A couple of important questions for people who were late bloomers.

[Ross_K]

I don't really 'try' because I don't know what to do (although like I've said before, I think it'll come naturally and I wont even have to think about what I should do when get a lot more confidence), although I have got out there, yet no women have ever shown interest.

 

Along time ago before I ended up feeling like this, I was more chilled and not thinking 'oh, I really need to get a woman', yet that still didn't make any difference.

[tylercdurden2004]

My avatar is a RD character and my sig is a fav line from the show...all rather coincidental since i only just changed them both a few weeks ago...red dwarf is a british comedy that ran for a few years back in the day. became a bit of a cult fav in the states. BBC America runs marathons every once in a while.

 

Hmmm a girl with a cunning sense of humour! Are you single

[Derek]

Poco/Ross,

 

Ross, I think Poco is saying when not being "serious" all the time, means you are playful and mysterious, a challenge for her to find out about. It makes her interest level increase. It makes you seem more interesting.

 

But my question for Poco is, once you get past that initial impression and interest level, don't you actually have to have a life that IS interesting?

I.E. interests that you are into, whether it be BMX, skateboarding, skydiving, astronomy or grilling steaks or being in a band or flying kites or something.

Isn't there things on paper that makes for a successful guy? like a guy that has goals and is going somewhere, who perhaps has a life that seems adventurous enough that she might want to follow him or come along side him?

"Having a life" doesn't take a girl's participation at all and is beneficial no matter whether you've got a girl or no.

 

Looking for casual relationships is not a good starting attitude. Most girl's radars' (especiall at your age group) is pretty atuned to knowing a guy's motivation. Girls are even more intuitive than guys are about reading people, so you've got to be clear and honest about your intentions. If it really is about casual friend/benefits, well be honest about it, but then realize you might find 1% of women are looking for that too.

 

Dating is about volume. Overcoming shyness is about practice. (de-sensitization of self-consciousness)

 

 

[KweenofDenyl]

Hmmm a girl with a cunning sense of humour! Are you single

 

As a matter of fact...I do happen to be unattached \\

[Momene]

As a matter of fact...I do happen to be unattached \\

I sense the chance to requite a long-term ambition to be a bridesmaid here.

[tylercdurden2004]

I sense the chance to requite a long-term ambition to be a bridesmaid here.

 

I noticed it says you're male Mo'. Can men really be bridemaids?

[NJRon]

I noticed it says you're male Mo'. Can men really be bridemaids?

 

Only in canada... doh.. did I say that out loud?

[tylercdurden2004]

Only in canada... doh.. did I say that out loud?

 

Wiltshire is in england, no? Maybe its us canucks that are horrible with geography, no?

[NJRon]

I know it's in England... but I hate trying to have fun with the English... Nothing I say ever gets to 'em... Hides of Iron I tell you.

[KweenofDenyl]

I think you boys have officially hijacked this thread.

[tylercdurden2004]

I think you boys have officially hijacked this thread.

 

I need to start a thread for my addiction I think. Its about the 10th one!

[KweenofDenyl]

I need to start a thread for my addiction I think. Its about the 10th one!

 

You lost me there...what addiction?

 

You don't want to see bridezilla call off the wedding...

[NJRon]

I *knew* someone was going to yell at me.

 

So.. umm.. yeah. People should keep interests in order to stay interesting

[tylercdurden2004]

You lost me there...what addiction?

 

You don't want to see bridezilla call off the wedding...

 

To thread highjacking! Hope thats an addiction you cn live with!

[KweenofDenyl]

To thread highjacking! Hope thats an addiction you cn live with!

 

*Sigh*

If I must

[tylercdurden2004]

*Sigh*

If I must

 

I like a girl who is indifferent.

 

Anyways on topic of this thread go out and have fun and meet as many people as possible. think of it as practice at worst, and as a good time at best.

[PocoDiablo]

Goofballs.

 

Poco/Ross,

 

Ross, I think Poco is saying when not being "serious" all the time, means you are playful and mysterious, a challenge for her to find out about. It makes her interest level increase. It makes you seem more interesting.

Yes, just like a book or a movie, don't give away the ending at the beginning. That is boring.

 

But my question for Poco is, once you get past that initial impression and interest level, don't you actually have to have a life that IS interesting?

Yes, and you MUST keep it a passion. I personally believe women are attracted to men that have a passion. I also believe women will try to get the man to stop participating in his passion, often out of insecurity or jealousy. I heard this example yesterday:

 

A guy has a beautiful classic Corvette that he loves to work on and drive around. He waxes it all the time and keeps it in great shape. What is the first thing a woman often does? Yeah, "Sell that and get a minivan." Why? Well, for one, it makes him less likely to attract other women, so now she is less secure. But at the same time, it cuts him off at the knees (in a way) and makes him less attractive at the same time! Over time, she'll likely grow bored of him because he may be despondant. If you BMX, don't stop because of her. If she got together with you full well knowing that is what you like to do, what right does she have to make you stop?

 

I give dating and relationship advice. Part of what I do is communicate and flirt with women. As a result, I flirt with just about *every* woman I ever run into, everywhere. It drives my SO nuts. She asked me to stop, and I told her "Sorry, this is what I do for a living, and I am good at it. You know I never go on dates with them and that's all that matters, and I do it openly in front of you." After a little bickering she admitted "Yes, I knew this about you when we met and I'd be disappointed if you gave it up for me because I know you'd be lying to both of us, essentially." (She also gives advice to clients, believe it or not!)

 

So my interest is (practically) picking up other women. She knows it and respects it. She knows how I feel for her and that's pretty much it.

 

Isn't there things on paper that makes for a successful guy? like a guy that has goals and is going somewhere, who perhaps has a life that seems adventurous enough that she might want to follow him or come along side him?

Yes and no ... those are potentials to be a good provider. That's a whole 'nother story. It's not really the same.

 

"Having a life" doesn't take a girl's participation at all and is beneficial no matter whether you've got a girl or no.

Yes, and you must NOT give up your life after you meet her. If you are the type to go out once or twice a week, you must keep doing it. Even if she says "No." This is who you are, and if you change she won't respect you. She'll complain, you'll fight over it, but in the end it is who you are and you're not hiding anything.

 

Looking for casual relationships is not a good starting attitude. Most girl's radars' (especiall at your age group) is pretty atuned to knowing a guy's motivation. Girls are even more intuitive than guys are about reading people, so you've got to be clear and honest about your intentions. If it really is about casual friend/benefits, well be honest about it, but then realize you might find 1% of women are looking for that too.

 

Dating is about volume. Overcoming shyness is about practice. (de-sensitization of self-consciousness)

Agreed, especially the bolded part.

[PocoDiablo]

go out and have fun and meet as many people as possible. think of it as practice at worst, and as a good time at best.

Quote of the moment:

 

"If you stay home, you know what will happen. Nothing.

 

If you go out, you never know what will happen, who you will meet, or where you may end up."

 

So, on that note, when you go out, always look your best.

[tylercdurden2004]

Ahhhhhh I love it. Nail head + Hammer = you hit it! The part about the corvette is so true. If seen this happening with my best friend and sadly a few weeks ago we met up for the first time in months. I felt like I didnt even know the guy (after 21 years) I realized the little flame of resistance, passion etc. Had been snuffed out. I cant say enough about passion. You uncategorically MUST have it and I would argue in as many parts of your life as possible.

 

I defined passion for myself the other week: loving something with out the fear of failure.

[Spawn]

at 27, i could easily be the late' st bloomers of all of you here. I have seen friends going on dates, breaking up and messing things around.

 

1. What is it about you that changed which enabled you to be succsessful with the opposite sex?

 

hmm....i think my sense of humour and my voice. I am just average looking so people don't even approach me. But the day i got the confidence in me i approached one girl she said yes but i gave it everythin....she said i make her laugh and the way i cared for her made her accept my proposal later. its a shame things didn't work out.

 

2. Is there any difference between how you were when you hadn't bloomed and how you are now?

 

Yes i can go right up to a girl now with out even thinkin i am lookin crap....but the thing is i have more chance of being friendzoned the way i take it so casually with all girls. Anyways after the first breakup, i have now developed a fear of gettin into relationships, fear of committing too much and being faithful.

 

That is gonna take some time to get out of my system.

[KweenofDenyl]

I need to address the passion thing. (uh, where are my sistas in arms??)

 

Passion is great. I love passion. I passionately love.

 

However.

 

If say, your passion is playing the guitar, play your guitar. DON'T play your guitar all day, every day. And don't do it instead of getting a job and supporting your wife and children.

[PocoDiablo]

at 27, i could easily be the late' st bloomers of all of you here.

I got you beat. I was 30 before I pulled my head out of my ...

[tylercdurden2004]

I need to address the passion thing. (uh, where are my sistas in arms??)

 

Passion is great. I love passion. I passionately love.

 

However.

 

If say, your passion is playing the guitar, play your guitar. DON'T play your guitar all day, every day. And don't do it instead of getting a job and supporting your wife and children.

 

I in fact just bought a guitar and intend to learn and be pasionate about my learning. But that was my point you need to have passion in a variety of aspects in life. I have seen that I love music and always wanted to play(used to play the trumpet in high school and I was good, but didnt wanna be a band geek) and I've just realized I just have to do it.

 

The point is you have to have passion in more than just one part of your life because if you dont the other parts of your life will start sucking that passion out of the one area that you do. Its all about LONG TERM SUSTAINABILITY.

 

PS whens the wedding date?

[NJRon]

Hmm... I was 27 also... but, I got married right away so didn't get a good chance to really use my new-bloomedness until I was 31... so.. ha!

[KweenofDenyl]

I in fact just bought a guitar and intend to learn and be pasionate about my learning. But that was my point you need to have passion in a variety of aspects in life. I have seen that I love music and always wanted to play(used to play the trumpet in high school and I was good, but didnt wanna be a band geek) and I've just realized I just have to do it.

 

The point is you have to have passion in more than just one part of your life because if you dont the other parts of your life will start sucking that passion out of the one area that you do. Its all about LONG TERM SUSTAINABILITY.

 

PS whens the wedding date?

 

Variety is the key. Passion for only one thing usually ends up "obsession". Obsession is not attractive. So, Ross, what are you passionate about? (And you can't say finding a girlfriend or having sex.)

 

 

T: how does saturday sound?