booty call

[confusedmama]

Well, I did ask the guy who wanted to "date" without all the stuff of dating. And I was correct that yes, he basically wants s*x and only s*x with no relationship ties or commitment.

 

In some ways, it would be wonderful (there is a chemistry/attraction that has been there for a couple of years). As a single mom, to get it and send him home before the kids got back and not have to worry about conflict with my kids would be nice. He is also a single parent & has had custody of his son for 13 years so he knows/understands that I don't want to involve my kids in other relationships.

 

After 2 years, this offer looks sooo good. But I did this type of "relationship" in college and while it definitely hit the spot then I'm not sure I can do that again and not have other expectations or fantasies of a future.

 

I guess I find his honesty refreshing. I hate to make decisions. On one hand I want this, really badly. On the other I am scared sh*tless

[renaissancewoman101]

I would be VERY careful about doing the sex without the committment thing. Although you guys are both going into it with your eyes open and knowing the facts, there is always the possibility that one of you can develop feelings for the other person and then that gets messy and can be emotionally painful for one of the participants.

 

If I were you, I would avoid stuff like that. Dont need the emotional trauma that CAN come with it.

[tylercdurden2004]

Yeah its good he is honest about this nothing worng with that. You just have to decide if this will be sufficient for you or if you want soemthign more.

[AwdreeHpburn]

confused - have you thought about just trying it, seeing how it works?

 

i mean, if it doesn't seem to be working out for you, can't you end it?

 

Isn't that sort of like dating in a way?? In my opinion, you're just dating someone.

 

Do your kids visit their dad or something? Ever overnight?

 

Why not have this guy over for a late movie rental nite and a nite cap - sort of.

 

I really see your hesitation but ya never know. Maybe you won't like him at all after a few times and letting it go will be no big deal.

 

Maybe HE'LL start to want something a little more permanent after a while of hanging out with you more and more. Ya just never know.

 

I say go for it but keep in touch with your emotions. If it starts to be something you know longer want or you want differently, cross that bridge when you get to it...know what I mean?

[Scout]

The problem with this kind of arrangement, is that it can divert you from looking for something both emotionally and sexually rewarding. And I have the feeling that down the road, you'll just get emotionally attached to this guy anyway. If you think you won't, you're probably kidding yourself. Some people could wholeheartedly throw themselves into such an arrangement, but just based on the fact that you have considerable anxiety about it should plainly tell you this isn't the kind of thing for you.

 

In fact, you probably know in your heart that you deserve more than just someone's body. Don't sell yourself short, which you will be doing if you take this measly offer.

[confusedmama]

Well, at least I know I'm thinking the same things as the advise I'm being given. The things that have been mentioned are the things that scare me, i.e. wanting commitment, no enjoyment, would I have the guts to end it if it wasn't what I wanted, messiness all that crap.

 

I am also afraid that I would stop looking/wanting a "real" relationship. But then again, it could go "real" (or is that a fantasy?)

 

I like the honesty, as I've said before. I want the s*x. I am an adult, but after 15 years of marriage, this is all new again. I know I don't want a relationship right now, is this simply a stop gap measure (yes sure it is). Do I only want it because I havent had it before?

 

Wow, didn't think I'd go through this again.

[Dako]

Mama,

Don'r disregard finding something more.

I think I understand some of your fear. You might someday find your damaged heart getting tugged by someone in ways you don't expect.

It can still happen to you. Don't write it off.

[itsallgrand]

Yeah. Honestly, I think you'd be cutting yourself short by doing this.

You deserve more than this.

 

Like I said in your earlier thread, you DO have the option of casual sex with someone else. Perhaps that is 'distasteful' to you or you don't want that, but it sure would cut out all these complications. You're making it clear 'ahem, I'm a healthy woman and I'm horny" lol.

Well, you can find some booty without these emotional attachments or deal with the horniness yourself (and if this isn't an option; you really got to wonder IF it truly is the sex you are after or a warm man to give you attention and care).

 

think about it. You can still find the man you've always wanted.

[Bethany]

I read on one of your earlier posts that you were sick of lies and games. I fear this whole no strings sex 'relationship' will be one of exactly that. You deserve better than a man who just wants to use you for sex.

 

It's love making you are missing, not some quickie before the kids get home. Find a man who misses making love as much as you do..

[Süsser Tod]

I like the honesty, as I've said before. I want the s*x. I am an adult, but after 15 years of marriage, this is all new again. I know I don't want a relationship right now, is this simply a stop gap measure (yes sure it is). Do I only want it because I havent had it before?

 

 

HUH?

 

Looks like the "E" on your keyboard doesn't work fine???

 

Anyway, is a dildo that bad?

 

Seriously, what I love the most about sex is what is missing on a booty call relationship. If I just want to get off, I have two hands, more than plenty for me, and I don't have to worry about other person.

[btbt]

I'd stay away from it, esp. because you already have hesitations. Hold yourself out for someone who will give you both sex and love!

[confusedmama]

I think that after some major searching I've figured out why this is bugging me. This is a replay of my marriage. So while I know what to expect and how to handle it, it comes back to my self-esteem.

 

At times I wonder if this is all I was meant to be a "booty call". And then after the messages I received in my marriage I have to wonder if I'm a good "booty call".

 

I really think that is the bottom line as to why I am/was/could consider this "relationship" to prove once & for all that I can do something well. Wow, I don't think I even realize how shot my self esteem was/is. I know people say there are good relationships out there but I can honestly say i don't think I have ever had one.

[tylercdurden2004]

I think that after some major searching I've figured out why this is bugging me. This is a replay of my marriage. So while I know what to expect and how to handle it, it comes back to my self-esteem.

 

At times I wonder if this is all I was meant to be a "booty call". And then after the messages I received in my marriage I have to wonder if I'm a good "booty call".

 

I really think that is the bottom line as to why I am/was/could consider this "relationship" to prove once & for all that I can do something well. Wow, I don't think I even realize how shot my self esteem was/is. I know people say there are good relationships out there but I can honestly say i don't think I have ever had one.

 

It doesnt sound at all like you wil lbe able to handle being a booty call. You most likely need some serious time with yourself to just figure things out, why you feel the way you do and what things you may have down to facilitate these situations you are getting in. Sounds like you are looking for a man to validate you, which can never happen, at least happily. It takes time but really stop thinking about men and whether you are good enough for them. Start thinking about whether you are good enough for you.

[confusedmama]

I am taking serious time for myself. I am not out looking for a man or men. I am doing some serious searching to see who I really am. As i said before, I know I am not ready for a real relationship there are a lot of issues I am still working on, such as my self-esteem. And while I believe I am good enough, when things continue to get re-enforced as to the "old" way of thinking it makes all the new harder to believe.

 

That is why I had to work it out and why I've been wavering back & forth I do appreciate others thoughts/suggestions/advice. Sometimes it helps to have others put into words what I am thinking or to help me see the other side and what I am missing.

Thanks

[vesper]

I believe this kind of relationship is generally a very bad idea as it is hard on your self-esteem be good to yourself and exercise some control.

[Shesa]

You deserve more. Women are not built to be happy with these types of relationships.