A couple of important questions for people who were late bloomers.

[Ross_K]

Ross, I'm no guy, but what comes accross in your posts is it just seems a lack of confidence and comfort with yourself as a person. And of course, the results of that only further propagate you feeling that way. It's a vicious cycle!

 

I think it's more than that though, no woman has ever shown interest in me. And even shy people have relationships.

 

Of course appearance is not everything, but I will say in your picture you seem very cute, and I can detect that if you turned that smile up a notch, a very warm inviting face as well. I guarantee there have been girls whom have been interested in you, even if you did not recognize it, and will guarantee there are girls whom thought you were cute. However, they did not approach you either due to lack of confidence themselves, or being a bit more traditional.

 

Lol, thanks, I think you're nice looking yourself. But I think my photo may make me look better than how I really look in real life.

 

I think it's your confidence that gets you right now. I don't think you have to resort to books to do it, but I do think you need to develop your sense of self, and sense of confidence.

 

If you find yourself getting rejected, maybe you need to look more at your approach (ie do you ask them out early on to show interest? Are you confident, or do you feel defeated before you even try thus giving off signals of being insecure and unconfident?), as well as the woman you ARE approaching.

 

I never really connect with women in the first place to get to the stage where I could ask them out. My friends have tried to set me up with women, but they always look at my friends as though they're crazy or say 'No, he's ****ing ugly'

[PocoDiablo]

I think it's more than that though, no woman has ever shown interest in me. And even shy people have relationships.

So that means you are making some fatal mistake that is driving women away. Do you stare? Leer? Hunch over? Stare at the floor?

 

Hey, get this. I have halitosis - yes, chronic bad breath.

 

Do you bathe every day? How about wear cologne and deoderent? You don't have much hair for a spiffy hair cut, and that may be a problem. People may think you're a NeoNazi or a skinhead. My soon to be brother in law has that same look, and at least two women have mentioned EXACTLY that issue. Grow some hair out?

 

Lol, thanks, I think you're nice looking yourself. But I think my photo may make me look better than how I really look in real life.

Now let's look at this closely ... you just flirted with her! (Yay!) But then you went and insulted yourself. This is a typical move of someone who lacks social graces, lacks confidence, and lacks ladies.... You should have said something like "I think you're nice looking yourself. So, when are we going on a date? I'll pick you up in 15 minutes!" It would have obviously been a joke, and should have gotten a laugh out of any woman with a sense of humor. Lesson to be learned? Don't put yourself down - EVER.

 

I never really connect with women in the first place to get to the stage where I could ask them out.

Then you need to work on that. Flirt with some of these women in here now and let's see what happens.

 

Ladies, would you indulge for a little while so we can give some real-life feedback? Who's going to start the bidding for this fine gentleman ne need of some flirting lessons?

 

My friends have tried to set me up with women, but they always look at my friends as though they're crazy or say 'No, he's ****ing ugly'

What they are really saying is "No, he's too wimpy to talk to me, and I want a confident and mature man who can at LEAST walk over and say hi."

 

I'm not the best looking guy, not by a long shot. In fact, at any social gathering I could count 10x as many better looking guys than me. But they all sit on their chair, or stand in the corner, and *I'M* the guy to walk over to the group of cute women and strike up a conversation. Who cares how good looking someone is, if they have no social graces they are not going to be fun to be with.

 

I heard something interesting yesterday. It basically said women can tell what a guy is going to be like in bed based on his behavior. If he stands in the corner and does nothing, he's not going to be a good lay. However, if he's aggressive, *unpredictable*, smooth, skilled, whatever ... do you think he might be good in bed? Yeah? Why? Because it shows he is SKILLED and has practiced (and failed!) many times before.

 

So ... let's practice?

[Momene]

As a bloke, even if single, I'd never sleep with a girl just because I was the nearest convenient bloke for her. I'd only do it if she wanted to sleep with me through choice.

[Ross_K]

definition of crazy: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

 

As a member of the large-breasted ovarian carryin' species I'll throw in my 2cents...one of the things I find least attractive in a man is self-pity. While you may not have stellar confidence in yourself yet, at the very least throw out the negative nobody-wants-me attitude. You had the confidence to post your picture here--that says something to me. I think you are quite attractive and agree with RayKay- turn up the smile! While I still haven't decided what I think of PocoDiablo's advice in general (nothing personal, dear) he's dead-on with this one.

 

How can I get to the bottom of the problem though if I lie to myself saying 'oh yeah, all women can't get enough of me' and to other people when I'm asking them for advice on my condition?

 

It's being real babe, it ain't self pity.

 

It is just a fact of life that social skills come naturally to some and others have the agony of learning them. If you REALLY don't have any it may be possible a person has a physiological reason behind it like Autism or Asperger's Syndrome but I seriously doubt that is the case with you Ross. At any rate, it sounds to me like you have identified the problem, that you need to LEARN social skills and poco here is giving you lessons for free.

 

So, force myself to do certain things socially and while I may not be able to pull them off and they'd probably look unatural, as long as I keep going it would all eventually come naturally to me and would look right?

 

One more *minor detail*: you keep posting about wanting casual sex- that is not attractive in any way, shape or form (to me) and is an instant turn-off. It's coming accross as a whiny, why-won't-someone- * * * *-me rant- if that's what you really want I'm sure there's a prostitute somewhere that can oblige.

 

I think I've only mentioned casual sex once, but yes, of course I want casual sex, I'm a man with a high sex drive. Also I'm a virgin and never done anything sexual with a woman and feel very sexually frustrated. What do you want me to be, asexual?

 

Figure out if you really don't have any social skills or if you just have anxiety about social skills and go from there.

 

It could be just down to shyness, I have generalised social anxiety, I never used to have it but I was still shy. I'm taking medication, so hopefully if the meds work then the social skills in this particular area will either come naturally to me or they still won't which means I'll know that I don't actually have them.

[Ross_K]

Poco, I dunno dude, all that stuff may be easy for you but try being in my shoes.

 

Surely attracting a woman doesn't come down to having to walk up to strange women saying crazy things and trying to make them laugh. I've never seen anyone, and I mean anyone do that. And everyone I know is succsessful to some degree with the opposite sex.

 

Even though your advice may help, surely not doing those things isn't what my problem is, and I think it's best to try and get down to what my problem is.

 

I'd try your advice, but I have no instinct for doing that kind of stuff, I wouldn't know when the right situation/time/place is for saying or doing any of those particular things you've mentioned. Or how to do them in the right way.

[Momene]

Poco, I dunno dude, all that stuff may be easy for you but try being in my shoes.

 

Surely attracting a woman doesn't come down to having to walk up to strange women saying crazy things and trying to make them laugh. I've never seen anyone, and I mean anyone do that. And everyone I know is succsessful to some degree with the opposite sex.

 

Even though your advice may help, surely not doing those things isn't what my problem is, and I think it's best to try and get down to what my problem is.

 

I'd try your advice, but I have no instinct for doing that kind of stuff, I wouldn't know when the right situation/time/place is for saying or doing any of those particular things you've mentioned. Or how to do them in the right way.

One thing that MAY apply to you is that we've got one mouth and 2 ears and we need to learn how to listen. Girls are much better on picking up on things than us blokes. My wife will actually notice if a girl is attracted to me even if I don't. My daughter once thought a schoolgirl in the local supermarket liked me and felt a bit posessive. I don't know how you learn perception but it would help if you could.

[Ross_K]

So that means you are making some fatal mistake that is driving women away. Do you stare? Leer? Hunch over? Stare at the floor?

 

Hey, get this. I have halitosis - yes, chronic bad breath.

 

Nope.

 

Do you bathe every day? How about wear cologne and deoderent? You don't have much hair for a spiffy hair cut, and that may be a problem. People may think you're a NeoNazi or a skinhead. My soon to be brother in law has that same look, and at least two women have mentioned EXACTLY that issue. Grow some hair out?

 

Yeah of course I bathe and stuff. As for the hair, plenty of white people over here have number 1's all over and they don't come accross as Nazi's, it's no different from a black person having a skinhead. I think this is just cultural. Anyway, my hair isn't like that, I have it shaved high up at the sides and back and longer on top but still short, it's more like the kind of hair cut that the cops have in the tv show 'Cops', loads of young white, Hispanic & black people in America have this style, there's nothing nazi about it On top of that my clothes are sort of hip hop style anyway, slightly baggy, Timberland, Cat's, T's with big blocky writing on them.

 

Also, I don't like long hair at all, and it definatley wouldn't suit me.

 

The small picture does seem to make my hair look shorter anyway, here's how it properly looks, link removed

 

 

Now let's look at this closely ... you just flirted with her! (Yay!) But then you went and insulted yourself. This is a typical move of someone who lacks social graces, lacks confidence, and lacks ladies.... You should have said something like "I think you're nice looking yourself. So, when are we going on a date? I'll pick you up in 15 minutes!" It would have obviously been a joke, and should have gotten a laugh out of any woman with a sense of humor. Lesson to be learned? Don't put yourself down - EVER.

 

Because I'm being honest, I don't want to lead people down the wrong track by them thinking he's reaaly nice looking if that isn't really the reality. The best way for me to get help from people is to be honest about myself and my situation. It's not like I normally talk about myself like that. I wouldn't get anywhere by saying I'm definatley gorgeous, women want to rip my clothes off and everythings fine, like you want me to.

 

 

Then you need to work on that. Flirt with some of these women in here now and let's see what happens.

 

Ladies, would you indulge for a little while so we can give some real-life feedback? Who's going to start the bidding for this fine gentleman ne need of some flirting lessons?

 

I've already flirted with a few women online. Nothing forced, it just came naturally in the right situation, I ended up being in an online relationship with one of them. Yes, I know I've said that no women have ever been attracted to me but I'm talking about offline, which for all I know I could come accross as completely different to women, and lack that magic ingredient which makes them attracted.

 

 

What they are really saying is "No, he's too wimpy to talk to me, and I want a confident and mature man who can at LEAST walk over and say hi."

 

I'm not the best looking guy, not by a long shot. In fact, at any social gathering I could count 10x as many better looking guys than me. But they all sit on their chair, or stand in the corner, and *I'M* the guy to walk over to the group of cute women and strike up a conversation. Who cares how good looking someone is, if they have no social graces they are not going to be fun to be with.

 

No, some of them said I was ugly. Now, I've seen my friends try and set up other friends and on a lot of occasions the girls have said yes.

 

I heard something interesting yesterday. It basically said women can tell what a guy is going to be like in bed based on his behavior. If he stands in the corner and does nothing, he's not going to be a good lay. However, if he's aggressive, *unpredictable*, smooth, skilled, whatever ... do you think he might be good in bed? Yeah? Why? Because it shows he is SKILLED and has practiced (and failed!) many times before.

 

So ... let's practice?

 

Even by being like this, I still can't see a woman wanting me because of all the experiences I've had them, ie, calling me ugly and never acting like they're interested.

[PocoDiablo]

Poco, I dunno dude, all that stuff may be easy for you but try being in my shoes.

Um ... I *was* in your shoes at some point. Granted, I was much younger I was frozen by fear. I got my first girlfriend when I was 21. Yeah, 21, and it was a disaster. Looking back, now I know why. I'm not just making stuff up, I really identify with you because ... I've been there!

 

Surely attracting a woman doesn't come down to having to walk up to strange women saying crazy things and trying to make them laugh. I've never seen anyone, and I mean anyone do that. And everyone I know is succsessful to some degree with the opposite sex.

No, it's more than that, and there is so much more to that which I cannot teach you over the Internet. It is a start, however. Don't walk up to complete strangers, walk up to cashiers when you are buying something, start small, take it easy... but you have to start. Don't have ANY intentions, just make small talk. That's all. Nothing earth-shattering.

 

You know those friends? Tell them you want to watch what THEY do. Then take them out for dinner or drinks and tell them you are going to shadow them. Then watch and listen. Try to play along. You will learn more from them in a night that I can tell you here in a week. Now, of course, if they can't do it... find someone else who can. I know very few guys who can actually meet women like I can, but guess what - I do this for a living now. You can learn, too, though. In less than one hour at a bar I taught my last client how to approach strange women and make conversation. Yes, the first attempts were BAD. Not 15 minutes later he had them laughing. The next week he had two women give HIM their phone numbers without him even asking. He said one of them was a 9 on the 1-10 scale. You tell me, when has that happened to you? What made him different one week to the other?

 

Confidence. His attitude. Practice. Failure. And ... yup, he LEARNED something. Instead of talking about it, he just went for it.

 

Even though your advice may help, surely not doing those things isn't what my problem is, and I think it's best to try and get down to what my problem is.

Your problem is a lack of confidence built upon a lack of skill based on a lack of experience.

 

Did I mention you wouldn't try to fly a helicopter. Same thing. Go take lessons and in a week you'll be off the ground.

 

I'd try your advice, but I have no instinct for doing that kind of stuff, I wouldn't know when the right situation/time/place is for saying or doing any of those particular things you've mentioned. Or how to do them in the right way.

No worries. Go read those links I gave you. There is TONS of examples and advice from guys just like you.

 

Oh, and stop making excuses.

 

Oh, and stop being so serious. Tell me a joke. Quick. I'll be waiting...

[Ross_K]

I'm not serious all the time, but of course when I'm talking about my situation I am going to be serious since the subject is serious. It's hard to have a laugh about no women wanting me.

 

Anyway, I don't know any jokes When I make someone laugh it's just something that happens naturally, I can't really force it.

 

You say you was in my shoes at one point, did it feel like destiny that you'd never get someone? It does for me, it's like a gut instinct that I feel deep down.

[PocoDiablo]

The small picture does seem to make my hair look shorter anyway, here's how it properly looks, link removed

Dude, you look like you could be my brother... yikes.

 

Because I'm being honest, I don't want to lead people down the wrong track by them thinking he's reaaly nice looking if that isn't really the reality. The best way for me to get help from people is to be honest about myself and my situation. It's not like I normally talk about myself like that. I wouldn't get anywhere by saying I'm definatley gorgeous, women want to rip my clothes off and everythings fine, like you want me to.

Of course not, not if you were being serious. Hey, I'm not a supermodel, but .... I can JOKE about it! Just be less serious. When I was first overcoming my lack of social skills the motto that helped me the most was "Never be serious." If you asked how old I was I would say 12 going on 20. Or I would make you guess. Or I would say "Old enough to know better." or "A gentleman never tells." or ... whatever! Just NOT the serious answer.

 

I've already flirted with a few women online. Nothing forced, it just came naturally in the right situation, I ended up being in an online relationship with one of them.

That doesn't count. For all you know it was a 55 year old married dude. The point of meeting people online is to meet them offline by asking for their phone number and then setting up a date. Keep that in mind. If you want to meet people, you have to take some steps to getting there.

 

Yes, I know I've said that no women have ever been attracted to me but I'm talking about offline, which for all I know I could come accross as completely different to women, and lack that magic ingredient which makes them attracted.

You mean confidence and social skills? Sure, you lack it. You can learn it though, so ... let's get going.

 

Which of those links did you read? Tell me one thing you learned.

 

No, some of them said I was ugly.

Well, plain and simple those women are b****es. You should laugh and realize that THEY are ugly ... inside. Those are the kind of women you should be *relieved* to not meet.

 

Now, I've seen my friends try and set up other friends and on a lot of occasions the girls have said yes.

Well, playing match maker is a fools game, stop doing that. Look, for folks with model-like looks, they don't need this stuff. They just look good and people fall for that crap. You, me? We're not supermodels. Tough. We have to use our brains. And trust me, you're clearly a lot smarter than your friends which probably is why you have so many problems with women. The turning point for me was when I realized if I was so smart, why couldn't I solve the problem of women? I can rebuild a car from the ground up. I can fly a plane. I can go algebra in my HEAD. I can program a computer like no ones business. But I couldn't talk to a woman????? So I put my brain to work on the ultimate problem, which I quickly found out was not that much of a big deal.

 

Even by being like this, I still can't see a woman wanting me because of all the experiences I've had them, ie, calling me ugly and never acting like they're interested.

So let me ask you this: When you walked down the street today, how many women did you think were attractive? All of them? No, of course not. And you know that women you find attractive are NOT attractive to your friends some times, and vice versa. My buddy likes thick women. I like skinny women. So what is ugly to me may be perfect for him. I know plenty of women who think I am not their type. So be it! Who cares? Move on! There are approximately 3 billion women on this planet, and I can promise you there are about 3,000,000 who will find you attractive. Your goal is to find one.

 

You cannot tell me you've never seen some ultra-hot woman with some smarmy short and fat guy. I've seen it plenty of times. And I cannot tell you how many times I've seen handsome men with ugly women. Looks have nothing to do with it ... personality is KING.

 

You just need to learn that.

[PocoDiablo]

And...

 

I'm not serious all the time, but of course when I'm talking about my situation I am going to be serious since the subject is serious. It's hard to have a laugh about no women wanting me.

Yeah, but you need to lighten up a *little* to start with.

 

Anyway, I don't know any jokes When I make someone laugh it's just something that happens naturally, I can't really force it.

You failed! Here's a joke for you:

 

 

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.

 

DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

 

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

 

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents."

 

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hair style. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

 

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store's return limit.

 

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. Presidents.

 

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

 

FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

 

FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

 

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."

 

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

Now how hard was that?

 

You say you was in my shoes at one point, did it feel like destiny that you'd never get someone? It does for me, it's like a gut instinct that I feel deep down.

Oh yeah, I totally felt like I was worthless and I would never be loved. OH YEAH. I had totally given up on women, and actually hated them. Yeah, you heard that right, I thought all women were evil. I never realized it was all my fault.

 

Then I got smart, as mentioned, and really used every resource I could find to get smart. Look at me now!

[Ross_K]

Of course not, not if you were being serious. Hey, I'm not a supermodel, but .... I can JOKE about it! Just be less serious. When I was first overcoming my lack of social skills the motto that helped me the most was "Never be serious." If you asked how old I was I would say 12 going on 20. Or I would make you guess. Or I would say "Old enough to know better." or "A gentleman never tells." or ... whatever! Just NOT the serious answer.

 

I'm not really serious all the time. No offence but it's like you want me to act like the joker with people all the time, I don't think that's the key, infact people would just probably find someone like that annoying.

 

 

That doesn't count. For all you know it was a 55 year old married dude. The point of meeting people online is to meet them offline by asking for their phone number and then setting up a date. Keep that in mind. If you want to meet people, you have to take some steps to getting there.

 

I spoke to her on the phone, it was definatley a babe.

 

Well, plain and simple those women are b****es. You should laugh and realize that THEY are ugly ... inside. Those are the kind of women you should be *relieved* to not meet.

 

They'd be better than nothing.

 

Well, playing match maker is a fools game, stop doing that. Look, for folks with model-like looks, they don't need this stuff. They just look good and people fall for that crap. You, me? We're not supermodels. Tough. We have to use our brains. And trust me, you're clearly a lot smarter than your friends which probably is why you have so many problems with women. The turning point for me was when I realized if I was so smart, why couldn't I solve the problem of women? I can rebuild a car from the ground up. I can fly a plane. I can go algebra in my HEAD. I can program a computer like no ones business. But I couldn't talk to a woman????? So I put my brain to work on the ultimate problem, which I quickly found out was not that much of a big deal.

 

I suppose I could try, but it's better to concentrate on my SA first.

 

So let me ask you this: When you walked down the street today, how many women did you think were attractive? All of them? No, of course not. And you know that women you find attractive are NOT attractive to your friends some times, and vice versa. My buddy likes thick women. I like skinny women. So what is ugly to me may be perfect for him. I know plenty of women who think I am not their type. So be it! Who cares? Move on! There are approximately 3 billion women on this planet, and I can promise you there are about 3,000,000 who will find you attractive. Your goal is to find one.

 

I genuinley found 99% of the women attractive. As for 3,000,000 women being attracted to me, are you kidding? I seriously doubt even one woman in the whole world is attracted to me.

 

You cannot tell me you've never seen some ultra-hot woman with some smarmy short and fat guy. I've seen it plenty of times. And I cannot tell you how many times I've seen handsome men with ugly women. Looks have nothing to do with it ... personality is KING.

 

Yes, but they have that magic ingredient, that 'x factor' that people have in order to be able to attract someone. I don't have it. It's as though there's a gene that people have to enable people to be attracted to them and I haven't got it.

 

You just need to learn that.

 

I can't see how all the learning in the world will make any difference.

[KweenofDenyl]

It's being real babe, it ain't self pity.

 

See? You called me babe. it's a start.

 

 

 

So, force myself to do certain things socially and while I may not be able to pull them off and they'd probably look unatural, as long as I keep going it would all eventually come naturally to me and would look right?

 

Yes.

 

 

I think I've only mentioned casual sex once, but yes, of course I want casual sex, I'm a man with a high sex drive. Also I'm a virgin and never done anything sexual with a woman and feel very sexually frustrated. What do you want me to be, asexual?

 

I certainly don't want you to be asexual. In fact, I think you being a virgin is sexy as hell.

I can see why you're so frustrated and I wish I could help.

 

 

It could be just down to shyness, I have generalised social anxiety, I never used to have it but I was still shy. I'm taking medication, so hopefully if the meds work then the social skills in this particular area will either come naturally to me or they still won't which means I'll know that I don't actually have them.

 

Either way it will help. Hell's bell's I take 'em too.

[PocoDiablo]

I'm not really serious all the time. No offence but it's like you want me to act like the joker with people all the time, I don't think that's the key, infact people would just probably find someone like that annoying.

So, being serious has gotten you ... how many women? Zero. You being serious all the time is a lot more annoying.

 

I spoke to her on the phone, it was definatley a babe.

You didn't even laugh at my joke. You're too serious. Lighten up. People are trying to have fun with you and you're shutting them down ... BOOM ... hard. Nobody wants to be with someone who is serious all the time.

 

They'd be better than nothing.

Wrong attitude, but I know why you're saying that.

 

I suppose I could try, but it's better to concentrate on my SA first.

No it's not. Go try. You've got everything to gain and nothing to lose at this point.

 

I genuinley found 99% of the women attractive. As for 3,000,000 women being attracted to me, are you kidding? I seriously doubt even one woman in the whole world is attracted to me.

Do you want me to take a picture of ten women who are walking down the sidewalk tomorrow and then you tell me you'd want to date them and have sex? Let me know now so I can bring a camera.

 

I'll also take your picture along and take a poll for you.

 

Yes, but they have that magic ingredient, that 'x factor' that people have in order to be able to attract someone. I don't have it. It's as though there's a gene that people have to enable people to be attracted to them and I haven't got it.

So I told you what it is, and it's NOT a gene. What did I say it was.

 

I can't see how all the learning in the world will make any difference.

So .... which of those posts did you read? What did you learn? Tell me one thing you learned.

 

I swear, I'm gonna come out to where you live and drag you kicking and screaming out to a bar and teach you how to be social! Where do you live again?

 

If I can do it, you can do it.

[PocoDiablo]

Flirting.

 

Flirting.

 

Flirting.

 

Flirting.

 

 

That's all I saw there. What did you see?

[Ross_K]

See? You called me babe. it's a start.

 

Suppose

 

I certainly don't want you to be asexual. In fact, I think you being a virgin is sexy as hell.

 

Lol, why?

 

I can see why you're so frustrated and I wish I could help.

 

Yeah, I wish you could.

 

Either way it will help. Hell's bell's I take 'em too.

 

If you don't mind me asking, what do you take them for?

 

Btw, I take it you're a Red Dwarf fan? Same here.

[Ross_K]

So, being serious has gotten you ... how many women? Zero. You being serious all the time is a lot more annoying.

 

Lol, I keep telling you I ain't serious all the time.

 

 

You didn't even laugh at my joke. You're too serious. Lighten up. People are trying to have fun with you and you're shutting them down ... BOOM ... hard. Nobody wants to be with someone who is serious all the time.

 

Yeah but you didn't make it sound like a joke, dude.

 

 

Wrong attitude, but I know why you're saying that.

 

It ain't an attitude, it's the way I am.

 

 

No it's not. Go try. You've got everything to gain and nothing to lose at this point.

 

One step at a time mate.

 

 

Do you want me to take a picture of ten women who are walking down the sidewalk tomorrow and then you tell me you'd want to date them and have sex? Let me know now so I can bring a camera.

 

Yeah go on

 

I'll also take your picture along and take a poll for you.

 

Ah, a joke.

 

 

So I told you what it is, and it's NOT a gene. What did I say it was.

 

You were saying it's confidence, but I've been confident around women and it hasn't made any difference.

 

 

So .... which of those posts did you read? What did you learn? Tell me one thing you learned.

 

Lol, I ain't read non yet.

 

I swear, I'm gonna come out to where you live and drag you kicking and screaming out to a bar and teach you how to be social! Where do you live again?

 

If I can do it, you can do it.

 

Nah, women don't want to know.

[KweenofDenyl]

Where do you live again?

 

Hmmm, yeah, where DO you live?

[Ross_K]

Around.

[KweenofDenyl]

I thought I remembered something about Britain...I LOVE british accents.

 

Anyway, to answer your questions etc., meds are for anxiety/depression--I've always had it and probably will unless some miracle cure is found--but as long as I take 'em I'm fine. Well, most of the time. No one is fine ALL the time.

 

Why is a virgin sexy? Well, I can only speak for myself here but the idea is rather enticing for a couple of reasons, none of which am I going to explain in detail on a public forum...you can PM me if you really want to know.

 

And Red Dwarf...well that just tells me you're intelligent and have a great sense of humor.

[PocoDiablo]

Well ... heck, I'm out of this one! What the heck is Red Dwarf???

[Ross_K]

A top comedy, link removed

[KweenofDenyl]

Well ... heck, I'm out of this one! What the heck is Red Dwarf???

 

My avatar is a RD character and my sig is a fav line from the show...all rather coincidental since i only just changed them both a few weeks ago...red dwarf is a british comedy that ran for a few years back in the day. became a bit of a cult fav in the states. BBC America runs marathons every once in a while.

[Batya33]

What is it about you that changed which enabled you to be succsessful with the opposite sex? For me it was gaining self esteem and confidence. I started dating at a young age - 14 and the following year met my high school sweetheart. When I met him, I had started going out dancing with my friends which made me feel good about myself and I had just completed a very successful summer internship that helped me to feel competent and smart. I finally started to make some really good, close female and male friends through a youth group I joined. Also, I was happy enough with my looks. As an adult, the reasons were similar but added to that, I went to graduate school - a real confidence booster, started living and working on my own - same result - and continued to strengthen my friendships as well as feeling less and less pressure to be "trendy" or "popular." I think that was what drew others to me both romantically and platonically.

 

2. Is there any difference between how you were when you hadn't bloomed and how you are now?

 

I was very shy and a bookworm as a young girl. I needed to come out of my shell. As an adult I needed to realize internally that I did not need a man to feel fulfilled and good about myself. Going to graduate school and starting a successful career were large contributors to my feeling self-fulfilled and independent.

 

I think true self confidence - but not arrogance! - is far more of a turn on than looks, wealth or power.

[tylercdurden2004]

Then I finally started to have a clue. I found as many dating sites as I could and did a lot of research. Then I went out on the street and met women. Lots of women. In two years, however, I went on VERY few dates because most of them women I met did not meet my standards, and I refused to get into purely anything for sex.

 

 

This is teh best part and one of the best things I have read here. Sometimes I hear people referring to the term "dating down" but this is whats its all about. And yes it does happen when you least expect it. My recent ex I met in the bar while I was with my mate who I specifically said "I just wanna go and hang out with you no women etc.". Keeping to your standards and "not trying" are the defining moments.

 

A) If you dont date to your standards you arent gonna be happy with what you get and you cant expect others to change to meet your standards.

 

B) If you are "trying" you are only putting undo pressure on yourself to make something work, to find something at all costs.

 

Just chill and worry about yourself and most of all just have fun. yes you see people holding hands but you dont see what goes on at home. You sont see how the relationship really is.