porn -why do they look?

[lillady898]

An addiction is a cumpulsive, uncontrollable, and abnormal urge, in which the person is completely dependant and their life revolves around that sudden urge.

 

Is it really interferring with his life? If not, I doubt it as an addiction, but rather just something he really, really enjoys.

[TiredMan]

I agree. I'm a sports nut. But it's NOT an addiction. I enjoy watching and playing. It's possibly my favorite thing in the world. But if I had to, I could stop watching/playing and have. But I don't want to and there is no reason I should. I do spend a ton of money to go to games where it hurts me. There is a definite line between someone who enjoys something very much and an addiction.

[byates5637]

I After coming to the conclusion that my ex boyfriend is addicted to porn and it is a sickness. And with most addictions nothing can be done until that person realizes that he is addicted to porn.

 

First of all i hardly believe it is an addiction. Is there withdrawel if he cannot watch porn?

 

Second, not all addictions are bad. The human desire to drink water easily classifies as an addiction, perhaps the most addictive thing known to humankind. But is it bad? No!

 

Now what could possibly be bad about porn watching? I'm sure it is more healthy then tv watching because you are working out your heart and arms while you watch it. I have to run, but more to come later.

[novaseeker]

My view is that if the porn use is leading to relationship problems in terms of sex and intimacy in the relationship, then it's an issue, otherwise no.

 

My ex and I used to watch porn together and get really turned on by it and it always led to great, great sex ... so it's not always pathetic, to be honest.

[OverParanoid]

Instead of being so ticked off about it, watch a porn with your mate and there you will get your answer to why guys watch porn.. Im a married woman but sometimes u need that extra spice for that sex life. I find it better then having your spouse/mate go out and do the real thing don ya think??

[Needy_to_go]

I watch porn movies sometimes and I'm a girl, it's kool.

[Luciana]

zeze, I am sure you are very young and you can't write well. I have noticed that those who like porn are the immature and less educated. They don't understand the ramifications that viewing porn does to your relationships.

[theantibarbie23]

zeze, I am sure you are very young and you can't write well. I have noticed that those who like porn are the immature and less educated. They don't understand the ramifications that viewing porn does to your relationships.

 

Why did you feel the need to be rude to other people in your post? If you dislike something, that is your right. To say that everyone whom enjoys something you happen to dislike is a drooling, uneducated, cretin is unexceptable bias.

 

Yes, there can be ramifications for people whom disregard the wishes of thier significant others but that applies to ALL areas of a relationship, not just porn.

[Terry Andrew]

Man pornography is something between an addiction to chocolate and an addiction to drugs. The fact that pornography is unnatural as implies that it has to regulated. Let's take a philisophical reflection at this. Pornography is bad because, it gives sex a bad meaning. Sex is not just fun but, it is also most important an expression of love. Sex is a way we express our selves. Pornography is simply there to make money. it destroys our concept of sex and makes us believe in many other things that are degrading. Personally, I admit that the urge and pleasure sometimes overwhelm you and you just have to see. Sometimes for curosity, sometimes for a bit pleasure. BUT, I know if can't hold back sometimes then this simply will degrade me and turn me into something I would not like to be (maybe a pervert, etc..). You don't have to be surprised to feel so powerless infront of pornography because, look they spend millions investing in this industry. But, one thing is for sure we can't just be passive infront of it. Be critical of it, comment about it, think how it is related to the ACTUAL world, take the scene, video or what it is into context of the true meaning of love. If you feel an unending desire to satisfy ones natural urge try to solve it by not just sticking your head infront of a screen but, go out there and experiment. Be aware that pornography as I mentioned above has its danger rating between chocholate and drugs. You should reconsider your ideas about porno. It ain't a quick fix, it is a pleasure of course but, still you have to be careful it is quite addictive and unnatural.

[musicguy]

Porn is nothing but a visual stimulation for guys. I like porn, heck , I even worked at a porn store for a long time, but all guys look at porn, whether it's straight, lesbian or otherwise. People all have fantasies. Talk to him about how you feel about porn and go from there. Sex sells and the adult business is one of the highest grossing industries out there.

[coollady1957]

this is touchy subject,,,, its weird, cause my EX bf and i had a great sex life, and we both were satisfied immensely,,,,,,,,, he used to look at porn along time ago, but hadnt i a long time,,,,,,,, some how he got a pop up on his cmputer about porn and it got him started back looking at it,,,,, i am also a bit confused on how a man that gets all the sex he could want,, anytime he wanted, would want to look at other naked women,,,,, if i am satisfying him, then why does he need porn,,,,,,, well as it turned out the porn led to on line sex chats with women,,,, siging up for dating sites, to search out women, and setting up meetings,, all the while he tells me i am the best thing ever in his life and that i am the angel he has waited for, and that i have done nothing wrong, but yet he did all his lies cheating and decieving, and i was giving him everything a man could want,, my love,, my heart, my body, my attention, my everything and it just wasnt enough,,,,,, i am very confused over it all,,, porn, sex , other women, when u have a good woman doesnt make sense,,,,,,, wow,, so confusing,

[TiredMan]

Why do so many women think this way?

 

"why should he look at porn when I am here?"

 

"why should he masterbate when he has me?"

 

Don't they realize that they have nothing do with you. A guy could be having sex with Pamela Anderson and he can still want to masterbate and/or look at videos/pics. They are different.

 

Sure there are some cases where a guy will cheat and do other things but it's definitely not the norm.

 

I've been in relationships where I was having sex pretty much every day and I still would masterbate a few times a week. When I wasn't having that sex, I still did it the same. How much or how good the sex is has no bearing on that. But women don't seem to understand this.

[Star6]

My boyfriend doesn't look at it often, but when he did, It did make me feel inadequate, coz I'm not one of those big breasted attractive woman. I think thats why most women don't like it, the fact that your boyfriend/husband, is lusting over another womans body. We see it in a different way.

[coollady1957]

I truly think in my opinion that if a man has a good woman, respects her, loves her, and finds her attractive that he has no reason to look at porn. Just my opinion. We all have a right to our opinion.

When my BF and i started dating, we talked about the things that we felt were right and wrong things to do in a relationship. Just so that neither of us would do anything that would hurt or disappoint the other. I feel that I am a nice looking woman, sure i have my flaws, but who doesnt. My BF and i had the best sex i can ever remember having. He told me how i was the best woman he had ever met, not only sexually, but the best woman in every respect. He told me i was his "angel" , the kind of woman that every man would desire to have as a partner,, he told me he loved me. BUT......... he started back looking at porn,, the porn led to sex chats with women. that led to him setting up sexual rendevouz's with them. Its like he lost off sense of what is right and wrong. I feel he has something horribly wrong in HIS head to do this to me or to any other woman that he is leading to believe they are the best one ever. What kind of man plays this kind of game? He wanted me, and his fun and games on the side. So what is wrong with this picture? Keep in mind he says that i have done nothing wrong, i give him every thing a man could want. His actions proved that his words were shallow and meaningless. He played a game with my heart for sure. I know that not all men will resort to what my ex BF did. But his over doing the porn some how i believe led to his cheating ,lies and deceit. I just dont understand how a man or woman for that matter could lead such a two sided life. One the one hand i was the best ever in all ways,,,,,, we got along great, had fun together , loved each other , well i loved him, seems his love was not truly there afterall,, and then on the other hand ,the porn some now led to to curiosities about other women and then led to his physically cheating. I broke up with him last week over all of this. But i am still very confused over the entire thing.

[Star6]

I'm sorry to here that coollady1957. A few weeks back I was very annoyed at my bf for going onto Funky (A thing like myspace, you have a profile can chat etc) and he was writing messages to people, and hiding it from me, he shouldnt have to hide anything I blew my lid and he said he's sorry he won't do it again but he said that the last time, he wanted to cancel his account but theres no way to do it on there, I was annoyed about that too, coz I know if its still there and he gets an email saying he has a message, he might look again n it'll start again!! I just hope it doesn't. I said why were you hiding it from me then, what were you saying? And it was him asking girls what there into sexually, and they were replying. Why bother asking other girls what they're into, why should he need to know that and hide it from me, it really hurt me!

 

Isn't that called online cheating?? Coz he was hiding it, and talking sexually to other girls...?

[xvee]

I agree with you coollady, absolutely. Also star6 dont you hate it when your boyfriend makes promises that he can't keep?

 

My personal opinion on this is that if the woman doesn't want their husband/boyfriend looking at porn and he will actually "agree" to stop unconditionally, then there shouldn't be a problem with that. But be warn of a let down because your boyfriend/husband WILL look at it eventually whether you find out or not even if occasionally check their internet explorer history.

 

I used to never really care, but actually just laugh it off when I would accidentally find it. Until one day after my boyfriend & I had sex just before he left, which was around 10.30pm, to go home and sleep for school. Usually when he's returns home, we immediately chat online and whatnot. But this time he wasn't responding for about half an hour. So around 11.15pm when his away message went down, I asked him what he was doing. He replied saying he was taking a ``long shower``. Of coarse i believed him. Few days later I accidently stumbled on the pages (why can't they ever delete their history?) he looked at during his ``long shower``and found out he was jacking off the entire time basically. I mean we had just had sex 5 minutes before he went home to jack off. He did say he was tired, its not like we had sex and he wanted more. I guess i felt like ` what the f***?!` . He also made promises that he wouldn't and broke it about 9 times. (Yes thats how many times i found out during a 5 month period) . The ninth time I said to him ``So having an orgasm lasting 10 secs is worth more than the two years we've been together, nice seeing how you would throw it away so easily?``. I guess to him, he really " needed " porn.

 

Yes i am still with him (sadly?) and I know there will be a time that he will do it again, it inevitable. Soemtimes i wonder what about the times that i didn't catch him.? He used to assure me that he wouldn't do it anymore by not erasing the history to clean his tracks. Turned out that when you go to history you can right click a link and delete that link only without deleting the entire history. And thats what he did. I just hate it how they lie when you confront them, then just until you show them the evidence they admit it. He used to B**** at me whenever i brought it up, then thats when i showed him the evidence. he sured had the surprised expression on his face.

 

Maybe the only reason why people (mainly women) are accepting it, is because it`s such a common thing for men to do. Why should we accept that ? Then again, I am young and hopefully one day my perspective will change and I wont mind it so much as I do now. Its always good to be open minded right? I kinda understand TIREDMAN's point of view. =)

[TiredMan]

But if he had sex with you and then went to masterbate later on, why would that bother you? Maybe he enjoys how it feels to do that and not have to worry about pleasing his partner all the time. I don't think it should bother you to the extent it clearly has.

[novaseeker]

Again my feeling is that porn is an issue in a relationship if (1) it has a detrimental imapct on intimacy, esp physical intimacy (ie, he is laying off real sex in favor of porn), (2) it leads to lying and (3) the (most of the time) woman partner has issues with porn. In all three of those cases it's problematic, otherwise it isn't. But in particular, someone who has issues with porn in general shouldn't get together with a man who enjoys porn. Like any other incompatibility, it's unlikely the guy will change his interest in porn as a result of his relationship ... unlikely, so if you're a woman who really dislikes porn, it's better to find a man who also dislikes porn.

[coollady1957]

Porn issues is one of the things my boyfriend and i talked about early on in the relationship. He admitted to looking at porn in his younger years but nothing tothe extreme. HE also told me that he hadnt been viewing porn online or watching videos in over 20 years. So this leads you to believe that some one has maybe matured to the point where that was a passing thing and was over with long ago. HE also early on told me that he thought porn was pointless now at his age, and that he wanted the "real thing" not some pictures or movies. so at this point i didnt realize that he must have really lied to me all on it all just to keep me from telling him that i didnt want to see him further. I had told him of my issues with porn and that i didnt like my partner to look at it and he agreed that it was something he could never go back to. Personally i dont think he ever stopped. After we had dated 6 months, i fould out that he had been in to porn online, even having steamy hot sex talks with women online and even progressed to him setting up meetings with the ones that were close. His curiousties and desire for porn led to worse things down the line and he ended up cheating on me. All the while he is telling me he loves me, i am his one and only, and has no desire for anything or anyone else. There was no lack of sex in our relationship, so it wasnt because he needed sex and couldnt get it. FOr some reason he thrived on additional attention from women beside just me. For whats reason i do not know. He isaid he never had any intention of breaking up with me because he wanted me to be in his life forever, but yet he felt he could " f " around and could get away with it. However it all came to a head a few weeks ago. I broke it off with him and never to go back. he was a horrible sick person. its all so confusing to me.

[TiredMan]

Obviously I was not there and there is NO excuse for cheating (let me say that looking at porn is NOT cheating in my book) but it almost sounds like you brought up your anti porn thing to him and he just told you what you wanted to hear at the time.

[coollady1957]

Tiredman were you talking to me or the original person posting ?

[TiredMan]

Tiredman were you talking to me or the original person posting ?

 

You. This thing has turned into so many pages, that I don't even really remember the original post lol.

[kubelwagen]

I just thought that I would offer my thoughts. I am not trying to disprove anyone, or to insult anyone. And I would expect the same in return. Respond away, but please don't tell me I am wrong or stupid. And I can't make things brief, so this is pretty long.

 

I just had an experience with the whole boyfriend looking at porn thing. First let me explain myself as a person. I have extremely strong emotions, very often not fitting to the situation. I have borderline personality disorder. I have a terrible and never ceasing fear of abandonment. I need constant reassurance of my boyfriend's love for me. (We have been together "officially" for 15 months, and more or less together for longer than that.)

 

My boyfriend, Jonathan, is outstanding. He does not get fed up with me, and my irrational demands and outbursts. He only wants to do better. I love him more than life itself, and we fit together like a puzzle. We are an eccentric couple to say the least. I didn't want to say this before, because I know I'll be judged right off. But I'm 17, he is 19.

 

When I met Jon three years ago, he was everything that teenage boys aren't supposed to be. He was INTERESTING first off, not a mindless idiot. He had had a couple of girlfriends, but not real ones... the kind where you say you're going out so you are. He was shy, seemingly very innocent, caring. He didn't talk about girls in a degrading manner. He didn't comment on what girls were hot, or which ones had the nicest butt that he'd like to grab. He was a teenage boy, sure, but he was not obnoxious about it. So I was drawn to him (he was also cute, so that helped things along). He took to following me around. But being 14 or 15 I was even LESS prepared for a serious relationship than I am now... but skipping a lot of stupid details here, time went by, and I developed this idealistic, almost holy vision of him in my head. He didn't seem interested in sex at all, he just wanted to be around me. God I was/am naive. So we become the best of friends, and we have emotional intimacy. I start to love him. We date. Everything is wonderful. Before we made out for the first time, he was shaking. Everything was special just like it should be. So the physical thing progressed. He was the first person I have ever seen naked, and I thought for sure the same of him. My sweet moral devoted Jon... whatever.

 

So I get really queasy about sex sometimes. Not because I don't like or want it, but just because it is a really sensitive subject for whatever reason. I feel bad for even talking to other guys. I have male friends and there are days when I am really disgusted because I realize... THEY HAVE PENISES. Male anatomy is more likely to make me throw up than sour milk. The thought of other men.. naked.. Makes me feel sick to my stomach. I desire no one but Jon. I tell him everything, I tell him about my fears that I flirted with someone else... I tell him how he is the only guy that I could ever be with. I love him, and I share a connection emotionally, so I am able to share myself physically with him. But ONLY him. And I thought he was the same.

 

So several days ago, I ask Jon if he's ever watched porn. (Porn definitely makes me sick.) He says a long time ago... And then he repeatively lies over the next few days. I catch him in lie after lie. He swore on my life, when he knew that he was lying. He has looked at porn ever since I have known him, and ever since we have dated.

 

There are no words to describe the way I feel right now. This is the worst that I have ever felt in my entire life, the worst thing anyone could ever do to me. And I'm not some teenie bopper who thinks her life is over if she gets a pimple. I've gone through some real sht with my family. And even my f-ing abusive father has never made me feel this bad.

 

I felt betrayed first off. I felt worthless, and cheap. If I was better, then he wouldn't have to look at porn, right? I alternate between feeling angry and feeling dead. The foundation of my feelings for him was destroyed. I consider porn cheating definitely. He has seen countless, naked, f-ing SLUTS. Girls who don't mean * * * * to him, who pose f-ing naked for a camera, for tons of horny men to jack off to. He got pleasure from someone other than me. He wanted to look at someone other than me. He got off on someone other than me. That image of him in front of his computer, touching himself, is burned into my eyelids. I feel sick, I feel vile and STUPID. Why would I ever think that he would only want me? What am I worth? Nothing. I am just an obsessive psycho btch, who would want me? I feel humiliated, because I was naive enough to believe he wouldn't like porn. I could understand while we are not together, but if we've been dating for over a year, then it's time to stop. He has looked at it before, while he was talking to me on AIM. I am the stupidest girl ever.

 

And that's how I reacted. And that's not how the majority of people would react, but does that mean it's wrong? I have values and expectations, but because guys like to look at it, I should just accept it? No. And I will never. He has cheated on me. He has lusted for other girl's bodies. And it will take me a very long time to forgive him.

 

Jon was just as upset, believe it or not. This is why he is so amazing! He didn't eat, he didn't sleep. He is truly, genuinely, more sorry than he's ever been in his life. He wrote a letter to his mom, explaining what he has done, by my request. They had a serious talk, for the first time in God knows how long. She wasn't mad, she hugged him a bunch and he cried. Tuesday was my birthday. He picked me up from school, gave me his presents, and they were beautiful. They mean a lot to me. There was silence. He cried. And he cried and cried and cried. I told him how I felt and told him I wanted to go home. We get to my house, I connect to the internet. I tell him to sit down, and I bring up google images, which is what he used. I tell him to show me what he looks at. He sat there with his hands on the keyboard for a very long time. So i told him what to type in. I could tell he was disgusted by what he was looking at and what he has looked at for years. I told him to bring up pictures of men. (An interesting point.. There is porn with just naked women. Then there is porn with men f-ing women. Then there is porn with men f-ing men. Whatever it is, it's always designed for MEN.) I asked him how he would feel if I looked at this, and fingered myself. Then I closed it and made him look me in the eye. I asked him if he would ever look at it again, if he would ever lie to me again, if he felt bad, if he was willing to wait on me. Then I hugged him and told him I loved him, and now I have closure and can start the forgiving process.

 

And that is my experience with boyfriends and porn. And I'm an idiot who can't write anything shorter than a novel..

[TiredMan]

Reading that I still hold to my guns in saying the issue is with you (or whoever). If he looks at porn then that should be his own business. If he chooses porn OVER sex, then the problems begin. I also get the vibe (I don't know him) that you are the controlling one in your relationship as he seems to put up with or allow anything. I don't think that is good.

[novaseeker]

kubel --

 

Glad to hear things have turned out okay for now. I hate to say it, but it's unlikely that your BF will stay completely away from porn just because he says he will ... but for your sake I hope he does and that you can be happy with him.

 

You have a right to the kind of relationship you want. I really very much disagree with you that porn is cheating (and I have a pretty low threshold for what I consider cheating, for example extended flirting is cheating in my book), and I think it's very unrealistic for you to think that someone you would be together with for an extended period of time would never "lust after" (as in be attracted to) someone else ... the key for me, is whether anything happens in real life or with a real person, because thats where cheating begins. But, you have a right to have the kind of relationship you want, and if that means a 100% porn-free relationship, then that's what you should look for and seek out.