How should I tell a guy that I like him?

[sarafollows]

Alright so. I work at a school and theres this guy who I really like. He works in the classroom next door. Anyways, i've been drawn to him since the beginning of school. I only really ever see him in the hallways and he says hello to me and we ask how each other are, like friendly interactions. But little does he know, I really like him. I will NOT be asking anyone at the school about his relationship status because word will get out.  However, I am 25 years old, only ever been rejected once before in college and I also seem to fall in love easily. I don't know much about him but I really like him for some reason. So, We got a week left of the school year and theres word that he won't be returning to campus next year. And I know that I will regret it big time if I don't at least ask for his number or if he is single. Seems like men don't ask women out anymore. (Cause i've hoped he would ask me) But every time i see him I get nervous, my heart beats fast and he is ALWAYS on my mind.  And I also find myself trying to avoid him at times cause I feel like i'll embarrass myself but I just can't stop thinking about him.  

Any advice? Should I say anything? Somehow find out if he is single?  I'm honestly scared of rejection. I did find his facebook but it doesn't tell me much at all. So I have no idea if he has a girlfriend already.  

 

Thanks! 

[Wiseman2]

Ask to go for a friendly cup of coffee. This way you can get to know him and see if he wants to stay in touch. 

[Batya33]

Of course men ask out women all the time and women ask out men but less often.  My friend is getting a divorce, in her 40s, and in the last month she's dated a number of men who she met through a dating site and who asked her out again and again.  One example of many many.  Including women your age- my friends' kids are in your age range and they are dating if they want to. 

Don't ask him out because you work together.  Ask if he wants to grab lunch or coffee during a break.  

[Andrina]

You can always say things like, "So, any fun plans for the summer? I heard you won't be working here next year."

Perhaps he'll give you an idea of whether he has a partner or not.

7 hours ago, sarafollows said:

only ever been rejected once before in college and I also seem to fall in love easily.

Well, you didn't melt into a puddle by being what you call "rejected" before. So stop psyching yourself out that not trying at all is better than taking a risk. Of course, a risk is better taken when you're getting signals first that a person might be as interested in you as you are of him. And no, you don't tell someone you're not already in a relationship with how you feel. You "show" your interest by asking to meet for coffee, a smoothie, or whatever. That gives a person an easy out if he is not interested, instead of creating awkwardness by expressing feelings.

And if you know you fall in love easily, put a stop to that for your own good. Take things as a wait-and-see attitude, knowing it's at first infatuation, and that you will let love form if the guy treats you as the special person you are. That has to involve going past the honeymoon stage for you to know a person's true intentions.

Do you have a full life of friendships and hobbies besides wanting to date? Make sure you're not full-on, making the guy the center of your universe because that's too much pressure on him.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[smackie9]

Be more interested/interesting in your conversations like, ask him how his weekend was, what has he been up to, etc. The more you engage the more he's gonna catch on that you like him. 

[TeeDee]

Absolutely do NOT announce that you like him.  That approach is ghastly.  It violates social norms & is generally unwelcome because it's so out of the blue. 

Make conversation. Ask about his summer plans.  See if you can get a phone number.  

My favorite way to gage opposite interest is to casually mention something about where you will be at a particular time, e.g. "my friends & I are going to [place] on [date / day of the week].  It'd be great if you & your friends stopped by to check out the band."  If the person shows up you know you have something.  

[ShySoul]

On 5/17/2024 at 12:09 AM, sarafollows said:

I also seem to fall in love easily. I don't know much about him but I really like him for some reason...  But every time i see him I get nervous, my heart beats fast and he is ALWAYS on my mind.  And I also find myself trying to avoid him at times cause I feel like i'll embarrass myself but I just can't stop thinking about him.  

Any advice? Should I say anything? Somehow find out if he is single?  I'm honestly scared of rejection.

Biggest think I can recommend is to look at your mindset. You are allowing your imagination to run away with itself and that's causing your anxiety. At this point he is an acquaintance you find attractive. You don't know him well enough to be in love. Having a conversation or spending time together isn't going to make or break your relationship, whatever kind of relationship that ends up being. Even the worse case scenario of him having a girlfriend isn't a rejection of you, it's finally getting clarification on where things stand.

I've been there, having feelings for someone and not being able to say anything to them. The bigget obstacle was removing the mental block of my imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios. In the end, I had to realize that whatever was going to happen would happen. Nothing was going to be as bad as things I had imagined, so why not go for it? And whatever happens, it's better then the regret of not saying anything at all.

I'd confirm with him his plans on what's he's doing if he's not coming back. I'd tell him you've enjoyed the brief chats, but you're sorry you've never gotten to realy get to know him better. Offer to have lunch or something before he goes. The important thing is to not view this as the moment a potential relationship is created or destroyed, but as two friends who would be hanging out and getting to know each other better. From there you can see how much chemistry exists. One step at a time.

[Jaunty]

Nobody likes rejection AT ALL and for some of us it's scary enough to keep us trapped for much of our lives.

So you will be doing yourself a favor by taking SOME TYPE of a risk.

This would be like asking him to have a cup of coffee with you like someone else suggested, or finding an appropriate opportunity to ask for his number or give him yours.   

I agree with the sound advice to NOT tell him you "like" him.  That is really putting an unfair burden on the other person. There is very little that a person can say to that, really.  It doesn't seem that you really know each other.

What you want to do is to GET to know each other and hopefully find that it can lead someplace.

Right?

 

[catfeeder]

I'd tell him I'm sorry that I didn't have a chance to get to know him better over the year, and I'd ask if he'd like to grab a quick coffee before school closes.

[Voyatic]

Hey there, it sounds like you're really caught up in your feelings for this guy. It's totally understandable to feel nervous about making a move, especially when you're worried about rejection. But hey, life's too short for regrets, right?

It's tough when you're in a situation where you don't know much about the person you're crushing on, but you still want to take a chance. Maybe you could try finding a casual way to strike up a conversation with him and see where it leads? Or if you're feeling bold, you could go ahead and ask if he's single. 

I know it's scary to put yourself out there, but sometimes taking that leap of faith can lead to amazing things. And even if things don't work out exactly how you hoped, at least you'll know you gave it a shot. Just remember to be kind to yourself, no matter what happens. You've got this!

[jul-els]

On 5/20/2024 at 11:31 AM, catfeeder said:

I'd tell him I'm sorry that I didn't have a chance to get to know him better over the year, and I'd ask if he'd like to grab a quick coffee before school closes.

This. If he says yes, great, there’s your opportunity. If not, you move on. 

[sarafollows]

Well i chickened out and never talked to him. But thanks for the advice anyways! 

[ShySoul]

As someone who chickened out many times, it's an easy thing to do. Try not to feel bad about it or have any regrets. Just tell yourself you'll get it next time. And I'm sure there will be a next time before you know it.