porn -why do they look?

[mandymay]

ps. I dont claim to be perfect or anything like that God knows I have done my fair share of stuff I am ashamed of. I am human. but I do not think that porn is something guys need or should seek. (or girls, for that matter this is not a one sided thing, and I know there are girls who look at porn as well.) and i wonder if guys-or and girls- think that it is truly an ok past time and that there is no shame in it, why on the earth to they try so hard to hide it? and I know that it has been called "an addiction" as well what does that mean? does this mean they can stop looking if they want ? personly I know that I would not get turned on by a picture of a man other than the one I love. maybe I am not normal . but I think that a picture of a naked guy is gross as well as pictures of other naked women... and trust me I have seen them before. I dont know, it is just the way I am.

[TiredMan]

And what's next? Don't watch any movies that have naked guys or women in them either? This is all YOUR insecurity in my honest opinion. Like I said before, if a guy chooses porn OVER his girlfriend/wife, or is a woman chooses it over her boyfriend/husband, there is a problem. Just like women using vibrators. Who cares if she loves it? Now if chooses it over the person she is with, then there is a problem.

 

There are people out there who feel threatened if their partner even masterbates because why can't they "come to me?"

 

In all these cases, it's the person who is complaining who has the problem.

[mandymay]

ok TiredMan -to start with I dont have insecuritys -I happen to know that I am perfect just the way I am!! and my boyfriend has told me so.. I am happy with myself. I am not perfect looking, no, but I am happy. so no, you are wrong this is not my reason..my reasons I have stated before.. I wonder why you are defending porn so much??? is it that important to you? what do you have to say for what I said the last few times? nothing? oh and i happen to think that useing vibrators and masterbating is lame.....so ....

[TiredMan]

Ok so u believe what you believe. So then WHY POST IT on a board?

[ocrob]

My ex did not like the fact that I had porn and thought it was digusting. I got rid of it for her because I valued our relationship more than porn. But, I do enjoy it and now that I am single, I have a few movies. lol

[theantibarbie23]

I'm a bit confused.

it all comes down to the fact that i know i would feel that it ment he didnt feel I was good enough.

but then a few posts later, you say you don't have insecurities. It sounds as if you are worried that your boyfriend wouldn't value you as much if he watched porn, or looks at another woman. That certainly is an insecurity.

 

I am not trying to defend porn. I really could care less about it. I more or less think you may have some issues with sexuality itself. To say that you find naked pictures of men or women gross makes me wonder if you find the human form itself disgusting or shameful.

 

I'd also be inclined to think that you are uncomfortable with ideas like masturbation and find it "gross" as well.

 

You don't have to accept someone you are in a relationship watching porn or viewing other women's naked bodies but you have to accept a few things as well.

 

While your boyfriend may love you to death, he is ALWAYS going to find other women physically attractive and he is going to have sexual fantasies and dreams that do not involve you. These are both perfectly normal aspects of human behavior and something that you can't ask a person not to do.

 

Since, this is something that you have a serious moral standpoint on you need to discuss this with your boyfriend rather than put this off.

[TiredMan]

 

I'd also be inclined to think that you are uncomfortable with ideas like masturbation and find it "gross" as well.

 

 

 

She said "oh and i happen to think that useing vibrators and masterbating is lame.....so ...."

 

I agree. I think this is all HER insecurity.

[theantibarbie23]

I think this is all HER insecurity.

 

I think it may be that in part but I suspect her religious standpoint could possibly be an issue here as well. Having grown up in a religion that discouraged teenagers to even kiss on the cheek until marriage myself, I have seen why some people can come to view most sex acts as something taboo and even their own sexual organs as dirty.

 

I'm not saying that this is the definate case with the original poster but it is a definate possibilty.

[mandymay]

sigh, this is so pointless, you all seem to have a gift for misreading, no I do not have insecuritys about myself, but I certantly would be inclined to feel down IF-IF-IF- my boyfriend was to look at porn. that is because I just want him to love and honor me as I honor him.. is that such an unreasonable request? and yes, my -gasp-" religious standpoint" is an "issue".see the verse I posted and if you want take it up with God, you do that....and for the last time my boyfriend DOSNT look at porn.maybe he doesnt think he needs it.and I happen to think that the human body is a wonderful and amazing thing but for your spouses eyes only. not there for everyone to look and lust after. I think that I will just stop reading this junk on here. it is so point less. you all are defending something simply because you want to feel ok about looking at it.... and I bid you all goodbye

[theantibarbie23]

see the verse I posted and if you want take it up with God, you do that....and for the last time my boyfriend DOSNT look at porn.I think that I will just stop reading this junk on here. it is so point less. you all are defending something simply because you want to feel ok about looking at it.... and I bid you all goodbye

 

I wasn't trying to offend you, I was simply confused. You can call it misreading but you have made a lot of conflicting statements. You started off by saying your boyfriend doesn't look at porn and then later on said you didn't actually know if he did or not, because you were afraid to ask him. Now you are stating that he doesn't again. ](*,)

 

If you want to rant about something that is on your mind that's fine and all, however, to dismiss what everyone says as junk because they don't share your viewpoint is closeminded and tad bit childish. If you wanted to rant and didn't want feeback, a diary would of been more suitable, no?

 

I don't look at porn by the way, nor am I trying to defend it, I was just very intrigued by your blatant hostility torwards those who do. I wish you all the best, have a nice life.

[TiredMan]

Like I said, no point for posting it then. Gave me a godo chuckle tho.

[Dating Coach]

Okay this is a little silly. If looking at porn or naked women is a deal breaker in a relationship for you, then good luck in life because this kind of thing is not only normal, but common. There is nothing wrong with this. I like to watch porn from time to time, and my girlfriend likes to watch it with me as well. She knows that there is no other person in this world for me other than her, and just because I like porn I am not insulting her. She is secure with herself and our relationship to know this.

 

I am not going to get into an argument over your religious implications with porn because this is not the place, but I will say simply that I disagree.

 

So when is it crossing the line for you? Do you get angry if he happens no notice a beautiful woman on the street? I'm not talking about staring, I am talking about a glance. If you notice a glance and he pays no more attention to it, do you get upset?

 

What about a magazine? What if he is browsing through Cosmopolitan, is that crossing the line? What if he is looking at a Victoria Secret Mag? What about Playboy?

 

Is he crossing the line to masturbate by himself without a porn? You know, him being alone bored, and suddenly he gets the urge. Is that wrong? What if he thinks about someone else, say, Britney Spears? Are you going to worry about that happening too? Is that a deal breaker for you?

 

I don't know how old you are but I am going to guess that you are still pretty young because it doesn't seem to me like you have accepted many of the realities of the world. Masturbating is normal, but back in the early 1900's it was thought of as a great sin. When they did servey's about it back then, people lied about it because they were ashamed of it. It was only until later when studies have been done that people learned that over 98% of people masturbate. It is normal and people shouldn't be ashamed of it.

 

The same thing with liking porn. It is normal. If you can't have a boyfriend who would 'dare' to look at another woman naked then good luck in finding such a man. I hope that eventually you will become more secure with yourself and your understanding of things to see that this is not an insult to you at all.

[Bethany]

I LOVE Porn.

[TiredMan]

We aren't living in the year 1901?

[byates5637]

I LOVE PORN too.

forget about this crazy christian girl. she is to closeminded to listen to anyone else. After all, she is still following a 2000 year old idea. She is like the people colombus had to convince that the world was in fact round. They are just to set in there own opinions to ever here anything else.

[BillyJean714]

This is all about personal preference. I used to be like you in my past LTR. But, I realized, what the hell. It's not worth getting so worked up over. Besides, it's trashy, so why the heck do you care? If you want, sit down with your bf and let him play those porn videos for you. If you do, you will find it funny. I mean, you have these ammatures who look so incredibly dirty, spread their legs, for what? I mean, what the hell. What's the fascination behind all this? Believe it or not, some people find it amuzing to have someone crap into their mouth, and they still get turned on by it!

 

I just realized, it's really not worth getting so mad over. Trust me. Once you watch it with your bf yourself, you'll probably bust out laughing. You'll soon realize that it's more for jacking off purposes. Kinda sad, but it does get the job done for some people.

 

Why don't you focus more on yourself? If you feel good about yourself, it won't bother you so much. This realization, for me, all came with wisdom with just going through so many relationships. Plus, it's pretty sad and hopeless, if you think about it. Whenever I think of porn, I think of dirty old perverts in leather jackets that say "PokerParty," who walk out of video stores on a Friday night, or any night in general, who try to get laid, but can't. So it's their last resort. Don't let it bother you. I think you'll realize it sooner or later how pathetic it really is. LoL. Everything will be okay. Take care!

[Bethany]

Porn in my eyes isn't for dirty old men,maybe 50 years ago it was frowned upon for being like that, but nowadays its for loving couples who like to watch what others do because it's a turn on. It turns me on too. I like to mastubate to it and masturbate my man as we watch it, it's a lead up to something bigger and better and I can recommend it to any open mature minded couples.

 

It's not pathetic and in my opinion, those who can only deal with the thought of porn by trying to see it as something laughable and pathetic are immature and have never 'used' it for a hotter better sex life like more mature people.

[Dating Coach]

Wow, I have to agree with TiredMan here. BillyJean, I understand you were personally insulted, and that shouldn't have taken place, but how can you really sit there and be upset about that when you in turn are insulting people right back? In fact, in this little scenario you guys just ran, I believe you did it first with the trashy and pathetic comments and such. Seriously, you were doing exactly what you were complaining about.

[TiredMan]

thanks Dogg. I was wondering if anyone else noticed that lol.

[Bnthr2]

I have always thought of myself as open and not at all prudish. But this internet porn thing has me upset. After coming to the conclusion that my ex boyfriend is addicted to porn and it is a sickness. And with most addictions nothing can be done until that person realizes that he is addicted to porn. I know that I am ruffling feathers by saying that but its true. Its becoming more and more heard of these days with the access to porn so accessable. My boyfriend and I had great sex for four months. When I first moved in with him he deleted all his web sites from his favorites. Saying to me that he didn't need it anymore since I was now living with him. I didn't really care one way or the other. He has a box full of porn. I would even put it on when he was due to arrive home from work. Thinking that he liked looking at it and it would be adding to our love making. How wrong I was. He really didn't watch it with me, oh he pretended to but it would soon be turned off. I then started to notice that he was spending allot more time on his computer and would occasionally catch him watching porn. He would quickly click off the site and pretend he wasn't watching it. Out sex life became non exisistant. I tried to arouse him and nothing would happen. He said it was due to the medications he was taking for HBP and constant head aches. He just didn't need me anymore sexually. It came to the point we would have sex once every two weeks. Then once a month. I started to feel like it was me then I started to notice he was looking at porn more often. He wasn't masterbating, he would just sit there and be starring. I tried to ask him about his need to watch it and he couldn't explain himself and would get mad at me for asking any questions about porn. I tried to make light of it by joking about it but he would get high upset with me. I finally broke up with him and then he really started looking at it. He was home more often so he spent 75% of his time looking at porn. After watching an episode on Oprah regarding porn addiction I realize now that allot of his headaches were due to his porn addiction. Allot of symptoms related to porn addiction were so transparent, I couldn't believe I didn't see it back then. I know that he is talking to other women now but he still spends the majority of his time watching porn. While he is pretending to watch the morning news, his computer is on porn. When he comes home from work he rushes to his computer, checks his mail, answers any e-mails he might have received and then watches porn. His addiction has really opened my eyes to the differences in someone who watches it for recreational purposes and those who just can't go one day without watching it. Like any addiction he needs help. But he doesn't see it as a problem. I wonder are there any women out there that seriously don't care if their husband or boyfriend watch porn. Instead of having sex. Just like a woman who uses toys can become addicted to the point where sex with a partner just isn't satisfying, so is this internet porn. But who can they ask for help. They too need a 12 Step program. Well at least that's what they said on Oprah.

[TiredMan]

I think you need to get opinions about this from something other than "Oprah." When I read what you wrote, it didn't seem like an addiction to me. Sounded to me that he might have been telling u the truth about the meds for HBP. And you said he wasn't masterbating while looking at it so maybe he was trying to find a way to get himself aroused, which he might not have been able to do with you. Lets say you were doing stuff together and he didn't get aroused, I'm POSITIVE you would not take that well. I'm guessing sometimes the porn didn't arouse him either.

 

I don't think it's an addiction. I think it's more of a case of it being risk free for him. This happens to some guys who take anti depressents. Their arousal rate goes down a lot and it bothers them. The fact that you would ask him why he needs to watch it (if he was going through what I explained), the reaction you say he gave doesn't surprise me.

[Dating Coach]

I don't doubt that it can be addicting to some people, but I don't think those people are the norm. I have some in my house but most of the time when I watch it, it is because my girlfriend asked me if I wanted to put some one when we made love. It's nice to have around in case we decide to use it this way. Also, if she is every gone on a trip (like last year to a wedding out of state that I couldn't make it to) then it's also nice to have around for myself.

 

Porn isn't a big deal by itself, but there are people who can abuse it. It isn't the porn, it's them.

[Bnthr2]

It was nice to get some feed back unfortunately when its coming from young guys it doesn't really help. If I didn't say it before let me say it now, people who watch porn for entertainment is one thing but just to be watching it is another. And the amount of time you spend watching it also is a big factor. What I got out of your responses is that he's not addicted to porn cause he's trying to get aroused. Youv'e got to be joking!! The one thing I did learn about this is that its not me with the problem, its him. I too have had other male friends who watch porn, but not every single day for four or five hours. And I am not exagerating about the amount of time he spends watching porn. It is a problem when you have a box full of porn in the closet and about fifty other disks youv'e downloaded from the internet. And continue to download on a daily basis. And this you are telling me is not an addiction. PLEASE!!! Give me a break!!! There is something wrong!!! I never said that I didn't believe the HBP meds wasn't affecting his equipment, that I know is true. I have spoke with other women that have encountered this and have researched the cause and affects of these meds. Him watching porn has nothing to do with being "risk free", if you can't get it up you can't get it up! NOT EVEN WITH PORN!!!!

[zeze_the_xx]

I don't think there's anything wrong at looking at porn. I'm a girl but feel pretty much in a guy's mind cuz I like wathcing porn movies and going to online webistes and talk about sex, like cybering and phone sex also, it gets me arouse, but I never get serious with the guys, see, I'm just playing around. And at the same time, I;m still not in a relation yet and still virgin. As long as porn isn't an excuse as to distance urself from ur partner and doens't become an addiction, then by all means, nothing wrong with it.

[TiredMan]

i don't think it was an addiction. I do think it is your problem and not him because you seem to be the one complaining and having a problem with it. So he likes to watch and has some porn? It's an interest of his. You admitted he wasnt sitting there masterbating to it either. Maybe he just enjoys watching it and there is nothing wrong with that. Some people enjoy horror movies, some daytime soaps, some talk shows. Some people take what they watch from talk shows like Oprah and try to make sense of their own life from it. Something to think about.