SheIsExistence

I do love him, that is the truth but right now there is not enough time between all of this happening to get back together. We both need to grow past what our last relationship was and we need to grow as independent people. Personally I would not get back together with him until I knew he had some friends; just so I knew that he had a support system outside of me. But mainly yes, I do have to work through my own issues which I believe have to do with commitment before I could be with him again. Is it wrong to want a hug from him so badly I want to cry? I can see that's it's really hurting you that you cannot readily talk to your ex as your "best friend" right now. At the time of your initial break-up, why were you so convinced you needed to "grow as independent people?" Remember, everyone has different ways of taking weight off their stress – if he was having difficulty lightening your load it just means his method had become inaccessible; that doesn't have to be a huge list of friends to hang out with. You know you want to be with him again; everyone has issues to work with, of course, but that should never but put in the path of something that can make you happy. You haven't lost him just because you're in the middle of a healing process. If you need to call him then call him. Do you have any indication of how he's been doing?

Things will get easier. When it feels like you're at the bottom it can only go up.

It's not as undefined as you think. There are still only two important conditions you need to be aware of, which I mentioned before. First, only when he is totally drained of romantic feeling for you can he begin to be friends with you again. That's not undefined; it's just not predictable to any amount of accuracy, but it's not infinite. Secondly, he needs to be able to build up and maintain his trust in you to a level he feels safe with. By his posts I would judge he's still fighting the trust issues you left him with. So either prove it to him or let him gain it back. It'll happen, don't worry about that. You'll get there!

Why do you expect him to post or write about? Are you worried he might say something? By the sounds of his posts he needs to be able to build up and maintain his trust an you for the day you can become friends again. Like always, you never know how long that will be. You're a good kid and I know he's got every reason in the world right now to trust you. Give him time to gain it all back. So are you afraid of losing him? Is that why?

What reason?

How long were the two of you together for? Maybe there is some reflection in her past relationships. *shrugs*

Nothing! And I think that's what she's just learned She can have whatever she wants. Whether it's with him or not.

Because, she is in love with him.

There's no reason you should have to let it fade. That's probably the only that Caldus said that I don't agree with. Are they good feelings? Good thoughts? Difficult and confusing - yes, of course – but they aren't painful. It's not like you're remembering him beating you down, you know that – I even know that. It's not a joint, and I don't like it being looked at that way. But don't destroy something you care for just because multi-tasking is difficult. Never let anything interfere with your goals in life, however. Find a way that he can help you toward your goals in life. How important is he to you?

I hope you don't mind but I was PM-ing him last night. You're right, he's been torn to shreads. He doesn't even know if he'll ever be able to trust you again. Take this NC to think about what you'd want if you would get together with him again. When this NC is over, don't assume he'll want to be there. I know this may be hard but I think you need to re-think how you're approaching this. If he can't trust you , he'll just, "walk away," as he said. I realize this may be very hard for you an him. I can see you really do love each other and this NC may be the best thing for the both of you. He needs to heal and realize that 'past' relationship is over. You need to heal so you can understand what you want for yourself. Anything you're thinking now could very well change in 2 months, 2 weeks, or 2 days. He told me you've never even gone 3 days without talking or communicating to each other in some way. 2 months can make you think anything. Good luck! I always love to help out!

You can try going NC with your ex. Sometimes it really works. That way you cover your bases with him too. No guys. He's a guy! You need distance from his life so you can begin to heal. A lot of the time ex-couples continue to argue about relationship issues even after the break has been made very final. It's a case when both partners haven't been given time to heal (; hence partially 'disliking' them as you mentioned, even though temporary.) If you want him to build trust for you, you have to give him a clear reason to. He has every right to be insecure, all people are. You have to give HIM to reasons why he can trust you. Just don't start breaking promises because you're 'free'. When you said, "We got together for coffee, and it was really wonderful. He is an amazing guy and when I cried, he held me and said it was alright. " I understood that love you had for each other. What we know for sure is that with time, things will get better and you both get what you want if you communicate with each other. (Around NC, of course.) With time you'll become the best of friends again. Maybe with time you'll even get back together. You really need time to yourself to figure it out.

Clarity doesn't have anything to do with what can and cannot be stretched. That's the thing about old memories, you yourself may never know.

Don't force the information down his throat. Wait until he says he's ready for it. People always have things to grow on, things that they can and cannot take. If he's sensitive on a certain area, it doesn't mean he's any worse at communicating. He may be right. Though you were abused in that mannor, you may be distorting your memory of it after what may be over 10 years. This was most likely what he was trying to convey to you. Child Psychology can almost prove that those memories can be altered or exaggerateed. Kinda like you don't remember your elementary school being so small. So I wouldn't totally blow that off. It's a very stong theory. But remember, our 'round' earth was also just a theory in the beginning.

To most men this 'space' seems to be so illogical. My question to you is why is it only 4-5 days where you feel you need some space from him? Here's a secret I've learned about guys. They will tell you that they really understand that you need space. They don't act like it. LOL. Well 9 times out of 10 they're working on it night and day in their head. It's not an easy thing for them to adjust to.

The first thing I always did with first dates was find a way to break that nervous ness. Go out and blurt something! Any topic! Your favourite band! The latest book you read. See if it sparks an interst. If so, you're in for some good conversation. If not, just thik of something else. Maybe ask her some questions to see if she'll do the same. I hope this helps.