Has anyone on here never even had anyone show interest in them?

[Ross_K]

I haven't. I've got a feeling that I'm probably not producing enough or maybe none at all of Androsterone, it's a chemical in a males pheremones which is for attracting women.

 

Androsterone (aka -rone, Arone): Signals masculinity. It also creates an impression of reliability and protection (i.e. "this is the alpha male who can look after me")

 

It would explain why it seems as though I lack that intangible something because of not one woman ever showing interest in me.

 

I mean what other explaination could there be for my prediciment? Unless my hormones or chemical balance is all messed up and I'm producing the same sex repellent that females produce.

[annie24]

I think that if you don't see yourself as worthy of love, others won't also. I really think that it's got more to do with your self-esteem issues. The self-fulfilling prophecy: if you tell yourself that you are unable to attract women, you won't be able to, because you have that aura around you.

[Ross_K]

I never told myself that a long time ago though but it still didn't make any difference. I actually believed a lot of girls would be attracted to me.

 

I know I'm worthy of love, I really like me. But I'm just being real. There's no point in lying and saying women can't get enough of me.

[itsallgrand]

Well, there are lots of possible reasons....

 

Is there any medical reason you think it may be a hormonal/phernome thing?

 

You're a cute guy. I'm sorry you're feeling like no one is showing interest in you, because I don't really see why they wouldn't!

 

This is just my personal observation, but I have noticed that many shy guys simply miss/dismiss advances or signs of interest by women. I know I have shamelessly flirted with shy guys - and sometimes they still do not see that I like them! It requires that super-direct "I like you and want to go out with you" approach, but that sometimes makes them awkward or embarrassed.

 

Whoops...sorry to go on like that....

 

 

[Jorus Cbaoth]

Don't beat yourself up so much brother! Don't worry too much about chemically analyzing your body, or self help and dating books. Don't worry so much about attracting women either. Just find something you enjoy, or better yet, something new and do it. Rock climbing, or going to a new gym. If you enjoy yourself you will win two fold. You will forget your predicament and women will eventually see you confident in your natural element (whatever you're good at) and that will attract them. You're not a bad looking guy, so I'm sure you won't have many problems. Best of luck!

[Mrocza]

It's not about lying to yourself.

 

Do you see your sense of self worth as something dependant on the attention of women? Most guys do.

 

I don't think it has anything to do with horomones and everything to do with how you present yourself. Not exactly physically though...you can look bad but come off good. Does that make sense?

 

I think annie said it perfectly. If you see yourself as someone undeserving of attention from women or unable to spark interest in the opposite sex, it will show. You can like yourself, but confidence and liking yourself, while often corelated, sometimes aren't symbiotic.

 

If you put yourself out there and not care to get shot down and just totally let the real you shine out, you'll find a girl who can recognize it and appreciate it. Smart girls, aka girls you want, can smell a facade a mile away. Anyone can notice low self-esteem. It's all about how you come off.

 

Don't care about attracting women so much as interesting them with the real you.

[mjctraider]

It's very rare for me when it happens maybe once a year or every two years and I always chicken out becuase I don't want them to find out that I've never had a girlfriend and never even kissed a girl and I don't want to turn them off or think that I am a loser becuase of that, so I get scared.

 

I know, I know what you are all saying. I keep telling myself that the next time a girl shows a interest in me and I'm interested in her I'll act upon it, but again I think I'm just plain scared. I need to get over that, but I guess the other fear is that they would meet someone better than me and leave me and I'd be all alone again. I'm not the best looking guy, so it's not like girls approach me all the time or show interest in me.

 

All I have to say is hang in there and if there is a tiny bit left in you that says it will happen one day then work with that and try and build on it. I have very little hope left that I will ever find anyone whom I can spend the rest of my life with, let alone a least having one girlfriend before I die. That little bit of hope is really the only thing keeping me going, but day by day it gets smaller and smaller, without it I'd have no reason to live. But don't fret I don't think I have it in me to kill myself. I just have to hope that someday before I'm old and gray that I will have meet that girl that will forever change my life.

[arwen]

I can't imagine no one is attracted by you. I can imagine you perceive that that is the case though. I think you don't notice it. My sister has the same feeling. She's 24 and never had a bf. She's the cutest girl I know, I also think she simply doesn't notice male interest nor knows how to respond to it.

 

Ilse

 

M aybe you should meet her

[Mrocza]

"The greatest risk is not risking at all"

 

It's like learning to swim. If you stand there, dipping in your toe and realizing the water is cold and there might be pee and other people can swim perfectly and blah, blah, blah.

 

You'll never do it. You'll always chicken out. And one day you might fall in and drowl.

 

Or...you could do one of two. Either cannon ball in, if you're gutsy enough and you'll realize it's not that cold, won't care about the pee and realize the other people are just as scared as you are...you might gulp down a few but if you push yourself, you'll be swimming.

Or you could force yourself to walk down those steps in the shallow end, and plunge into the water and force yourself to learn how to swim...safely

 

Of course, you could stand outside and always wonder what it's like to swim...

[orgasmictofu]

Hey dude, this is the second thread in just a few short days that I've seen you post about how undesirable you are. It seems like it's all in your mentality. You're telling yourself you're undesirable and thereforeeee are either not putting yourself out there, or you are blind to the subtleties of flirting.

 

What I'm going to say I'm saying affectionately: get the heck off your butt and get out there and meet some people. There is someone for everyone. You're not going to find anyone by sitting around and moping.

 

And I'd also like to add that based on your picture, you're certainly not ugly. Perhaps not my type (and that's ok!) but I can see you being sexy to a great number of ladies. The hormone problem you're describing is bs. You're making excuses.

 

Tough love baby. You need it

[tylercdurden2004]

I think that if you don't see yourself as worthy of love, others won't also. I really think that it's got more to do with your self-esteem issues. The self-fulfilling prophecy: if you tell yourself that you are unable to attract women, you won't be able to, because you have that aura around you.

 

Yup called the Pygmalion Effect. Read the story its an ancient greek one. Your not a bad looking guy ( and I wont qulify like Tofu did) alot of chicks would dig your physical looks. I suspect it maybe other issues, maybe you dont shower everyday, maybe you dont put deodorant on, but really I think its all in your bleeding head. You could do wiht a major frame shift, how your gonna do it I have no clue only you can figure that out.

[PocoDiablo]

Ross,

 

Did you do your assignment I gave you yet?

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I haven't. I've got a feeling that I'm probably not producing enough or maybe none at all of Androsterone, it's a chemical in a males pheremones which is for attracting women.

 

Androsterone (aka -rone, Arone): Signals masculinity. It also creates an impression of reliability and protection (i.e. "this is the alpha male who can look after me")

 

It would explain why it seems as though I lack that intangible something because of not one woman ever showing interest in me.

 

I mean what other explaination could there be for my prediciment? Unless my hormones or chemical balance is all messed up and I'm producing the same sex repellent that females produce.

Welcome to my world. Sucks doesn't it.

[Miss M]

Women, what do you do when you show you're interested/flirting with a guy?

 

I'm just wondering because if it's usually very subtle then I suppose there's a chance that maybe someone has shown interest in me and I haven't noticed it.

Ross, this is your quote from your other thread, and I think this is also probably part of the problem.

 

And I notice you keep asking for advice, but then you shoot down, dismiss , or scoff at, almost every suggestion you've been given.

 

Even though you say you're not defeatist, it seems that you are. Here's a perfect example of it. When ShaKe started a thread and asked this question...

Guys,what would you do if a good-looking girl at school,who you barely know,approaches and tells you something like "you're hot/sexy".Would you be flattered,freak out,what would you think about this girl?

This is how you responded...

I'd just obviously know she's joking.

You constantly complain about not getting any attention from women... but if you ever got it, you'd think she was obviously joking??? Yeah, that's a defeatist attitude. And it's also insulting to the girl.

 

And you're also very close-minded...

...and argumentative.

(not trying to be insulting, but honestly that's how you seem.)

 

I look at guys all the time who don't have a clue. I really think I'd have to hit them over the head with a bat, but that's really not my style. Besides, I think the guy has to meet me halfway for him to be worth my effort. It's really a huge turn-off if I have to do ALL the work.

 

man... I think you really are seriously gorgeous...

(Now... do you think I'm joking? or deluded?)

 

...but sorry, I'm too old for you.

 

 

Welcome to my world. Sucks doesn't it.

And KO... friend... do you really want me to get in your face again?

[mjctraider]

 

I look at guys all the time who don't have a clue. I really think I'd have to hit them over the head with a bat, but that's really not my style. Besides, I think the guy has to meet me halfway for him to be worth my effort. It's really a huge turn-off if I have to do ALL the work.

 

OK now I am kinda in the same boat and I know how Ross_K feels as well as all the other guys like us, but I have had a few dates and I do have several female friends, but we are just friends and that's about it, so at least I can kinda sort talk to women. However I have no clue as to when a girl is interested in me that I do or do not know.

 

So my question is what should guys like KO, Ross_K, me and the others look for? What kind of signs do you give a guy that says, "Come over here and talk to me, I'm interested in you"? And this would be were you really don't know him and he don't really know you, not where you already know each other, if you get what I mean.

 

And maybe then we can take the initative to go up and talk to them. I know I would try my hardest to talk to a female if she was checking me out and I found her attractive, even if all I said was hello.

[tylercdurden2004]

Before you can even attempt to look mate, ya gotta take the blinders off. Read: BAD ATTITUDE. Attitude colours the way you see things plain and simple.

[mjctraider]

Before you can even attempt to look mate, ya gotta take the blinders off. Read: BAD ATTITUDE. Attitude colours the way you see things plain and simple.

 

I hate to sound stupid, but I probably already do by asking this, but I'm not sure what you mean there.

[tylercdurden2004]

I hate to sound stupid, but I probably already do by asking this, but I'm not sure what you mean there.

 

Alright. Your attitude is also referred to as your outlook on life. If through your outlook on life all you see is sh*t then thats what you will find. Plain and simple. Having a negative attitude will only brig you negativity. Doesnt mean you cant be negative sometimes, or that you have to be positive all the time. But if you constantly are negative and refuse to do anything about it well its your own fault no one elses. Kosher?

[mjctraider]

Well I can honestly say that I'm not like that, I just have no clue when a women is checking me out or is interested in me. I don't know what signs to look for. I need to get Dating for Dummies or something like that, lol. I have a positive outlook on my life, I just can't talk to women plain and simple. When I think a girl is interested in me it turns out that she isn't and when she is I have no clue and by the time I find out she is interested in me, she is no longer interested in me. That my real problem in a nutshell.

[tylercdurden2004]

Well I can honestly say that I'm not like that, I just have no clue when a women is checking me out or is interested in me. I don't know what signs to look for. I need to get Dating for Dummies or something like that, lol. I have a positive outlook on my life, I just can't talk to women plain and simple. When I think a girl is interested in me it turns out that she isn't and when she is I have no clue and by the time I find out she is interested in me, she is no longer interested in me. That my real problem in a nutshell.

 

Theres a few good guys on here that I am sure will share with you soem ideas. I was more referring to others on here who refuse to do something abot the attitude they exude.

[annie24]

well, let me put it this way: who would you rather date - a woman who is a "10" who always is angry and bitter and has a sour look on her face, or a woman who is a "7" who is light and fun to be around and is sweet and makes you laugh. I think most men would chose the 7. Looks will only get you so far - personality is far more important.

[mjctraider]

I agree that personality is way more important and that's what I mainly look for in a girl, but I do need to find them attractive, but they don't have to be supermodel hot. There have been plenty of average looking women who I found to be hot, because of their personanlity. There have been plenty of women where guys don't find attractive, but I do and plenty of girls that guys have found attractive, but I do not. Like I said my problem is knowning when a girl is into me and wants to be more than friends or if she's a total stranger wants to go out with me. I mean I do try and make an effort and make small talk with women, but I I have no clue about the signs women give off to let a guy know they like them more than just friends.

[LIFE]

Ok, I think you guys are going through some very tough times right now. I know what you want most is intimacy between you and someone else. It's painful doing everything by yourself.

 

 

So, the thing that's stopping you guys from talking to women is fear and misconception. Think about it this way: You are not putting yourself in any danger when you talk to women or when you're asking them out. You really are not. It's not like you're in the jungle and being chased by a lion. When a woman reject you, that's nothing to be afraid of. Sure you can be upset and sad for awhile, but it's not going to kill you or put you into physical harm. It's not like they will pull out a gun and shoot you.

 

You have to realize that whatever you guys are thinking, it's false. It's wrong. To think that no one likes you, no one is attracted to you and you will be doomed forever. That is false and an illogical way of thinking. Because you stated that you have idea if someone is attracted to you, so that means there is a chance that someone is checking you out all the time, and you just don't know about it. So you don't have any PROOF that the attraction isn't there.

 

And you don't have to go and start conversations with people if you know that they won't do anything to you. In your MIND, you KNOW that it's safe to talk to strangers, it's SAFE to talk to women. So trust yourselves, trust your intelligence. The only thing that's stopping you is fear.

[annie24]

I mean, apply that back to you!!!

 

A guy can be really good looking, but if he gives off a bad vibe, he won't stand a chance.

 

A guy can be ok looking, but if he has a great personality, and is confident and comfortable with himself, he can have more girls than he knows what to do with!

 

For example, a friend of mine is a short guy (5'5") and he looks like he's 16 (he's really 26!) You would think that he'd have a hard time finding girls, but quite the opposite. He's a real charmer. He's a very funny, sweet guy, and most importantly, he is very confident within himself. He knows he's a great guy, and girls flock to him!

 

He used to tell me all the time: It's all about CONFIDENCE!

[mjctraider]

link removed You know in looking at some of these I have had a few women do a lot of these things to me and the sad thing is I was always too chicken to do anything about. If only I could use someone's time machine and go back in time and kick myself in the you know what and tell myself to ask that girl out I wouldn't need to be here asking for help. Oh well just gotta wait til the next girl comes along, lol.