Husbands don't give flowers?

[summer_in_greece]

A couple of weeks ago at my work (before the "pregnant" woman situation) I saw this woman had flowers and I asked her if her husband had bought her flowers. She angrily snapped "Husbands don't buy flowers." I found this kind of strange, but it's hard to believe that most husbands aren't romantic enough to buy thier wives flowers (or another gift) on a regular basis. Is this really true?

[jasminebose]

Short answer- yes! From my experience unless trying to seduce a woman a guy doesn't regularly give flowers/presents. Once he 'has' her I think maybe its like 'well thats the chase over, time to relax!!' (maybe birthdays/anniversaries are an exception)

[RayKay]

Um, no it is not true...I am not even sure why you generalize what one woman said to carry forth to all "husbands". She probably has some issues that caused her to snap.

 

If she had said "all husbands wear their wife's underwear" would you believe that?

 

Some buy flowers, some don't, some show affection in other ways, some don't. It is all about the individual and the relationship, not a general category.

[GettingOverIt]

And some husbands don't because they have been told not to 'waste money' on 'things like that.'

 

Trust me, there are some very frustrated husbands out here....

[cleverme123]

Mine simply states, he sees no reason, they will just die and I don't need presents. But there are reasons why.

[shes2smart]

A couple of weeks ago at my work (before the "pregnant" woman situation) I saw this woman had flowers and I asked her if her husband had bought her flowers. She angrily snapped "Husbands don't buy flowers." I found this kind of strange, but it's hard to believe that most husbands aren't romantic enough to buy thier wives flowers (or another gift) on a regular basis. Is this really true?

 

Absolutely not true.

 

I'm not big into gifts on "mandatory" days (Christmas, Valentine's, etc.), and my husband knows this. He avoids gift-giving on those days and surprises me on random days when/if he feels like it.

 

Sometimes it's just small stuff -- a CD I might have mentioned wanting, or taking me out to dinner at a favorite restaurant. Sometimes it's big stuff. When we were on vacation in January, I happened to see a framed record album award for Queen in a shop. You must understand I've been nutso for this band since I was 9 years old. Anyway, I stood there looking at it, told him how cool I thought it was, but with that $500 price tag, I just couldn't justify buying it.

 

2 months after vacation on some random day in March, that album award was delivered to a very surprised me. Everyone he worked with knew I was getting this thing for about 2 weeks before I did.

 

And you wonder why I love being married to this guy?

[shes2smart]

And some husbands don't because they have been told not to 'waste money' on 'things like that.'

 

Trust me, there are some very frustrated husbands out here....

 

Some women have not learned how to receive graciously. I was guilty of that when I was younger.

 

Then I read "The Surrendered Wife" by Laura Doyle. (read it a good 1.5-2 yrs. before I was married)

 

I am shrew no more....and quite glad of it.

[Day_Walker]

Flowers and gifts are only going to be given by people who are "givers" meaning that they want the other person to feel good, they are thinking about them or whatever reason. Some people arent "givers" and most people just stick to major holidays to give gifts or flowers.

 

I think the concept it self is outdated woman can easily give men gifts as men can give them gifts. Often people get caught up in these "old fashion" ideals of the roles that men and women have to play. It seems to me that people will do what works out best for them and if being old fashioned works for them then thats what they are going to do. Society tells us that men have to give gifts to our significant others to show that we care and bs like that. Since when are gifts a representation of a persons affection. Im not saying that you shouldnt buy gifts for a person I just dont see the point in it being one sided or falling into the realm of being old fashioned.

[shes2smart]

Just a clarification...

 

It's not about the stuff. If I really wanted something, I'd buy it myself. It's the fact that he listens and then cares enough to go out of his way to do something special for me.

[miscom]

Oddly, I just received flowers today! 12 pink roses with a card that said "Just Because". Granted we had a little "something" lately, but it has been resolved. But I still got them - my man ROCKS!!! O

[SheIsExistence]

Mine simply states, he sees no reason, they will just die and I don't need presents. But there are reasons why.

 

What reason?

[smallworld]

Just a clarification...

 

It's not about the stuff. If I really wanted something, I'd buy it myself. It's the fact that he listens and then cares enough to go out of his way to do something special for me.

 

Amen!

[Agrajag]

...but not enough reason to stop getting them. I bought my ex flowers cards and little stuffed bears out of the blue. I mean, she's sick - $10 down she's got a little stuffed bear and a card. You know, it was worth that $10 by a long shot because I know how it made her feel. Best $10 I ever spent. I mean, at that point - look at it like an investment. One you're sure to win on.

 

Now, if she's pregnant - you'd think that'd be a good excuse.

[DN]

Both my wife and I buy flowers, but we both like them so we both get the benefit of them.

 

We are like shes2smart - we dislike being manipulated into buying stuff at manufactured holidays so we don't.

[Day_Walker]

Both my wife and I buy flowers, but we both like them so we both get the benefit of them.

 

We are like shes2smart - we dislike being manipulated into buying stuff at manufactured holidays so we don't.

 

If you want to think about how many holidays are left that havent been commercialized? If you are still buying gifts, flowers or whatever it doesnt make a difference when you buy then because what it comes down to is that you still bought them. You are simply not choosing to buy those items on those occasions. In the initial thought process it sounds like a logical idea but as long as you are still buying the gifts it not going to matter when you get them.

 

I dont believe that it says anything when a person chooses to buy another person a gift. As you can see from the other posts here, receiving a gift actually alters the persons mood and the receiver places the giver in higher regard since they received the gift. That aspect of gift giving seems shallow because it is directly effecting a person mood and the gift giver has the intention of affecting their mood. How is that not anything but manipulation?

 

When your significant other gives you a gift it doesnt mean "they ROCK in that specific situation it looks like he was making up for the stuff that was happening in the relationship and actually wasnt "just cause".

[miscom]

Maybe so - whatever the reason - one or not one - he still ROCKS

[DN]

Both my wife and I buy flowers, but we both like them so we both get the benefit of them.

 

We are like shes2smart - we dislike being manipulated into buying stuff at manufactured holidays so we don't.

 

If you want to think about how many holidays are left that havent been commercialized? If you are still buying gifts, flowers or whatever it doesnt make a difference when you buy then because what it comes down to is that you still bought them. You are simply not choosing to buy those items on those occasions. In the initial thought process it sounds like a logical idea but as long as you are still buying the gifts it not going to matter when you get them.

 

I dont believe that it says anything when a person chooses to buy another person a gift. As you can see from the other posts here, receiving a gift actually alters the persons mood and the receiver places the giver in higher regard since they received the gift. That aspect of gift giving seems shallow because it is directly effecting a person mood and the gift giver has the intention of affecting their mood. How is that not anything but manipulation?

 

When your significant other gives you a gift it doesnt mean "they ROCK in that specific situation it looks like he was making up for the stuff that was happening in the relationship and actually wasnt "just cause".

 

It can make a huge difference pricewise - many of the traditional items go up in price around these holidays and Hallmark didn't make their millions by pushing 'any old day will do' cards.

[miscom]

In addition, I did not want to get into it....but now I feel as though I have to defend my statement - for whatever reason.

 

I had asked him to do something for me and he did not have time to do it yesterday. I was a little disappointed, but it was not a big deal. I just said, "hmmm...not good" and that was it. Today, I guess he felt bad for not doing it for me (not sure - I did not ask him why I got the flowers). It was not a big deal that he did not do it, just I was hoping he would.

 

He is not the type to "think" like that and send flowers. It is just not his thing. But he did and I appreciated it. No matter what - it is not the flowers themselves, it is the simple thought that matters. The fact of whether or not there was a real reason is beyond the point. He went th extra step today and showed me that he appreciates me.

 

In the end, that is one of the things women want - to be appreciated. If it is flowers, a walk holding hands, a simple thank you, whatever, it is a gesture.

 

If I think he ROCKS - he does he always has - yes we have our problems like all couples. But the night never ends without an I love you.

[DN]

In the end, that is one of the things women want - to be appreciated. If it is flowers, a walk holding hands, a simple thank you, whatever, it is a gesture.

 

If I think he ROCKS - he does he always has - yes we have our problems like all couples. But the night never ends without an I love you.

 

Men like to be appreciated too - I hope you do similar things for him? Sounds like you probably do.

[Day_Walker]

He is not the type to "think" like that and send flowers. It is just not his thing. But he did and I appreciated it. No matter what - it is not the flowers themselves, it is the simple thought that matters. The fact of whether or not there was a real reason is beyond the point. He went th extra step today and showed me that he appreciates me.

 

In the end, that is one of the things women want - to be appreciated. If it is flowers, a walk holding hands, a simple thank you, whatever, it is a gesture.

 

I like the point that you made about how its the simple thought that matters. Would you still feel the same way if you got something that you didnt like or appreciate? For the sake of argument lets say that he didnt know that you werent going to like the gift but he got it for you. If it truly is the thought that counts then the gift shouldnt matter. I suspect that its just not the thought it is the actual gift because lets face it we all like receiving presents.

 

You also make a good point about appreciation but sayign that he did something extra to show that he appreciates you can have some negative connotations on the flip side. It seems that you would say that if he doesnt do something extra for you then he doesnt appreciate you. I dont believe that to be necessarily true.

 

DN

You did make a good point about the holiday specifc items, it would seem that its going to highly depend on the items you buy. I honestly wonder if you actually equate the amounts that you would spend for these commercial holidays and the money you spend on the gift and flowers would the amounts even be close. I dont expect a number from you but its just something to think about.

[DN]

[quote name="Day_Walker"[DN

You did make a good point about the holiday specifc items, it would seem that its going to highly depend on the items you buy. I honestly wonder if you actually equate the amounts that you would spend for these commercial holidays and the money you spend on the gift and flowers would the amounts even be close. I dont expect a number from you but its just something to think about.[/quote]

 

I can't say I have done a study on the relative costs but it is the feeling of being manipulated that I dislike - like the invention of grandparents day. I am a grandparent and still lthink it's a way of getting people to spend money.

 

I should not have to prove my love for the important people in my life by buying material things on a specific day designated and/or promoted by people who have a vested interest in my purchases.

[summer_in_greece]

Where did the idea of men wearing thier wives underwear come from? That sounds really strange. And I think that would be uncomfortable to wear girls underwear, really uncomfortable.

 

I agree with DN that gifts should be bought at times through out the year, and not at manufactured holidays. After such holidays such gifts are usually much cheaper, and it's more meaningful because it is a surprise.

 

 

Um, no it is not true...I am not even sure why you generalize what one woman said to carry forth to all "husbands". She probably has some issues that caused her to snap.

 

If she had said "all husbands wear their wife's underwear" would you believe that?

 

Some buy flowers, some don't, some show affection in other ways, some don't. It is all about the individual and the relationship, not a general category.

[miscom]

It is so funny that you ask that (receiving a gift I did not like ...)

Actually - I never really liked getting flowers. i thought it was a waste of money - they die - get me a plant instead....on and on.

 

Again - it was the gesture.

 

I do make sure he knows how much I appreciate him everyday. Whether it is something big and out of my way, or really small (foot or back rub) to a simple wrapping my arms around him and telling him how thankful I am that we found each other. Something. In the beginning I had made a vow to myself to take the person (or anyone else for that matter) for granted as it was done to me. Knowing the feeling, I knew I could not let this happen.

 

Some might say - that is too much work. When you truly care about the other person, it is not work - it actually has very natural feel.

 

Don't get me wrong, our relationship is not perfect, and we do have our share of stuff to deal with, but we work well as a team. I guess I am pretty doggoned lucky.

[ShySoul]

Flowers are unoriginal, although if she likes flowers then by all means she should be given flowers. The better way to go is to give some that bests suits the person. Think about who she is and what she likes, and go from there. Be original and romantic. Surprising her by cooking her favorite meal is still classic, romantic, and shows more thought, time, and effort then buying flowers, jelewry, candy, or something along that line.

 

Regardless what you do, its always best to do it at random times to surprise her and let her know you are thinking of her. Some girls may like making Valentines into something big, others may not. But when you take a day that shes not expecting anything and make sure she has a great time, then your showing you care.

[RayKay]

Where did the idea of men wearing thier wives underwear come from? That sounds really strange. And I think that would be uncomfortable to wear girls underwear, really uncomfortable.

 

Um, as per my original comments it was to point out how you should not listen to one women's comments on her experience to label all men...I was pointing out how ridiculous the statement IS that NO husbands buy flowers or gifts.

 

Some men DO wear women's underwear, but if one person were to tell you their husband did, would the poster assume ALL husbands did?

 

Some husbands buy gifts, some don't, some wives do, some don't, you can't generalize all people of one category do something by one statement.