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A couple of important questions for people who were late bloomers.

Ross0

By Ross0
in Relationship Advice

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tylercdurden2004 Mentor

tylercdurden2004

Posted
Posted
Variety is the key. Passion for only one thing usually ends up "obsession". Obsession is not attractive. So, Ross, what are you passionate about? (And you can't say finding a girlfriend or having sex.)

 

 

T: how does saturday sound?

 

I'm thinking tonight! Never thought I'd fall in live this quick..oops I gave all myself to you already guess you'll just toss me away like a bag of dog po*p.

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CarnelianButterfly Veteran

CarnelianButterfly

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The point is you have to have passion in more than just one part of your life because if you dont the other parts of your life will start sucking that passion out of the one area that you do. Its all about LONG TERM SUSTAINABILITY.

I really agree with that.

Passion can take you a long ways on just nothing, but it will eventually require some substance to feed it. I've hit those times when some aspect of my life has become so draining and tiring that it ruins every thing else for me. However once you stumble upon something new and interesting the spark comes back and the more things I find in this world that I love, the easier it is to make it past those hard times.

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Momene Grand Master

Momene

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Yes, I understand that my life lacks some sort of passion, just the odd spark of interest here and there above the background monotony. I think I'm far from unique in that respect and it wouldn't make me attractive if I was ever in the market again, which is not likely anyway.

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Momene Grand Master

Momene

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Hi Kween. My story is a long one. I was the nerd without a girl at school and hadn't had much success with girls until I met an (apparently) attractive girl at 23 and married her at 26. She split because he'd "fallen out of love with me" but was really seeing one of my friends. I had a few girlfriends (one of which I was planning to marry) but it fell through. I eventually remarried 17 years ago about 4 years after my first marriage ended. We've had the odd problem throughout our marriage, such as shortness of money and my wife being homesick but for 15 years things were fine and sometimes really good.

 

A couple of years ago, we had a redundancy scare and, at that time, had I been layed off, it would have probably been the streets for us and a probable return to her home country for my wife. She withdrew onto the internet to the point where it became an unhealthy obsession. At this point you'll laugh as I'm on here a lot but my wife is on the net or the 'phone at least 6 hours per day continuously. Knowing there's zero chance of promotion at work and every chance of getting laid off sooner or later (which doesn't bother me that much now, 'cos I'll qualify for a bigger payout), I don't feel that motivated, which is another reason I come on this board, although with a long lifetime's experience I think I can offer some good advice, too.

 

Marriage and work are better than 2 years ago. Sometimes my wife is affectionate but not as often as I'd like. The main reason I don't up and leave or at least shake her up a bit is I don't want it to harm our daughter. It's not as if we're always rowing or there's a lot of tension in the air (actually this might not be a good sign, as it was like that when my first marriage broke up).

 

I am depressed to some extent but it's more of a feeling that I'm not getting out of life what I need. I don't have financial freedom and once I've done my job and a few things around the house, I have no energy left for enjoyment.

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KweenofDenyl Enthusiast

KweenofDenyl

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Posted

Geez, your story makes ME want to bang my head against a wall, so you must be pretty resigned to keep it this way.

 

You are staying with your wife for the sake of your daughter, but don't you see that what's happening is your daughter's learning from you and what you're teaching her is to sacrifice happiness and joy? Is that what you want for HER?

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keenan Proficient

keenan

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Surely attracting a woman doesn't come down to having to walk up to strange women saying crazy things and trying to make them laugh. I've never seen anyone, and I mean anyone do that. And everyone I know is succsessful to some degree with the opposite sex.

 

To stave off melrich for awhile I'll try to get the thread a bit back on track. I actually just want to give props to PocoDiablo. He comes on a bit strong, and if I were his flirtation target I might shoot him down...but I'd probably have a lot of fun doing it. The cashier line? Very funny. The soda bit? Funnier. The 'give me your phone number' bit? Well...that could be weird and would require some defensive maneuvering on my part, but I'd probably get a kick out of the effort. For better or worse, attracting a woman actually DOES quite often come down to saying crazy things to make us laugh.

 

Half the reason women LIKE guys is because they're funny and irreverent. Funny doesn’t just mean funny. Funny is a clue that a guy is smart, creative , and confident…and funny is flattering. Having somebody burn that energy up to make me laugh is pretty cool. Plus, humor is fun for girls, too. It’s great to talk to a guy who can take some sass and give it right back.

 

Two guys I know in “real life” come to mind. They’re both attractive, smart, and have had lots of really amazing life experiences. They’re both also really, really BORING. Why? Because they have NO SENSE OF HUMOR. They don’t dish it, they don’t take it. They don’t even GET it. They’re both single and don’t understand why they never get dates. I like them as people and consider them friends, but frankly, I rarely want to spend time with them. It’s actually very sad. They’re missing out on half the fun of life—being a certified smart a_ss.

 

Use ENA as an example if you don't believe it. Who are the guys who get flirted with on here? Well...off the top of my head, I can think of Dako, NJRon, friscodj, and even, amazingly, tylercdurden2004 (no offense, Tyler love; I need an example of a social irritant who still manages to generate laughter and some positive feelings, and you're the most obvious example ). Why? These guys are funny! And on top of that, they’re smart and thoughtful.

 

The combination of funny, confident, smart, and thoughtful is very powerful. Don’t underestimate it, Ross_K. Your humor doesn’t have to be as aggressive as Poco’s. It can be low key, witty, or unexpectedly sly. But humor, no matter the kind (excepting slapstick, shudder) is the easiest way to break through the ‘social shell’ that we put on in public. Breaking through that shell is the quickest route to friendship and more.

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