bf declined sex with virgin!

[DropToZero]

Perfect example of how women can never be happy. Its a sad sad day.

 

lol....so true...

[Meow18]

I think everyone is pretty much right.

 

Sex is a huge step in a relationship. You didn't say if he was a virgin or not. If he isn't, maybe he just realizes how special it really is and how important it is to wait until you are both ready. Maybe he made the mistake of getting into sex too early, and thinks you are far too special for that.

 

A lot of people will find that having sex too early in a relationship can really hurt things. A month is not very long at all. I think everyone can agree that a relationship changes completely from one month to a year.

 

He probably just realizes that. Don't take it personally, it probably was hard for him to say no. But you have to respect the fact that he was actually thinking with his head. He had his good logical reasons.

[tylercdurden2004]

My point exactly. You do not have supreme sex decision-making power over him just because you're the girl. Plus, no protection? Are you crazy?

 

It sounds to me like you are acting like the typical "If you love me then you'll do it" guy and he is acting like the "But I want to be ready and I want it to be right" girl.

 

How in the world could you see anything wrong with your guy's decision to continue to wait, especially after only a month?

 

 

 

Whoa buddy. I never once said that you were wrong in what you said nor did I attack you for your opinion so I would appreciate it if you respected my opinion in the same way and do not attack me for it.

 

Not attacking your opinion at all. Just finding it difficult understanding why people are trying to rationalize her behaviour. He is clearly acting repsonsible and ethical and respectable. She is not. I have no problem if you would like to take me through the logical steps where she may be right here. You can do it here or via PM. I called her on it. She wants to feel like he wants her by sticking his thingy in her, even at the exspence of being responsible(avoiding pregnancy, STDs etc). He said no and she is trying to rationalize her shallowness end of story. I would only ask her to say exactly what she has said here or even show him this thread. I suspect he would not take kindly to being shown such disrecpect for a decision that in my opinion is extremely responsible.

[Batya33]

I think it's sad that you don't expect him to act like a person of honor and integrity despite urges. Please stop pressuring and testing him because he might go through with it reluctantly and you do not want that. Thank goodness he didn't want to without protection - did you stop for a moment to think about whether you can support a child as a single mother? Is that fair to the child? Sure, there's abortion but please don't use it as birth control.

 

Sorry to be so harsh - it sounds like just because you have sexual urges now you are ready to have sex - without thinking of any of the repercussions to yourself or others. Sounds to me like you are not ready in the least in my humble opinion.

[kellbell]

This guy really cares and has great respect for you. I would wait until you BOTH feel ready. Take care.

[Boricua7]

...Sounds to me like you are not ready in the least in my humble opinion.

 

I agree. For him to think about your feelings and for you to be so selfish and not turn around and do the same for him shows that you are not quite ready for the challenges and complications that bringing sex into the relationship will bring.

[spunkmaster]

maybe he said no because you were making him feel used? Ya know..."I just want to do it and get it over with, so I can say I'm no longer a virgin." Maybe that's the vibe he was getting. I know that would bother me! Not saying that's what happened, just maybe what he was thinking?

[Boricua7]

maybe he said no because you were making him feel used?...I know that would bother me!

 

Actually, this is exactly how I would feel too and I'm sure this is how anyone would feel if they were in your bf's shoes. This is something that I actually think is the case. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it seems to me that you were using the fact that guys don't usually say no as a means of getting what you want. That's just not cool. If the roles were reversed and he did this to you, everyone here would be saying that he's an insensitive jerk and to dump him. That is the kind of person you are being to him. Is that what you want?

[arwen]

I think he felt pressured, when he already said he wasn't ready the first time you asked. I think it's a big difference when you know someone is a virgin (nothing wrong with that, by the way!). It just means more. He's worried it's too soon, I can understand it's painful to be rejected but I think this is a positive thing about him. Next time talk with him, instead of to him. I would feel very pressured if a guy would ask me 6 times if I wasn't up for it yet.

 

Ilse

[southerngirl]

You have waited this long to lose your virginity! Dont throw it away on a guy you have only been with for a month!

 

That is tooooo soon for you to know if its right or not, sorry. You can only lose your virginity one time. Also, it takes one time to get AIDS... It takes one time to bring a child into the world.

 

You should thank your lucky stars that he wouldnt do it, with no protection no less. Take your time and get to know him, give yourself to someone you truly love and care for. Not in the heat of the moment... You may regret that one day.

[tylercdurden2004]

Just a quick: How would people react if this was a guy saying "my GF wouldnt have unprotected sex with me, even though I "asked" 6 times"?

 

Very different I imagine. This has nothing to do with rejection. I am sure his intentions were not to reject her. I mean he was there doing everything else, just wouldnt have unprotected sex with her.

[southerngirl]

I think in this day and age having unprotected sex is stupidity.

[Boricua7]

I think in this day and age having unprotected sex is stupidity.

 

I agree! It's stupidity no matter what century you're in!

[SAMRA2]

OK GUYS listen i really appreciate what everyone in here said..even the shallow coment. it helped me see things differently. i talked to him about it and he said he understands that it was in the heat of the moment thing and he is just over it. he even asked me if him sayin no would affect our relationsip and that was so sweet of him. yes he is a respectable guy and he cares for me and he knows its my first time. I just thought that showing him i really want to give this to him would show him how much i apreciate him and care about him . he is genuinely different from anyone i've been with. i know one month is not a lot but so many things have happened during it and i have come to know him really well and know his virtues that i am ready to give myself to him. maybe he doesnt feel that way, maybe he wants to be more connected to me b4 havin sex. he told me once thatonce we're into sex, it complicate the relationsip in many ways.i guess he is tryin to avoid these "cmplications"".. i donno if anyone has a clue on what he means?

[RayKay]

Yup, sex DOES complicate things if you do it when you are unprepared. It brings in additonal emotions, physical risk and emotional risk. Plus, you were ready to have it unprotected - don't you think a baby might complicate things a LOT?

 

Look, I know you are very into him, but it IS still only a month and while he may be great....WAIT. No one I have ever met has regretted waiting the extra time it takes to establish the relationship before hopping into bed. You know his 'virtues' but do you know his flaws yet?

[Boricua7]

...You know his 'virtues' but do you know his flaws yet?

 

And are these flaws that you can live with?

 

Does he know your flaws too?

 

Even if you know some you probably don't know them all...yet. That's why you WAIT.

[Jorus Cbaoth]

Would you prefer he DID have unprotected and early sex with you, and you be posting a topic in the PREGANCY forum right now? He sounds like a good guy that wants to get a little deeper into the relationship first.