I walked out the door, and its SO hard. I cant stop crying

[RunToMe]

I did it. I left. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I am in so much pain right now that I feel I'll never recover. Oh God, ,it was terrible. I still love him as much as I ever did despite anything he's ever done, and I dont know why. I'm so confused right now. I want so bad to go back, and what for? I want to hug him and come back home... and I'm having a very hard time dealing with this.

 

So Thursday night, he came home in a mood(I still dont know what put him in it) and didnt say anything to me, let alone acknowledge that I exist. He changed, got a drink, and went upstairs to watch TV (which is something he NEVER does). Well, I'm not one to live with someone and be ignored, so I decided to go hang out with some friends.

 

When I told him, he looked at me and said "No you're not." I dont know if that was a command or what, but I just looked at him and said it again, and that these people, unlike him, actually wanted to be in my company He continued to tell me not to go, and then he asked me not to but I wouldnt give in. So as I walked out of the room, he said "Well than you know this is the end of us. Don't bother coming home or I'll lock you out". Idle threat. He didnt lock me out, but he did leave me a 4 page letter by the door about how I hurt him because I am neglectful of his needs and that I should just stop loving him so he could move on. Whatever. I got into bed anyways and went to sleep.

 

The next morning the first thing he said was "Oh, did you not read the note? Cause we're over. I'm getting off work early to pack your stuff". I continued to ignore him and he left for work without saying another word. I didnt have to go into work that day but a coworker called anyway and talked to me about this relationship. She told me to get out while he was still at work, and to call my mom and see if I can stay with her for awhile. So I did. I tearfully called my mom and told her everything. She told me to get home ASAP. He called a few hours after he left and said he was on his way home.

 

The first words out of his mouth when he walked in ther door were "Shut up. You need to get out of my apartment".. I told him I already arranged for that to happen, and thats when he flipped out. All of a sudden, and I mean instantly, his mood and the look on his face changed. He looked scared and begged me not to go. He asked me to stay for one more night, one more week, whatever I would allow. And I wouldnt. He promised to change, he bawled, he begged me some more not to leave. He talked to me like I was his equal. Basically, he became the man that I had fallen in love with. And it was so hard to walk away. I bawled so hard that my stomach hurts this morning.

 

I dont know what to do. I am so tempted to go back. Not today, but later... Maybe he can change. Maybe things will be better. Just MAYBE. I mean, if its truley meant to be, he'll change and things will work out. But this seperation is killing me inside, all I want to do is hug him. I couldnt sleep, I cant eat, and I dont know what to do with myself. Help, please.

[yeawutever]

Good thing ur leaving this loser. There are better guys out there who won't treat u like he did. Don't ever go back to him, no matter how much he begs u to, thats how the cycle of abuse is.

[WildChild]

I want you to go back and re-read your other posts honey. PLEASE. You are in love with the man you thought you met...not the man he actually is. The man you saw yesterday when he was begging you is not the man you live with. The man yesterday is who he wanted you to believe he is. He is an abuser: he is sexually abusing you, emotionally abusing you, verbally abusing you and physically abusing you.

[Protex]

Honestly, go back and read your posts, just like WildChild has said.

 

Just wait and experience how great life is without the games, and the abuse and the lies.

[WildChild]

And I am never one to call a man weak if they show emotions, but this man is weak. He is a coward, a control freak, and a weak human being. His behavior yesterday by begging you to stay after all of the sh** he puts you through will never end. He may not even realize his behavior is abusive, but you know better honey. You know he is an abuser and unless and until he gets help (and God knows he definitely needs it!) this will never end! What happens if you got pregnant? How do you think he would treat your child? You think he would look at you like a wonderful woman and mother and praise you? No! He will knock you down, he will be jealous of the baby, and he will still demand you have sex with him whether you are exhausted or not. And if I dare say, he would probably become physical with you even while holding your child. I know that is way off track to your situation, but you need to look at the WHOLE picture.

[Beec]

He is abusive. The only way it will ever change is if he decides to change it. Abusers are like alcoholics, in the way they need help to get over it. But ther eis no reason you should have to deal with a drunken lout every night, and ther eis no reason to deal with an abuser.

 

Also, please realize abuse becoems addictive. An abuser begins a relationship with you feeling good, then he makes you feel bad, then goo, and your emotions go up and down. You feel sky high when he is nice, and walk around on eggshells when he is not. The highs get higher, and the lows get lower. You can become addicted to the highs. Break the cycle, quit, don't let yourself be addicted.

[RandomAdvisor]

I dont know what to do. I am so tempted to go back. Not today, but later... Maybe he can change. Maybe things will be better. Just MAYBE. I mean, if its truley meant to be, he'll change and things will work out.

 

Don't believe that for a second! He'll never change! Eventually he'll just find a woman so weak she'll put up with his nonsense forever. Fortunately, that woman isn't you. Don't consider even for a second getting back together with him. You deserve much better.

[annie24]

I think you did the right thing and don't ever look back. You are saving your own life. Haven't you heard the stories of the women who stay with abusive men and then wind up killed? Go, save your life. One day you will meet a sweet non-abusive man and wonder why you stayed with this guy in the first place.

 

We're here if you need us.

[Itsok]

Sweeheart, i am so proud of you! You did it! Way to go!!!!

 

I must emphasize that now is the time you must be the strongest you have ever been. Notice how you said you were leaving and suddenly he panicked? That's what everyone here is warning you about. It's all an act, period.

 

he will not change, he will not become someone different, he will never ever stay the way he is now, it's only a ploy to get you to return.

 

Nothing you do or don't do, say or don't say, no way you are or are not will EVER change him into the person you fell in love with. Why? Because that person does not exist.

 

Huh? You say? Someone who is abusive is someone who is constantly putting on a dog and pony show to attract women like yourself. They then turn themselves into 'normal' once you have as little self esteem as they can give you so you will stay no matter what.

 

darling, I'm unbelievably proud of you.

 

It WILL get easier...

[Relationship Coach]

RTM,

 

WildChild is right, you should move forward and never look back. This guy is unstable and not what you need. He is a manipulator and will try to make you feel guilty for leaving him, he can't face his own actions so he is attacking yours. This is a real bad relationship which should of been over before it started. Get out and find what you deserve, do you like feeling like this? No one should have to deal with an abusive animal such as this.

 

RC

[brando]

I agree with th eothers, you did the right thing. It will not be easy, but you need to stay away from this guy and rebuild your self esteem. I commend you for going out wit your friends still after he TRIED to controll your actions. You need to feel proud of yourself for that.

 

And it is amazing how quickly he changed his bad a** attitude immeniately after you told him you made arrangements to leave. The only way he will ever change is him working on himself. Counselling etc....

 

THeir are some great books on this topic of abuse, not to deal with the relationshi, but to recover from one. Patricia Evans I think is one author, Two books by her, Verbal Abuse , Survivors SPeak Out, and their is one prior to that with a similar title. Also another great book to read and this is for your healing only, "Why Does He DO that, Inside The Minds Of COntrolling Men", i forget the authors name, but if you feel like PMing me i can get it for you.

 

Feel your feelings, let them come in and go out, through anger, through tears, or whatever else it takes. If you were to go back to him, he will change immediately into the person you see he is.

 

be well,

brando

[italianstalian]

atleast u dint end up in some guys apartment like my x gf!

[daredevil]

All the things he sai about you having to leave etc seems so ackward, and when he said all those things about you should stay at least one more nighted seemed ridicolous, he isn't the boy u fell for anymore, and I agree with all the other posts.

[theantibarbie23]

Don't be fooled by the show he put on when he found out you had had enough of his crap and were really leaving. It was an act that most abusive partners do to try and manipulate and/or guilt the person they are abusing into taking them back. Seriously, it's all very classic behavior.

 

Even with therepy, it's a statistical fact that most abusers do not change. Don't waste your life hoping that this man will change someday if you just wait it out. There is a much better chance of him killing you than there is of him turning into the man you wished he would be.

 

Get an RO if you don't already have one. His pleas may turn to rage once he realizes you aren't going to fall for his tricks. It's better to be safe than sorry.

[ShySoul]

RunToMe,

 

You made the right decision in leaving him. Please, don't convince yourself that things will change if you stay. You deserve better then this and need to get out. Plenty of other guys are out there who will treat you right and not make you suffer like you have. The fear of the unknown, of leaving what you know and is, in some strange way, comforting can be heavy. You want to cling to the idea that he will change and you just need to wait a little longer. But that's not going to happen. You need to be away from him before you get hurt. You can do this. You can make it through. Things will get better, just stay away from him and be strong. Believe in yourself and have faith that better days are coming.

[ff7fan]

The guy who was ignoring you and being abusive is the guy he really is, so don't pay any attention to how he is when he's begging and pleading for you to stay. That is all BS. With my ex, I fell in love with who I thought he could be, not who he was. Take it from my experience...he's just going to turn right back into an a-hole the minute he gets you back, so don't let that happen.