should sex last longer than this

[studmuffin]

I recently had a discussion (which quickly turned into an argument) with my girlfriend of 9 months. She is 21 and has slept with 9 people, 6 of which were one night stands or friends with benefit situations. The discussion amounted to her saying I finish too quickly. Now, to define too quickly I would say that typically there is 15 minutes of foreplay and about 30 minutes of intercourse (although I have to stop every 5-6 minutes for about 5-10 seconds). To me, this isn't quickly. But she assured me that almost all of her other partners lasted at least 1 hour not including foreplay! When I told her that she probably wasn't remembering correctly or exaggerating, she told me that I wouldn't understand since I've never had a one night stand, and one night stand sex is way better So there you have it. My story. So I have 4 questions:

 

1) Is this truly "too soon" or is she just spoiled in bed

2) Is it true that sex with bf is more boring (if it's true then I want out!)

3) Is it possible she's lying and trying to capitalize on my lack of experience?

4) Ladies, what is the average time you have sex with your b/f, and the longest time you've ever had sex ever (not including foreplay)

 

Thanks for your input all !

 

J

[Blurr]

Wow....what she said was really, truly mean. She is also full of ****. I find that sex between partners is far more satisfying than between two people who hardly know eachother. Of course, other people will say between two different people may be more 'exciting' but, I suppose it's just personal preference.

 

I don't know whether she is lying or not, but I can't get over what she said to you...and she's supposed to be your girlfriend!! I'd worry less about the length of the sex and more about her supposed problems with the sex she has with you.

[hockeyboy]

Get rid of this girl, now! she's all kinds of problems just waiting to happen.

[Day_Walker]

1. I would say that if you are lasting 30 mins then thats a decent amount of time, some guys dont last that long and some last longer. It just seems that she likes having sex for longer periods of time.

 

2. This is a tricky question, question because sex with a partner and sex on a one night stand are different because they deal with different emotions. This is a question that is based on a persons perception.

 

3. Anything is possible

 

4. I wasnt timing it but I would say the longest is around 2 hours and average time I would say an hour plus.

[waytoodown]

Personally, I would say that she's just being mean!!

I know that it is different for everyone. For me, I find that sex between partners is much better because you know each other(...) while one night stands and such are less meaningfull...( I know that sex with my bf isn't boring at all! )

 

To answer to your last question, I'm not exactly certain what's the longest me and my bf had sex for, but I would probly say around an hour and a half or mayeb a bit more...But that is far from the average( sadly..lol) Usually it is from 30 to 45 mins or so.

[shes2smart]

1) Is this truly "too soon" or is she just spoiled in bed

 

I'd say she's got a very poor sense of the passage of time.

 

2) Is it true that sex with bf is more boring (if it's true then I want out!)

 

The only thing one night stand sex has that sex within the context of a relationship doesn't have is that element of the unknown. In a one night stand, you don't know the person, there's a feeling of doing something "naughty" and perhaps slightly dangerous. It's like riding on a rollercoaster.....fun for a minute, but you feel a little queasy afterwards.

 

3) Is it possible she's lying and trying to capitalize on my lack of experience?

 

Yup. And it's also possible she's got some intimacy issues.

 

4) Ladies, what is the average time you have sex with your b/f, and the longest time you've ever had sex ever (not including foreplay)

 

Well...not a really fair question as my husband and I are an "alternative lifestyle" couple (BDSM) and what we consider foreplay can go on for a very long time prior to any actual sex....and can also scare the bejeebers out of non-kinky folk...but that's another story.

 

Lemme just say that I've been sexually active since the age of 16 (only actively kinky since the age of 34) and 30 minutes of intercourse is plenty long enough (and sometimes too long)...15 minutes for foreplay....well...personally, I'd prefer a little more...but again, that depends on one's definition of foreplay.

 

She's being unnecessarily mean and inconsiderate. If something in your sexual life is not satisfying for her, there are kinder, more respectful ways to address the issue than the way she's chosen.

[PB]

Check this article out. I'm not commenting on its accuracy--just food for thought.

 

link removed

[studmuffin]

"Wow....what she said was really, truly mean. She is also full of ****. "

 

Yeah ... I think so too. I mean, if sex is so much better in a one night stand why be in a relationship? Anyways, it seems from the posts that I can improve a bit. We're not using condoms, would that help? Also, you guys *sure* that you're talking an hour of penetration and not including the other stuff? If so, please give pointers!! I'd like to hear more opinions also from the girls.

[bellamcb]

She is pulling your chain. A half hour of intercourse is great, particularly at the beginning of a relationship. But every time? No way? And longer? Uh-uh. She's full of it. I happen to talk this over with girlfriends all the time and honestly, 15 mins of foreplay and 15 of sex is just great with us. Even less. Nothing wrong with a quickie!

[someguy69]

An hour of pure pumping away intercourse is likely to either leave a woman sore and raw (unless the sex was mindblowingly amazing) or passed out from pleasure overload (likely sooner than an hour).

 

A sex session with my girlfriend tends to last around an hour including all the foreplay, which may occur at the beginning, middle and end.

 

Anyways, the duration is not as important as the quality. Quality should be the main focus, not quantity.

 

Who has the time to have sex all night long? Maybe it's cool for a one night stand, or a special occasion, but certainly not a regular occurrence.

 

Lets turn the tables around... if instead of it requiring an hour of pure intercourse to make you orgasm, it required an hour of pure intercourse to make the woman orgasm... I'd say that sounds like way too much work to me

[the_bomb]

dude, you're in a relationship with this girl. sex isn't supposed to be the one and only thing! ive been in a similar sitation, so i symathize. as for your questions:

 

1) i don't think that's too quickly at all, but it could be she wants more.

2) sex in a relationship is way more satisfying for me, but o.n.s things are more exciting and usually better from a phyical point of view.

3) yes, it could be a way of control or take down your self esteem. or she could be remembering incorrectly (which happens often)

4) The longest I had sex (just intercourse) was literally for several hours. on the other hand, i had 5-10 minute sex with my ex-g/f on a pretty regular basis and it was better than the long sessions by far because we loved each other a lot.

 

All in all, I think this girl has some problems that she should talk to someone about, and the problem is not you at all

[Tried]

1 hour of intercourse... if we are looking to use the average for everyone as what is important then i would have to say ...ahem, bullcrap on a few levels. 1. most women do NOT want to be pounded for an hour the friction just becomes too much, 2. Most men find it very difficult to go for an hour, or at least to want to hold it back for an hour! Want proof SHOVE THIS IN HER FACE: link removed

The average time that men lasts based on this study done by Johnson and johnson is 7.3 MINUTES. Clearly your gal is either lying or got lucky... or is it unlucky...

[RayKay]

Your girlfriend sounds like a real "prize"....and cruel to boot.

 

 

1) Is this truly "too soon" or is she just spoiled in bed

 

The "average" seems to be a few minutes of actual friction...as in maybe 6-8. Of course longer sessions are possible with using stalling, imagery, foreplay throughout, changing positions and so on. Some of her experiences may have very well lasted a long time, but to say they are better because they are longer can be absolute bunk, and I would seriously doubt they could continously pump away. Not only that, but damn, I would be sore after a while...even with lubrication eventually well, you know, I love pleasing my partner and want to see him finish too! Quality over quantity any day...sure sometimes it is great to play around for an evening, but it is not straight intercourse the entire time. In my opinion people going for time over quality have yet to experience the true joys of sex and pleasure.

 

2) Is it true that sex with bf is more boring (if it's true then I want out!)

 

BZZT! Unless you really don't LIKE your partner all that much, sex is WAY better with a partner you love. More freedom to explore, more security to test your boundaries together, share intimacy, desires...it is not just about the sex, it is about all that leads to, surrounds, and comes after the sex.

 

Can someone have a great memorable one night stand - well sure. But then there is something to really be said about sex with that person you click with and share a deeper self with. Yes it can be fun as it is "taboo" and not so "scary" since you can hide yourself more...in the emotional sense. But being able to SHOW yourself is something more amazing.

 

3) Is it possible she's lying and trying to capitalize on my lack of experience?

 

Quite possible. In any case I would say she knew saying this would hurt you, she is using her past experiences to hurt you, and attacking you where she knows it would hurt. I would not stand for it personally. She sounds shallow and self centred.

 

 

4) Ladies, what is the average time you have sex with your b/f, and the longest time you've ever had sex ever (not including foreplay)

 

Well, that will vary. I can't give so much an average as sometimes there are quickies, and sometimes there are longer sessions where we switch up positions a few times, or after he has ejaculated we may still continue with some penetration. Foreplay starts way before the clothes come off though, so it is even longer...sex is not just about penetration in the least, so why worry about that part so much? Really with sexual acts themselves, I am dead exhausted by the time I get to an hour, and prefer more intense, shorter sessions. But I do have sessions that go up to two including foreplay. However, a half hour is JUST fine with me...a break and then going again is fine too! Man, I LOVE getting my partner to cum, if it took him hours, I would feel pretty miserable and insecure...if I get him that excited that he is done in 10...heck that's just fine by me, and the favour is always returned

 

I think the way your girlfriend brought this up is cruel, inconsiderate and I think she knew darn well that is was not "loving or caring" to do so. If she has a problem, then she should of handled it with respect and compassion. I think you should worry less about whether you are up to par (I think you have nothing to worry about) and more about her herself.

[studmuffin]

I think you should worry less about whether you are up to par (I think you have nothing to worry about) and more about her herself.

 

Yeah, I'm beggining to think so too. This was never a problem with my other girlfriends. If there were issues they would always ask me to do something different, and I was OK with it.

 

I wanted to get info so I could last that 2 hours or whatever so that I could be on the top of her "good in bed" list, but now I'm thinking it's not worth it. Plus, I've lost a lot of my desire to have sex with her.

 

If she wanted more/better sex, then she should have been positive because being negative like this isn't going to get her what she wants!!

[Meow18]

I agree with RayKay with just about everything she said.

 

I can't believe your girlfriend would say this to you. Basically by what she said, she's saying that sex with other guys is/was better. That is the worst way to try to get someone to improve!

 

I think that your sex timing is just fine. I couldn't really imagine doing the actual sexual intercourse for an hour. Maybe everything all together lasting an hour, including foreplay and stuff, but not just intercourse.

 

I guess everyone has their own views on sex, but I could never have a one night stand. I seriously couldn't imagine having sex with anyone except my boyfriend. In my opinion, sex is a way (a responsible way of course..) to express love. Personally, I don't think it matters how long it lasts. I wouldn't care if me and my boyfriend only had sex for 10 minutes. I just like the how close it makes me feel to him.

 

I would be careful with your girlfriend. If she thinks that having one night stands is better than sex with you, then there really isn't much you can do. It seems like one of those things that no matter how much you improve, it will never be good enough. Hopefully it doesn't get to the point where she thinks she will get more from a one night stand and start having them while dating you. I would just be careful.

 

Try talking to her about it. Tell her you found what she said really inconsiderate and it doesn't make you feel good when she compares you to other guys. I don't think she would apreciate you telling her "My last girlfriend thought I was amazing and never complained!"

[melrich]

Totally agree with Ray Kay. 1 hour is a long, long time to be continuously having intercourse. Most guys would not be fit enough to go that long and most women would be red raw.

 

The average time that men lasts based on this study done by Johnson and johnson is 7.3 MINUTES. Clearly your gal is either lying or got lucky... or is it unlucky...

 

I think this would be much closer to the truth in terms of the "average". Myself, I would be bored after 30 minutes (I mean really, 30 minutes is a long time, sit there and time it).

 

Personally (and it is only my opinion) I think it is probably more important for most women that plenty of time is spent on foreplay.

 

This seems a very weird thing for a g/f to say to a b/f. Anyway, I don't know if you can handle it but maybe call her bluff.

[Shadows Light]

Was she actually referring to "penetration time"???? the whole time... ????

 

There is absolutely no way. Most women would be raw. I hate to ask this but was she "sober" with the other guys??? or were those guys "sober".... there's nothing worse for a woman than a guy with "Whisky uhhhem" and it lasting forever and ever and ever and ever. Makes a girl feel like she's not all that and a bag of chips to make him happy. And nooooo... don't get any ideas about boozing it up to stay longer... worse than "whiskey uhhhem..." is when they don't finish at all... fall asleep on you... or god forbid..get up to get sick. ohhhh yuk.

 

And third of all.. how very crass.... why would someone who loves you tell you that her other guys were better or stayed longer? If I were a guy I'd take it as an insult as a low low low blow (no pun intended).

 

I agree with the other posts... the act is special. And it is preceded by lots of foreplay. I can see lots of touching, feeling, kissing, nuzzling, etc.. leading up to it. There you go.. that would constitute 30 minute to an hour.. total time. Quickies have their place to.

 

Thanks for the WEB Site PB.. excellent. I agreed with that article... all the "stuff" leading up to the act would be aces in my book.

 

And TRIED... 7.3 minutes huh??? well then.... good artcle. Didn't know that.

 

The longest time.... hmmmm never really looked at the clock. But I can tell you that if there is plenty of build up ...up to that point...and you always vary it... its exciting and wonderful and magical. If magic is created... Time just flies right out the window. And who cares.

 

Routine is what most couples complain about. Not so much length of time... and then the lack of intimacy or frequency would be another complaint.

 

You're fine. Don't let this "little girl" get to you. Obviously she's not mature enough to know that the greatest way to a mans heart is to build his ego...not tear it down.

[sweet_bebcho]

An hour of pure pumping away intercourse is likely to either leave a woman sore and raw

 

To be honest , after one hour of sex, not including foreplay, I do feel sore and exhausted.

[asdf]

Your girl sounds more like one night stand material than girlfriend material.

 

Whatever you decide to do with her, if you do want to last longer, learn to control your PC muscles. I'm sure there are a lot of articles about it on the internet. If you can get to a point where you can keep them completely relaxed while thrusting, you can last forever (or until you're out of energy from thrusting). There are exercises to strengthen these muscles, which I haven't done so I can't testify for, but I think the point of strengthening those muscles is to keep them closed so that you can prevent ejaculation. What I do is kind of the complete opposite but it works for me.

 

I think the exercises are also helpful for females too, I read that they're supposed to make childbirth much easier.

[SexySadie7]

Well.. asdf is right.. Kiegel (sp?) exercises will help you from having an orgasm and allow you to last longer in bed. So will wearing condoms. You may want to pick up a book on tantric sex; as it embodies the teachings that teach men to hold off on their orgasm, so that skill can be learned.

I had a lover and he was into tantric sex and we made love one time for well over an hour.... I was a little bit sore, but not red raw, lol.

If your gf is so keen on one night stands though.. i would definitely recommend wearing a condom.. Has her partners worn condoms when she was with them??

Instead of worrying about your sexual prowess, I might be more inclined to worry about my sexual health at this point. You might both want to get tested for Veneral Disease, especially if she's been with multiple partners and not used condoms and you are both wanting to not use condoms at all.