to deal with all this hate.

[miracle29]

For the record...i'd like to break that stupid myth that all black men are heavily endowed and that all white men are not. IT IS A LIE....can i get an Amen?

 

I have never dated nor slept with a caucasian male..but I trust my sisters and they both are on the verge of eloping with two. I have been let in on the biggest secret known to man...

 

BLACK MEN are not SUPERIOR to any one race. Thats another dumb * * * * * sterio type

[Jax]

For the record...i'd like to break that stupid myth that all black men are heavily endowed and that all white men are not. IT IS A LIE....can i get an Amen?

 

I have never dated nor slept with a caucasian male..but I trust my sisters and they both are on the verge of eloping with two. I have been let in on the biggest secret known to man...

 

BLACK MEN are not SUPERIOR to any one race. Thats another dumb * * * * * sterio type

 

I agree. I get angry when people say those things, because to me it's like them saying that Black men have more animal characteristics. Like they are more primal or something. Everyone is different.

[miracle29]

Well I'm married now...so I can't say much on this topic for the means that it my incriminate me...but I really do want to get into this...but I can't ...

 

 

bows out gracefully....

[quietgrl]

Jax,

You're going to have to get use to it because racism will alway be here.We need to stop denying it won't.

I think what hurts interracial couple in the black community especially black male /white female.Most time we see the black male bad mouthing black women and wanting a light skin baby.We hardly see a black male dating a white woman and not say bad things about black women.I'm not talking about you personally.No woman is better then the other.We all have a vagina,breast,butt and brain.The only thing differant is our character.

So date who you want to date and if a black woman makes a comment.I would just say this is the person i love and choose and i'm sure my beautiful african queen.There still is a black king looking for you.

[Jax]

Jax,

You're going to have to get use to it because racism will alway be here.We need to stop denying it won't.

I think what hurts interracial couple in the black community especially black male /white female.Most time we see the black male bad mouthing black women and wanting a light skin baby.We hardly see a black male dating a white woman and not say bad things about black women.I'm not talking about you personally.No woman is better then the other.We all have a vagina,breast,butt and brain.The only thing differant is our character.

So date who you want to date and if a black woman makes a comment.I would just say this is the person i love and choose and i'm sure my beautiful african queen.There still is a black king looking for you.

 

Like I said earlier, I'm probably going to marry a Black woman. I don't want my future kids to grow up not feeling apart of any one group. Kids who are the products of interracial relationships usually end up being confused as to their identity. Most of the time it's not about comments that Black women make, but mainly just the attitude that comes with them seeing me with a White woman. I don't bother trying to explain myself because I shouldn't have to. I don't care who they date, so why should they care who I date? Black women aren't responsible for Black men and vice versa. There are millions of Black people in the United States. If some are dating people from other ethnicities, then tough luck. Move on and find someone whose available. I'm speaking in general ofcourse.

[doyathink]

My 1st cousin (white) married a black man and had three beautiful children whom have all grown up to be successful adults. One of them plays football for the steelers!!! Another 1st cousin of mine married a hispanic man and has two wonderful children, none of them see color and have been fully accepted in their community. however, you do need to live in a community that has evolved in there beliefs. I am white, married a Native American, have a daughter who is half of each and is dating a Vietnamese/white man. If they get married can you imagine?? LOl. We are all happy and at the end of the day It doesn't matter what color you are with as long as you are good to whom your with.

[ocrob]

I say that jax and all of us should date who we want. I get the whole stay with your peeps thing, but he lives in a different environment. If I went to an all black college, I am sure I would fall for a beautiful and intelligent woman. I can't imagine being in a place where I was a minoirity and not supposed to meet women. Maybe jax has an advantage and i say go with it. lol I am just saying that these bounderies are so stupid.

[jh1581]

I'm an African-American woman dating a Mexican-American man who I'm VERY VERY happy with. Prior to this relationship, I dated a Colombian man for a year (he was a jerk but that had nothing to do with race, lol) and a Native American man for 4 1/2 years. I've also briefly dated black men. I have no racial preference, I've been raised not to judge someone by the color of their skin, but not all people are like this. I say date whoever you want, whoever treats you right, and whoever makes you happy at the end of the day. I've been hurt by the racism and prejudices that exist too: The Native American man's parents were worried about "what kind of hair" our children would have. When we took a trip together once, his nosey neighbors anonymously called his parents and said "how do you feel about your son shacking up with a black girl (even though I've NEVER lived with any of my bfs..it was just a 3 day trip)?" and hung up the phone. They had problems with his dating someone who wasn't 100% Native American at first, but once they got to know me, they loved me to death and STILL do even though we've been broke up for over 2 years now. Prejudices exist this day and age whether we like it or not, and if you really love someone, who cares what someone else thinks?? I know it's hard to get used to and to be honest, I'll NEVER get used to ignorance, but if you really love someone or care about someone, don't let it get to you so badly because that's what these people WANT it to do. I'll probably marry the man I'm with now and my kids will grow up knowing both cultures. Me and him haven't had to deal with any prejudices (at least not yet anyway) but he tells me that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because HE'S the one that loves me and is with me and that we're in this together. I think all races are beautiful and if I had based my dating decisions on what society thinks, I would've missed out on some good people. I'm not about to let what society thinks affect the relationship i have now because i'm very very happy!! And that is the bottom line....happiness.

[FoxLocke]

This is interesting. I came from a mixed background (My mom is half African American/Irish American and my father(my he RIP)was mixed African American and Native American), so I have nothing against multicultural relationships, or else I wouldn't be here. I think it is all good.

 

I am attracted to both black men and white men...Although I am predominantly attracted to those two groups I have seen some Asian guys that I fancy as well. I look at love accross the color line as increasing my chance of finding a mate.

 

My advice is that you cannot care about what people think. I'm gay so I automatically have to deal with certain people's intolerances...However, I don't give a damn anymore. It comes down to you being happy with the life that you are leading. No one else can live for you.

If you find that special person then you should stick with him or her, regardless of race.

 

My only deal is that I don't like the stereotypes being bandied about. True, alot of ghetto girls are quite boisterous and brazen, but please don't catergorize the majority of African American and Latino females as "Not feminine as white women" simply because of those you have encountered. That is like those people who emphatically state that, "Asian women make better housewives" and etc...

 

The stereotyping has to stop somewhere.

[ocrob]

Hi FoxLicke,

 

That was very well said. You sound like a very sweet and intelligent woman. You can be my friend anytime!

 

Robert

[itsallgrand]

Hi FoxLicke,

 

That was very well said. You sound like a very sweet and intelligent woman. You can be my friend anytime!

 

Robert

 

Freudian slip? lol. I think FoxLick is a man. err umm FoxLocke.

 

.............

 

That is some serious racial tension. I mean, you are even considering marrying a black woman specifically bc you do not want your children to grow up multiethnic?

 

I truly believe that color will become less and less of an issue with time now. At the rate we are going globally, there are many many people of mixed heritage.

 

How does that saying go "Everyone *f* until we are all the same colour". It's happening already!

 

I suppose we each must decide for ourselves. I do not live in your shoes. I have never had to face that amount of racism directed at myself.

 

I have encountered some racism when out with my ex bf who is 'brown' (his words). Native canadian, eh. lol. I'm white. Surprisingly, that is the only time I have had the problem. Black, white, asian: no one said a thing. Though certainly it would be possible and others experiences are different.

 

Often times it seems to be the families that show the most resistance. A more subtle but stronger form of racism: it's okay if it's someone I don't know, but if it's my blood...that's a different story.

[nottoogreen]

Freudian slip? lol. I think FoxLick is a man. err umm FoxLocke.

 

.............

You pay attention, neat!

That is some serious racial tension. I mean, you are even considering marrying a black woman specifically bc you do not want your children to grow up multiethnic?

 

I truly believe that color will become less and less of an issue with time now. At the rate we are going globally, there are many many people of mixed heritage.

 

How does that saying go "Everyone *f* until we are all the same colour". It's happening already!

And mixing the religions at the same time, then there will be peace.

I suppose we each must decide for ourselves. I do not live in your shoes. I have never had to face that amount of racism directed at myself.

 

I have encountered some racism when out with my ex bf who is 'brown' (his words). Native canadian, eh. lol. I'm white. Surprisingly, that is the only time I have had the problem. Black, white, asian: no one said a thing. Though certainly it would be possible and others experiences are different.

 

Often times it seems to be the families that show the most resistance. A more subtle but stronger form of racism: it's okay if it's someone I don't know, but if it's my blood...that's a different story.

 

Yes families are less influenced by changes taking place and that families in the western hemisphere including Middle east and India and Australia are less tolerant than families in Asia.

[itsallgrand]

Nottoogreen,

I'd be interested to hear your experiences on this topic. Have you encountered a lot of racism, and if so: between which groups or in what circumstances is it highest in your view?