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Well, I don't think the woman is the whole or only problem. The way I, and other women like me, react to porn is only natural to us. Watching porn is apparently the most natural thing in the world for men to do. So as both sexes are just doing what comes naturally, then no one is really at fault. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

I can handle it fine. I just think it's unnecessary and unhelpful. Of course I freaking care. But what am I supposed to do about it? My boyfriend and I have talked about this a million times. He understands my condition, and I do my best, and he does his best. And that's all we can really do. I admit, I don't like what you had to say. I was probably too defensive. And for that I am apologizing. So I'm sorry, and I'd like to end this so I don't feel like I have to keep responding. Truce?

I came to this PUBLIC site because I had no one else to help me. This is an advice site, is it not? Where people come to get support? To get help? And you aren't helping, so maybe this isn't the forum for you. I personally feel you just like to argue and put others down. I asked you not to respond to my posts unless you were trying to help me. That's a reasonable request, is it not? But instead of respecting that, you had to argue with me about it. Goodbye tiredman. You tire me. THANKS.

novaseeker, thank you for helping me. I do appreciate it a lot =) I asked my boyfriend again if he ever thinks about other people while masturbating. And you were right. But they were mostly lesbian fantasies.. and for some reason I find this funny and not upsetting at all. He thought about my best friend and I (she's hot!) making out. He says he would try to think about touching one of us, but he didn't like that, so he would go back to normal. Boys are so silly, why on earth are lesbians hot? I think as long as I am somehow involved in his sexual fantasies, then I am completely okay with it. I would even experiment for him.. But he says if I really kissed a girl he would be jealous. Oh well. I feel certain that he is trying to be completely honest with me. I can tell that it's hard for him a lot of the times. He has told me a million times that he thinks anal sex or anal stimulation is disgusting... And he just came clean and said he used to touch himself there, but then he decided that it was really sick.. And that's why he didn't want anything to do with it. I know that was hard for him to admit. I might someday be able to understand porn.. I know now he doesn't want the girls in the pictures, it just makes him think of sex.. The girls aren't real. I guess that makes sense? I still don't want him to do it, unless he just can't stand it and he's about to fall over if he doesn't get some sexual satisfaction! I want to make this my last post in this thread, because I feel like I can handle it alone now. I feel really optimistic that me and my boyfriend will get through this.

I alternate between feeling forgiving, and feeling sick. I think that I am just going to have to accept it after all, and push my feelings to the back burner. Because what guy doesn't look at porn?

It sounds to me like he has Borderline Personality Disorder. I wish you the best of luck.

Well for this to work out, you are going to have to listen to each other. Communication and knowing what your partner wants is the key to sex. If she doesn't want you to feel her up after 10 minutes, don't do it. But explain to her that if nothing sexual happens for a while, you lose your drive. I just think this is something you need to sit down and have a long talk about, so you can know exactly where each other stands. And I don't think it's fair to get upset at her masturbating, when you do it yourself.

Well here is another thing. I know he gets really horny sometimes, and he can't help it, he just wakes up that way and all he thinks about is sex. I feel like he could have came to me, and asked me to help him out. I would have taken pictures of myself.. or talked dirty to him.. or whatever he wanted. (He says he didn't think he was allowed to ask me something like that.) He says he looks at porn because it makes him think of sex, that he doesn't really want the girls in the pictures. He says any other time he masturbates, he ONLY thinks of me, and I believe him. He doesn't look at girls in public, he isn't interested in all. (I think I like to look at pretty girls more than he does!) So if I could make him think of sex, do you think it would make porn sort of obsolete? Or is it the dirty nasty girls that make porn so great? He says the girls in porn aren't really "somebody," they are just pictures. I mean.. I think I am desirable, especially to Jon. I have the body that women get surgery for! But my name isn't Luscious Lucy or anything like that (lol) so would it have the same effect? He was also very selective about the girls he looked at. He liked the ones that were the most like me. Pale, different looking, natural. Should I take this as a compliment? And if it was just to make him think about sex, why was he so picky? I think now that the initial shock, the "OH MY GOD HOW COULD HE DO THAT?" part is over, that I am more understanding. If he can't stop looking at it, at least he tried, and usually that is all that I ask. If he feels like his hormones are out of control, then I want him to come to me first. If I'm not around, and he has to look at porn.. then I will be hurt.. but I'll get over it. I love him enough to accept his faults, and he is a teenage boy after all.. Bah! I don't understand men! And I'm sorry that I write so damned much.

Hey, if he thought she smelt bad, he wouldn't go around sniffing his fingers!

The problem is with me, I realize that. But I can't help how I feel and how I am. So what am I supposed to do? I love my boyfriend, but I simply cannot accept porn. I am the controlling one, but please do not think that it is all about me. (He is a submissive person in general to begin with.) I give my boyfriend everything he needs. I am affectionate, I am kind, I love to do nice things for him. I support his hobbies and his interests, and whatever he does. I am encouraging, and I try to help him through his own issues. But I have special needs that the average population doesn't, because of borderline, and again I can't help that. I try to keep it under control, and subdue myself, and most of the time I can. But sometimes I just snap. Our whole relationship does not revolve around me and my problems though, believe me. I worry that he won't be able to stop watching porn. But I believe he will try, and that in itself means a lot. He is a wonderful person, he really is, and I think his conscience will stop him. Even if he goes to look at it, the guilt will be flooding his mind, so the pleasure will be gone from it. And this is just what I hope, reality may be completely different. But he didn't eat, he didn't sleep, and I don't think he's stopped crying for 4 days. I sent him some random pictures of me, and he started to cry. He started to cry last night, because I used my "silly voice" and he said he would miss it. He just feels terrible in general, and we are both way overstressed. A good thing that came from this! Jon now wants to be more open with his mother, and he wants to know her better. They stayed up until 2 am talking about everything. He also wants to tell her he loves her more. Awesome! Another good thing, he wants to try to be a better person in general. He says he wants to be a man that I can marry, not a boy. He hadn't gotten a job or tried... because he "can't." It was a constant issue, and he really felt like he couldn't. But he has now gotten applications and made phone calls, at several different places! I think that in the end, this whole ordeal will turn into something positive. I'm hopeful, and just a little sad.

I just thought that I would offer my thoughts. I am not trying to disprove anyone, or to insult anyone. And I would expect the same in return. Respond away, but please don't tell me I am wrong or stupid. And I can't make things brief, so this is pretty long. I just had an experience with the whole boyfriend looking at porn thing. First let me explain myself as a person. I have extremely strong emotions, very often not fitting to the situation. I have borderline personality disorder. I have a terrible and never ceasing fear of abandonment. I need constant reassurance of my boyfriend's love for me. (We have been together "officially" for 15 months, and more or less together for longer than that.) My boyfriend, Jonathan, is outstanding. He does not get fed up with me, and my irrational demands and outbursts. He only wants to do better. I love him more than life itself, and we fit together like a puzzle. We are an eccentric couple to say the least. I didn't want to say this before, because I know I'll be judged right off. But I'm 17, he is 19. When I met Jon three years ago, he was everything that teenage boys aren't supposed to be. He was INTERESTING first off, not a mindless idiot. He had had a couple of girlfriends, but not real ones... the kind where you say you're going out so you are. He was shy, seemingly very innocent, caring. He didn't talk about girls in a degrading manner. He didn't comment on what girls were hot, or which ones had the nicest butt that he'd like to grab. He was a teenage boy, sure, but he was not obnoxious about it. So I was drawn to him (he was also cute, so that helped things along). He took to following me around. But being 14 or 15 I was even LESS prepared for a serious relationship than I am now... but skipping a lot of stupid details here, time went by, and I developed this idealistic, almost holy vision of him in my head. He didn't seem interested in sex at all, he just wanted to be around me. God I was/am naive. So we become the best of friends, and we have emotional intimacy. I start to love him. We date. Everything is wonderful. Before we made out for the first time, he was shaking. Everything was special just like it should be. So the physical thing progressed. He was the first person I have ever seen naked, and I thought for sure the same of him. My sweet moral devoted Jon... whatever. So I get really queasy about sex sometimes. Not because I don't like or want it, but just because it is a really sensitive subject for whatever reason. I feel bad for even talking to other guys. I have male friends and there are days when I am really disgusted because I realize... THEY HAVE PENISES. Male anatomy is more likely to make me throw up than sour milk. The thought of other men.. naked.. Makes me feel sick to my stomach. I desire no one but Jon. I tell him everything, I tell him about my fears that I flirted with someone else... I tell him how he is the only guy that I could ever be with. I love him, and I share a connection emotionally, so I am able to share myself physically with him. But ONLY him. And I thought he was the same. So several days ago, I ask Jon if he's ever watched porn. (Porn definitely makes me sick.) He says a long time ago... And then he repeatively lies over the next few days. I catch him in lie after lie. He swore on my life, when he knew that he was lying. He has looked at porn ever since I have known him, and ever since we have dated. There are no words to describe the way I feel right now. This is the worst that I have ever felt in my entire life, the worst thing anyone could ever do to me. And I'm not some teenie bopper who thinks her life is over if she gets a pimple. I've gone through some real sht with my family. And even my f-ing abusive father has never made me feel this bad. I felt betrayed first off. I felt worthless, and cheap. If I was better, then he wouldn't have to look at porn, right? I alternate between feeling angry and feeling dead. The foundation of my feelings for him was destroyed. I consider porn cheating definitely. He has seen countless, naked, f-ing SLUTS. Girls who don't mean * * * * to him, who pose f-ing naked for a camera, for tons of horny men to jack off to. He got pleasure from someone other than me. He wanted to look at someone other than me. He got off on someone other than me. That image of him in front of his computer, touching himself, is burned into my eyelids. I feel sick, I feel vile and STUPID. Why would I ever think that he would only want me? What am I worth? Nothing. I am just an obsessive psycho btch, who would want me? I feel humiliated, because I was naive enough to believe he wouldn't like porn. I could understand while we are not together, but if we've been dating for over a year, then it's time to stop. He has looked at it before, while he was talking to me on AIM. I am the stupidest girl ever. And that's how I reacted. And that's not how the majority of people would react, but does that mean it's wrong? I have values and expectations, but because guys like to look at it, I should just accept it? No. And I will never. He has cheated on me. He has lusted for other girl's bodies. And it will take me a very long time to forgive him. Jon was just as upset, believe it or not. This is why he is so amazing! He didn't eat, he didn't sleep. He is truly, genuinely, more sorry than he's ever been in his life. He wrote a letter to his mom, explaining what he has done, by my request. They had a serious talk, for the first time in God knows how long. She wasn't mad, she hugged him a bunch and he cried. Tuesday was my birthday. He picked me up from school, gave me his presents, and they were beautiful. They mean a lot to me. There was silence. He cried. And he cried and cried and cried. I told him how I felt and told him I wanted to go home. We get to my house, I connect to the internet. I tell him to sit down, and I bring up google images, which is what he used. I tell him to show me what he looks at. He sat there with his hands on the keyboard for a very long time. So i told him what to type in. I could tell he was disgusted by what he was looking at and what he has looked at for years. I told him to bring up pictures of men. (An interesting point.. There is porn with just naked women. Then there is porn with men f-ing women. Then there is porn with men f-ing men. Whatever it is, it's always designed for MEN.) I asked him how he would feel if I looked at this, and fingered myself. Then I closed it and made him look me in the eye. I asked him if he would ever look at it again, if he would ever lie to me again, if he felt bad, if he was willing to wait on me. Then I hugged him and told him I loved him, and now I have closure and can start the forgiving process. And that is my experience with boyfriends and porn. And I'm an idiot who can't write anything shorter than a novel..